Tears of Blood
by Rondomness
Summary: Zero is hospitalized after Rido's attack and Kaname watches over him. But when Ichiou arrives at the hospital to force Kaname into submission, it has unforeseen consequences.
1. Awakening

**Tears of Blood by Rondomness**

**Rating:** M

**Summary:** Zero is hospitalized after Rido's attack and Kaname watches over him. But when Ichiou arrives at the hospital to force Kaname into submission, it has unforeseen consequences.

**Warnings:** Angst, torture and other adult themes including non-con. Yaoi.

**Spoilers:** For pretty much the whole series and for my other fan fiction Crimson Depts.

**Pairings:** Ichiou x Kaname, Rido x Kaname and Kaname x Zero. Also some other pairings along the way as Akatsuki x Ruka and romantic feelings between other characters such as Aidou and Ruka, who both have feelings that will be expressed throughout the story.

**A/N:** This is the long awaited sequel to Crimson Depts and it's actually starting at the exact time when the last chapter of Crimson Depts stopped. So Kaname and Zero is in the hospital, Zero just woke up etc.

I meant to post it earlier, but real life has been holding me for quite some time so I hadn't fully finished the first chapter until yesterday. I hope the way it starts isn't confusing. It will probably end up a bit longer than Crimson Depts, but as I've said before, I'm horrible at judging how much I can get into one chapter.

It just hit me how incredibly much Kaname's feelings change and how incredibly hard it is to write a "Kaname hates Zero forever" scene the one moment in The Spider's Web and then a "Kaname waits for Zero to wake up in hospital and he's really worried about him" scene in tears of Blood. But oh, well, it'll be okay, after all this chapter was almost finished before I even finished Crimson Depts, so it's been laying at my computer for eternities.

Special notes to anyone who's ready this, but haven't read Crimson Depts: It might be a little difficult to understand. Short summary of the things happening right now is that Zero is in a hospital for vampires after Rido attacked him with a hunter sword, almost killing him. Rido himself got "killed" though. Kaname watches over Zero because he feels responsible for what have happened and after a week with no sign of life, Zero has just awoken. Anyway, might want to read Crimson Depts as it is difficult to understand if you merely read this story.

**Disclaimer:** This fanfic is for entertainment purposes only, no money is being made from it. The characters are made by Hino Matsuri. I do NOT own Vampire Knight nor any of the things mentioned in here.

**Chapter 1: Awakening**

White. The world was white. A strong light dazzled Zero, it was sharp, clear and very white. The hunter's eyes took in the sight of the room, he hadn't been here before. This white room. Still half asleep, Zero was way too dazed to recognize anything and he just looked at the light in the loft and the long blinds covering the window, making the room dark even though it was in the middle of the day. There was a thick, queasy scent of blood in here and an irritating beeping sound nearby.

As consciousness slowly increased, so did a burning pain radiating through his chest and Zero moved a little to lay less uncomfortable. "Lay still Zero," a voice whispered, a familiar brown-haired man with reddish eyes, bowing over the bed. Zero was more than ready to obey, the pain increased tenfold when he moved and he wasn't going to be lying more comfortable in this bed anyway. It was hard and uneven, the pillows flat and lumpy. "Kuran?" he whispered dizzily, his eyes darting towards the pureblood's worried gaze.

A saddened smile lighted Kaname's face up for a moment. "Hey," he said, careful not to touch the boy. "How do you feel?" he asked, his gaze lowering to take in the state of the hunter. Zero didn't want to follow his eyes, didn't want to see how bad it was for himself. He judged the pain for a second. He was a bit sore in the arms and legs, a constant throbbing in his throat and he had a terrible headache, but the pain in his chest was by far the worst. The entire area was hurting horribly, the worst pain gathered in a line and now, when he concentrated on the pain, he discovered that he had difficulties breathing. He was very light-headed.

"Crappy," he responded, not knowing how to put it any other way. "Where am I?" he asked, his mind protesting wildly when he tried to gather some information or memories. "In the hospital," Kaname answered, his eyes dark with pain and other concealed emotions. He hesitated a little before adding, "You've been unconscious for a week."

It all came rushing back now. _Kaname's screaming, twisting form on the floor. Rido's attack. The splintering glass. Pain. Darkness._

Now, Zero had to look, had to see what had happened after the attack.

He was wearing a white hospital suit, only exposing a bit of his pale chest, the duvet covering the rest of his body. But there was no mistaking the severity of his injury. Long, translucent tubes and wires were connecting him to some racks by his side, small screens showing things like his heartbeat and pulse. The tubes were twisting around his hand, chest, the leg he could see from where the duvet had been pushed away, everything. Something was held in place under his nose by tape.

"Mind removing that thing from under my nose?" he asked, not wanting to move his sore body more than necessary. Kaname ignored him, a nurse coming in and checking on the two of them. It irritated Zero, and probably Kaname as well, that it seemed like she was mostly interested in getting the pureblood a better seat rather than finding out how Zero felt. "And you're sure that there is nothing I can get for you?" she asked Kaname with a sugary smile, closing the door behind her when Kaname nodded silently.

"I guess it can't be helped as you're in a hospital for vampires. I didn't want to place you anywhere with humans as your injury is caused by a hunter weapon," Kaname explained, his hand sliding through his brown locks with an apologetic smile. It was only now that Zero really got a look of the pureblood. Kaname looked horribly tired, there were black circles under his eyes, his hair was disheveled and his clothes creased, hanging randomly around his frame. His smile was tired and saddened.

That reminded Zero of something else. "Did I kill him?" he whispered, his voice still dry because of his difficult breathing. Kaname smiled truly for the first time and nodded. "He is as good as dead," Kaname assured, his face darkening when Zero began gasping for breath. Kaname learned closer to the ex-human, checking if he needed any help. "Wh-what do y-you mean by th-that?" Zero asked, fighting to regain control with his breathing.

"Shall I call a nurse, Zero?" Kaname asked worriedly, only answering Zero's question when the boy shook his head. Nurses meant more needles and more idiotic pureblood idolizing. Zero needed neither of those. "It is very difficult to erase a pureblood completely, only another pureblood can do that. But you did well, Rido is nothing but a presence, he won't bother any of us again. Because of his Kuran blood and specialized powers, his presence still lingers here, but he is unable to take physical form."

Zero relaxed a bit, he was satisfied that he'd managed to almost kill the bastard. "Y-you look h-horribly," he remarked with dry amusement as he commented Kaname's appearance. Kaname eyed him with a faint smile. "As if you're one to talk," he said, his eyes flying towards one of the small screens by Zero's side when Zero began coughing softly. "I-I'm okay," he said, fighting to suppress the next cough.

"Maybe you should get some sleep," Kaname reminded him, pressing a small button and thereby calling a nurse. Zero shook his head lightly. Sleeping was the last thing he wanted to do right now, he'd apparently been unconscious for a week and he hadn't even had time to ask Kaname what really happened and how he ended up in this hospital for vampires.

"I don't want to sleep, I've slept enough already," Zero said, his eyes begging Kaname not to use his advantage to force Zero to anything. Kaname sighed, Zero didn't have to be so difficult. Couldn't he see that this was for his own good so he would get better as soon as possible? "Please, Zero just sleep. Don't purposely go and be difficult," Kaname said, smiling when Zero closed his mouth tight and gave him a clearly challenging look.

Kaname shrugged uncaringly and sat down in a nearby chair. "Why haven't you slept? Or been eating?" Zero asked, he'd already found out why the pureblood was looking that way. Kaname's hand brushed some hair away from Zero's face. "I couldn't sleep. I would never forgive myself if you died while I slept," Kaname explained, giving Zero a faint smile.

"So instead, you decided to make everyone worried about you. I beg there has been people criticizing me for making you stay up all day," Zero remarked, Kaname wondering how he knew that. Yes, they had but each time, they'd received a deathly glare from the pureblood and therefore withdrawn.

"I also suffer under the loss of a bond mate," Kaname said, explaining when Zero looked blankly at him. "A blood bond is a powerful thing created between two vampires who drink each other's blood. It binds them to each other and is usually the result of love. However, blood bonds can be created to dominate someone as it will make them dependent of the other part." Zero nodded slowly, he understood what Kaname told him but didn't really care about such a thing. It was obvious that Zero did not understand the consequences of a severed bond.

"The higher your level, the stronger the bond. A pureblood will feel the results of a bond much stronger than a normal vampire. So, when a person with whom you share a bond dies, so will a part of yourself. As a pureblood, it will last a long time, even as it wasn't a real blood bond I shared with him," Kaname continued, his voice darkening in the last part. "Who?" Zero asked, he was really tired still and his brain wasn't exactly progressing fast at the moment.

"Rido. I wonder what kind of bond we really shared as it probably was unique. You saw it yourself before. You saw him hurt me through the bond, Zero. That is the true power of a bond. And when he died, a part of me died, although the consequences is tens of times lesser than if it had been a normal bond. It just… takes away my appetite and causes me a bit discomfort. It will pass in a couple of days," Kaname said, giving Zero a faint smile when he looked worriedly at the pureblood.

Zero's look turned into a furious glare directed at Kaname when a nurse entered. "Hello," she said, smiling warmly and not paying attention to Zero's vicious glare. As if the hunter wasn't already half gone in his own, drugged dreamscape. "Can we have something dulling?" Kaname asked, a bright smile in his face, which gave Zero the lust to slap him. He would have done it, wasn't it for the fact that the tubes would threaten to suffocate him when he sat up, if he was able to get up at all, which he doubted. "I don't want…" he started, but Kaname cut him off with a small throw of the hand. If Zero was still suffering a great pain even after so many doses of morphine, Kaname had watched the nurses fill him with the last couple of days, then he needed to sleep more and rebuild himself instead of talking with the pureblood.

The nurse filled a small bag connected to Zero's tubes with a translucent liquid and gave them a smile before walking out again. Halfway out the door, she turned around. "Kuran-sama, won't you please come downstairs and eat?" she begged, Kaname shaking his head. With a sigh and a shrug she left them alone again.

"You should eat something…" Zero slowly commented, his mind already dazed from the drug. Kaname shook his head, watching in silent amusement as Zero's eyelids closed before he forced them apart again. "If I _shall_ sleep… couldn't you then eat?" Zero asked, trying to put some depth into his voice even as consciousness faded away. His lips formed the word "please" but all the sound he made was some strange, unintelligible murmurs. Kaname understood him though and Zero had time to see him nod silently before darkness swallowed him whole and he knew no more.

Kaname nuzzled his silvery hair until he was fully asleep. In the course of these days, Kaname'd made the Chairman tell Yagari and the rest of the Night Class everything, but he couldn't tell Zero. No, not Zero. As if he hadn't been hurt enough already, Kaname didn't have to make him feel even worse. He wouldn't tell him who Yuki really was. Zero had no need to know that.


	2. Spiders and Bats

**Tears of Blood by Rondomness**

_Chapter 2. I know the plot is moving terribly slow and that nothing of importance happened in the first chapter, except the thing with Yuki, but I promise that from this chapter on, the story will move forward._

_Also, please don't misunderstand Kaname's "interest" in protecting Zero. Kaname merely feels that it is his responsibility to watch over him and make sure he stays safe. The reason why we hear so much about it is simply because that Zero's the person Kaname is most worried about, as he is no noble, not a person with power, simply a person to gain power from. The Night Class can protect themselves, Zero can protect himself, but not against all of the Council or all of the Association. Hence, Kaname is mostly worried about whether or not he will be all right._

_Sorry for the wait, but in the beginning of the holiday, I traveled to Berlin and I've just returned so…_

**Chapter 2: Spiders and Bats**

Kaname let his eyes dart around the cafeteria. It was so annoying that everybody was looking at him but it couldn't be helped. He was a pureblood after all and to see one in a normal cafeteria was a rare sight.

Slowly, Kaname poked a little to his food and used the fork to move it around on the plate. It looked delicious, he just wasn't hungry. He had the feeling that he would throw up if he put just one piece of potato, meat or salad in his mouth. He had a huge wound in his body, inside, and he just couldn't eat anything. But he'd promised Zero to eat while the hunter slept and to please him, Kaname would perhaps just tell that he ate something.

Why had he consented to eating in the first place anyway? If he'd wanted, Kaname could simply have ignored Zero's request as the hunter was pretty much incapable of doing anything if he didn't like it. It was rather cruel perhaps, to have forced Zero to sleep when he didn't want to, but Kaname wanted to make sure that when Zero got back to his senses and remembered everything, more specifically the thing about Yuki, he wouldn't be overtired too. The pureblood was slightly amazed that Zero actually was able to remember about Rido, considering how much morphine the nurses had filled that small purse with.

Across from him, on the opposite side of the table, Aidou sat, eating in happy obliviousness to Kaname's lack of appetite. The blond noble had demanded to stay no matter how long it would take and as soon as he'd heard Kaname was actually meaning to leave the hunter's room, he'd been eager to companion the pureblood.

Kaname threw a disdainful glance at the various empty plates in front of his friend. When in public, Aidou feasted as if there was no tomorrow although he usually didn't eat that much when they simply had breakfast at Cross Academy. Then he was much more focused on arriving as the first in the evening so he was sure to get a seat next to Kaname's usual favorite chair.

It kind of amused Kaname to witness how much his fellow students, mostly Aidou, Ruka and a couple of others, were fighting over the right to sit next to him when they ate. It was cute, really, especially because there only were one seat as Seiren, who was also here at the hospital in the moment, always took up the other seat next to the pureblood. Now however, there wasn't anything cute about the way Aidou was almost shoving the food into his mouth. He'd already been consuming way past the average amount of food for the both of them and it didn't seem like he slowed down just yet.

"Kaname-sama? Can I ask you something?" Aidou asked when he for a second didn't have the entire mouth filled up by food. The pureblood gave him a short nod, knowing what the noble would ask. Kaname knew that Aidou'd been looking worriedly at Kaname's plate the entire time, just as the pureblood had been looking at Aidou's plate.

"Aren't you hungry?" Aidou asked in concern, sending the pureblood's plate another irritated glare as if the food was the one at fault. Nobody could make him worried like Kaname could, but that was only because there wasn't anyone who could make him happy just like the pureblood. Slowly, Kaname shook his head. All his movements were slow at the moment. He couldn't afford too quick or vivid motions right now or he became dizzy.

"Should I get you something else? Do you want some soup or chicken or… uhh… something else?" Aidou asked in concern, as he tried to think of something else that would get Kaname interested in the food. Giving him a soft, affectionate smile, Kaname finally gave up on the pretense of eating and let go of the fork, learning backwards in his seat.

"No thank you, Aidou. I just seem to have no appetite," Kaname explained, hiding his bad state of mind behind a charming smile. The icy blue eyes across from him didn't seem to buy it. Aidou knew that the pureblood was agitated in some way, but if it was merely because of Kiryuu or if there was something else, he couldn't tell.

"Are you sure there's nothing I can do for you?" the blond noble asked, not knowing what he would be able to do himself. Kaname merely shrugged. There wasn't anything Aidou could do to change the fact that the severed bond with Rido made him feel weak and dizzy.

And, after all, everything would be all-right now. Zero could return to Cross Academy when he felt better and together with Kaname, they could try to move on. Cross, too, needed to think everything through and accept that Yuki was gone. Kaname, together with the rest of the Night Class could return to Cross Academy also and continue their lives. The only difference would be…

Who was he trying to fool? It would be as if the sun had been ripped out of the sky. Everything would seem empty without her. Kaname learned his back against the chair and breathed deeply, trying to calm his stirring emotions.

When the pureblood caught sight of a familiar face, he excused himself shortly, rose and made his way to the hallway of the hospital to talk with his bodyguard. Her deathly gaze was the same as always. "Seiren," he said, watching as she gave him a soft bow before speaking what was on her mind.

"Forgive me, master, I was wrong to leave your side," Seiren apologized quickly, although Kaname gave her a look that said that there was nothing to forgive. His loyal servant always took all responsibility, held all his secrets, protected him no matter what. "The Hunters want you for questioning, Kaname-sama. I was surprised that Yagari-san hadn't taken you into custody. The Council, too, is on high alert with every single one of your movements."

Kaname gave his female bodyguard a short nod. He had been surprised himself that Yagari almost without remorse would leave Zero in a vampire hospital, under vampires' treatment and still come and visit him at least three times a week. However, he hadn't expected that the Hunters already now would want him to answer questions about the death of his uncle. He'd been wanted for questions before, ten years ago, and in the course of two days, he'd become infamous among them, commonly referred to as the kid without a tongue because he'd stoically avoided the questions or simply refused to answer at all.

"Kaname-sama, I have prepared for you to leave. It is safest if you get out of here before they come storming the building to get you out. Please. I have arranged it so you can be in safe hiding until the storm have drifted on," Seiren explained, with her usual serious, closed expression. Again, Kaname nodded. Although Seiren was a year younger than him, at Zero's age, she was amazing at what she did, as she'd been trained from she was little more than a baby, and now not only functioned as his eyes and ears but also as some sort of assistant whom he could share everything with and be sure that it was safe.

"Seiren, I can't leave. I don't want to. If I leave now, it will send a message to the organizations that I'm hiding something. I do not wish that," Kaname dismissed the idea. He would feel bad for leaving in the hour of danger. Danger not only to himself, but also to Cross Academy, the Night Class and Zero.

"Kaname-sama, if you don't want to leave the Night Class and Kiryuu behind, I can watch over them," Seiren suggested, shooting a worried look in Aidou's direction. Kaname was not surprised over her proposal. She knew almost everything about him and of course she'd already understood that part of the reason was that Zero would be left alone, free for anyone to take and execute him just to hurt Kaname. That was unacceptable.

"No, Seiren, I will stay myself," Kaname said, making sure that she understood that she shouldn't continue to try and persuade him. "You will watch over Cross Academy and report to me about anything unusual," Kaname ordered, Seiren giving a bow. Even though she watched over the Academy while Rido attacked, even though she would like to stay and be by his side, Seiren trusted Kaname enough to not question his decisions.

Kaname returned to his seat and continued poking to the food. It was not like he wanted to give her away. Actually, he had originally planned to have her watch over and protect Zero, but that would be unwise from his side. If it could be avoided now, Kaname would like to hide the fact that Zero meant something to him from the rest of the Vampire Society, for the sake of his protection.

_The pieces are moving once again. My uncle has left this chaos behind and I'm not free of his web just yet. People whom I want to protect is not protected, they're still in danger. I don't want to be the person who is responsible for the death and suffering of all these people, but no matter what I can't deny the fact that I am. I have to protect them. I have to look after them and make sure that they stay safe._

Kaname turned around when a familiar noble burst in through the cafeteria door. Takuma. His eyes were big, wild and frightened and he gasped as if he'd just run a marathon. "K-Kaname. My grandfather, he-he… Kiryuu-kun."

Kaname was out of the cafeteria and already way past Takuma on his way to the hunter's room before he'd even finished the word.

Zero was beginning to wake up around an hour after he'd fallen asleep. Not because the drug had lost it's effects, the hunter was almost unable to move, but because his sleep was plagued by horrible nightmares. Inside, he'd begun to remember about her and the drugs turned that knowledge into terrible and frightening scenarios.

Besides, he felt that it was hard to stay asleep with a vampire so close by. Well, sure, he was able to sleep when they were out in the corridor, but when Kuran apparently _insisted_ on staying in here forever, Zero felt really uncomfortable. There were so many nerves in his body that screamed for him to wake up, but if it was just Kaname, Zero didn't have anything to fear, right?

Suddenly, the intense beeping nearby came to an abrupt end and in his drugged state, Zero didn't really consider why, but simply felt grateful to Kaname for stopping the irritating noise. But then, something unpleasant tugged at his senses. Pain.

Pain from the places where needles were inserted in his body. Somebody was pulling them out and that hurt. It hurt, it hurt, it hurt. Needle after needle left his body, but Zero was so far gone in drugs that he barely had energy enough to open his eyes, let alone fight back. Why did Kuran do something like this?

Realization came rushing to him the same second as it became too unpleasant for sleeping and his eyes opened. His senses too started working, and that gave him a frightening piece of information. This was not a pureblood. This was not Kuran.

As Zero was lying on his side, he couldn't see anything, only feel as the hurtful needles left his body one by one. He tried to turn around and face the vampire, but a strong arm held him pinned in place. His mind also picked up on the fact that there wasn't just one, but four vampires.

Naturally, Zero firstly started looking for a simple, safe explanation. Perhaps, he was just being escorted to another operation? Was the staff moving him? Something else also came to his mind. One of the scents coming from the vampires was familiar. Almost familiar. As if he'd smelled a very similar scent before.

"Here, let me take him," one of them said in a gruff, old voice and somebody jerked him out of the bed. It was even more hurtful, his wound seeming to reopened in a sharp flare of intense pain. The sudden change of direction, as his head thereby was forced up, made all blood leave the area around his brain and he blacked out.

Kaname stared blankly at the empty room in front of him and he felt his heart skip a beat. _Why?_ Why did he have to destroy every single person he touched? It wasn't fair. But should he let it continue forever? Wasn't it better to at least save this person?

Yes. He hadn't managed to save Yuki. He hadn't managed to save his parents. He hadn't even managed to save Cross Academy from destruction. Not yet, at least, although he did hope it would turn out unnecessary to close it down. But maybe, if he wasn't in the Night Class, it would be just fine. The only thing currently threatening the school was him because he was wanted for "questions" from both the Hunter Association and the Council, regarding Rido's death. Both had been furious when he refused to answer any questions as long as Zero was unconscious, but now, he had no excuse.

_Zero._ So many people had died or suffered greatly because of Kaname. Wouldn't it be worth it if he could just save a single one of them?

Kaname closed his eyes and tried to imagine what cause Ichiou could have to take Zero with him and where he would be heading. As the Council didn't want people to believe that they executed everyone they did not find appropriate to be here or anyone who crossed their way, Ichiou needed a reason, an excuse for picking Zero up in a hospital, recovering from a serious injury, and run away with him.

Kaname already knew that the real reason must be to hurt the pureblood, which also was the reason why it was Ichiou himself who'd taken him. But what cause would he give to the society? Could it be blood thirst? Could it be that they believed Zero to be a threat? Already?

It could be as it was a legitimate reason for taking someone from a hospital, while they were still weak and easy to subdue, before they had enough strength to attack the staff or the other patients. It would be a bit early for the Council to take action, Zero was obviously very much himself from the short encounter between him and the pureblood before, but of course Ichiou couldn't know that Zero'd received Kuran blood.

If he knew that, however, things would be different. Kaname could imagine the society's shock and disgust if they found out that a filthy ex-human had drunk fresh blood from their pureblood prince. Without a doubt, Zero would be executed, most likely on the spot. Kaname on the other side… the pureblood didn't want to think about it.

He just needed to find Zero. He had to focus on that goal. He moved on just as Aidou and Takuma appeared in the hallway, gasping and choking. Of course, Kaname should have been more considered than to run as fast as he could, a noble would easily get tired of running, especially Takuma as he'd been running before.

"Oh, I'm sorry for running ahead, it's just…" Kaname knew the reason for his haste. He was overly nervous, because he knew that Ichiou wasn't a man with a heart for anything beside his business, perhaps his grandson. And because Ichiou knew that Zero mattered to Kaname, the pureblood was sure that he would do anything to get the boy killed and thereby hurt Kaname.

"It's okay, Kaname-sama, we-we'll just catch up," Aidou gasped, Takuma nodding in agreement. Both of them was loyal to Kaname no matter what and if the pureblood truly was as worried for Kiryuu as it appeared, then both of them would give up their right arm to help him protect the hunter. But in Aidou's eyes, that was far out of the question.

Of course, the Kiryuu brat would never be someone important to Kaname-sama, that was unthinkable. Aidou definitely would protect Kaname forever, would adore him to the last, and part of the reason for that adoration was that the Kaname he knew was certain of himself, was strong-minded and knew exactly who he wanted to be with.

Kaname gave them a thankful smile before turning around and continuing the wild run to get to the parking lot before Ichiou did it with Zero. If the old noble had hurt Zero… Kaname would kill him this time, for sure.

But, even though he wasn't happy to admit it, Kaname knew that he couldn't possibly kill Ichiou, even if he'd hurt the hunter. The pureblood nearly stopped in his tracks when he came to think of it. The memory was sick and despicable, horrible to think of. Kaname forced the images in his mind back and continued down the hall.

Kaname almost threw himself over the top headboard of the stairs, resulting in a small outburst of fright from his two blond companions, although nothing happened to him. He landed smoothly a few level longer down and continued his run without paying attention to a few nurses who looked at the place he'd landed as if it was the site of an earthquake.

Takuma and Aidou had difficulties following up on Kaname's flexible body, and only skipped half as many floors before landing and repeating, until they reached the bottom of the stairs and continued out on the parking lot. Kaname was already standing there in the bright midday sun and looking very out of place between the various cheap cars on the lot.

His burgundy eyes searched the lot for a far too familiar car and a far too familiar person. Both were missing and that raised alarm flags in his brain. The pureblood searched and researched without result. Why was it that that car wasn't there?

Kaname knew perfectly well what it looked like and it obviously wasn't there at the moment, which bordered the pureblood to no end. And it wasn't like anyone, especially not a pureblood who to top it all was familiar with the car, could overlook it. It was a huge Maybach 57, black and definitely not overlookable in the slightest way.

The pureblood's eyes closed, as Kaname concentrated on picking up Ichiou's scent and presence in the hospital, together with Zero's, to try and figure out where the vulture was taking him. But of course, finding Ichiou was rather hard as Takuma's very similar scent right behind him was quite distracting. Zero was easier, he seemed to be on the other side of the building.

Coming closer, Kaname realized that the other side of the building contained a parking lot for the personal. The pureblood gritted his teeth and condemned himself to hell for not being more considered. If the beast had hurt Zero in the time it took Kaname to figure this out, the pureblood would never forgive himself.

Inwardly, Kaname prayed that Ichiou at least had enough heart to not hurt Zero simply to cause the pureblood pain. If the noble was sent out to take Zero to the Association for execution, Kaname prayed that he wouldn't course him additional pain. But, knowing his former guardian, Kaname was already as much as sure that Ichiou would take any chance offered to hurt him when he knew Kaname cared whether or not he was alive.

Kaname stepped a few steps back when he in a matter of seconds got past the corner of the building and caught sight of the familiar black car. Stilling his suddenly erratic breathing, Kaname calmed himself down completely before approaching his guardian. He relaxing, seeing that Zero was merely unconscious and looked unharmed.

Takuma and Aidou both remained behind at the corner, watching worriedly but refusing to be further involved in the clashing between ward and guardian. Between two strong and powerful persons who absolutely hated each other. It was well known in society that Kaname had tried to repel Ichiou's guardianship over him countless times without result. It was also commonly accepted that Kaname was, or at least had been following his parents' deaths, an unstable pureblood, who needed pure guidelines for him to work smoothly without causing trouble.

Both of them, and most of the people who'd ever been granted the opportunity to get to know him better, believed that to be cruel lies. Kaname was very much in control of himself and he always thought twice before acting. He did things that would make vampire society better and his plans always seemed to work. Now, they could just hope that this time would be no different.

The two nobles understood that this was not only about Kiryuu. It also had something to do with Cross Academy. If Kaname refused to answer their questions, they would sure attack the school he was attending and that would be disastrous. Cross was a former hunter, but that didn't mean that the Association would leave his academy alone as long as there was something they wanted inside it's walls.

But that didn't matter. It didn't matter what would be the consequences. If Kaname didn't wanted to answer those damned questions, then Aidou and Takuma would both help to find a way for him to avoid it, even though they were silently begging him inside to just answer. After all, how rough could it be?

When Kaname approached, he observed that there were several other men, all of them henchmen of the Council, who'd come to take the hunter away from the care he obviously needed. Ichiou turned around and smiled grimly at his ward, still holding Zero in his arms. It made Kaname sick to think of it. "What is it?" Ichiou asked mockingly, although he already knew. Kaname's burgundy eyes flickered down to Zero's pale face and Ichiou's steely eyes followed.

"Kaname, I'm just doing my job, so you can't complain. The Council believes Kiryuu to be a threat and they want to take care of him. But don't worry, you apparently have a weak spot for him so I promise I'll spare him for you okay?" Ichiou mocked, handing the unconscious boy over to a man already half the way inside the vehicle. Kaname knew what it meant. The Council wanted to execute Zero, but just to taunt him, Ichiou had decided to give him an even worse faith. He wouldn't get shot but locked inside the Hunter Headquarters until he went mad with blood thirst before they would kill him.

Kaname felt horribly powerless to do anything and he only watched as they laid Zero on the floor and started chaining him. The pureblood couldn't let this happen, it would be the third time Zero came to suffer over Kaname's problems. Something, something he could do or say. Something to prevent Ichiou from driving with him. He couldn't let his happen. His entire being screamed that it was wrong.

"You can have my blood," Kaname heard himself saying.


	3. Back to Black

**Tears of Blood by Rondomness**

_Chapter 3. Poor Kaname! I feel all bad for him! And sorry for almost no Zero in this chapter, but he'll reappear, I promise. It was just important for me to show the web Kaname's been all entangled in._

_Chapter title from the Amy Winehouse song of the same name. Well, except with the entire lover thing, it suits pretty good._

_Warnings: Black-mailing, injuries, angst although not so much yet._

**Chapter 3: Back to Black**

"Please take me instead of him. Leave him alone and don't ever lay hand on him again. Then you…" Kaname breathed deeply and suppressed the sudden nausea that began to pull at his insides. "…can do with me as you please." It was a huge force of will to say it, but Kaname had decided and even if it was the stupidest thing he'd ever done in his life, he had spoken now and it was too late to pull back the offer he'd made.

Ichiou looked suspicious. No doubt, he wondered if Kaname meant what he was saying. Kaname himself also wondered if he really could go through with something like that. An eerie silence hung in the air for a few moments before Ichiou broke it. "Come here," he commanded harshly and Kaname hesitantly stepped closer until Ichiou's arm could reach him.

"Do you have any idea about what you're offering?" Ichiou asked as if he was against that idea. The truth was that his longing was hard to hide, his eyes beginning to glow in reddish colors and his fangs protruding from the mere thought of Kaname giving him his blood. The pureblood gave him a short, silent nod to show that he agreed and now wanted Ichiou to understand what he wanted in return.

"If I am to let you have… this… then you will leave the boy and Cross Academy alone. If you or the Council in any way harms him or the academy, I will tell society you took it by force," Kaname threatened, glancing down to Zero's face. He looked pale, exhausted and pained, even in his sleep.

Aidou and Takuma were both frozen to the spot by Kaname's offer. By the possibility that their Kaname-sama should let himself get mauled by the Council in that way. Takuma, who knew that it wasn't just going to be a massive step over Kaname's border and a way too intimate act, but also horribly painful, gripped Aidou's sleeve and held onto it tightly as if he could cling onto that jacket and thereby repel the terrible reality.

For a second Ichiou hesitated, but not any longer. He'd wanted this for so, so long. And now finally, it was in his reach. And all not because of threats, torture or beatings, but because of some stupid little ex-human and an academy, that Ichiou knew was dear to Kaname, but hadn't had any idea about how important it really was.

"I agree. If you on the other hand tells society anything or as much as thinks of rebelling against me ever again, he's the one to take the toll." Ichiou nodded in direction of Zero, who was still unconscious but obviously beginning to stir. Kaname was about to protest and ask what that meant but he didn't dare, considering Ichiou still could kill Zero in a matter of seconds.

Instead, he refused to give any sign that he'd heard it. "Give him to me," he whispered, Ichiou giving the man holding Zero a short nod. He lifted the hunter off of the floor and placed him in Kaname's arms. He felt horribly light. As if he'd been starving himself. Kaname knew why though. That was because Rido'd starved him and afterwards, Kaname hadn't dared give him anything but liquefied. That had only been a few days prior to the encounter that tore Zero apart, so Kaname could guess that he hadn't really eaten anything for a month or so now. Nothing but a little porridge and then he'd drunk Kaname's blood once and got it injected through the wound too.

Kaname wanted to stand with him forever to avoid paying the price for this but there was no time if he wanted to at least have a chance of saving the academy. Kaname knew that if he didn't hurried on satisfying Ichiou's burning desire for his blood, then the old noble would take it as a "no deal" and continue his mission of destroying everything Kaname held dear to heart.

"Takuma," he called softly, the blond noble being by his side in an instant. He shook his head repulsively, but he didn't say a thing. It was wrong. This was wrong. His grandfather should never blackmail Kaname like that. "Take him," Kaname said, handing Zero over to his childhood friend.

"Kaname, you don't mean this. You don't want this," he said with certainty, his green eyes begging burgundy ones to not through himself away like that. Kaname kept his unemotional face locked with nothingness, staring into thin air and stoically avoiding acknowledging that Takuma was right.

Ichiou stepped in between them, giving his grandson a warning look that told him to back off. Takuma, who had respected, obeyed and feared his grandfather as long as he could remember, took a few steps back with Zero in his arms, who at this point was mumbling incomprehensibly in his almost-awakened state.

Up until now, Aidou had been standing as if frozen to the spot, which could have been real, as his powers automatically responded on his suddenly wild emotions and put a little frost on a small branch of a tree nearby. When Ichiou gripped Kaname's arm harshly, Aidou broke out of the spell that seemed to be over him and he ran to the pureblood's side, gripping his arm almost just as tight and looking up at him in horror.

Kaname, on the other hand, pulled a little away from him, closer to Ichiou to show that he had decided and that he only waited for Takuma and Aidou to bet him good luck and farewell before he'd be off. _Off with Ichiou. Back to his home._ Kaname hated the idea, he was disgusted and horrified at what he had to do, but there was no avoiding it now. He'd gotten what Ichiou had promised him, now it was his turn to pay up. The only thing that could make the deal undone now was if Ichiou hurt Zero or touched the academy and that was not likely to happen, at least not any time soon as Ichiou currently had all he'd wanted within his reach, a thought that gave Kaname the lust to throw up. Perhaps not the thought as much as the fact that he was going to let Ichiou take his blood now, without resistance.

Takuma kept string at him, but he didn't press further. He knew Kaname well enough to know that some things hurt more if it was made into a big fuss. Slowly, he let Zero slip over in only one of his arms to get the other free and he reached out for Aidou, pulling him backwards even as he protested highly. Kaname gave him a small, thankful smile which was all he could muster at this point.

"Come here, Kaname. I believe we have a quite urgent "business" to take care of, haven't we?" Ichiou asked mockingly, gripping the pureblood's shoulder and pulling him backwards so he was almost stumbling into the car. Takuma held Aidou back with difficulty as the young noble was fiercely fighting and he had to carry Zero too.

"Wait," Kaname begged as if he'd suddenly changed his mind. "Can't I at least give instructions to my bodyguard?" he asked, glancing towards a tree, which made all of the gathering look at the same tree until Seiren appeared at the bottom and was by Kaname's side in a second. Ichiou's and Seiren's eyes locked for a moment and there was nothing but pure hatred between them. On one side, Ichiou knew that she was Kaname's closest ally and that fact alone made him hate her. On the other, Seiren, as the only one, heard all Kaname's secrets and therefore she also knew how he'd treated the pureblood. Of course, there were _some_ details that Kaname had refused to share with anybody, but she was the person to know most of it.

"I don't think that'll be necessary, Kaname," Ichiou almost hissed as he withdrew his eyes from Seiren's and they went back to be locked on Kaname's pale, enticing skin. "Because you're not going to bring her with you." Kaname looked at his guardian as if he'd just said that he was from outer space. So did Aidou, Takuma and even Seiren. To separate a pureblood from his bodyguard was almost unthinkable. And why, when Kaname already had promised that Ichiou could have his blood, did the elder vampire have to make sure that Kaname didn't even have an assistant? Purebloods needed protection. Not because they were incapable of protecting themselves, but because they had many enemies.

The flicker of emotions that had gone through Kaname's eyes for a moment was immediately replaced with a calm, considered look and he nodded slowly. He turned to Seiren and pulled her a little away from the rest.

"Seiren, I would like for you to leave me alone," Kaname said in as calm a tone as he could muster at the time. He barely held the tremors out of his voice, especially not when Ichiou placed a hand on his shoulder again to keep him on a short distance of himself. "But, master…"

"Don't question me, Seiren, just do as I command." A quick bow, nothing grave, just a quick bow and then a soft gaze with a message. _Be safe._

Kaname turned to his fellow students. "That comes in true for the both of you," he stated calmly, Aidou backing a bit off and looking down in the ground. He couldn't understand why Kaname would do something like this. Sure, it could be to safe Cross Academy and the Night Class together with coexistence in a whole. That had to be it and the thing about Kiryuu was merely that Kaname was so good that he didn't want anyone to die.

Takuma, on the other hand, did not back off. He walked closer and for the first time glared at his grandfather. "I will go with Kaname," he said matter-of-factly. "It's my house too and you have no deciding in whether or not I want to live at Cross Academy or at my home. And if you don't like, I think you can go to hell."

Inside, Kaname crumbled a little. _Why did you have to say that? Why did you have to add insult to injury in this one? I know you did it to stay with me and be able to look after me and I appreciate that, but… Later, I'm the one he'll punish for you speaking to him like that._ Kaname knew that Takuma of course had no idea that what he did would end up hurting the same pureblood he so desperately tried to protect, but that would be what would happen no matter what.

Ichiou gave his grandson a hard glare, but that was all. That also showed the difference in the way Takuma and Kaname was treated. Had Kaname ever said something like that, Ichiou would have backhanded him immediately. He never hit Takuma.

"Get in," Ichiou hissed to Kaname, and gestured annoyed to the car. Kaname threw one last look at Zero, his friends and even the hospital before stepping in. He didn't want to look hesitating. When Ichiou began entering the car, Takuma handed Zero, who was beginning to blink tiredly, over to Aidou and approached, meaning to get inside the car as well.

Aidou hesitated, not sure what he should do with Zero. He wanted to stop Kaname from doing this, but he couldn't prevent this from happening without handing Zero over to the executioners, something that Kaname definitely would hate him for. When Zero seemed like he was awake, Aidou slowly placed his feet on the ground and not too gently gave him a small shove to make him stand up by himself.

After sending Aidou a short glare, Zero looked up and literally looked like he was still asleep. Kaname gave him a halfheartedly smile when Takuma entered the car followed by Ichiou and the door shut closed. They would tell him what had happened and Cross would take good care of him. Didn't matter that Kaname never would see any of them again. Or, at least, he wouldn't see them until Ichiou died, which would be a couple of hundred years. Too bad, at that time, Zero would most likely don't be alive. Even if he could have reached such an age, he would grow mad beforehand unless something was done.

But at least, this would give him a few more years and that was worth it. Yes, even it was only months.

When the car disappeared down the round, Zero turned to the others with a questioning glare. "What was that about?" he asked, not having picked up too much about it from the one look he got from Kaname. He didn't understand all the infuriated looks he got, even though he was used to not get the kindest responses from vampires.

"Well, Kaname-sama… he…" Aidou sounded like a shadow of himself. Then he apparently decided to speak emotionlessly and professional. "Our dorm leader has decided to… help get Cross Academy functioning again. You know, classes have been cancelled for a week, since the Headmaster insisted on being in the hospital's surroundings for your sake, although I don't really get why. But don't get selfish ideas. If you think Kaname-sama did this for you you're sorely mistaken." Up until Aidou'd mentioned it, Zero hadn't even considered it to be for his sake. No, because Kuran didn't care for him at all, even as he'd granted him his blood. He'd only done that because he cared about…

Zero's eyes blinked erratically, following his heartbeat. "Are you listening to me, Kiryuu?" a voice he recognized as being Aidou's sounded, but it was faint, even as he was standing close by. It felt like the hunter's ears had been clogged or closed in some way. _Yuki_.

Zero opened his mouth to say something but it felt like the words wouldn't form in his brain and much less on his tongue. "I…I… think I'll just… go into the… hospital." At least, he knew where he was, which helped a lot when he should pretend to have everything under control. Zero barely knew what his name was. It felt as if all that was in his brain at this moment was a big "no more room on hard drive" sign.

"Kiryuu-kun, oh no," Zero heard a familiar voice call. He knew it was familiar, he recognized it, but he couldn't remember who it was. Or, simply refused to remember. That was perhaps a better word about everything. It was not memory loss, he simply refused to think about it, locked it out of his thoughts. Nothing, nothing should play across his mind right now. It didn't matter what it was, it would remind him of her.

Especially not him. Why did Cross have to come now? _Cross._ "You need to be inside, Kiryuu-kun. The nurses have told you not to leave the building. Why can't you just follow the rules?" Sighing, Zero turned around and let Cross take him inside. Once he was alone, he threw himself under the duvet and concentrated on not thinking. Perhaps that wouldn't hurt as bad.

When the car pulled up by the Ichijo Estate, Kaname had found such an emotionless face that nothing could break it. He hoped. Takuma opened the door and stepped out, holding the door for his grandfather. However, Ichiou didn't make any movements. "Takuma, we will be back in a couple of hours," he said, gesturing to the driver.

"What? Why?" Takuma wanted to know, holding the door open so the driver couldn't drive on. Kaname, too, tensed, but he refused to answer Ichiou what was going on. Even if he knew, there wasn't much he could do to stop it. And, either way, Takuma had asked the question he wanted to have the answers to.

"Because, Kaname and I have an appointment at the Council, so will you wait for us inside?" Ichiou asked, not the gentle tone he normally used in front of his grandson, but still respective. Takuma looked for help in Kaname's eyes but simply found a numb accept. He didn't know what Ichiou planned to do, but he would take it nonetheless.

Takuma stared after the car until it could no longer be spotted even with vampire sight. Then, he went inside and collapsed in a chair. Once again, he'd failed Kaname although he wanted nothing but to make the pureblood happy, to make sure he was safe. He'd done what he thought was right although he in fact had sent Kaname right into his grandfather's arms…

"Why?" Kaname asked, giving no further explanation on his question. He didn't want to be left in the darkness concerning what he was about to see or say or do. Ichiou seemed to want to ignore him but then changed his mind. "Since it would be illegal to take your blood without the Council knowing, we're going to the Council's Headquarters to make sure the message gets out to the entire vampire society."

He paused, looking for a reaction from his pureblooded companion. Finding none, he continued. "You do understand that you're going to be quitting school-life, right?" he asked, wanting to make a few point clear now that Takuma was no longer with them. Kaname simply nodded. He did know that Ichiou probably didn't plan on letting him attend too many social events.

"And you do know that you're going to live with me from now on, right?" Once again, Kaname nodded. This, he'd known from the second he'd opened his mouth to voice his offer. "Fine. It's good you understand so I don't have to take that fight with you." The feeling of power and domination was almost literally oozing out of the elder vampire's pores. Kaname wanted to throw up.

"I want you to stay inside the house at all times unless I tell you otherwise. And I expect you to let me drink without a fight whenever I want." Ichiou explained all these rules in a calm voice as if he was merely saying that Kaname should leave the chips in the dining room alone. Kaname suppressed a shudder. _Whenever he felt like it_, would be very often, the pureblood could be absolutely sure of that at least.

"I have summoned a meeting, so you don't have to worry about that. And you simply have to grant me permission to practically own your blood. It has to be mine to do with as I see fit." Kaname nodded again. At least, it was good news that he was going to attend this meeting. Not because it was something he was looking forward to, but because that would delay the inevitable blood-drinking a little. _No._ Kaname refused to let him stay in that state of mind.

When they arrived at the Council's Headquarters, Kaname and Ichiou was showed inside respectively. Kaname was a pureblood and Ichiou was one of the leading figures of the entire institution. To put it plainly, Kaname hated this building, or more accurately, what it represented. He could feel that all the heads of vampire society was here. At least, the ones of them that sat in the Council.

The main room of the building was a high-lofted chamber, looking like the inside of a big cathedral. The windows were of painted glass, darkening the lightening in the room. In the middle of the gigantic chamber was a long, black table with chairs on each side. It was organized after rank, with the most influential sitting closest to one end of the table and the lower ranks in the opposite end. Ichiou sat at the table end on the winning side.

For a pureblood, it was like walking on the red carpet. Everybody stared at Kaname. He didn't really know if it was just something they did every time or if it was because most purebloods hated the Council just like he did and therefore avoided it. How he wished that he could go back home…

Zero stayed in the bed the rest of the day. Whenever nurses came, he told them he was fine and didn't need attention and when someone else, like Cross or the Night Class came, he told them he felt bad and didn't want visitors. He was gasping and choking on his own sobs, lightheaded because he didn't get quite enough oxygen. The hole in his chest was both physical and emotional. He felt numb, powerless, defeated.

He didn't even talk when Cross asked him how he felt or if he needed anything. At last, the headmaster left, getting the wipe and abandoning Zero in his own, deep abyss of despair. He left a bag behind on the couch without noticing, but Zero instantly snatched it the moment the door closed. There was a mobile phone, a credit card and a pile of papers. The young hunter lightly flipped through all of them.

The phone contained a number he knew very well. Horribly well. Yuki's number. That awoke something in him, something that crawled to the surface with sharp claws. Zero threw the phone back into the bag with a shiver. He almost moaned from pain. The pain was disarming him and he was unprepared for the force it had when it hit him at full power. He placed the bag on the couch again and collapsed on the floor.

Yuki was dead. Dead and Zero'd killed her. The hunter could feel the cold, laminated floor against his knees, then his palms and lastly his chin. The wave of absolute pain, which had been lapping at him before, now rinsed over him and he got caught in the undertow.

"I'm giving my guardian full authority over my blood. My reasons are… my own," Kaname hesitantly explained. They were watching his every movement, especially said guardian. "And you're sure of your decision?" one of them asked, more for manners than for questioning. Kaname confirmed with a nod. It was usually his way of answering, especially when he wasn't sure that he could keep the tremors out of his voice.

"Fine then. And you will be living at Ichijo's house then, we can assume?" another asked, in the usual not-so-gentle tone they used to speak to Kaname in. Somehow, they'd gotten the idea that just because they raised him, he was in one way or another some kind of possession of theirs and that normal rules regarding purebloods didn't count with him.

"My ward will live at my house from now on," Ichiou interrupted, cutting into the conversation. "And we will leave now," he added, standing up and gesturing for Kaname to get up as well. They'd barely been here for half an hour. Ichiou was indeed in a hurry with getting that blood.

Kaname followed Ichiou to the doors, before they got interrupted by another high-ranked member of the Council. The group of members had split up already, so Kaname and Ichiou were the only ones who heard what he said. "Kaname, you won't consider letting me drink your blood also, now that you're at it, won't you?" he asked, more mockingly than questioningly although Kaname with ease could see the longing in his eyes too.

"I have allowed my guardian to drink my blood under private discussions. I'm afraid that won't do. But," he added in his own mocking tone," You could always line up with the rest of the Council and wait for your turn." That cooled his mockery down a few degrees. Ichiou had ignored the conversation but now grabbed Kaname's arm, bid the other member farewell and dragged the pureblood to the car.

"You know, I would have followed you. There was no need to drag me," Kaname said, trying to keep his voice low and subdued but failing. He wished that his instincts weren't on high alert with every single one of Ichiou's movements, each second expecting to be attacked. Ichiou simply shoved him inside the car.

"You may say that mockingly now. But I will make sure to beat every single piece of that attitude out of you."


	4. Control Every Heartbeat

**Tears of Blood by Rondomness**

_Yeah, so finally the scene you've all been waiting for… or the scene you've all been hoping for not to happen._

_Fun fact: I'm listening to World is Mine by Hatsune Miku while writing this chapter. Totally unfitting xD_

_Warnings: Blood-drinking, angst, depression_

**Chapter 4: Control Every Heartbeat**

Twenty-two. The clock showed twenty-two minutes past four. Kaname concentrated on the clock, made sure to imprint the exact structure, shape and size of it. Gold, white, black. Expensive. All such completely indifferent facts about an indifferent clock. But it gave him something to keep his focus on.

He had not expected Ichiou to go easy on him, but the way he was brutally tearing Kaname's shirt off was unnecessary. Apart from some clothes that Ichiou had insisted on Kaname keeping here, all for the sake of him having some clothes if he "by chance" should want to live a little time home, the pureblood had no clothes and as Ichiou had made it quite clear that Kaname was going to be in this house at all times, he wouldn't get the chance to pick up clothes for some time.

Kaname had turned into a living doll, unmoving on his own accord and simply waiting for Ichiou to get to the point without resistance. He waited, limply, until what remained of the shirt simply were a few strips of cloth around his waist and arms. Ichiou gripped the cloth roughly and thereby jerked Kaname's hands behind his back, where he held them. It was simply an added luxury of control because Kaname was not going to try anything.

Ichiou's bloodlust was tangible in the thick air and Kaname could feel his heart flicker faintly. The old noble's left arm fell around Kaname's arms, holding him in a tight grip. The right was used to jerk the pureblood's head roughly to the side. That, too, was absolutely unnecessary as Kaname'd already learned his head invitingly to the side. Apparently, Ichiou only felt safe with having the pureblood almost unable to move.

The older vampire was mesmerized by the creamy skin on Kaname's neck, moving to each beat of his heart as delicious, pure blood flowed by. He learned down, closer, and sucked in Kaname's unique and almost painfully admirable scent through his partly aroused fangs.

When Kaname could feel Ichiou's rough mouth and his moustache touch his neck, he couldn't help but whimper faintly. How would it not be to feel this man's fangs in his neck? Kaname couldn't imagine anything else than that it must hurt horribly. A wet tongue slid up Kaname's delicate neck and he started trembling. It was so unfair. He had so little control over himself. Kaname knew he was about to be violated, to be unwillingly touched in his deepest, darkest, most private soul. Ichiou's mouth opened slightly and Kaname could feel a pair of fangs lay hard over his jugular. Ichiou grinned against his skin, when Kaname began hyperventilating despite his best efforts. His heart was beating erratically. He couldn't stop himself.

The pureblood tensed, his arms almost automatically sliding up to jerk the other's head away, but Kaname restrained himself. He had to remind himself what was at stake. Zero. Zero would be terribly hurt and besides, it was too late for Kaname to back out of the wager now.

Then a horrible, horrible pain spread through his neck as Ichiou bit down, tearing a chunk of flesh away before burying his fangs fully, truly in Kaname's now bloody neck. Kaname was almost crying out as the pain spiked to the highest possible level, before Ichiou started drinking in short, rapid draughts. By piercing Kaname with his fangs, Ichiou pierced the pureblood's most intimate depths.

The red liquid was oozing out of the wound and directly into Ichiou's mouth. It was bliss. At least for Ichiou. For Kaname, it hurt. It felt like hot needles in his neck and the loss of blood was making him lightheaded.

This was something completely different from the feeling of Zero's fangs in his neck. This was unwanted, he had no choice and absolutely no lust to share anything with Ichiou. Therefore, he slipped some sort of patch over his mind, holding Ichiou out of his most private thoughts. There were some things which belonged to him alone. Things concerning Yuki, things concerning Rido.

Ichiou immediately noticed that Kaname had closed off and was holding the noble out of his deepest memories. But even as Kaname struggled and fought harshly, Ichiou still got deep inside, claiming his feelings, thoughts and memories inch by inch. He got closer and closer to that small corner Kaname'd made for himself inwardly, the place he'd promised himself to not give away. The memories of his most happy moments with Yuki, but also memories of his most shameful moments, moments in which he'd been weak and pathetic.

Ichiou was drinking too rapidly. It hurt, but the pain was beginning to be replaced with horrible numbness. Kaname'd lost too much blood too fast. Ichiou had to stop now or he would perhaps faint. "Ichiou…" Kaname said, making sure that he was saying it lowly and that the tremors were kept out of his voice. It didn't seem like his guardian heard him, or perhaps he was simply refusing to react on the message Kaname gave him. "Ichiou…" he repeated with the same result.

"Ichiou, you have to stop… Stop," Kaname tried when it seemed like he simply ignored the pureblood's words. Ichiou was not about to let go of Kaname's neck, the pureblood beginning to twist and squirm in the strong grip he was held in to get free. It hurt because the fangs then moved around inside the wound and concentration became harder with his rapid movements.

When he finally managed to remove himself in a rush, it felt like his neck was simply two small holes of burning agony. Kaname let out a small whimper but ignored it. Ichiou seemed like he got back to reality the second he didn't have Kaname's neck in front of his mouth any longer.

Ichiou looked up at the pureblood, his eyes still red with bloodlust, but obviously more in control than he'd been a moment ago. There was both anger, but also sadistic delight in his eyes. "I will tell you when we're finished, Kaname," he said, his voice darkly commanding in a way that he had no right to do in front of Kaname. At least, in a way he'd had no right to do before this.

"Come here," he continued, gesturing for Kaname to sit down next to him in an obvious manner. The young pureblood did it, simply because he felt like he had no choice. In a way… he hadn't. He could refuse to give away any more of it now when Ichiou'd tasted it. But that wouldn't do him any good. He'd already given Ichiou official permission in the Council to practically own every single drop and that was too late to change now.

Kaname sat down again, his hand slowly removing stray locks from his neck, revealing the two bite wounds, which were still oozing blood out. Ichiou intentionally chose to place his bite so close to the old ones that it hurt twice as much but still made new wounds. The old ones were closing either way. Ichiou had drained him thoroughly, his loss of blood being the reason why the wounds were still visible.

Ichiou's arm once again fell around Kaname's waist when he started drinking, holding him tightly to make sure he didn't jerk away. The knowledge that he'd made Kaname stick out his neck this second time filled him with cruel malice. Kaname had done what he said, he bowed himself to Ichiou's will. Perhaps, the boy really had understood where they both stood in this. Ironical, really. That Ichiou was going to use the power he'd snatched from Kaname to destroy what the pureblood'd been trying to protect.

Kaname closed his eyes, fighting to keep Ichiou out when the elder vampire's mental rape continued.

Forty-one. The clock showed forty-one minutes past four. The time passed, even though it seemed like the world had stopped. Even though every second that passed hurt just as bad as the cut in Zero's chest. It passed. Even for him.

He didn't remember how he'd gotten into bed, but probably, the nurses had found him on the floor and put him back. Which explained why Cross was here at the moment, since they'd probably called him afterwards. He was walking back and forth on the floor in front of Zero and looked like some kind of detective or judge.

Then, Cross went to the bedside and smashed a fist into the table. He was mad. That was quite uncommon for him. "Why did you do that?" he demanded to know. Zero looked up from the duvet he'd been stretching in a strange act of finding out how much it _could_ be stretched before it would snap. The younger hunter hadn't really been paying attention to the conversation… actually he was unaware that they were even talking. He didn't understand. "What did I do?" he asked, obviously not focused in the slightest way.

"Why did you walk outside in that state? I rush to the hospital because the nurses can't find you, then bring you back from the parking lot. Two hours later, I get another call, saying that you have collapsed on the floor," Cross said, fighting to get a reaction from Zero. He was irritated, mad and worried for Zero all at the same time. Zero still looked like there was a point he hadn't heard. However, he knew he had to give an explanation or Cross would dig even deeper.

"I don't know how I got out in the parking lot, honestly…" Zero tried, but it sounded like a very unbelievable lie in his own ears. Cross, too, looked pretty suspicious. "And the last thing, that was because somebody had left a bag in my room and I wanted to check who it was, so… Uhm, by the way, you left your bag in my room… and then, uhm…" Zero's voice was falling out as he struggled for a believable lie. Perhaps, it was better to play the innocent patient. "I felt this pain and I think I blacked out." Truth to be told, he'd not blacked out, although he'd wished he did.

Cross looked over his shoulder to see the bag, reassured that Zero at least was telling the truth. He looked down at the younger hunter with defeated sigh. "Are you sure there's nothing else?" He could surely tell that Zero was avoiding his gaze. "Look, Zero," Cross said, sitting down by the bed. "I know you miss her. I do too. But… I can't stand to watch you like that. It's just like the time before you fully transformed. You hurt yourself, Zero. You take responsibility for things that you couldn't change and then turn it into your fault."

"You couldn't change the fact that she… you know, was… what she was, so please stop taking responsibility." Zero didn't hear the last part. It hurt him horribly even though Cross didn't say her name. He wanted to block that name out and never hear it again. He wanted to continue as if she'd never existed. But was what? Dead? He knew that, but he could have been stronger, protected her better.

"Sorry," he whispered, not putting much depth into his voice. It sounded dead, lifeless. It was flat. He'd thought that it would be okay as long as he pretended to be in control. But he couldn't hide from the sad fact that he was hurt and that he missed her. A lot. He missed her so much.

Realizing he was about to cry, Zero quickly changed topic to avoid thinking too much about it. "Who's here?" he asked, hoping it didn't sound like he deliberately wanted to talk about something completely unrelated. Cross gave him a look that said that he'd heard it, but decided to not dig deeper. "Yagari is here. Wakaba visits from time to time. I told the Night Class to return to their dorm."

"So they were all here on Kuran's accord and now he's lost interest or did he actually remember about Yuki?" Zero asked sarcastically, a deep tone of hatred in his voice. Cross gave him a hard glare. Zero always made him feel like he was some sort of peacekeeper between Kaname and Zero, a bridge of some sort, and it pissed him off that he knew Yuki must have felt the same way.

"Kaname-kun's not even in Cross Academy," he answered coldly, not explaining further. Zero shrugged carelessly and turned around to face the pillow and a bit of the loft. Cross immediately regretted his glare, Zero was mentally weak and he didn't want to be the one to shout at him. He studied Zero's pale features for a moment before walking over to the forgotten bag and picking up a small, black box.

"These are for you," Cross said, showing them to the boy who simply turned away. "Look, I know it's super bad timing, but it'll make you feel better if you take them," he continued, placing the box with blood tablets on a side table to the bed, in close reach of Zero. The younger one's dully eyes wandered to the front of the box, reading the description in his head. BL-XXXV063. A type of tablet developed by the Night Class.

It worked for all levels, but Zero knew that the most purified vampires preferred something else. That was probably because this tablet quenched blood thirst quicker and more fully than the other tablets, but it didn't taste like blood. It tasted like exactly what it was. Artificial blood. Not a very pleasant taste.

But that made little difference for Zero. He couldn't take them, he threw up quite harshly the few times he'd tried. That was why he had needed to find… other food sources. And Yuki'd stood too close and been too tempting. She'd offered it herself and it'd been too easy to simply give in.

Zero smashed the box away from the table with a throw of the arm. Not anymore. He'd rather starve to death than sink even deeper into vampirism. He didn't want this, he'd never wanted it and if Kuran wasn't even at Cross Academy, it would be a lot easier for him to starve himself. It would be easier to die. And that was all he wanted. He wanted to perish, to cease to exist, to fall into the endless darkness with ho thoughts and no pain.

And it was easy. Actually it was inevitable as Yuki was gone, he couldn't take tablets and Kuran wasn't there. All he had to do was waiting. And he was starved of blood already, he didn't need to wait long, perhaps only a month.

Kaname tried to keep his gasping low-key, but it was difficult. His head rested partly on the side of his bed and partly on Ichiou's knee. The elder vampire was sitting at the edge of the bed with his legs on the floor and a satisfied smile on his lips. Almost satisfied.

At some point in the past this would have been enough. It would have been enough for Ichiou to have complete control over a pureblood's blood. But not anymore. Kaname's attitude and the way he'd easily avoided any talk of blood-giving over the years had not only irritated and infuriated Ichiou, it also had awoken a sick, sadistic side in him. A side that was no longer satisfied with getting Kaname's blood. A side that wanted to see him be hurt, to see him be afraid instead of simply going along with it.

Ichiou wanted to break his will, to watch him do whatever Ichiou demanded and to watch him suffer under it. His backhand wiped some blood away from the corner of his mouth. Gripping Kaname's arm, the noble forced him upright and onto the bed, giving him a sharp blow to the head. The pureblood was drained almost to the point of unconsciousness, but he nevertheless sat upright, ignoring the blow and everything else. Ichiou gave him another slap across the face, but Kaname seemed not to notice. Even if he'd been forced to give up his blood, he still had some dignity left to be saved and Ichiou was stupid if he thought that Kaname was going to cry because he got hit.

Another blow hit the pureblood but he barely blinked. Right now, Ichiou could go to hell. Kaname was too weak to even feel the blows and he kept a stoical silence even when Ichiou pulled him down on the cold floor and kicked him. _Beat me as much as you like, Ichiou, I'm not giving in for your whims._

When Ichiou realized that as long as he only hit Kaname, the pureblood wouldn't make a sound, he stopped, giving his ward a last slap and then leaving him on the floor next to the bed. The sheets were a bit bloody from Ichiou's frenzy earlier. Kaname slowly crawled into bed after the door shut. He needed to sleep and rebuild himself. Besides, his own scent didn't bother him at all. His own scent was as attracting to him as a human would be attracted to any kind of blood.

Takuma watched his grandfather as he pretended to read. When he'd realized earlier that Kaname and Ichiou were not likely coming back anytime soon and there wasn't anything he could do to stop it, he'd decided on waiting, but Kaname'd avoided his eyes when they came home, so had his grandfather. The only thing he'd picked up on was that after a few minutes, the distinctive scent of pure Kuran blood reached him and he knew what that meant.

It made him feel sick. It wasn't fair that Kaname had to pay the price for the rest of Cross Academy to be safe. It wasn't fair that Ichiou should have permission to drink his blood. Takuma didn't understand Kaname's decision very well, but that was nothing compared to the confusion and hurt he felt when thinking about his grandfather. He didn't, _couldn't_ understand what could make his grandfather act so cruelly towards Kaname. The pureblood'd never done anything to offend him beside deny him access to his blood. And now he'd even done that. What more could he expect?

A cold shiver ran down Takuma's spine. There was nothing Ichiou hadn't taken from Kaname already. What had the pureblood left to offer him that would satisfy the elder noble's wild and sadistic desires?

Kaname wasn't able to fall asleep. He hurt all over, but it wasn't what kept him up. It was the feeling of Ichiou's fangs buried in his neck, the way it had felt as if he'd buried his fangs in the pureblood's soul. He was the third person he'd ever given his blood to. But with Rido, there had been too much other pain to notice and he'd already experienced a much more excruciating pain than the one he'd been forced to endure under the blood-drinking itself.

With Zero, it had been Kaname's choice and he'd only felt that he saved Yuki from both the mental and physical pain. Besides, because he'd been okay with it and was comfortable in the knowledge that if Kiryuu overstepped the line, Kaname could easily crush him like a bug and nothing would happen if he did so, it had been pleasurable enough. It hadn't hurt in the same way it hurt now, even after the fangs had been removed.

This… this was a complete strip of anything to hold on to. It was like being cut by a knife in more than one way. If you cut yourself with a knife and then fell down a stair and broke your leg, where would it hurt most? Obviously the leg. But if you simply cut yourself, you paid much more attention to the cut itself and that made it worse. The difference simply was that this pain was a thousand times worse than a cut. It didn't hurt physically anymore, but just the thought of this happening again made cold sweat break out all over the pureblood's body and he quickly pulled himself even longer down under the duvet.

Because it would happen again. No matter what he said or did, it would happen again and there was nothing to stop it. Ichiou wanted more and in the position Kaname'd gotten himself into, he was unable to deny his guardian that. If he wanted he could drink from Kaname until the pureblood almost turned to glass and no one would stop him. As long as he didn't kill Kaname, Ichiou had free reign. He could beat him, drain him, even whip him or hold him chained in some dark basement, nobody would come and look for him. Perhaps with the exception of Takuma, but what could he really do?

Kaname held the duvet even closer around his body. He lay inside it as if it could protect him from any more abuse. There was nothing to remove the hurt of his wounds and nothing to comfort him. It would happen again and Kaname knew that if Ichiou continued to take so much blood, at some point the pureblood wouldn't have enough strength to keep him out of his most private thoughts anymore.

In the course of the week he'd spend watching over Zero, he'd come to realize that it hurt much less if he didn't think about Yuki, but in his hopelessness, he couldn't stop himself. Kaname remembered how she'd throw herself into his embrace and hold her small, warm arms wrapped tightly around his body. How she used to cast adoring glances after him when she thought he wasn't looking. And… what hurt the most was that he'd been so close to get everything he'd ever wanted when Rido'd reappeared and destroyed everything.

That night at the soirée, he'd asked if Yuki desired to become a vampire and live with him and she'd answered, even though it was hesitantly spoken, yes. And Kaname knew that Yuki'd meant what she said. But then, what did it matter now if she'd meant it or not? He'd been blinded by her. So blind he'd been that he hadn't realized until too late who the small child constantly placing her in trouble had been. Rido had tried to get Yuki into trouble, or at least, tried to get Kaname to bite her and he'd almost succeeded.

But all that was behind Kaname now. Now, what mattered was to keep Ichiou's eyes fixed upon him so they wouldn't turn to Cross Academy, the Night Class or Kiryuu. Himself was a small price to pay if it would insure that the people whom he cared about, felt responsible and wanted to protect was safe.

Once, he'd promised himself that if it would ever come to that, he would sacrifice everything, even his life to keep Yuki safe. But now that sacrificing himself for her was too late, Kaname felt comfortable with knowing that he'd at least kept what was left of his world from getting destroyed too. The small part of his life that still remained would have to be protected or that part too would turn into pieces of glass. And Kaname would not allow that to happen.

No matter what, there was nothing Kaname desired more than to protect what he held dear to heart, be it people or places. Holding onto his inner pictures of what was the outside world, which he cared about, pictures of Cross Academy and the people inside who were important to him, was the only thing able to safe from the dark lake of despair that faced him.

Kaname wanted to turn into nothingness, but he would hold out forever. He would hold out and endure as long as he could be sure that the people whom Kaname saw as important still were somewhere out there. As long as those people were still alive, there was something good left in the pureblood's world. And that was worth fighting for. Even worth dying for.


	5. Depths of Despair

**Tears of Blood by Rondomness**

_Chapter 5. About a week separates chapter four and five, but it should be easy enough to find out._

**Chapter 5: Depths of Despair**

In the last few days, Zero had been hospitalized and he cried as if his heart was being ripped apart. His eyes were beginning to run out of tears. His lung was punctured, making it difficult to breathe and sometimes the nurses had to attach all kinds of instruments on him to make sure he breathed normally. But Zero was happy for the physical hurt, it gave him something else to think off than the painful arch inside.

It was all his and Kuran's fault. Maybe, Kuran should have protected her much more than he did, but Rido would never have been able to blackmail the pureblood if Zero hadn't been captured so easily. It was his fault.

A horrible numbness had descended upon him in the course of these days. He couldn't feel anything and he couldn't think, it felt as if everything that happened, happened to another. And it certainly wouldn't get any better when Cross insisted on visiting him every day. It wasn't even to overdo it. Cross had visited him every single day, Yagari visited often too and even Sayori passed by. But Zero discovered that he had nothing to say to them, too much had happened that they would never be able to understand.

Actually, it was quite pleasant to have someone just going on and on about everything and who, partly, understood Zero's pain, but Cross reminded Zero of Yuki. "I have some books for you to read," Cross started, sitting in a nearby chair and judging Zero's face. "How do you feel?"

Zero couldn't answer.

"The students are well," Cross continued, giving Zero a fake smile and removing the glasses. "I have taken over the job as a prefect while you're here." The word prefect sent shivers through Zero's body and he bit his lower lip to stop himself from crying. Cross saw it though, and quickly continued. "I'm sure all the students miss you a lot," he lied. Probably, Cross didn't know he was lying, at least not as much as he in fact was. "And ehh… Yagari has taken time off from work to take care of the business side of things, like dealing with the Council and the Association. He's been great. He is such a workaholic… exactly like Yuki." Zero's head snapped up. Why did Chairman Cross have to say such things, knowing how much it hurt Zero to hear it? "And you resemble Yuki a lot too," Cross said, smiling at Zero. The old hunter laid a hand under Zero's chin and lifted his face until they met each other's eyes. "I'm so lucky I still got the two of you," Cross whispered and looked into Zero's pained gaze, until the boy jerked away and his eyes landed on the sheets of the hospital bed.

The chairman was looking at him and he was barely able to hide the sorrow in his gaze. "Listen, Zero-chan," Cross said, using the term for child as he addressed Zero, trying to give at least a little comfort. He laid an arm around Zero's shoulders and pulled him close. "We'll be alright. We'll get on. We have to. You and I and Yagari. We still got each other."

Zero closed his eyes. The pain was radiating through his head. How should they be alright and get on? Yuki was dead and Zero and Kaname had killed her. He pulled out of the embrace and suddenly, he couldn't keep the words at bay any longer. "It was my fault!"

Cross looked down at him, confused. "What do you mean by that?" Tears welled in Zero's eyes, staining his cheeks. His own emotions overwhelmed him and he couldn't control it. "I killed her," he sobbed. "Because I was so weak, Rido used me as blackmailing. Kaname wouldn't leave her, but I made him do it!" the hunter tried to control his sobs but it was difficult. Cross grabbed his shoulders and gave him a rough like shake. "Kiryuu, don't!" he said, an unusual seriousness in his voice and eyes. "You mustn't think like that."

"But it's true!" Zero cried. "I made him do it and I'll never forgive myself for being so horribly weak." Cross pulled him closer once again, the tears streaming down his face as well now. He cared very much for his almost adoptive son, and it pained him horribly to watch him being so broken. "Kaname-kun knew it was risky to leave Yuki, but he did it of his own will. I have known him since childhood, Kaname-kun would never allow anyone to make him do something he didn't wanted to do, especially not when it was about Yuki. Maybe, it was the right choice," Cross said and cuddled Zero even closer.

"What!" Zero shout, jerking away and glaring at the chairman with a mix of pain and murderous rage in his eyes. "The right choice. _The right choice?_ It killed her, how can you even say that it might be the right choice?" Zero shout, feeling like Cross had stabbed him.

Zero threw himself at the back of the bed, tears welling in his eyes and screams escaping his lips. He was only half consciously noticing that Cross ran to the door and called for a nurse to come. He barely felt her presence approach horribly fast even though she was a vampire. He didn't even feel the pain of the little stitch in his arm. His screams turned into sobs. The sleep closed around Zero and pulled him down in the darkness.

Cross looked down at his pale, sleeping face. Very pale. Deathly pale. It felt as if Zero became paler by the hour. He was completely freaked out by the loss of Yuki. It was scary to watch how much he refused to keep living. He didn't eat or drink anything, not even blood even though he at this point surely must be starving. He barely talked, simply sitting in the bed and staring into thin air. It was obvious that Zero had lost the lust to keep on fighting against his vampire instincts and now simply wished for death to claim him as soon as possible.

Maybe it had been too much for him to discover the truth about Yuki. It couldn't be easy for him to accept. Perhaps he felt a little betrayed, even though it wasn't Yuki's fault. She hadn't known until the very last minute about her past, who she was and what she was. She hadn't known that she was a pureblood when she took care of Zero or when she offered him her blood.

Yuki had saved his life many times. Both the times where he would have fallen to Level E if he hadn't sated his burning desire with her blood, but also the times where he was ready to commit suicide to get away from the feeling of blood on his tongue. And perhaps, she'd even saved him one last time by awakening.

From what Cross had heard from Kaname, Zero had been horribly hurt by Rido, so much that he couldn't walk. Maybe, he wouldn't have survived it if he hadn't got Yuki's blood in his body, which transformed into pure vampire blood with her awakening. That could also explain why he could endure for so long without blood.

Anyway, he wouldn't be able to hold out for much longer. Zero was starving himself, just like before his full transformation. If he didn't soon start living again, it would end badly.

Kaname blinked erratically, trying to catch up on the thing he'd just been asked, but it was a losing battle. He had become so much more gone the last 24 hours. He couldn't really recall what Takuma'd just said to him. He needed a break from Ichiou abuse of his neck.

In the last couple of days, ever since he'd given his guardian permission to take his blood, Ichiou had drained Kaname at least twice a day almost to the point of passing out and the pureblood was beginning to wonder whether or not his body could take any more blood draining. Luckily, they were at the end of breakfast, meaning he didn't have to sit through this much longer. There was something strange about the food. It tasted odd, as if there was an aftertaste he couldn't descriptive, something unpleasant. Absentmindedly, he watched his companions eat, while fighting to remember the question.

"Yeah, I mean, it's fine, if you… uhm… uhh… sorry, I'm a little tired," Kaname excused himself. Takuma gave him a pitying look. He knew it was not because the pureblood was tired that he was like this. It was evening, they'd just awoken. The thing was that Ichiou took too much too often and Kaname's body could not support such a loss of blood. Besides, grandfather forced him to meet up at all occasions, all meals and everything that would drain him even further of energy.

"Come Kaname, I want to show you that manga I spoke off," Takuma said, standing up and gesturing for Kaname to follow. It was a completely non-existent manga and Takuma hadn't spoken a word to Kaname about it, but he was ready to lie if it meant that Kaname could be excused from sitting here and pretend to be okay. Inside, Takuma cursed his grandfather to hell for forcing Kaname to go through with this.

Takuma was not blind to the hatred Ichiou showed against Kaname. He had seen most of the insults and the other things Ichiou did against the pureblood now that he had Kaname under his control. It also made him uncertain of each and every of his acts. He knew Ichiou very well could let anything that would irritate him into anger directed at Kaname, even if it had been Takuma who did it.

The young noble knew full well that every day here had been nothing but one, long trial, with beating, scolding and torment. He was also aware that his grandfather meant that Kaname got what he'd deserved, but he couldn't disagree more. Kaname did nothing to offend him, quite the opposite.

Ichiou learned back in his chair, watching as Kaname got up and shot a worried look in his direction. _You're right, Kaname. You know I won't let you._

"Stay," Ichiou simply said, Kaname freezing in the doorway and swallowing. He was not sure what the elder noble wanted but apparently, he didn't want the pureblood to leave his presence ever again. Takuma took him by the hand, but Kaname brushed him off. No matter what, Takuma could do nothing to change the fact that Ichiou had the right to command with Kaname like this. "Come here," Ichiou continued in a disdainful voice, calling Kaname to his side as one might call a dog. Gathering himself, Kaname stepped closer, standing by his side, his lips drawn together into a tight line. Takuma gave his pureblooded friend a nervous gaze but then left. He'd accepted by now that even if it hurt, it was better to let Kaname make such decisions.

Ichiou reached over and caught Kaname's left hand as it rested by his side. The noble's other hand fell around Kaname's elbow, holding his left arm in a tight grip. His fangs grazed the surface of the smooth skin covering the pureblood's main vein. Kaname let him do it without resistance, merely closing his eyes and waiting for Ichiou's fangs to penetrate his skin with as much pain as possible.

However, instead of the already horribly familiar sensation, Ichiou spoke. His mouth was so close that Kaname could feel his hot breath clearly against his hand. "Pull yourself together, Kaname. I don't want Takuma to interfere with my businesses, but he is so loyal to you that he will do anything, even if it means turning against me. So, I want you to stop showing your weakness so obviously. If you cannot or don't want to, then you can spend your time in your room alone," Ichiou threatened, his deathly cold eyes shooting up to Kaname.

Kaname nodded quickly. He was boiling over from anger and tried to conceal it as good as he could. Surely, he already knew that his sanity wouldn't be able to hold out as long as he was supposed to be able to hold out. He was already cracking caused by Ichiou's constant attack of his own private domain, all the insults and all of the threats.

Kaname tried to avoid the worst. He tried so hard to sit still, to not fight Ichiou back. But even as he tried to be still, Kaname was a pureblood and it wasn't in his nature to submit to anyone, especially not one from a lower class. His pureblooded nature revolted harshly against all this, his instincts told him to destroy the person doing this to him.

But he couldn't. He couldn't because that would destroy what little he had left. So therefore, he had to control himself and that was eating him up already. His body couldn't take the blood draining and his mind couldn't take the control. Ichiou controlled Kaname now, it was that simple. But Kaname was not a person who could be controlled and the fact that he had to remain docile and let Ichiou dominate him, pained him.

Kaname had to grit his teeth and wait for Ichiou to be done with his wrist. The elder vampire's fangs moved back and forth inside the wound, coursing the pain to be much more intense than needed. Kaname's other hand fell down, clenching around the back of the chair Ichiou was seated in to support himself. That revealed his left underarm.

Ichiou finished his "meal" and licked some stray drops up afterwards. He immediately noticed the way Kaname was learning against the chair, supporting himself because standing up was hard. Ichiou rose slowly, keeping eye contact with the pureblood's dull, glazed gaze. "Feeling ill?" he asked maliciously, Kaname ignoring his gaze. At this point, Kaname'd figured out that Ichiou loved whenever he could make the pureblood react and he therefore fought to ignore Ichiou's attempts at irritation and humiliation.

Kaname waited for Ichiou to indicate what he was about to do now, but the noble simply stared at the pureblood until it became unpleasant. "No," he said, simply to break the silence, but it sounded awkward. Ichiou looked down at the pureblood's closed face.

Ichiou had already tried out several possibilities to make it even more irritating for the pureblood. If Ichiou had been hard on Kaname when he was a kid, he was twice as hard now. He was after the pureblood all the time, did everything to make him uncomfortable, harassed him and sought him out to take blood twice a day, not because he was thirsty, but because he _could_ and because he enjoyed watching Kaname do what he said. He hit the pureblood all the time, even for the smallest causes and he enjoyed the situation.

Also Kaname had changed over the days and adapted to their new kind of relation. He did everything he possibly could to please the noble. He even tried to guess Ichiou's wishes beforehand, so he could bring it to him faster, but that didn't work at all. On the contrary, Ichiou scolded and hit him for thinking he could predict what the noble wanted.

As soon as he stepped out of his room in the evening, Ichiou was there and he couldn't possibly stay inside his own room all night without cause. The noble was after him all night and he was tired of fighting to please him when he went to bed. But he didn't fail in his decision of being humble and thereby keeping Ichiou away from Cross Academy.

Kaname put up with his guardian's whims, rushed up on his smallest hint, kept his gaze on the ground as much as he was able, such as Ichiou himself had told him to, and made sure to go slowly to make it more comfortable for the noble. Ichiou didn't like it when Kaname ran because he was so fast and therefore almost unstoppable. He liked knowing where he had his ward. Kaname didn't laugh or smile either, although that hadn't so much to do with the fact that Ichiou didn't like it, but simply because he hated his new kind of life. He kept telling himself he just needed to adapt, but it was hard.

Kaname never put himself deliberately up against Ichiou's will, but it was hard. And even when he tried to control his rebellion, tried to convince himself that it was wrong and that it would put Cross Academy in danger, crushed his own insubordination, forced himself to be even more docile, he was clearly feeling how the chains restricted hurtfully.

Besides, there were some points in his personality and spirit, even his body that irritated Ichiou. He was a pureblood, and his body language clearly spoke of his strength and wisdom, something characteristic for the entire pureblooded branch of the vampires. His instinct was to be the top predator and that meant that his entire body was shaped to hunt. It almost irritated Ichiou more than the fact that he was so indifferent about the entire thing.

Kaname did what he was told and he did anything he could to act accordingly, but he didn't show any feeling concerning it. He wasn't afraid of Ichiou, nor was he directly indignant. But Kaname was only subdued in body and actions. He did what he was told, but he didn't care. He simply ignored it.

That was the most frustrating. If he would just react it would be much more enjoyable. Ichiou wanted him to be afraid, to be subdued, wanted to see him force himself to obey. Yes, even disobedience would be better. Then at least, Ichiou had a legitimate reason for all the beatings he gave the pureblood. Ichiou knew he was currently bending Kaname under his will, but he wanted the pureblood to do what he said because of Ichiou, not because of the academy.

He needed Kaname to be afraid of him before he could fully enjoy his new gained power and control over the pureblood. He was waiting for the blood draining, the beatings, the insults and everything else to finally break Kaname's seemingly endless will, but it felt as if it would never happen. He needed to do something else, something that would one time and for all show that impudent boy his place.

"What is it, Kaname? What's the matter?" Ichiou asked in fake gentleness, having easily noticed how pale Kaname's face was. As long as he couldn't break his spirit, at least he could make his life unbearable. The pureblood avoided his gaze effortlessly and concentrated on the floor as he usually did when Ichiou asked him something carefully designed to annoy and humiliate him. With all that staring into the ground, by now he had to know the number of knots in the wooden floor.

Ichiou's fake gentleness switched to cruel malice. "Didn't you have a human girlfriend at Cross Academy? Is it because you miss her? What was her name again? Cross, wasn't it? What happened to her?" Ichiou was normally both stubborn and unpredictable in his cruelty, but there was a special, taunting undertone in his words when speaking about Yuki. He'd rarely done it and normally, he mentioned her as a warning to Kaname about doing what he said or else it would have consequences.

The taunting voice in which Ichiou spoke of her came from the permanent shock of a pureblood actually being interested in a human girl. It was unthinkable and Ichiou would have shrugged it off as being a rumor if he wasn't completely sure about the truth of it. He'd seen how Kaname reacted whenever he spoke of her and, most importantly, he'd seen the change that happened with Kaname after Ichiou found out about her. For half a year, Kaname had been like a different person. He'd not escaped a single time, not even tried, he'd been silent, serious and absolutely devoted to doing whatever would distract Ichiou from his small visits at her house.

To love a human was very low for a vampire, and even the common vampires avoided human and, at best, looked at them like humans look at things in a supermarket, just with the difference of every one of them being alive. And sure, some vampires did know humans, some even befriended them or lived very closely with them as the Night Class had done. But loving them was very rare, even among the lowest levels and for a pureblood, it's was downright blasphemous.

Pure vampire blood was in these days so rare that the only vampires able to have children with purebloods were nobles and, preferably, other purebloods. Even though purebloods were so purified that even having a child with a human would produce a strong blooded noble, the great gift would be gone forever if purebloods didn't intermarry. Their pure blood was too special and powerful to be wasted.

And that exact some powerful blood was now in Ichiou's keeping, on short distance and easily accessible. However, on this subject, the noble had to be careful. When it came to his little human girlfriend, Kaname's mind was like a field filled with landmines.

But this time in particular, it hit a certain, deep, dark spot inside the pureblood. Because this time, there was no longer a girl behind Ichiou's words, a girl Kaname had to protect. He cried inside but forced himself to keep a calm look on his face. The pureblood paused, waiting for his mind to settle so his voice would sound less like he was really crying. His voice had to stop shaking before he would say a thing to Ichiou.

Kaname took a deep breath before turning around and heading for the door with slow, secure steps. "She became a nuisance," he answered coldly. That was harder to say than he would like to admit, but what really hurt was that it was perfectly possible if Yuki had been a human, or even a lower level vampire.

Purebloods were infamous for disposing of their lower level lovers when they grew tired of them. Besides, it was almost legal. It was not something that were looked kindly on, but as long as it was discreet, it was okay for purebloods to create ex-humans or take humans as lovers if it was just to get pleasure, then dispose of them. It was horrible.

At least it was almost legal for vampires. Hunters tried to stop the purebloods' powers and freedoms almost just as much as the Council did. Kaname himself didn't approve of it either, not in the slightest way. It was so wrong to be able to take advantage of ex-humans that way without consequences. Besides, it was a stupid rule to have as there were very few purebloods who would even consider going to bed with an ex-human anyway.

"Oh. I thought you were oh so pacifistic," Ichiou mocked him, without sounding overly surprised. In his world, it was only natural that Kaname was not serious with her. And, after all, people all over the world disappeared every day. One little human didn't make a big difference. The only interesting about her was that Kaname liked her. Or at least, that she at some point had meant something to him.

"She irritated me," Kaname answered blankly, holding the tremors out of his voice with the highest force of will and control over his own body's responses. He was sure that he was going to break if Ichiou asked more questions. It was bad enough that he had to act as if he'd killed her. In a way… he had. After all, he'd abandoned her when she needed his help the most.

"Hmm. You seemed to be… quite fond of her. You even escaped for years simply to see her. What could possibly cause you to change like that?" Ichiou asked maliciously. He saw that Kaname was hesitant and had decided to rip up in it. He didn't doubt that what Kaname said was true, but he enjoyed having the pureblood talking about someone he, at least at some point had, cared for.

Kaname didn't know what to answer, but he knew that he had to deliver the answer fast if Ichiou shouldn't get suspicious. "She… she found another," he said, trying to make it sound like a believable lie. It wasn't a complete lie, Kaname knew she'd had feelings for Zero too, at least as a brother if not more. But had he had half a year more, he could have made her his lover and she would love only him.

Ichiou watched him with judging eyes, obviously settled with the answer. A smug smile slowly spread on his face as he watched Kaname give him a hateful glare for rubbing in it, then disappeared in the doorway. The noble knew he'd touched a nerve, but he'd enjoyed every moment of it. Kaname quite obviously still held feelings for her, but Ichiou believed what Kaname had said because that made sense.

A person with Kaname's status could easily have deal with an unfaithful lover of such low social status, especially low in the vampire world. Ichiou wondered what he'd done with the other guy. It was not unseen for purebloods to like their rage hit somebody who was not at fault, but simply involved, especially when it came to unfaithfulness.

Normally, unfaithfulness among higher level vampires was quite uncommon as most of them had been together for centuries before finally deciding on marrying. But lovers of lower levels were something different. Some purebloods had endless amounts of them, some had only a couple of carefully selected and highly loved. Either way, unfaithfulness was rather common as the problem with such things were that as soon as a pureblood was seen with such a lover, every other pureblood got interested in that person also, because when the first pureblood loved that lover, he or she must be an interesting person. And since lower levels of vampires were unable to disobey a pureblood's wishes, unfaithfulness was a natural follow. With nobles, it worked quite the same way.

Kaname quickly rubbed the tears away to make it seem like they weren't his at all. They kept falling from his eyes rapidly. He had a big, oozing hole in the chest, a hole filled with emptiness and sorrow. He couldn't hold onto anything to make the pain seem less bad. This was hell. To add to all of his misery, he was so lightheaded from loss of blood that he barely could stand. Therefore, he was lying on his bed with the face buried deep down in the pillow.

_Yuki. Why aren't you here? I want you back. At least at that point there was something worth living for._

But that wasn't the entire truth. He still had some things worth living for. Even if all he could live for was to be a sacrifice, he would fulfill that role. Because there were still people out there he cared about. At least, when all hope seemed out like it did now, he could rest assured in the knowledge that Zero was safe and that Cross Academy was too.

Kaname wanted to know what the hunter was doing right now. Probably, he was still in the hospital, but had he gotten any better? Did he still get a lot of visitors? Was he in a good mood? Could he go back to Cross Academy and continue his life? Kaname hoped so. Because it was mainly for Zero he did this, no matter what anyone else would say or mean.


	6. Blood in the Water

**Tears of Blood by Rondomness**

_Once again, slow moving chapter, but it's kind of necessary for the plot to work and for the reader to understand everything and get the full experience. _

_First time in this fic, the last bit is with Zero. I know… he's a minor character, at least compared to Kaname, but it'll change later on, I promise. Both of them are main characters._

_Warnings: Blood-drinking, very hard violence, angst, depression, suicidal character._

**Chapter 6: Blood in the Water**

_I'll do anything for Kaname-sama. Don't touch me. I hate you! Snake .I will… become a vampire. _

Kaname was long gone in his nightmare. Cold sweat was soaking the sheets all the way through and the pureblood twisted and turned. He couldn't sleep calmly, especially not when he was dreaming about Yuki. His drained mind changed the most horrible and the most loveable moments in his life into a frightening dreamscape through which he was walking.

Kaname sobbed in his sleep, only being free enough to show his true emotions when he slept. The overwhelming hopelessness tugged at him and suddenly, even caught in a nightmare, he unconsciously noticed that he'd sobbed out loud and that someone might hear him. The pureblood hadn't much strength left but certainly, he would not give Ichiou that amusement.

The pureblood fought to wake up and when he finally succeeded, it was because he'd kicked the sheet away from himself and the sweat made him cold. He was sore from a recent round with the cane and hadn't slept more than a few hours. To make it worse, he was thirsty but wouldn't be able to get any blood until breakfast. But what else was new? Kaname was always thirsty. Ichiou took way more blood than he allowed Kaname to get and that resulted in the pureblood having too little blood in his body. He received one tablet a day, but was drained twice. In the course of these weeks, his thirst had developed to be a lethargic pain in his throat that dulled his thoughts.

He was growing weaker. At least, the thirst was not so recognizable anymore, except when he fed. Ichiou purposely gave him enough blood to awaken the pain in his throat but not enough to satisfy it. Kaname had a constant, dull pain in his throat and he was pretty light-headed, but he hadn't given up and he wouldn't either.

Standing up and walking over to a mirror to get a clearer picture of how much he'd healed, Kaname found red areas and bluish marks all over the body. It was worst on his underarm, where various round marks indicated that he'd been hit with the cane's head directly, because that was the place that got exposed when he protected his face.

Most of all, it was difficult to control the lust to destroy something, preferably Ichiou. But that was impossible. Even if he could destroy the old noble, the rest of the Council's elite would continue what he'd been doing and destroy Cross Academy as revenge. Besides, Kaname wasn't even sure if he had enough strength to rip someone to pieces right now, although it was enough to destroy furniture and windows. And if he simply tried to control the other vampire and thereby make the pain less bad and the beatings and draining less regular, Ichiou would know he did it. He would feel it. And he would take bloody vengeance afterwards.

The knowledge that Zero was safe made the pain a little easier to bear and over the weeks, it had resulted in a negligible change in Kaname's way of reacting to the horrors, a change Ichiou immediately had noticed. The noble took it as a personal defiance and he was therefore quick to beat Kaname, because he wanted to see the look of fear in the pureblood's eyes, even if it was merely there for a second before Kaname closed off.

Kaname knew he was playing with fire, but his pride was much more present in his mind than his fear. Ichiou hated when Kaname ignored him, and he'd already fought to make the pureblood scared of him, but Kaname refused to be. The noble himself was unpredictable too. One moment, he was mocking and absolutely fake, the next moment he attacked the pureblood with unexpected violence. It was highly restricting chains that kept Kaname from protesting against it.

It had been worsened ever since the truth, a couple of days ago, had settled finally on him in a rush and he realized that no matter what, Yuki would never come back. That had brought him out of balance, but he'd refused to show it and fought down his nausea and grief. Actually, the first day after that realization, Kaname had even missed Ichiou when he came down for breakfast.

Being as isolated in sorrow as Kaname had been, he preferred even the elder noble's harassment against the empty feeling inside that had consumed him. For a few hours, he'd actually enjoyed the attention he got when Ichiou scolded him. The noble didn't just keep an eye on the pureblood normally, he noticed every movement.

However, after a few hours, everything had returned to normal. And Kaname was beginning to wonder if he could really make it through emotionally anyway. He felt like Ichiou would never again be able to unbalance him.

Kaname didn't have to fight with himself to bow to the noble's will anymore. There wasn't even any concealed anger or hatred behind his eyes, because Ichiou was dead to him. He simply didn't care. Ichiou could no longer do anything that would bring the pureblood over the edge, he could hit, which he did often, he could shout and work himself all up over nothing, it didn't matter. Kaname ignored it.

Patiently, he went through with even the most unreasonable commands, and in that way, Kaname was holding Ichiou out of his reactions. Everything he felt was behind the mask of control he'd set up as a wall around himself. Even the noble's greatest rage, which he only held back with an immense force of will that seriously drained him of energy, didn't gave away a reaction at all. And that was the worst thing Kaname could do to his guardian. He drove him mad with rage.

Ichiou needed others responses to feel good. It was essential for him to live. Nothing made him more infuriated than when people ignored him, especially Kaname, whom he saw as some sort of servant of his that should do what he demanded. Deep within, he didn't care if the reaction he got from people around him was positive or negative, but there had to be a response. And he was sure that the pureblood ignorance towards him was because Kaname had lost respect.

That was not far from the truth. Kaname had figured out how long Ichiou's control over him went, but he'd also discovered that he was strong enough himself to keep Ichiou out of things he didn't want the noble to know. And that was the reason for his cold demeanor.

Zero was sitting partly up-right in the bed, listening to Cross who again babbled incomprehensibly. This time, it was about the nurses having to give him injections because he _refused_ to drink any blood or accept any tablets. In Zero's eyes, it didn't make a difference as he got sick of them and threw up afterwards. Of course, he didn't tell the nurses, because that would be like signing a death warrant for himself. That meant that he would have done it if not for the fact that he didn't think they should have such an insight in his life. They were vampires.

At this point, Zero slept most of the time away, feeling that it gave him a bit release from the pain. But his sleep was plagued by horrible nightmares. The few, broken pieces of information he'd gotten on how Yuki died gave him horrible mind images and it happened more than once that he awoke, screaming, from watching Rido drink Yuki dry. A just as regular nightmare was simply remembering the time he'd spent in Rido's basement. Sometimes, he was merely laying, naked, in the dark and knowing that a pair of mismatched eyes was locked upon him.

"I can't stand to watch you be so alone, Zero. I mean, I hoped it would get better, but you simply sit there. You barely eat, you don't talk unless you're asked. Maybe, you need to talk with somebody," Cross suggested vaguely, having given up on making the younger hunter listen to his critics. Zero looked up at him in disgust. At least that was a pure emotion. Those looks were so rare, moments when a little emotion showed in the boy's eyes. When he wasn't… empty. "You mean a psychologist? What am I supposed to say then? That I'm having a depression because my childhood friend got killed by a vampire?" Zero's gaze was clearly mocking.

Cross sighed in irritation. Zero was a big mouthful even in this incomplete state and he deliberately chose to rebel against any indication of pure calm and sense. "If you have to be like that whenever I suggest anything, you might as well return and continue your life without any changes. Because you apparently refuse to even try and go on."

Zero didn't even answer and that irritated Cross even more. But he felt very guilty at the same time from being rude or angry at Zero when he suffered like this. The younger hunter had only had blood through injections in two months and that was just as visible in his face as his cold, calm sorrow. He was pale, a dull red constantly lapping in the corners of his eyes and from time to time, Cross clearly heard his aroused fangs when he talked.

"I didn't mean that," Cross apologized, cupping Zero's chin but he continued ignoring the other. The younger one of them wasn't sure how to feel anymore. He hated himself for being so horribly, unforgivably weak and he was confused, hurt, he didn't understand what had happened.

"How… how was it the first time? This happened to you before, didn't it?" Cross asked, cautious as to how much he overstepped the border by mentioning it. Zero seemed not to notice him at first, ignoring him, but then changed his mind. This was, anyway, something a hunter like Cross already knew.

"I remember… that he smiled. He goddamn smiled while watching over parents die. I remember how much I hated him in that second. Almost as if I'd never been mad at him, and the anger and hatred of an entire lifetime come crushing down on me in that second. All hit me in that moment," Zero mumbled, almost too lowly for Cross to hear him. He simply said something that wasn't included in the official report worked out by the Association after the incident.

The hunter would never forget how lonely he felt when he realized that Ichiru had betrayed them, that he'd led Shizuka to them and that he only wanted to see Zero down and his parents killed. How could he? Didn't he love his parents, just like Zero did? Didn't he know they loved him in return?

Taking a deep breath, Zero continued in a higher voice. "I got my revenge on him. Although a small, minimal revenge, it was revenge." Cross looked at him in confusion and begged him to continue. "I didn't stop him, didn't even try. I didn't try to stop him when he left me and our parents in a pool of blood on the floor. I hated him too much to care, and actually that was revenge. Because Ichiru had hoped that I loved him still, at least enough to let myself be fooled and to beg Shizuka to spare him. I was completely uncaring. I think I died on that day. At least a part of me perished along with my parents and my love for Ichiru."

"I think she has pretty hair. I like her hair." Takuma sounded like a schoolgirl in love. He actually liked her very much and that kind of struck Kaname, who hadn't really realized how addicted Takuma had become to that girl. "Don't you like her, Kaname?" Takuma asked in his usual, carefree voice.

"No. I don't," Kaname answered and Takuma looked stunned at him. As if he couldn't really understand how anyone could dislike her. That seemed to be his thought because he instantly asked, "What's not to like?" Kaname looked up at his fiend with a tired glimpse in his eyes.

"I don't know. She just… I don't know." Kaname had no infinite meaning about Shirabuki Sara besides a dislike he couldn't actually describe. It was just her way of being that made him be on high alert.

"Kaname?" Takuma asked and learned closer, in the hopes that his grandfather wouldn't be able to hear them. "Are you bad again?" Kaname shook his head quickly. _I don't want Takuma to interfere. If you cannot or don't want to, then you can spend your time in your room alone._ He knew Ichiou meant what he'd said and also was highly aware that the old noble followed their conversation although Takuma seemed unaware of that since he'd brought up the subject although he knew Kaname perhaps would be scolded.

Ichiou had watched the two boys the entire time from another chair in the living room, while he presumably read a newspaper. He "presumably" read a lot of things lately simply to keep his look over Kaname at all times.

The longer time that went with their relation being settled again after the first week of turmoil, the more Kaname had stopped fighting inevitability. He didn't protest, try to avoid it or even said stop despite being partly unconscious. And that irritated the noble endlessly. Ichiou had already tried out different options and punishments, he'd hit the pureblood with his cane until he began to bleed, whipped him, drained him until he passed out, none of it worked.

Being a pureblood meant that Kaname was different, very different. There was a security and gracefulness over anything he did that lower classes of vampires did not possess. He had all of his body's muscles under harsh control, incredibly fast reflexes and a gaze which saw everything, although a shadow fell over his eyes whenever Ichiou approached.

But even though that happened, it was as if Kaname didn't really notice Ichiou any longer. He was up the second Ichiou came with a command, but without fear, even as he still hit the pureblood. His confidence and peace was unexplainable to Ichiou, although it was not less recognizable than Kaname's direct resistance when he was younger. Kaname simply refused to let it get to him.

It was almost as if he was condescending himself to obey the noble, it was as if he was above Ichiou and looked down on him. For Ichiou, it was unacceptable. He watched Kaname, tried to find a way to make him scared. He tried to find something he could punish the pureblood for, but without success. Kaname behaved splendid, with the exception of him being too drained to concentrate.

Ichiou had no idea how Kaname did it, but each time he tried to make it clear who was in charge, the pureblood made him feel inferior. It made him frustrated and angry, but the more he afflicted Kaname, the less control he actually held over him, and he hated the pureblood for that. His hatred was getting more intense with every day he had Kaname in the house.

But he promised himself that at some point, he would find a way to break Kaname's will. The pureblood would pay for all the wounds he left on Ichiou's self-esteem. At some point, he would regret this, Ichiou just had to figure out how to make him. He would teach that boy to be submissive, obedient and humble.

Ruka lifted her schoolbook in a threatening pose towards the closest Day Class girls, which backed a little off under the threat of getting a hard book in the head. She was growing tired of all these desperate days when the entire Night Class had to fight and shout to get through to their classes. And it wasn't just the removal of Kiryuu that affected them to even greater attack on both boys and girls of the class. Kaname seemed to have a calming effect on them, perhaps because they admired him even more than the others or perhaps, more likely, because he had a scary aura even on humans.

Akatsuki appeared behind her and took the book out of her hand, with an apologizing look to the girls. Ruka had got so much more nerve since Kaname gracefully had stepped out of their lives. Creating such a mess, it probably amused him. Aidou too, seemed like a different person. He didn't talk as much as he used too and laughed rarely.

However, all of them felt bad for Rima the most. She had first lost Shiki, now also Takuma. Who had she left? It was only righteous that she, at least at some points, blamed Kaname for what had happened.

Kaname was sitting on his bed now, deeply depressed. He couldn't forget the horrible nightmare about Yuki and it reopened his wounds, making him feel even more miserable. It was about midnight, meaning he had gotten his tablet-of-the-day injection but it was far from enough to satisfy him. The thirst thumped in his throat, lips, veins, everything.

He wasn't really paying attention to his surroundings and hadn't noticed that Ichiou had let himself into the pureblood's room, too lost in his own speculations and sorrow to hear anything. "Av!" he immediately responded when a knotted fist hammered into his chin. For a second of stunned silence, Ichiou merely glared at him. A young pureblood, such as Kaname, didn't cry out just because he got a slap across the face.

Purebloods were supposed to be similar to living gods, beautiful, perfect, flawless. They were not to show emotion, nor fear or sorrow to anyone, perhaps with the exception of their most beloved person. It was deeply degrading for a pureblood to be forced into showing emotion.

Kaname turned around to face him, his cheeks colored reddish, partly because of the slap, partly of his confusion and humiliation. "You're so lazy. I told you to take off your shirt, but you overheard it. Why is it that I have to tell you everything twice?" Now, it was the anger coloring his cheeks. He felt that he had humiliated himself by crying out and he was enraged by the fact that it was Ichiou who had wrenched such a response from him.

He rose, but didn't hurry as he normally did when Ichiou ordered him to do something. Kaname rose slowly and challenging and sent Ichiou a cold, hateful glare, before beginning to unbutton his shirt. The old noble exploded of anger. How dared that little brat behave so shamelessly?

What was it that gave Kaname the right to act like that in front of the noble? Hadn't he promised himself to Ichiou? Wasn't it his simple duty to obey him? Ichiou shouldn't put up with such a lack of respect. His disdainfulness had gone too far, Ichiou wouldn't let him do this. Kaname had to do what he said!

Ichiou quickly took the two steps separating them and backhanded Kaname so roughly that he fell down on the bed. "You will do as I tell you, when I tell you and I will beat you, whenever I feel like it and as rough, as I want to." Ichiou backhanded the boy harshly with each word.

Kaname's arms flew up in defense of himself by pure reflex, a reflex he'd developed over these weeks to protect the places it hurt the most, like his face. His underarms were at this point so sore that forcing them to remain over his head and take the worst blows was a massive force of will. Kaname curled together on the side of the bed, fighting to make himself as small as possible so it would be harder for Ichiou to hit him somewhere it really hurt.

Inside, the pureblood noted that he'd seriously overstepped the line by glaring that way, but he actually didn't care. At least, he _told_ himself that he didn't care. That was part of the walls he'd build around himself to hold Ichiou out and to still his own emotions. He was fooling himself just as much as he was fooling the elder noble.

He told himself it didn't matter that Ichiou had begun hitting him with canes and what else was at hand. He told himself it didn't matter that he wanted to give up. He almost told himself it didn't hurt. But that was impossible to believe.

Ichiou gripped the pureblood's arm and threw him down to reveal his stomach and chest, before his fists rained down over the newly free place. Kaname rolled onto his stomach to protect himself, revealing only his back. That was also a hurting spot, but it was better than his stomach.

Kaname tried to curl together and become a small, hard ball on the bed, but Ichiou wouldn't let him and hit him again various times until he gave up and stayed silent and calm until Ichiou stopped. By that time, reddish marks from the first blows were beginning to get visible.

"That was plain stupid, Kaname," Ichiou commented with irritation. He would have been thoroughly satisfied with beating the pureblood, if he wasn't too stubborn to say a thing. Besides, he was even becoming more and more disobedient and rebellious. It was annoying as hell that the first reaction he'd managed to get from Kaname in over a week was a deathly glare, which the pureblood even got away with by keeping silent.

Ichiou was becoming kind of impatient and very, very irritated. Despite having endless horizons of experiencing with Kaname's mind of steel, the noble wanted to see him be afraid and he was running out of patience. The worst part was that the pureblood was completely aware of this and used it to irritate Ichiou.

But what more could he expect? Kaname was a pureblood, and like all purebloods, he was an arrogant being, who did everything he possibly could to irritate and provoke those in his presence. In Ichiou's opinion, Kaname was an animal who needed a leash to work properly.

Kaname was looking away now, a hand pressing against his lip to stop a small flow of blood. He didn't answer, simply ignoring the others presence and pretend to have failed in hearing him spike aloud. _I'm tired. I'm tired of it all. But I will not break. Rather die than break._

Zero hadn't put much thought in the day after tomorrow. He had no idea what he wanted to do after he got written out from the hospital. Or, perhaps… he'd known for a long time. From the moment the truth of Yuki hit him. He refused to live without her.

Chairman Cross and Yagari were visiting at the same time. Yagari was learning against the window frame, his eyes looking at Zero. Cross sat on the bedside, holding Zero's hand. The hunter's own eyes were dull and glazed, he had a sad look over his features.

"The doctors think, it is time for you to come home," Yagari started, looking for a reaction from the boy, but finding none. That wasn't wildly unusual and the more experienced hunter didn't feel like pressing a response out of his younger acquaintance. "Home?" Zero asked, saddened. "I have no home anymore." It was just melodramatic. Zero didn't feel like he could return to his old home anymore. Somehow he was too dirty and tainted to ever show his face there again.

Yagari sighed and went to the bedside. "Don't be silly, kid. Of course you have a home." Zero's gaze went to his teacher's determined face and he sank back against the pillows. The tears stitched like warm needles behind his eyes.

How could he ever return to Cross Academy and even begin studying again when Yuki no longer was around? It would be like fooling himself to think she wasn't dead and that it wasn't his fault. He turned his face away to avoid looking on any of the other men. Cross lightly squeezed his hand, a loving smile forming on his lips. "Please, Kiryuu," he whispered softly, his voice trembling. "Come home."


	7. Sick with Shame

**Tears of Blood by Rondomness**

_As I've thankfully never went through what Kaname does here, and because I'm a girl, I of course am unable to fully picture what it must feel like, but I've tried to read as much about the subject as possible, hope I succeed in making it believable._

_Warnings: Abuse, non-con, pedophilia, angst, suicidal character._

**Chapter 7: Sick with Shame**

Returning to Cross Academy was harder than Zero had imagined. When they'd approached in the car, some Day Class students were on their way to their dorm, the Night Class on their way to classes. Everything seemed so normal. Something'd turned in Zero's stomach and for a second, he had been sure that he was about to throw up. When the car stopped, he had ripped the door open and he'd run to the chairman's quarters, completely uncaring of the pain when he moved.

Zero had refused to leave the chairman's office afterwards. He didn't want to attend class nor being a prefect in the evening. He was just sitting in an old armchair and staring down in the ground, completely consumed by his own sorrow.

Cross had tried to make him do something after watching him stay silent for about three hours. "Don't you want to come and help me with keeping the Night and Day Class separated?" he asked, but Zero didn't respond and just stayed in the armchair, not saying a word.

From time to time, he'd looked at Yagari, who desperately tried to create order in chaos. When Cross had given himself the task of watching over the Night Class, Yagari had accepted to make sure that the Council and Association stayed out of the whole matter, but he was slowly regretting. The chairman's office was horribly messed up and Yagari had difficulties finding the right contracts and licenses. Papers, notes and archive cards were all over the place and even telephone numbers were located in wildly different places. Yagari, being effective and practical, had apparently rather quickly found a way to categorize everything. He made the paper work, but stubbornly refused to have anything to do with the Night Class. Cross often remarked with a bit of reproach how he was the only one who made sure that the Night Class received proper education, a remark which got ignored from both Yagari and Zero.

From time to time, Zero'd noticed the slightly angered looks his teacher sent him and quickly looked away. He knew Yagari meant that he too should help them with avoiding a rather unpleasant situation between the hunters and the vampires because of Rido's death, but he couldn't. He couldn't possibly go outside and pretend that nothing had happened.

"Zero," Yagari said, breaking into his line of thoughts. Thoughts that led to nowhere, simply circling until he stopped them himself because such things only made him sad. "Mind going out to hear about the Day Class having a substitute teacher? Cross should know. I can't leave the phone, I'm expecting a call."

Zero slowly shook his head. "Oh, come on, Zero," Yagari said, irritated. He was just as angry and worried as Cross was, but he didn't possess the elder hunter's calm attitude. "It's a very important call." Zero remained where he was. His nails dug into the hands, but the hunter barely noticed the pain. "I'm not going out there," he said coldly.

"Oh, for God's sake," Yagari exclaimed, throwing on a pair of shoes and rushing out the door to Zero's left. The younger hunter felt a cut of guilt. He knew it was childish and egocentric to refuse to help them out, but he couldn't accept that they simply concentrated on getting the place to run again when Yuki wasn't there anymore.

A couple of moments later, the phone started ringing. Zero simply stared at it, wanting to take it and end the shrill sound cutting through the deadly silence of the office, but it felt as if his legs were frozen to the ground. He let it ring and ring.

Suddenly, Yagari smashed the door open and grasped the phone. "Hey? Yeah it's me," he said breathlessly, having run over the entire lawn to reach back in time. His cheeks were partly red from the exertion. Zero watched unmoved the rest of the conversation from his chair, from time to time looking out the window at the leaves flying by.

When the conversation was over, Yagari hesitated with the handset before smashing it down. He turned around to face Zero with an enraged expression. "Why didn't you take it?" he raged, his eyes blazing with the force he knew hit a certain spot in Zero. The younger hunter moved around uncomfortably in the chair and looked away guiltily, but didn't answer.

Cross luckily interrupted Yagari in his reprimand, but quickly picked up on the tense situation. "Uhm… What happened?" Cross asked, cutting straight to the point. He was not a discreet man at all. Neither Yagari nor Zero answered but the elder kept staring at his student with a frustrated look.

Cross sighed, he was frustrated too. Zero's silent depression was as heavy as deadweight on all of them. Yagari held his gaze on the younger hunter for a moment more before looking away with a resigned sigh and Zero felt tears press behind the eyes. He didn't want master to hate him and be so disappointed but he couldn't change how he felt.

He was disappointed too. How could the both of them just continue as if nothing had happened? Slowly, he slumped down from the chair and onto the floor, where he partly curled up. What was wrong with them? Yuki was gone. Was he the only person who thought about that?

Cross learned down and picked him up, letting him down in the chair again, because he wasn't sure Zero's legs would be able to support him at the moment. He was deeply worried and, similarly to Yagari, thought that Zero isolated himself way too much, refused to keep on living, but he didn't agree in the way Yagari treated him. In his opinion, the top hunter's way of reacting to Zero's depression only made it worse.

Cross had already tried to talk with Yagari about it, but the other hunter refused to say anything and his only slightly covered rage directed at Zero was hard to handle. In lack of anything better to do, Cross left the room.

Takuma didn't know what to say. He couldn't understand why his world had changed so drastically, or perhaps, he didn't want to understand. His hand slowly caressed the brown-haired pureblood's head. Kaname was lying under nothing more than a sheet and the window was open even though the air was chilly this late on a fall night.

Takuma kept petting his hair gently, even though Kaname had told him to stop many times already. Told him to leave the pureblood alone. But Takuma couldn't do that, not when Kaname's body every once in a while shook in exertion from the fever which turned into small flows of sweat.

Kaname tried to suppress the shivers when they touched him but it was close to impossible and when Takuma touched his hair, Kaname knew he couldn't fail to notice it. It was horribly humiliating but it would be okay if it was just Takuma.

Besides, he couldn't understand why he had a fever in the first place. Vampires, especially purebloods, didn't get fevers or other illnesses unless they were badly injured or suffered under the effects of contact with hunter weapons or hunter poison. Kaname wondered if it perhaps was because he was so drained that his body reacted this way, but found it strange nonetheless.

He'd been like this since breakfast, but when he thought about it, he hadn't felt too good in a couple of days. He couldn't understand the reason behind it and had gone to Takuma to try and get him to come up with a useable explanation. But, as he should have known, Takuma completely freaked out and demanded that he stayed in bed until he felt better.

That was a serious problem. Because not only did he lay here all night, Takuma also stayed by the pureblood's side and there was no way Ichiou would fail to notice both of their absences. Takuma knowing was okay, but Kaname couldn't accept that he had to be put through the humiliation that Ichiou should find out the pureblood reacted to his treatment like this.

Kaname was completely light-headed and knew he couldn't get up now and pretend that nothing was wrong, even though he wanted to. He knew that as soon as Takuma left, Ichiou would stand in the door, and that was the only reason he didn't protest when Takuma insisted on staying with him.

Zero lay still on the bed, eyes closed as if he could force the pictures away. The hunger was gnawing at him again and he couldn't get certain images out of his mind. Yuki, lying in a cold alley, drained of blood and deathly pale, covered in soft, white snow.

Cross had left a small pack of blood tablets by the bedside and it was only a will to stop living as hard as iron that kept Zero from downing all of them in a rush and satisfy his burning need of blood. The truly horrific thing was that he could feel himself becoming weaker and losing his grip on his self-control. He feared that he would break before his body did.

"Wait, Kaname," Ichiou said, when the pureblood was halfway through the door. Kaname didn't feel like staying any longer, he was tired, irritated and even though the fever had gone down by now, he didn't feel well.

"What?" he asked, nearing the noble again because he knew it would irritate Ichiou if he simply did what he wanted him to do without emotion. It did. Ichiou clearly reacted to Kaname's indifference, but nonetheless waved him closer until he practically could touch Ichiou if he raised his hand.

Ichiou got up and stared into Kaname's eyes for as long time as he could possibly do without it being too awkward. "How do you feel?" he suddenly asked, something he hadn't done in a few weeks. Kaname knew that Ichiou probably referred to his slight fever earlier, but he also quickly noted that he'd figured it out by himself because there was no way he could have asked Takuma about it. Takuma would never have said it and he'd stayed by Kaname's side all night until dinner, where they arrived at the same time.

"You're sick, right?" he asked next, sounding more like pointing out the obvious than asking a question. Kaname quickly shook his head, refusing to give his guardian the satisfaction of a weak response. "Not anymore, then?" Ichiou continued prying. "You've recovered since breakfast?" Kaname looked unknowingly at him.

"What?" he asked again, realizing he didn't sound too intelligent and kicking himself inwardly for that mistake. But it didn't seem like Ichiou had noticed. He stared unknowingly at the pureblood. "Don't you know?" he asked as if it surprised him beyond all limits.

"What?" Kaname repeated, not knowing what it was that he'd recovered from and that he was supposed to know. The truth hit Kaname like a semi-truck. Something he'd recovered from and that he was supposed to know about.

That old bastard drugged him. That was how he'd got that fever.

Kaname felt stupid for not recognizing the symptoms of hunter drugs, but he'd been thinking that he would have felt it if he was drugged. Ichiou clearly thought so too. Why hadn't he then? Had he been drained so much already? Kaname couldn't let Ichiou know that he was this weak. No one could know.

"That you've drugged me is obvious enough. What else?" Kaname said, trying to not sound like a complete idiot. He didn't understand how something like this could even happen. How was it possible that he hadn't noticed?

One thing he knew though. If Ichiou gave him drugs to keep him subdued, he would use anything to hold him down.

Zero had stayed in his room all day long and finally decided to get to the chairman's office in the evening. When he entered, the conversation between Cross and Yagari died out in an instant. Zero felt quite uncomfortable, but nonetheless walked over and sat down in a chair.

"Hey," Cross said with a smile and stood up from his position behind the office table. "How do you feel?" he asked slowly, clearly feeling the tenseness between master and student when Zero looked down in the ground the moment Yagari's eyes turned to him. Deep silence followed.

Cross and Yagari looked to each other with a resigned gaze. "Look, Zero. Me and Yagari reasoned, that it's about time that you start letting go of the past so you can have a future," Cross said, trying to sound very calm and kind. Zero could feel how much his words drained him of power.

Yagari snorted in irritation and turned around, picking up a huge book from one of the tables nearby and placing it on the desk, quickly browsing through the pages. A stack of papers also got browsed through, while Cross waited for Zero's reaction. Sorting the papers in different piles, Yagari seemed very irritated as he smacked the papers down in the table and from time to time casted a glance in Zero's direction. The younger hunter didn't know what to say, he knew Cross waited for a response but he didn't want to hurt him by saying what he really meant about it. _I'm not counting on getting a future._

Instead, Zero's gaze wandered to Cross face with an apologizing look. He didn't know how to say what he intended to do, but it wasn't entirely fair to Cross. He ought to know. Zero could see the grey rings of exhaustion under the elder hunter's eyes.

After a few moments, Yagari sighed again. "This is impossible. How should I ever be able to figure out who we need to give money to? There is no system in this, you have to help me!" Cross broke off eye contact with Zero and instead turned to Yagari.

"I beg they're on the other desk… or perhaps under it," Cross admitted with a proper amount of shame in his voice. Yagari looked up at him in disbelief but nevertheless started looking under the desk, before pulling out a huge amount of papers. "What?" he said uncomprehendingly, looking up at Cross in irritation. "Look at these! They're overrun with coffee stains."

"Uhm, and?" Cross asked. Yagari looked shocked at him again, and even Zero looked skeptically at the stack of papers in Yagari's hand. "And," Yagari echoed. "Why didn't you tell me about these papers beforehand? I've been searching for them for a couple of days already."

"Yuki used to handle all the cleaning here before," Cross excused himself. "I didn't know they were there."

Zero jumped up from the chair when he heard it. "What? You better start cleaning your own office yourself because Yuki's dead," he screamed, so highly that both men got a small shock and turned to look at him. It was long ago that he'd said anything on his own accord, but he was enraged. The emotions welled up inside of him. Anger, pain and sorrow exploded inside of him.

"Yuki is dead! Don't you understand? She's dead and the only thing the two of you care about is all that ridiculous paperwork and getting this place running again! You don't care… do you? You never cared!" The words escaped Zero without his knowledge. He didn't want it to sound like that, but he wanted them to understand the message of how he felt.

Cross turned away from him to hide his face, which had gotten as grey as ash, but Yagari threw the papers down and smashed his fist into the desk. "How can you say something like that? Have you any idea how hard everything is for us? You are so egoistic, Zero!" Every of his enclosed feelings got out now. Yagari hardly ever lost his temper to this point but he was enraged, frustrated and hurt all at once. Not so much for himself, because he hadn't known Yuki that well, but for Cross, and he was immensely shocked that Zero could ever say something to the man who saw himself as the girl's dad.

Zero tried to interrupt, but Yagari didn't let him. "Yes you are!" he shout. "You don't think about me, or the academy, not even Cross. The only person you can think of is poor Kiryuu Zero. And the only thing you do is to lock the door and feel sorry for yourself. But that doesn't bring Yuki back and I will tell you one thing! With the knowledge I had to Yuki before she turned, I can tell you that if she was the one to live and you had died, she would help with getting this place to run around again! You say we don't care! Try to look at yourself, Zero! Just try to look at yourself!"

For a moment, they simply stared at each other while Zero felt the blood leave his face. Suddenly, Yagari weren't looking angry anymore, but shocked. "Zero!" he exclaimed and quickly stepped over to the boy. "I didn't mean..."

"Leave me alone!" Zero hissed and pulled away from him, running out the door as he felt the first tears roll down his face. He heard Yagari behind him and sped up even though his world was obscured from tears. "Try to understand, Zero!" Yagari shout after him and he heard Cross in the hallway too.

"No, you try to understand! Leave me alone!" he shout and after that, the hallway was silent.

Zero threw himself at his bed and let the sorrow fly freely. Yagari knocked on the door a little later, and afterwards, Cross did, but Zero wouldn't let any of them in. _Oh, Yuki. Yuki! Why aren't you here anymore?_

Ichiou was rather pissed off that Kaname had locked himself in his room the entire day, but he was pleased at the same time as he knew that it was because he was affected by the drugs he received through the blood tablets. So, when a servant came to inform him that Kaname had opened the door and asked for them to bring a glass of water and some tablets, Ichiou wanted to meet him. He quickly dismissed the servant and demanded that Kaname didn't get any blood.

Ichiou came into the small room, immediately drawing Kaname's attention, the pureblood had known that Ichiou would come and he closed off completely as he glared back at the man. Ichiou told him to sit on the edge of the bed and walked to stand in front of him. He had intended to drain Kaname, but when the pureblood looked up at him, his gaze didn't show any insubordination or any other reaction and it irritated him to no end. He wished that there was something he could do that would give away a reaction.

Ichiou looked at their surroundings before his gaze went down to the pureblood, sitting on the bed and looking at him with ignorance. It seemed like there was nothing that was able to break the boy's façade. But maybe, there was one thing he hadn't done yet.

"Take off your shirt, Kaname," he said, watching as the boy did it. It wasn't unusual that Kaname was ordered to take it off, giving Ichiou better access to his neck or his bag, if he wanted to whip the pureblood. But Kaname didn't like the possessive look in the noble's eyes as he saw Kaname's skin become visibly.

"Take off your pants." The pureblood's eyes snapped open. This, he hadn't expected and it pushed him out of his comfort zone. Ichiou noticed that Kaname got surprised, he had responded and that was the stimulation he needed. "Take off your pants, Kaname," he repeated, giving him an impatient nod.

"I don't want to," he whispered. This was bringing too many unpleasant memories to the surface of his mind, reminding him of horrors he didn't want to be reminded of. Kaname had expected the blow and didn't even flinch when his head was violently smashed to the side. "I said, take them off," Ichiou hissed, sadistically enjoying Kaname's defiance.

Kaname knew he couldn't prevent anything and that he would inevitably end up taking off his pants, but he couldn't make himself do that. It showed in his expression and Ichiou enjoyed it. He was glad that he'd gotten that idea. He had broken in through Kaname's carefully crafted façade. It agitated him to see the pureblood, so normally closed off, stand there looking deeply flustered and horrified, and it aroused him.

Kaname slowly took off his pants and waited for Ichiou's next move. "Lay down on the bed." He slowly did it, biting his lower lip. Ichiou laid down over him and the scent of the old man hit Kaname. He breathed so heavily, Kaname could feel his lust and arousal. The noble took down his pants, just a little. He laid an arm briefly around Kaname, holding the pureblood against himself, as his lust became unbearable.

When Kaname could feel him so close, something inside him happened. He understood what the old man wanted to do, he had been through it before, but this time he resisted. He didn't ever want to experience what he had been put through as a child again.

He couldn't do it. He just couldn't do it. Nothing mattered any more. It didn't matter what Ichiou would do to punish him, it didn't matter that there probably was no avoiding it, it didn't even matter that Zero might get hurt instead. He turned on the bed and desperately struggled to pull away.

However, Kaname was so drugged and drained that Ichiou easily caught him, pinned him on the bed and laid over him, as the noble hit him in the face with a fist so Kaname's lip began to bleed violently. Ichiou was beginning to enjoy this.

Kaname panicked. He tried to get up and Ichiou hit him again. Suddenly, Ichiou got a reaction from the pureblood, one he had never expected and it stimulated his lust after the boy. Purebloods were exceptionally beautiful, the Kuran heir even more so than the average pureblood. Ichiou hit him again and again, and he was utterly satisfied when he saw the drained pureblood desperately try to protect himself when he realized that Ichiou was going to hit him again.

Kaname's head spun, the blood ran slowly down over his face from his nose and mouth. He once again fought to get up, but Ichiou held him down. He tried to fight back, his bruised arms knotted into half fists and he hit Ichiou in the chest. But the pureblood was too weak, too drained and it made no impression, Ichiou's body was as hard as stone.

Kaname's resistance aroused the noble even more. He had never been so stimulated, violence increased his passion and his lust, and he laid even more power into the blows. He enjoyed the pureblood's resistance and hit him again various times.

Kaname was almost unconscious, when Ichiou threw him on the stomach and spread his legs. He was too weak to resist any more. Ichiou had only unzipped, Kaname was completely naked and the pureblood tried to gather himself just a little. He didn't get time for that.

Ichiou penetrated him roughly, mercilessly and a strangled cry escaped Kaname's lips. As it had happened before, the pain brought up Kaname's powers from the murky deeps of drugs, hunter cuffs or what else was affecting them and threatened to overpower him completely and escape out in the room, but this time, Kaname was older, more experienced and he had a reason for not wanting to harm Ichiou, thus making him capable of drowning his primal instincts, even in this blind pain. Ichiou could immediately feel that Kaname definitely wasn't a virgin, but how that had happened, he had no idea. It didn't matter however, all that mattered was to show Kaname that Ichiou could have absolutely everything from him.

With a hard thrust, Ichiou got completely inside, forcing the young boy to take everything of him in. Kaname let out a pained scream. How could this, something so simple, hurt this much? It hurt, oh God it hurt so badly. And almost as bad as the physical hurt, was the knowledge that that despicable, old man was now inside him. Kaname had never been raped, not really at least, and when Ichiou started moving, it sent huge jolts of agony through his entire body. It was like being captured by waves, just with the difference that each wave was pure, unbridled pain.

Kaname's scream just made Ichiou's lust even bigger, more uncontrollable. He thrust in again, and again he got a painful scream out of the pureblood. He pulled out to thrust in again, back and forth, again and again. Ichiou's intense arousal made him go on and quickly, he reached high up in his lust and passion. A moment later, he laid all his power into the last thrust, wrenching a scream off Kaname's lips, before he climaxed inside Kaname's body and released all the heat he'd built up.

Ichiou fell down on the pureblood after his deeply satisfying climax, and then he pulled, still heavily breathing, out of the boy. Kaname desperately fought down his tears, his sobs and just concentrated on not throwing up. His thighs were red of blood and it hurt deep inside him.

Ichiou stood up, zipped up his pants and looked down on Kaname. He felt wonderful. He'd never enjoyed sex as much as today. It didn't matter that Kaname was a boy, the act itself wasn't what he enjoyed the most. It was the ultimate feeling of domination, of ownership over the pureblood that he enjoyed, the feeling of how Kaname trembled, how afraid he became and the sound of his screams.

He gave the still trembling pureblood on the bed one last look, before he turned around and walked out the door.


	8. Silver and Silent

**Tears of Blood by Rondomness**

_Chapter 8... Of course, the thing about Ichiou in the beginning is made up, but…. Not completely impossible xD_

_I've opened a new tumblr account: www . rondomness . tumblr . com_

_Just remove the spaces xD I'll post updates on my fanfictions, new chapters, myself and of course VK in general over there, so… Would be nice to hear your opinion :D_

_The chapter title is from the song Silver and Cold by AFI._

_Also, sorry for the abrupt ending on this chapter, but it was necessary. _

_Warnings: Angst, non-con, suicidal character, pedophilia._

**Chapter 8: Silver and Silent**

Kaname stayed with his head buried in the sheets long after Ichiou left. At last he sat up, felt that his mouth was swollen and saw the blood on his fingers. It hurt everywhere, both inside and outside. He observed that he had blood between his thighs and the sheets were socked through. Ichiou had really hurt him, it felt like he had been beaten up inside as well.

He stood up slowly and walked to the bathroom. It pushed him to the limits, every step hurt badly and even though Kaname took a bath, it didn't help on the pounding, painful feeling or cleared his thoughts. Why had Ichiou wanted that? He only thought that it was Rido, who could want such a terrible thing.

The walls of the Ichijo Estate were almost soundproof and there was no chance that any other residents had heard them. But Kaname's pureblooded hearing made sounds from nearby rooms audible. Therefore, he had known that Ichiou sometimes had "special visits", but he'd never imagined that the noble ever would force Kaname to something like that. He had thought that the old man got enough since these special guests arrived many times and it was rare that there was more than a week between them.

Suddenly, Kaname got really afraid. No! What if Ichiou made him do it again? If he wanted it, Kaname couldn't deny him that enjoyment, and Kaname couldn't leave either, Ichiou would just hurt Zero to make the pureblood obey. Kaname had to stay, whether he wanted to or not, had to protect Zero with his own body.

When he'd calmed down, he got filled with some self-blame. Maybe, he should have predicted this. Wasn't like Ichiou never had shown any sexual interest in the pureblood, although he hadn't been putting that much into it, simply thought it was about domination. When Kaname had reached puberty, there had been a few years with some small incidents, horrible incidents nonetheless. At one point, he'd been forced to pleasure the noble sexually, that was the worst thing Ichiou had ever done to Kaname, before this.

It really hadn't been so much. From time to time, Ichiou had tried to get a reaction from Kaname by mauling him, while touching him in intimate spots. When Kaname found out that Ichiou loved his gasps and other reactions, he'd forced himself to remain still and Ichiou had lost interest.

Because of the drugs, the wounds took their own sweet time to heal and they weren't fully healed when it was time for dinner. Kaname had to force himself to attend and he limped down the hall, feeling how it hurt every time he moved.

Takuma had been quite worried for Kaname since he had smelled the pureblood's blood some hours before. He was really relieved when he saw Kaname come down the hallway. The noble started complaining to the pureblood since he had made him worried, but he swallowed his words before they came out.

"Kaname! You're hurt! What happened?" Takuma asked, worry clearly visible in his green eyes. Even though he knew that things here easily could get very rough, it was still shocking for him to see Kaname looking so damaged. "Ichiou has beaten me," Kaname answered and looked at the noble, sluggishly. There was no life in the pureblood's eyes. "But why?" Takuma didn't understand how his grandfather could make himself do something like that. It was against the law of both vampires and humans, and besides, Kaname technically still were Ichiou's ward, making him a so-called _person in need of another person,_ and that meant that it was strictly prohibited for the other person to abuse his authority. "Because I didn't obey," was the sad, almost uncaring answer. Kaname sat down by the table and stared out in the air.

Takuma quickly looked around the table, observing both his friend and his grandfather. He saw that against all politeness, Ichiou was glaring across the table at Kaname, and he had a satisfied smile on his lips. Kaname's still slightly swollen face and depression, made Takuma's grandfather look at him with an arrogant and condescending gaze. He had watched the pureblood's every move since his arrival.

Takuma knew that his grandfather's hatred had increased over the years, mostly because Kaname now was in a powerful position, but something had happened, something that gave Ichiou the feeling that he had suppressed Kaname, one time and for all. But even though Takuma always had been a bright child, he couldn't figure out why it was so.

Zero tossed on the bed, desperate to find a place to stay. Again and again he heard Yuki say _'I said I would give him anything if he would just help you'._ Again and again he saw her fire the gun up in the air and disappear around the corner of the door. That was the last time he'd ever seen her and it kept coming back to mock him with the many things he could have done differently.

Again and again he heard her whisper _'Zero, please help me. Why didn't you help me, Zero?'_ It was driving him mad night by night.

The light of dawn had just settled upon Cross Academy when Zero woke up. He'd slept badly and his eyes and face hurt and felt stretched from all the tears, including those he'd cried while he slept. He stood up and looked out the window. Breathing deeply a few times, he got calmer but the room was so silent, it was unsettling. He waited for the nausea of his nightmare to disappear.

Everything was quiet. He felt empty inside and he knew that that emptiness never would go away, because no one could possibly ever fill out the hole Yuki had left. His life would be empty and sad as long as it took. Nobody understood him anymore. He was so alone. Nobody knew how he felt, with the exception of Yuki. And she weren't there anymore.

A light knock at the door interrupted the deadly silence. Zero didn't respond, but Yagari entered anyway. He knew he'd said far too much yesterday and that he'd hurt Zero, but in his opinion, Zero had deserved to get a massive scolding. Even though he was seventeen now, and no longer a child, Yagari was still his teacher and there were some things he simply didn't tolerate from Zero's side. Anyway, he felt very guilty from saying such things to the boy when he obviously was in no state for such.

Yagari hesitated once he'd entered, but then said down on the bedside and gestured for Zero to come and sit next to him, even though the boy still stood with his back to his teacher. "Won't you come and sit?" Sitting next to Yagari was not what Zero felt most like doing, but…

Slowly, very slowly, Zero turned around, walked over and sat down on the bed. "Look, I'm sorry for what I said and I get that you loved her very much and of course is in grief, I really do. But… our world is a place where, even if you loved her, she was what she was. And furthermore, she is gone now and that's the end of it."

"The end… huh?" he asked palely, as if he hadn't really heard it. The grief sat as a big, gnawing hole in his chest, like an iceberg, it sucked all other emotions away from him. Nothing but an empty, hollow space was left inside.

Yagari looked at him slowly, then suddenly took his hand to the boy's forehead. Zero looked at him, not understand what he did. "Are you ill? You're so pale and warm," Yagari said worriedly, removing the hand but looking at the younger hunter. Zero shook his head slowly. He hadn't noticed how warm he was, but now that Yagari mentioned it, he didn't feel too well. "You're not having a fever, are you?"

"I thought vampires were unable to get illnesses," Zero said, making it sound like a question. He could feel that he was not well, and wondered what reason it could have. Yagari knew why he didn't know such a basic fact of vampire biology though. "Vampires don't usually get illnesses, but you're not a very high level. Besides, vampires can have fever if they are affected by hunter poison or if they have lost a lot of blood."

Zero smiled for the first time in what felt like an eternity. The voice Yagari spoke to him in, the way he told about vampires and lectured his student brought back memories from when Zero was a little boy. He hadn't known such things about vampires because his sudden change and the destruction of his family had put a sudden end to his training.

Zero really was pale and Yagari decided to get Cross, as the boy's master weren't a person with much medical knowledge of vampires. The boy himself couldn't see why it needed to be taken care of so badly, but Cross insisted that he should stay in bed and at least take a pill.

By the time only Cross stayed in his bedroom, reclining in a chair, Zero had realized why he'd gotten ill. It was obviously because his body's blood status was in a terrible state. He hadn't gotten any blood at all, artificial or real, since last time he'd drank Kuran's blood, which would be about two months prior. Normally, he barely held a week without.

His body was going into defend mode to stop the destruction due to not having drunk any blood for two months. It was putting all of it's energy into fighting Zero's vampire side, and that was what had caused the fever.

Zero's face was flustered and red, his eyes glazed, and Cross was getting more and more worried. He didn't know that Zero refused to take the tablets, thought he'd gotten over that. But Cross knew a lot about vampires and their biology and he could clearly see that what had caused the fever was shortage of blood over longer time.

The next evening, Kaname was afraid to go back to his room and he ate his breakfast really slowly. He hung over it and tried to keep himself out of everything that might provoke the noble into doing such a thing again, which meant that he stayed absolutely silent and only spoke when spoken to him. Even that he did in a very low voice.

He was afraid that the second he no longer could be spotted by Takuma or the staff, Ichiou would be over him. He didn't want it to look like he downright avoided Ichiou, but at the same time it was difficult not to, as his body automatically tensed whenever the elder noble's steely, grey eyes looked at him.

But there was no avoiding it and Ichiou waited for him. When the noble thought of the arousing episode yesterday, he was already more than stimulated. He remembered clearly the look in Kaname's eyes in the second he realized he couldn't get away. He'd been able to feel how completely horrified Kaname were and heard the boy's endless screams. Combined with the physical aspect of Ichiou taking someone, it was more than enough to make him more than ready for another round.

Ichiou had noticed every single one of Kaname's attempts at avoiding saying anything that might sound insubordinately and he enjoyed that. It meant that the pureblood was bowing himself to the noble's will, meant that he knew Ichiou was his master and that he had to do everything the noble demanded. It meant that he was afraid.

When Ichiou came in and nodded meaningfully at the bed, Kaname felt the urge to explode himself, but instead, he forced himself to take off his clothes and lay down on the bed. He was not so stupid as to rebel and get a beating like yesterday, Kaname had learned the lesson. Play nicely or get beaten. However he was not going to show Ichiou that it hurt as he'd so unforgivably done yesterday. He kept telling himself hat, but Kaname was aware that if it hurt just half as much as yesterday, he wouldn't be able to. When he began undressing, Ichiou let out a long, satisfied groan in arousal, a mixture of hunger and lust.

Kaname swallowed his panic when Ichiou went to his side and gave him a rough shove, making him fall down on the bed, face down. Ichiou's arms enveloped his body in a tight mockery of an embrace as the noble opened his pants. Kaname closed his eyes in pain, when Ichiou licked his neck before grazing the creamy skin with his fangs, not biting down yet. He let out another groan, full of longing and the almost hurtfully sweet anticipation.

Just as before, Kaname felt the panic rise swiftly when he felt Ichiou's half naked body against his own, and he had to hold on to the picture of Zero in his mind to be able to stay in the same position and not rebel. The wounded pureblood was hyperventilating horribly and cold sweat broke out all over his body. Rough hands grabbed slender hips, and Kaname choked back a cry.

When Ichiou penetrated him, Kaname tried to hold back his screams, but the pain forced them from his lips and it didn't last long before he started crying, too weak to hold the tears back. The noble simply forced his way in without lubrication or preparation of any kind, and that was immensely hurtful. Ichiou moved to lay completely on Kaname and bit him harshly in the throat, drawing more blood and more screams. The pureblood's hands scrambled against the slivery, silky sheets as Ichiou thrust back and forth, trying to find a place to hold onto. Kaname's body was too tense to allow himself to relax.

As soon as Kaname had adapted to the noble's size, at least as well as possible considering he wasn't the least aroused, Ichiou took up a faster, harder pace, at the same time touching his deepest mental and deepest physical places by biting him while repeatedly burying himself in the boy. Ichiou rode the pureblood harshly, swiftly and Kaname fought to hold onto the slippery sheets. His pride usually forbade him to cry, even to scream, but when Ichiou rammed into him with such devastating force, Kaname couldn't hold back.

Ichiou's fangs shortly left Kaname's neck as the noble's hands moved down to hold firmly around the pureblood's hips, moaning loudly as he thrust back and forth. Kaname tried to get himself away from Ichiou by gripping the sheet and pulling in it until he reached the headboard with both hands and held desperately tight. Unfortunately, Ichiou intense motions made him lose grip on it, and his eyes were too blurry to find it again.

Kaname tried to hold the sensations out. He forced himself to think of this as just another time. But that hurt even worse, it just proved what he had been told. The words he remembered all too well broke out in his mind, even though Kaname tried to avoid it. _This is your only reason for living. You live only to serve me. When I no longer feel like using you, you die. I'm your master. You will do as I say, Kaname. You're mine._

It made the pureblood sick to his heart to hear how Ichiou moaned behind him with each new thrust. The only good thing that came from this brutality was that he was beginning to bleed and that helped easing up on the painful feeling.

This time, it took longer, but Kaname knew Ichiou did it on purpose, holding himself back with iron will to drag out the torture. Trying to find something to hold onto while Ichiou got done with him, Kaname at last located the headboard through his teary world and grasped it as if it was the last thing preventing him from falling. That wasn't far from the truth.

The tears weren't just a result of the abuse, but also came because he got humiliated that he'd cried and so it continued. It was a cruel circle. He was ashamed at himself for not being stronger and for crying in front of Ichiou like a baby. And of course, he wasn't lucky enough that Ichiou had been too busy satisfying himself that he hadn't noticed Kaname's tears.

Ichiou moaned and panted in pleasure and Kaname could feel his stomach turn. The tree of the headboard splintered slightly and the fragments dug into his palms but the pureblood barely was in a state where he was able to sense it.

Kaname's consciousness slipped all the time because of bloodloss and pain, but he didn't allow himself to pass out in front of Ichiou, even though it probably would have been a welcome break. _If he would just finish soon._ This was, without a doubt, easier to bear than when _the thing he dreaded most_ happened, but he couldn't understand why the moment he got rid of Rido, he found himself under new restrictions. Restrictions that were taken cruelly abuse of.

Was he just not destined to ever be happy? The thoughts spun around in his head, when Kaname tried to think of anything else than the thrusting noble behind him. Kaname knew that if he could make himself a glass doll, Ichiou might lose interest. And so he tried…

But this was not something that he could ignore. Beatings, scolding, harassment, he could handle that because it didn't hurt like this and because even if it hurt, it was temporary. Ichiou had already proved that this was something that would be repeated again. It would happen again and there was nothing Kaname could do to stop it.

Ichiou threw his head back in absolute ecstasy. This was even better than yesterday. Kaname was _crying._ His body was shaking with sobs and his head hung down on the mattress. He'd won over that little brat, he'd made him crawl on the bed and be used. The mere thought of the thrill of forcing the hated pureblood to something that hurt and humiliated him sent the noble over the edge.

Even though it, like yesterday, made Kaname gag and fight to hold down his breakfast when he felt Ichiou's release inside of his body, this time, it was mingled with the calm, peaceful feeling of knowing it was finally over. For this round. The peace was bitter-sweet, because Kaname knew it would happen again very soon.

Ichiou pulled out horribly slow to make Kaname feel each centimeter. When the noble finally stopped panting quite as erratically as before in pleasure, his eyes, before glazed with bliss, fixed on Kaname's face and he smiled.

Kaname could only imagine how bad he might look. Sweat-slicked, soaked through with his own blood and green in the head from nausea. He knew he was about to throw up, but fought to hide it. Ichiou stood up, made himself presentable by rearranging his hair and clothes, zipping up and removing the pleasured look from his face.

Then, his eyes turned to Kaname again, who hadn't moved a muscle. A sharp backhand sent him down over the edge of the bed and down on the floor. From there, Kaname heard Ichiou leave. It was only when the door smacked that he dared move.

He knew exactly what he needed to do and stood up as quickly as possible considering his torn groin and ran to the bathroom where he placed himself over the toilet as the first contraptions began. It started with his face contracting in pain and disgust, then the shakes took over and he curled up and threw up quite harshly.

Zero stayed in bed all of the next day with heavy fever and occasionally, he soaked the bed in sweat. Lastly, Cross ended up calling the hospital to hear if they could give a better explanation. But of course, with Zero being a former patient and his various symptoms of lack of blood, they insisted upon sending a doctor.

After five seconds, Zero was sure that he didn't like him.

He put down his bag at the bed and went to sit in the nearby chair. With the doctor being a vampire, neither Zero nor Yagari were overly happy about it. Besides, he was the stereotypical vampire-in-cover-as-a-human, and looked like a completely normal doctor if not for the unusual beauty, his piercing eyes and his somewhat condensing glances at Zero from time to time. The young hunter being an ex-human made most high level vampires look down on him.

While the doctor carefully read through Zero's hospital folder, which he'd brought with him, the hunter glanced at him. He looked like a 30 year old and he was a noble, which made him around 350 years or so. Brown hair and green eyes.

However, at some point, he apparently remembered that he was supposed to help Zero get better, and again got into the cool, intelligent role that a doctor should possess. "You were hospitalized a little over a month ago with two broken ribs, a punctured lung and severe bloodloss, right?" he asked, sounding nice and not at all condensing like his glances a moment ago. Apparently, he'd gotten trained for such causes. It irritated Zero how incredibly fake vampires were.

"Yeah," he said slowly, making sure the doctor got the message right. _I don't give a damn about you being a doctor. _"And you are beginning to feel bad again now?" he said, looking down in the folder and avoiding putting a direct comment against Zero's obvious rudeness. His superiority was annoying, as well as being another usual vampire trait. "Yeah," Zero confirmed again, not sounding overly zealous about the whole thing.

"Okay. I know this might be a little… private and so, but when did you last get blood? Your journal states that you refused taking the tablets offered and… your symptoms resemble lack of blood." Zero could hear that he tried to make it sound as passive as possible. Anyway, he had to lie. It would be certain death, possibly at the spot, if h told that he'd drunk from Kuran, even more than once. Zero didn't know much about the rules and cultures of his new race, but he did know that it wasn't more than three months ago that he'd been close to being executed for "killing" Shizuka. Three months. It felt like an eternity. As if it was in another life.

Apparently, the doctor thought that his silence was shyness because of the somewhat intimate question and asked again. "If you have to know, I haven't had any for the last two months," Zero finally answered without going into deeper detail about anything.

That wasn't the best thing he could have said in such a situation because everybody in the room, the doctor, Cross and even Yagari stared at him as soon as the words had left his mouth. Zero knew he probably should have just said he ate tablets once a day or so, but he'd gotten irritated at the doctor's monolog and the look on his face now was priceless.

"What? And you're still sane?" The doctor's shock made him say something he shouldn't have. He was meant to be professional but he'd never heard of an ex-human who lasted for two months without any blood at all and that made him lose his professional attitude. "Wondering all the time," Zero mumbled sarcastically, but didn't say anything out loud.

Still, it wasn't far from the truth. The young hunter did wonder every day whether or not he was sane anymore. Sometimes, he could find himself on the bathroom without knowing how he got there. Besides, he actually wanted it to happen as soon as possible, because then, Yagari would be forced to shoot him. But on the other side, he wouldn't ever be able to forgive himself if he simply turned into a bloodsucking monster and forgot everything about Yuki, about anyone he'd ever cared for. If he should die, he was going to stay sane until the very last moment.

That was why he had wanted to commit suicide. Because it was a clear cut, not something slow that would hurt Cross and Yagari too much, even if Zero himself deserved it painfully. Because it was something that would allow him to feel everything instead of simply being in a bloody rush that meant that he wouldn't even understand that he was going to die. He might even hurt someone.

He'd already considered venom, but that would be dangerous as most of the things he ate were eaten by many others. Then, he'd considered cutting open his wrists and let himself bleed to death, but that seemed stupid and melodramatic, so he'd figured out that the fastest, easiest way would be to shot himself. He knew where Yagari had laid the Bloody Rose, so all he waited for was a chance to snatch it.


	9. Push Sanity Away

**Tears of Blood by Rondomness**

_Chapter 9…_

_Yes, I know most of the nobles seen in canon Vampire Knight are high ranked businessmen and such, but as the line between nobles and normal vampires are blurred up, there must be some nobles on the brink of becoming normal vampires too._

_Sorry, sorry, sorry for the terribly long wait, but it is Christmas, so I had a lot of shopping, baking and other such activities and then it is hard to find time to write regularly._

**Chapter 9: Push Sanity Away**

Zero felt better by the time the doctor finally decided to return to the office, although the young hunter wasn't sure if he only felt that way because of the lovely absence of the noble. However, he was exhausted and fell asleep as soon as he was left alone.

He was walking through a dreamscape_. It's cold. It's cold. Why is it so cold?_ Snow filled the streets. Soft, white snow made it seem like a winter wonderland, just much, much colder. Zero didn't know why he was continuing to walk or what he searched for. Or perhaps… he searched for her. Because she was incredibly important to him.

Important enough that he would walk through such a snowy, cold evening barefooted. The snow wasn't just snow, ice was mixed with it and it cut his feet badly, painting a red line everywhere he went. The streets weren't straight at all and Zero got more and more lost in the labyrinth of the city.

At last, after what seemed like hours, Zero exhaustedly sank down towards the ground and then simply sat there in the cold snow. He didn't know which way he had come from or which one of them he should take. He didn't know what he was looking for, and when he didn't know that, why even continue looking?

He'd had this dream before. He knew it. But he couldn't remember which way he'd walked at that time, nor how he woke up. The horrible thing about this nightmare was, strangely enough, that there weren't any ghosts, psychopaths, zombies, werewolves, not even vampires. There was just… nothing. And that was the scary thing.

There was nothing in this empty city. Nothing he could do, or search for. He could find no one in this city, no matter how much he looked. The hurt of that revelation hit him like a semi-truck and brutally knocked him back to his senses with a scream.

This time, Zero awoke at half past three. He breathed deeply to calm himself and picked up a book at the bedpost. Gathering the duvet around himself, he started reading. But it felt like he couldn't concentrate on the letters. His thoughts were somewhere else, far away.

Zero's nightmare probably wouldn't be scary for anyone but himself. It was nothing scary. It _was_ literally nothing. All the nightmare consisted of were the never-ending tunnel of skyscrapers, the never-ending labyrinth of streets and the never-ending snowfall. The silence in the streets was horribly loud. Apart from the glittering white snowflakes, all light was scarcely spread lampposts. Even though it obviously was nighttime in his dream, there were no stars and no moon in the sky. There was nothing.

The hunter always hurried through the streets in the beginning, seeking even the smallest corners in his search for something indefinite. As time progressed, he got more and more tired and more and more panicked. He tried to go even faster, but it tired him and lastly, he could walk no more and sank together on the street. Then the place in his nightmare would come… the horrible moment when he realized… that he'd forgotten what he searched for. And that even if he remembered what he was looking for, he would never find it. Because the city was empty.

When he'd read half an hour, or more like it, read the letters in his head, tried to make sense out of it, given up, and turned to the next page, the door opened quietly. Cross stood there, looking extremely tired and extremely worried. "Zero?" he whispered lowly and stepped over to the bed. "It's four o'clock in the morning. Why is the light still on?"

"I… I couldn't sleep," Zero lied, knowing that both of them realized he lied. Cross looked down at him melancholically and patted his head slowly. Sitting down be the bedside, he moved the book out of the way. "Did you have a nightmare again? It's always the nights that's the worst, right? With or without nightmares. I've spent night after night wondering how I could let her slip past my fingers like that. Wondering why I didn't protect her better when I knew… Those moments keep haunting me." Zero's eyes sought his with confusion and surprise. A little guilt too, as he realized Cross had felt guilty without him knowing. "Wasn't your fault."

"I know. Deep inside. Know that I couldn't have changed anything. But that's how sorrow is." His eyes locked on Zero's face. "You always feel you could have done more. Protected her better. And you blame yourself."

Kaname's head hung down. He wasn't looking in the mirror in front of himself anyone. Not now. Not anymore. The lust to vomit was overwhelming. But he couldn't vomit right now, because he couldn't get to the toilet. At this point, even if he'd wanted, he couldn't move his own muscles. Actually, he had difficulties finding them inside of his own body. He'd lost track at which part of the brain to use.

Ichiou enjoyed, that he once again could dominate Kaname and he used the pureblood so often, that his wounds from the last time wasn't even fully healed when Ichiou wanted more, despite how incredibly fast purebloods healed. Kaname hated the knowledge that he was actually pleasuring the noble, made even more pleasurable through Kaname's screams.

And that was exactly what Ichiou enjoyed the most. Even though it was incredibly arousing to take the beautiful body under him, Ichiou enjoyed the thought that he had regained control, held actual power over the brat, that the noble finally had found a way to make the pureblood react. Ichiou didn't care about the reaction being negative. He loved that. Had Kaname found it enjoyable in any way, Ichiou would only have done it once. He wanted to see Kaname be afraid, see the fear in his eyes, see how the pureblood had to force himself to subjugation. Even the mere thought of it stimulated him.

The noble had always had strong instincts and now, he was more active on the sexual area than ever before. When he hadn't any business arrangements, he waited for the pureblood every evening. Normally, he would force Kaname to intercourse again just before they went to bed, sometimes in the middle of the night too. It even happened, he woke up in the daytime and was aroused. It didn't matter though, he would just awake the pureblood and force him to take off his night clothes and go into the right position. He took great pleasure in both the physical and emotional aspects of this, and the more Kaname resisted and hated him, the more he enjoyed it.

Kaname lost his good mood. He was dejected, depressed, he didn't care about anything anymore. The only feeling left was his hatred for Ichiou and the noble's daily abuse of him. Kaname lost all other feelings.

He'd always taken good care of himself. Whenever Ichiou would beat him, he would wash himself afterwards to get rid of the blood and he always looked amazing, no matter how he felt inside. Now, he neglected himself. The hair was disheveled and caked to his face in a strange combination of blood, sweat and… something else. He wore the same clothes every day and didn't pay much attention to anything. Takuma didn't even know whether or not he changed into his night clothes in the morning. The pureblood lost weight because he lost appetite. He was quiet and cowed, even together with Takuma.

That was why Kaname couldn't bear to see himself in the mirror anymore. Because he looked like Ichiou's little pet now. His eyes were empty and hollow, completely robbed of any life. Ichiou had marked his body with numerous signs of his possession. Both evidence on the outside, like bite-marks, the fluid that made his hair cake together and the various whip marks down his back, but also on the inside. The wounds were much deeper and hurt much more on the inside. Both the purely physical ones and the even worse emotional.

At this point, Kaname was in a constant state of dizziness coursed by blood loss and he was barely able to sense Ichiou before he opened the door to the pureblood's room. He usually didn't leave the room at all because he was afraid that someone might see him like this. Or, even worse, that he might do something to make Ichiou angry at him. How pathetic he was. He hated himself for knowing he was afraid of displeasing Ichiou.

And it didn't matter anyway, because Kaname always ended up fighting to the last anyway. He always succeeded in dragging himself into even hotter water. When Ichiou approached and laid his rough hand on Kaname's body, the pureblood always fought. No matter how hard he tried to be still, he had to show emotion about this. Not only because it hurt, but also because Ichiou forced him to something so intimate.

However, there was one light point. In a couple of minutes, it wouldn't feel quite as bad anymore. When the blood he'd just digested with great bliss got absorbed into his bloodstream, the wounds would heal and he would look more appropriate. He may even have strength for a bath.

The city was quiet now. Too quiet. No barking dogs, no playing children, no voices. Zero gathered the remains of a coat around himself and continued down the streets. The wind rushed over the open plaza in front of the hunter and made a cloud of dust whirl. But… wasn't this a city? Wasn't this a great city with skyscrapers?

The plaza turned into a courtyard. The gateway into the empty mark behind struck against the posts to which it was connected with an ominous sound. No humans, no animals. Just endless fields of nothingness.

The feeling of pure angst was winding itself through Zero's body like a cold-blooded snake. The house in front of him was small, not more than six meters long and two meters broad. It was built in the old kind of way, with a thatch that almost reached the ground. It was old. A ramshackle cabin as the only thing in sight for hundreds of miles.

He knew the thing he sought was inside. Although… he couldn't really get his mind around what he really was searching for. Just that the answer was inside.

In front of the old door, a broken jar lay. The inferiors of it were slowly spreading on the ground in front of him. It was covered in dust and it was old, having lost it's previous fresh, rich color. Blood. Zero started shaking ever so little and took a step back. But… behind him, there was nothing but endlessness. And then, he would never know what he was searching for, nor find it. His eyes turned back to the blood on the ground. Two long tracks lead from the pool of blood in under the heavy wooden door. A long shaft blocked the door, in a way that made it impossible from someone inside the house to open it.

When Zero continued going in direction of the door, the wind increased and his blew his hair against the cold cheeks with enormous power. He barely noticed. Slowly, he removed the shaft and the door opened with a creaking. The hunter cautiously stepped inside.

Purple smoke gathered in enormous clouds came towards him in huge waves. It ripped through his lungs, and coughing, he avoided the next cloud, while the tears rolled down his cheeks. He didn't want to see anything anymore, didn't want to know, but something drove him forward.

Suddenly, Zero realized the smoke was from a fire in the other end of the house. The loud roar of the flames sounded as if the underworld had opened it's endless deeps and thrown everything up. The sound of it somehow terrified Zero beyond belief. As if it was his precious memories of something he couldn't quite remember right now that burned in there. He sobbed and looked into the grey darkness.

A small figure was laying a few steps inside the house. By closer look an elder man. He was lying with his back to Zero and all the hunter could see to recognize him, was the half blond, half brown hair, tied in a loose ponytail. His back had been turned into one, bloody wound. _Somebody_ had in a fit of rage chopped an axe in his back countless times. His white bone was visible in the wound. But… there was no blood oozing out, although the corpse still was a bit warm. The murderer had just left. Zero dug his nails deeply into his palms, so the pain could chase away the madness, and he forced himself to raise his gaze and see more.

The dead lay everywhere: women, children, men. They lay as if an inhumane power had killed them, then thrown them away on the cold floor in bitter rage… or incontrollable madness.

To his left, a woman lay. Her face had been spilt, and her white breasts were visible through the torn fabric of her blouse. Zero could only see half her face, and it was way too destroyed and brutalized for Zero to get any feeling of her. By her side, a child lay. He was about twelve, perhaps a little older, but his face had a certain, faint streak of recent illness and his eyes looked at the hunter with death. In his small hand, he clutched a photograph. He must have been terrified when the murderer came and have run to his mother to be protected. In vain. Neither the child nor his mother was bleeding, even though they had been butchered.

The smoke slipped around the small body, the fire flamed wildly a few meters longer inside. In a few moments, it would reach the child and his mother and the entire house would burn. Already, the smoke made their faces obscured, Zero couldn't see if he knew them or not.

Halfway under a destroyed table, a black-haired man lay as if he had tried to shelter himself. In his hand, he held a gun, still held strongly even after death. His short hair flowed as moonlight over the precious weapon, and Zero got the feeling that he had tried to protect the others from their fate. The flames had already reached the man's clothes, they was seeking his face, eating his body. Like the others, he wasn't bleeding.

The only one bleeding was… him. For a second, he was afraid that an overwhelming feeling of bloodlust would ensue, now when he had lost even more blood. Afraid that he would rob the dead bodies like a savage. But… surprisingly, he didn't feel the burning in the throat to be _give me some_. Instead, it was _give me more_.

And the blood didn't come from him. He had just blood all over his hands. And… over his mouth.

His eyes went back to the man with the gun, now almost nothing more than a burned skeleton. _The gun. It hurts…_ His shoulder hurt. And that was the only way the blood flowed out of him. Through a gunshot in the shoulder. It was leaking out, slowly. It hurt…

His eyes sought around at the faces of the dead once again. Their faces. He knew them. All of them. Cross, his mother, Ichiru, Yagari. He'd killed them. Mad with blood. And to safe the others, Yagari had shot him, but it hadn't been enough. And now, no one was left. He'd killed everybody he cared about simply to drink their blood freshly. Level E. End.

Suddenly, the fire was everywhere. It reached the dead, devoured them, burned them. Zero's stomach turned the inside out and he threw up, the vomit mixed with all the blood of his loved ones. He dried his mouth with the sleeve of his coat and looked into the fire. He'd never seen something so horrible.

The next second, the fire reached himself and started burning him. The flames burned his coat, licked over his body, his hair got burned off. He raised the face and screamed, not of pain, because the flames didn't hurt, but of sorrow, grief and anger. Then, the fire spread from his hair over the endless fields, over the world. The flames touched the sky and everything was gone.

Zero sat straight up, panicked, he hit against his body with the hands. The fire should be put out. Gone! It had to be gone!

"Calm down. It's gone now." The calm, safe voice of the chairman brought Zero one step closer to reality. Where was he? Suddenly, he saw the chairman's mild eyes in the dark. The young hunter stared with empty eyes on the man who in many ways was his father, while he fought against the angst. It was just a nightmare. He was safe. His heart was galloping in his chest. He brought his hands to his face and rubbed them against his teary cheeks while he desperately tried to regain calmness. He was home.

He was in his rented bed next to the chairman's office. Yagari and Cross had insisted that he stayed close to them as long as he was a bit ill. One of his shoulders lay pressed against the wall where the rough material scratched his arm. In the corners, spider webs were barely visible. The duvet agglutinated to his sweaty body. There was no fire.

A soft snoring from the other end of the room made him turn his head. Yagari was lying on his back with the arm hanging randomly over the edge of the bed. Hadn't he screamed? It didn't appear like anyone but Cross had awoken. Zero shook his head in irritation, everything was so confused right now.

Cautiously, he sank back against the pillow and looked Cross in the face. "I'm sorry I awoke you," he whispered to not wake Yagari too. He could barely recognize his own voice, it was tiny and sounded like a child's. Cross didn't answer, but stroke his hair slowly and lovingly, and Zero took a strong hold of his hand, clung to it as if he were a small boat in a rough sea, and Cross Academy's chairman a safe haven to make rest.

"What did you dream?" Cross whispered slowly, continuing to stroke his hair. The horrible scenario replayed before Zero's inner eye. Danced around in such a living way that he started shaking again. "They were dead… and burned! Everybody," the boy whispered in complete terror, only calming a bit down when Cross rested his hand on his almost adoptive son's forehead. A good warmth spread in Zero's body while angst and nightmares were forgotten.

When he breathed calmly again, Cross retreated his hand, but Zero needed more support. He crouched like a small child with his head buried in the pillows and he breathed the safe smell of home. "Will you tell me about it?" Cross asked silently, cautiously. Afraid that he would start another shaking from Zero's side.

Zero shook a little bit, but then calmed down. He told as well as he could, even though every single word he spoke grated his throat with sharp claws. As if the smoke had been reality and not a nightmare. When he finished, he sat on the bed and looked out in the darkness in silence. Cross too, sat silently by his side. After a few minutes, he smiled. "Get some rest," he said with a last stroke over Zero's silvery hair. And he left. Left Zero alone in the darkness.

The hunter was lying alone and fought against his childish wish to run after Cross and see his mild smile again. But he was a young man now, not a child and he had to be grateful that he was made of steel. In the morning, he would feel very embarrassed if he humiliated himself and acted like a child now. It was a long time ago that Cross had showed him that kind of feelings. Because Zero had acted like an idiot. He knew himself. And he could see how that made Cross look older day by day. He suffered just as much as Zero, but it was hard for the young hunter to accept that Yuki was gone and that she would never return.

It crackled in the sheets when Cross lay down. Zero lay still on his own bed and looked out of the small window, out on the stars above. It was strange. This dream had been so different from all the others. He'd thought he would have this type of nightmares for years to come, and he'd kind of accepted that, but this nightmare, he wouldn't be able to stand. _Level E._ The words rang loudly in his head.

Why had he suddenly gotten this new kind of nightmare? It had started as it always did. He didn't know what he was searching for, just that it was of immense importance to him and that it was crucial that he found it. But then, his mind had turned him into a killer. He could almost _feel_ the pain of the gunshot in the arm if he tried to remember.

Strangely enough, Yuki hadn't been among the dead. He'd carefully watched each and every one of their pale, dead faces, as good as possible considering how torn, destroyed and burned they were, and she wasn't there. Was his mind somehow, through some horrible, twisted and absolutely terrifying method trying to tell him that he was not to blame for what had happened to her? Or did he misunderstand?

And Ichiru. He'd been a child. He wasn't looking like he looked now, he was looking exactly like he'd looked on that fatal evening. He'd been sick that day. With influenza. And he had a slight fever at the time he suddenly disappeared and went outside. To go with her. Even now, it still hurt thinking about it.

Zero didn't understand. He'd understood the other nightmare fairly well, the thing about searching, searching, searching forever without finding anything. But… he couldn't understand this. Especially not because Yuki weren't among the dead. And he'd both seen people who were dead, people who were still alive and then Ichiru, who still lived, but didn't look like he did now.

Was it because he starved himself? Was it a warning? Were those people the people he would kill when he fell to level E coursed by his starvation? But… he couldn't kill his mother, she was already dead. Perhaps… it was just a regular nightmare. Perhaps it didn't mean anything either way.

He looked up at the stars again. Perhaps, it would be fine if he died. Perhaps, Yuki was up there. Looking down on him from there. That was an encouraging thought.

During breakfast the next morning, Zero looked like a ghost form of himself. He was deadly tired, having not slept at all since. "Here, this is for you," Yagari said as he handed Zero a long, white envelope with the young hunter's name on it. Zero turned the paper around in his hand, trying to figure out who it was from. In a childish second, he hoped it was from Yuki, but that thought died just as soon as it started when the sad truth of reality hit him.

It couldn't be from Cross or Yagari either, Yagari would never make such a big thing over anything, and Cross would have preferred a face-to-face conversation. Besides those two, he didn't know that many people who would even bother writing to him in the first place. Being a guardian meant that most people in the academy thought badly of him, made even more so by his… special attitude towards rule breaks.

"Who is it from?" he asked silently, shooting another look at the envelope as if the text should have materialized suddenly. Yagari avoided his attempts at making eye contact, something that didn't promise well for the letter.

"It's from the… Association," Yagari shortly explained himself. Zero's teacher wasn't a person who avoided things, he cut straight to the point and didn't beat around the bushes at all. No matter what, he believed that it was best to simply voice it.

Zero stared down at the letter now, not sure how to receive it. There were only two explanations on why the President had sent him a letter. Either, he sent Zero on a mission, which wasn't likely as he'd not received such for a very long time, or, it was an order of execution. Slowly, deliberately, Zero opened the envelope and pulled out a long, thin piece of paper.

"What does it say?" Yagari asked nervously, trying to look over Zero's shoulder. He, too, realized what the different possibilities could be and had figured out which one of them was the more likely. Actually, he'd been aware for the past four years that at some point, the Association would come for Zero. Now, it might be the time.

Zero's eyes scrolled down over the paper again and again, trying to make the letter understandable to himself. "It says I shall visit the Head Quarters for a special treatment."


	10. The Poison is Blood

**Tears of Blood by Rondomness**

_Chapter 10's title is taken from the lyrics of Fever Ray's The Wolf – part of Red Riding Hood's soundtrack. It is completely unrelated to the plot though, at least at this point._

_I don't know if it's possible to have more than one keeper, so it's an AU setting for this story, until the opposite is proved 8D_

_Warnings: Blood-drinking, rape, abuse_

**Chapter 10: The Poison is Blood**

There was a certain special aura about the hunters' headquarters. They were a surprisingly large organization, having many more members than the authorities and even the vampires would ever expect. Their job of hunting and exterminating vampires who had fallen to dangerous levels or who simply couldn't control themselves could be considered a decent job, perhaps even a bit honorable in some people's minds, mostly in the hunters' own, but also by humans and even some vampires.

In these days, many vampires had the mindset that ex-humans were pitiful beings and that they could be kept alive as long as someone took care of them. Level E's were to be exterminated at the first chance since they were beings incapable of controlling their urges and they were a constant danger to humans. It was even some sort of generosity, an act that had to be done to safe human lives and to free the pitiful vampires of their heavy and uncontrollable desires.

However, even at this point, many vampires, especially the older generation, still looked at ex-humans as if they were nothing but filth on the surface of the earth. Some even meant it was fine to take advantage of them, use them until they grew mad and then just dispose of them.

The Hunter Association's goal was to make sure that Level E's didn't roam freely and that possible troublemakers got informed of the laws. It was a job they had obtained thousands of years ago and still maintained through their blood. It was something they were proud of. In the common tongue it was_ not a sin to kill a vampire_ and because they all had grown up to that ideology, none of them questioned it as the truth.

However, in recent years, most hunters had been kind of unhappy about the new, close connection that still was growing between the Hunter Association's leaders and the Vampire Council's. It was a conflict between the ones in power and the sheer number of protests. And it was a conflict not likely to resolve anytime soon. The conflict had caused a rift to form between the hunters, with the Hunter President's closest on one side, and, basically, all the others on the other side.

And that rift was clearly sensed in the Hunter Association's Head Quarters.

Zero had been there many times before, to receive more difficult missions, to meet with Yagari, to escort difficult vampires and, when he was very small, just because he and Ichiru needed to see the place together with their parents. But this time, there was a very distinctive sense atmosphere.

"Oh, I see you, most conveniently, bear a tattoo now, Kiryuu. You know, it is so irritating to wear the cuffs," an elder guy remarked with a gruff grin when Zero stepped inside the building, ignoring his presence completely. He hated to always receive such comments. It just reminded him further about not fitting in with them. Being both one of theirs and then the directly opposite.

However, at least that guy bothered talking to him. The others' cruel, condensing gazes on him were much worse. They were all just staring at him from their corners, staring at his tattoo. The damned tattoo, marking him as a tamed vampire. It was rather disdainful when they looked at it like that. As if he belonged to them.

Yagari laid a supportive hand on his shoulder, partly comforting Zero, partly giving a silent warning to the others. The boy's master had insisted on following. Well, Cross had too, but he had to accept that he was left behind anyway, despite his almost ultimatum.

It wasn't like Zero himself felt much like visiting. The note had sounded rather ominous, but one thing was certain. He had to do it anyway. Zero had seen what happened to hunters who didn't, hunters that society then believed to have disappeared or perhaps even gone on a rampage. Such hunters were exterminated with the same professional elegance and emotionlessness as the Level E's, no matter if they had gone on a rampage or not.

The young hunter stoically continued through the main hall without trying to make contact with anybody to further embarrass himself. When he reached the end of the hall, normal procedure for the hunters was to show legitimation of some sort to get them access to the President, and Zero showed the letter to the doorman.

After scanning it shortly with his eyes, the man, middle-aged with short golden hair and a scar across the face, looked up at Zero with a half amazed and half mocking grin, which made the younger hunter want to smack him for staring at him in that way. However, it would certainly not be taken well if a possible danger inside the Head Quarter itself started assaulting the guards and Zero kept both his fist and his tongue.

The other hunter seemed not to notice Zero's silent irritation and simply waved them on, opening the door behind himself and gesturing for Zero to enter. But he blocked for Yagari even after receiving a deathly glare. "Sorry, but it's only the kid who's received an invitation," he said, clearly excusing himself as Yagari was a fairly well-known hunter and most other hunters felt best with being friendly towards him.

Zero could see Yagari open his mouth to shout and quickly slid into the conversation. "I can go myself. It's okay," he said, gesturing for his master to wait outside. Yagari didn't seem pleased, but never the less withdrew. Zero didn't feel comfortable either without Yagari around, but he hadn't in the first place and if he didn't want to get into trouble, it was better that he played along.

Inside the President's quarters, there was a heavy aromatic scent, kind of like a teahouse and it overpowered all other impressions. Zero could clearly feel the effects. It was not as nice and relaxing as it appeared. It had a higher meaning to it. The aromatic scent was caused by some kind of hunter drugs which worked much like aromatic scents. It was burned off in small candleholders and looked exactly as nice and innocent as if it was normal lotus incense.

However, to vampires it was a bit _too_ relaxing. It was actually dizzying. And even though Zero wasn't on a very high level, was tamed and actually also a hunter, he could clearly feel how confused and tired he became, which said something about how it must feel for a pureblood or noble.

Zero continued with higher speed than before, trying to put as much distance between the dizzying scents and himself. It was a bit unnerving that he was the only person, human, hunter or vampire, in the hall but he nevertheless continued through, and finally reached another hunter in the other end.

As most other hunter, he didn't say a word confronted with such a strange creature as a half hunter, half vampire and simply let him into the President's office. The Hunter President was a middle-aged woman, having been president for at least forty years. Which was strange, considering she looked like someone who might be forty or just a little older and she certainly hadn't changed appearance in Zero's lifetime.

"Kiryuu Zero. Come closer."

Kaname felt stupid and blue-eyed for doing what he was currently doing, but he couldn't help it. He couldn't, no matter how hard he tried, do as Ichiou wished when he knew what would eventually follow. That was why he currently sat, pressed up against the headboard of the bed, keeping Ichiou on an arm's length of his body.

Asato couldn't quite place what it was that made him more and more eager and aroused each time. Perhaps it was the fact that whenever Kaname drew in yet another shaking breath, his ribs stood out of his chest, revealing a slow starvation that it didn't even seem like Kaname had picked up on yet. Or perhaps it was the way Kaname always fought him, tried to repeal the noble and be strong, only to break and be abused afterwards each and every time.

Kaname's long bangs threw a strong shadow over his face which was turned to the bed sheets to not look his tormentor directly in the face, but his other senses were on high alert with every single one of Ichiou's movements. "Lay down." Ichiou's voice cut through the air like a knives blade, all the muscles in Kaname's body tensing, but he refused to answer or move from his position, curled up and with defenses high.

"Kaname, you know that that kind of behavior doesn't get you anywhere," Ichiou commented with a dry smile. "Lay down." Kaname's body stiffened further, his eyes darting back and forth under his bangs. He knew… knew Ichiou was right that it didn't get him anywhere, but he would feel like he was whoring himself if he gave in and did it freely, even under threat of being beaten.

"Last chance. Do as I say," Ichiou said, this time with a faint, hidden irritation at Kaname's stubbornness. Usually, he sounded like that not because he didn't enjoy how defiant Kaname was being, but because he barely could detain himself any longer and simply hadn't time for having to sit through the pureblood's almost unbreakable spirit.

Kaname remained still and silent, but his guardian had seen the small tremble which unchecked ran through his slender frame. The pureblood could hear him making a small grunt of satisfaction and he inwardly cursed himself for showing that he was actually literally trembling with fear.

In every other aspect, the noble was an ordinary middle-aged man, perhaps a vampire, but ordinary anyway. But his face showed great strength and power, he was a man used to getting everything he wanted. And right now, he wanted Kaname.

Ichiou took a strong hold of him and threw the pureblood backwards, off the bed and down on the floor beside it. A second later, the hands reached Kaname again and swung him from side to side to make him completely disorientated and unable to reach anything he could hold on to. Then the other hand pulled back and started hitting him until blood streamed out from his nose and mouth.

Kaname fought, tried to get up, but Ichiou didn't let him and forced his head downwards to the ground. The noble held him still while he hit the boy until blood poured out of his mouth. Kaname would have screamed if he could. Ichiou's knee pressed hard against his stomach, and even as he twisted and tried to get up, eventually he slackened and waited for the noble to finish.

When the tight grip Ichiou had around him finally slackened, Kaname fell down over the bed at the first chance and coughing let the last blood drip out of his mouth. It stained the sheets a dark, crimson color as it soaked through the fabric. A massive headache threatened to overtake him the second his mind regained consciousness enough for him to notice it was there.

However when that happened, the fear completely overshadowed the hurt and when he felt Ichiou nearing him from behind, the hurt pureblood spun around and hastily backed into the corner of the room. He pressed himself into the wall and quickly shook his head between ragged breaths.

"Go away. Stay away from me," Kaname begged as he slid even longer into the corner of the room, desperately trying to protect himself. His hands knotted into fists as Ichiou walked over to him in slow motion, dragging out the buildup as he watched Kaname's eyes automatically scanning the room for an easy exit.

The pureblood's breathing raced along with his heartbeat and he could easily feel the pressure of blood rushing through his veins. When the rugged countenance came closer, it twisted into a ruthless smirk, cold, dusty and dreary. He gripped Kaname's hair, once flawless, but now slightly soaked through with blood and other filth.

The old noble threw Kaname's head in direction of the bed, the rest of him having to follow as to not rip out a huge piece of hair. His face contorted slightly in pain at the same time as a low hiss escaped his lips. Ichiou ignored Kaname's half-hearted attempts at backing off and getting loose, threw him on the bed and laid over him. They were still fully clothed, both of them, and the noble simply ripped open Kaname's shirt to reveal his pale neck.

The pureblood growled deep down in his throat in defiance based on instinct as Ichiou's fangs punctured the soft skin and started drinking in long, needy draughts. He broke contact swiftly, straightened up and gripped the hair once again, forcing Kaname to straighten up as well. The noble's hands turned into wicked talons as he stripped the pureblood of his shirt, ripping it into pieces, but not releasing the grip he had on the brown locks, pulling his hand further back so Kaname's head followed.

The pureblood was now half leaning down over Ichiou in order to not snap his neck and his body was bending like a bow, the neck invitingly pulsing to each beat of his rapid heart. The angle was hurtful to him and he breathed through clenched teeth, making a small, muffled sound of pain when Ichiou's fangs once again found his throat.

Kaname twisted a little in Ichiou's grasp, but else remained still as he at this point had accepted that his efforts wouldn't get him anywhere. Ichiou took from him until he was satisfied, or at least, until he couldn't contain himself any longer, and pushed Kaname all the way down on the bed using the grip on his hair.

The pureblood's trousers were roughly dealt with, as well as his underwear, while Kaname tried to get up. However, that just made Ichiou press his head down with more force and that meant that the pureblood's head got completely pressed into the sheets, making it difficult for him to breathe. His hands fumbled their way over the sheets, desperate to find something to hold onto.

The pureblood finally succeeded in getting his head off the sheets, at least enough to make it possible for him to breathe almost normally. "You have no right to do this to me, Ichiou," Kaname desperately shout when the elder vampire forced his thighs apart. The pureblood clearly felt the other's lust and arousal as a tangible energy explosion behind him. "I have every right in the world. I own you, remember?" Ichiou mocked as he pinned the struggling boy, cutting off all of his attempts at getting away. He ripped his own pants open and pulled them slightly down.

"You have no right to own me," Kaname said, twisting desperately as if he had not yet abandoned the idea of defiance. It didn't help him much, he had lost too much blood and Ichiou's arms were hard as steel. "I have. You begged me to take you."

"I… said you could have me instead of the boy," Kaname reformulated it to spare himself the humiliation of having begged Ichiou for anything. A luck that his head turned away from the noble's at this point, because Kaname's eyes showed true fear and his face was pale.

"What's wrong, Kaname? Why don't you cry out for your prince in shiny armor? What is his name again? Kiryuu Zero, wasn't it?" Ichiou mocked, pinning the pureblood to the bed, holding his bruised wrists. Kaname got absolutely enraged, squirming wildly and desperately trying to push the noble off. "Don't you dare touch him. I swear, Ichiou, I will kill you if you ever as much as thinks of hurting him."

"Ohh well, then I guess you have to kill me, Kaname, since I have thought of that multiple times. That is, of course, if you're able to kill me." Ichiou knew, just as well as Kaname, that the pureblood was far too drained and restrained to do anything against the brutal violation, much less actually hurt Ichiou. "And it will be a reality if you're not relaxing now," he hissed and gathered Kaname's wrists in one hand over the pureblood's head, leaving his other hand free for other purposes.

The tears of humiliation was rolling down Kaname's face now, the pureblood being as powerless to stop it from happening as he would have been if he'd tried to stop the sun from shining. _Not again, not again, not again_, his mind begged but it was too late. Dreaded words spilled from his lips unattended, but mattered nothing.

"Stop! Don't do it! Stop! Stop!"

Beaten, drained and raped, Kaname was left on the bed after Ichiou was done using him. He had to crawl to the bathroom and throw up afterwards.

"My condolences concerned your previous tamer, it was most unfortunate. But… I, and especially Cross, should have known better of course. To let a small, human girl be the keeper of you, an almost level E. Am I not right?" A cold shiver ran down Zero's back both at the mention of Yuki, but also at the sound of the President's hard, condensing voice, calling him almost mad, and he kept his tongue.

Apparently, the president didn't notice, or else she didn't care with the lack of response. "So, I have been wondering who to give authority. It can't be Cross or Yagari, you realize, as I'm not entirely sure they would stop you, even if it was necessary. I had originally chosen Jinmu, but he's an old friend of Yagari's so…" she continued without paying attention to Zero's firm silence.

It was not entirely inappropriate for her to talk about it that way. To grant another person authority to tame was like giving someone authority over your body, at least at some points. It made the other person able to rob you of your ability to move for quite some time.

To rob another living being of such control was perhaps one of the most offensive and vicious things you could do to another, no matter how good and peaceful the intentions was. Therefore, it was natural with good considerations about the person in charge.

But the last thing about not picking friends of friends either seemed to have a more political purpose. It appeared to be more strategically logical than good for Zero, who still refused to speak out loud, waiting for the president to get to the point and reveal who would be his tamer then.

"So… I figured a mix would be better. I'll give you to Yagari, but as I know of the relation between you two, I'll have a backup plan in case you get difficult and Yagari is unable to stop you. I'll bind you to a childhood friend of yours too. Does the name Takamiya Kaito say you anything?" she asked half rhetorically, concealing her rosy lips behind her Chinese fan.

Zero nodded silently. Yes, Kaito was a hunter, a little older than Zero, who'd trained alongside him and Ichiru for a short period while his own master recovered from a severe injury. Afterwards, he'd returned and Zero hadn't exactly been sad that the other boy weren't going to train with them any longer. He was irritating, cold-hearted, dominating and actually dared bully Ichiru, which was more than Zero could take.

It wouldn't be very pleasant to be bound to him, but Zero figured it was just a backup plan, so he didn't have to stick around all the time. Besides, he really had no choice, not being a part of the decision.

"Kaname. Kaname. Kaname," Takuma repeated, knocking heavily at the door to the pureblood's rooms. Strange that he didn't answer, but perhaps he was taking a bath for once. Takuma let himself in, looking for his friend although he was nowhere in the bedroom. He had to be in the bathroom then, Takuma knocking and calling but still, there was no response. Finding out that it wasn't locked, Takuma entered.

Inside, Kaname lay on the floor, eyes closed. He wasn't moving.

"Kaname," Takuma whispered miserably, lifting his head off the cold floor. "What happened?" he asked when it seemed like the pureblood was awake. Kaname's lips formed the word Takuma, but he couldn't say a thing. His throat and mouth felt like sandpaper and Takuma noticed the dark bruise beginning to form under the skin on his left cheek with ease.

Takuma felt disgusted and horrified by the sight of Kaname like this. His beautiful hair disheveled and caked, his strong neck made into a bloody mess, bruises beginning to form on his body and his eyes empty, except for the burning need to feed. And knowing who was responsible for this mess. Tears rolled unchecked down his cheeks as he quickly picked up a cloth in a cupboard and wet it, beginning to clean some of the worst places.

Kaname's face got covered in a faint, pink blush when he realized that he was naked and that he probably had been found in such a horrible state. He tried to get his abused arms to work, to push himself up from his position on the floor, but it seemed like his arms were filled with sand, making them impossibly heavy and unmovable.

When Takuma realized that Kaname was actually trying to get up, while mumbling incoherently about his personal rights, he regretted that he hadn't been more considered about Kaname's feelings, but he didn't regret coming in. If he hadn't, Kaname would have had to suffer through such injury all on his own. Now, Takuma could give him some blood to make him heal faster, and be there to comfort him.

Slowly, the noble guided Kaname down on the floor again and continued washing the worst wounds, apologizing silently. Kaname, realizing he would just look even weaker if he tried to get up again, had to accept his current position and stay on the floor. Blood was still spilling out from various deeper wounds and countless scratches all over his body, and it was quite frankly making him dizzy and light-headed.

After a few minutes, Takuma gave up on cleaning Kaname's wounds, realizing that his ministrations did nothing but causing the pureblood extra discomfort. Without saying a word, Takuma helped the pureblood stand although he swayed dangerously and guided him back to the bed. There was only one thing the noble could think of. One thing he could do to help Kaname.

"Here, take as much as you'd like," Takuma said in whispery voice, pulling down his collar to reveal his pale neck invitingly. Kaname, being too starved of blood to be able to hold much back, but not having dared taking from Ichiou, or even asking for tablets, didn't think twice. The older noble wouldn't have given him tablets anyway.

The blood was sweet, so incredibly, sinfully sweet, as it poured into Kaname's mouth and down his throat. For a moment, he was completely consumed as he felt it satisfying that burning desire and thirst drop by drop. Then, the door smacked open.

Ichiou's eyes took in the scene of his ward, still naked, holding his grandson close with inhuman fingers and Takuma's pale face as he rested against the headboard. The blood dripping down Kaname's chin, when the pureblood turned to look at him with big, frightened eyes.

Kaname's mouth instantly left Takuma's neck, even though his body told him it needed much more than what it temporarily had gained. The younger Ichijo, having been momentarily lost in the feeling of Kaname's fangs in his throat, jumped ever so slightly when he realized why the pureblood had stopped. Then, his body shifted into being in front of Kaname, protecting him.

Ichiou's first suspicion, that Kaname had lost it and, mad with bloodlust, had attacked Takuma, was now dismissed. Instead, he went straight to the bed, took a strong grip on his grandson's arm and threw him in direction of the door without a word. His hand pulled back to deliver a crushing blow to the pureblood in front of him, but Takuma's frightened voice stopped him. "No, don't do it. It wasn't his fault. Why do you do things like that to him?"

"Leave," Ichiou simply said, his voice like a deathly serpent's hiss as it sounded. Takuma, overwhelmed and frightened backed out slowly, hyperventilating, before turning around in a rush and running to his own room, his neck still bleeding a little.

Kaname had remained right where he was, curled up on the bed in front of the noble. Now, he received a sharp blow to the jaw as punishment and he rubbed it to take the worst sting away. Until he realized that Ichiou left the room instead of following up on the success. He didn't understand that, it was different from usual, and Kaname instantly got worried, standing up and running to the door. Reaching it the second it was shot tightly behind the noble and he heard the key turn in the door.

Kaname's hands scrambled to the doorknob, fighting to open it, but it would not budge. He heard Ichiou walk away and he knew what it meant. The pureblood's knees went weak underneath him and he slumped to the floor in front of the door, collapsing.

He banged his head against the wood and cried silently.


	11. Playing with Fire

**Tears of Blood by Rondomness**

_Chapter 11. Chapter title from the The Runaways-song I Love Playing With Fire._

_After the first part (with Zero) which is a direct continuation of chapter 10, please notice that a few days pass. It's to put emphasis and because, as will be pointed out, Zero gets a bit ill from being tamed. I hope it's not confusing! And I promise Kaname will be free soon! :D_

_Also, incredibly sorry for having disappeared for a few weeks. Real life captured me and I have only just been released._

**Chapter 11: Playing with Fire**

"Fine then. I'll go get Takamiya," the President finished her several minute speech, which Zero nicely had ignored every word of. He had the mindset that the quicker it was done, the better, and just waited for the feeling of metal on his neck and that strangely uncomfortable numbness.

Right now, the young hunter's attention was turned against a high stack of papers on the President's desk, with a huge stamp of PRIVATE on the front. Of course, young and rebellious as he was, a sign was far too little to stop Zero from being interested and wanting to look, actually more like the opposite.

That meant that the moment the door shot close behind the Hunter President, Zero reached for the map, his curious silvery eyes scanning the front page. He was getting in trouble anyway, better get something out of it. It was from the Vampire Council, increasing the interest.

_What the hell does the President have to sort out with the Council?_

The first word Zero's eyes fell upon was "blood" and suddenly, he wasn't so sure he wanted to know what it was about. Suddenly wasn't sure it was something he wanted to know what the President needed blood for. The name Ichijo was equally easy to find.

And Kuran.

Zero skimmed through the report with growing nausea. He was not stupid enough to read everything through to get the best understanding and risk either not having time to read everything, or being caught while reading through a private and very intimate stack of papers. However, he did get the meaning of it. And it disgusted him.

Disgusted and, stupid as it may be, made him feel very guilty. Guilty and extremely idiotic. He knew Kuran. Not very well, but he had known how much he loved… her… and it was foolish of him to think Kaname had simply forgotten about her in the course of a week. And even if the bastard had forgotten about her, that look he'd given Zero last time the two saw each other should have been enough to alarm the hunter.

When Zero heard footsteps outside the door, he quickly placed the papers back in order on the table and relaxed against the chair. Not a second too early. He'd been engulfed in the reading and the thoughts and haven't noticed the sounds before they were horribly close.

By the time the door opened, Zero had found his best poker face and tried to look like someone not on the bridge of demanding an explanation _now_. To be a hunter, even the President, and make business associations with the vampires behind the other hunters' backs was bad enough. Betraying like this, being both a blackmailer and being blackmailed, together with cheating nature to gain unholy immortality, was perhaps the greatest sin committed by any hunter in the history of vampire hunters.

_Just get it done._ Zero was so enraged that ne barely felt the pain when he got marked. Barely.

Kaname's hand locked around the bedpost with the last strength left in him and he forced his own muscles to pull him up, even though the pain and dizziness was killing him. Blood was spilling out from between his legs, legs that swayed dangerously when he forced them to support his body. His world was a drugged, dizzying, blurred up mess.

Shivers ran through the pureblood's body as he took a small step towards the bathroom door, then tripped and fell to the ground. Kaname looked up, completely dizzy, but still terrified over the thought that Ichiou would come back for whatever reason and find him like this. That mustn't happen, no matter how bad he felt.

Kaname couldn't understand. Two months ago, life had been close to perfect. He had Yuki by his side, he was free, happy. The exhausted pureblood looked around and tried to understand how his world had changed in such an unexplainable way.

Suddenly, a door smacked on the floor downstairs and a gasp escaped the pureblood's lips. His entire body gave a short squirm in panic as he thought it was closer than it in fact was. He could feel his stomach turn when the terror racked through his being before he calmed himself.

Kaname fought to stand up right, but lost balance and fell down again because the world turned around in his eyes. He succeeded in coming fully up once and then stood there, scared of taking another step. He was shaking miserably and felt like throwing up. Tears were rolling down his face now, at the same time the panic returned. The pureblood had to get to the bathroom, he couldn't stay here. In the bathroom, he could lock the door. Through his teary eyes, that didn't see clearly, the door seemed impossibly far away.

Kaname'd still only made it half a meter away from the bed and he took another step, although he was so exhausted that the strength he had to lay into moving his leg forward almost made him black out. But he continued. The naked terror was seated deep within, as was the thirst. He'd never been so afraid, never been so thirsty, never been so alone.

Slowly, he took another step. He felt how each and every movement drained him of powers. Then, carefully, Kaname started on the next step, but fell once again and then simply lay there, sore, bruised and rugged. He was too tired, too weak and too miserable to move or to get up, the tears continuing to flow and tracing well-worn paths down his chin. Kaname whimpered faintly, lowly so he was sure that nobody heard him.

Zero didn't eat anything, simply pushing the food around on his plate. "Don't you want to eat a little?" Cross asked quietly when he observed it. The younger hunter had been ill with influenza-like symptoms since his taming, a normal result of having been subjugated to the hunters' poison and their charms. "I'm not hungry," Zero said, whispering it in a low voice. Yagari and Cross, both living in the reception area of the academy at this time, had offered Zero to get a small room used to guests as long as he felt ill, just in case he needed any help.

A little while after, he stood up from the table. "I go to bed. Goodnight."

"What? Are you already tired?" Cross asked worriedly, Zero nodding in response. The black circles under his eyes and his pale face worried the elder hunter, together with his hollow and lifeless eyes. "You're not feeling bad, are you?" Cross asked while letting his hand touch Zero's forehead.

"Course not…" The hunter whispered, disappearing into his rented room. Cross and Yagari met each other's eyes in worry. He was obviously not okay. "Zero! Wait a second!" Cross shout after him.

When Yagari was done with the paperwork for this evening, he returned to Zero's room once again and caught Cross in the middle of a conversation. "… would like to have a doctor come over. Yes, he has 40,5 Celsius. Yes, of course he's in bed. Yes, he's awa…" Yagari looked down at his student's face when his eyes slowly closed. "No, he's asleep now."

Sweat rolled down his forehead even when he slept, and his breath came out with much trouble.

The two hunters shared a short look as Yagari sat down by the bedside, resting his hand against his student's cheek. The relationship between the two was fairly special. Zero looked up to his teacher and felt it as if they were almost in family. And he was thankful that it seemed like Yagari was the only person, beside their parents, when he was small who didn't treat Ichiru much different than Zero, except in things were Ichiru's frail health obviously couldn't stand the task. Yagari, on the other hand, had seen it as an honor to raise Zero to be a hunter when he was younger, but after the turn, he wasn't so sure of his feelings on the subject anymore. He still felt very much like a second father to him, at least considering some subjects, like his education and safety. But Zero was still a vampire and he himself a vampire hunter. And he swore to himself every time he got filled with warm feelings towards the boy, like in this situation, that nothing should ever stop him from killing Zero if the vampire side of him got out of control.

When Zero awoke, the others had left the room and an eerie silence hung in the air. His nightmares didn't allow him much of the rest he needed, but that wasn't what was plaguing him at the moment. Ever since reading that damned report back at the Head Quarters a few days ago, Zero hadn't been able to silence the voice inside him that screamed for him to take action.

He felt guilty for having thought Kuran was currently sitting somewhere and enjoying life, with no thought about either of them. It wasn't like him at all. But that wasn't Zero's only concern. He was split between simply ignoring it as it wasn't technically any of his business what was going on between closed doors in the Council of Vampires. But… knowing what happened, how could he ignore it?

_It's none of my concern. I don't care,_ he told himself over and over, but it didn't seem to calm or clear his mind. He was still partly dressed in the Day Class uniform and Cross had left a bowl of cold water together with a cloth by the bedside although the water at this point was a bit lukewarm. Slowly, Zero's feet met the ground on the side of the bed, resting in the moonlight, falling in through the half-open window.

Stumbling, he got up and finally managed to get outside, after having located his closet on the way out. He had no idea where he was heading, he just couldn't stand to do _nothing_. He wasn't paying attend to his direction, lost in his own thoughts while he felt the ground beneath his feet shift from pavement to grass, over gravel finally to end with asphalt. Then, he was out of sight from the Academy.

Zero stopped, pulling out a folded piece of paper from his jacket. He felt in his pocket, felt the hard metal of the money there. Not much of course. He didn't want to steal but he'd taken what he could find in Yagari's jacket, which he'd left by the bedside. Enough for a bus at least. Of course he felt bad about it, but he'd made up his mind. He couldn't just sit here and feel bad for himself anymore.

The paper showed a plan over the house, important rooms crossed out with a red marker he'd been able to find. He'd also written the address. Now, he just had to find the nearest bus stop and he would be on his way.

Thirty minutes later, Zero got off the bus in front of a huge estate that looked slightly Victorian. He still felt slightly sluggish but at least he'd made it this far without going in the floor. Satisfied, he continued at a steady, fast pace until he reached the front door. And meet a wall.

He couldn't downright knock. Dizzy and somewhat down as he was, he still possessed enough brain to know that it would be very unwise to knock. At a loss on what to do, he started rethinking his plan. The doubt was biting at him. Zero knew… knew he was being a fool. No sane hunter would ever go to this much trouble for some random vampire, who he to top it all disliked. And besides, this wouldn't give him Yuki back no matter what. But… it would perhaps make him feel like he at least was doing something for her. To make his failure a bit better. And to make up for his mistaking of the pureblood's absence, appeasing his own consciousness.

But… all his thinking mattered nothing if he couldn't get in. Zero hadn't paid much attention to his plan _after_ making it to the front door. Now what?

Miserable, Zero turned to the plan over the enormous estate. Wasn't there another way in? Was there no other? At first, it didn't seem like it. What sort of people lived in such a fortress anyway? But lastly, Zero noticed a little side door and went in the direction he thought it was in. It didn't help that the darkness was almost impossible to see through. After five minutes, he realized he'd turned the plan upside down and, frustrated, turned in the new direction.

At last, he found a small wooden door, hidden behind some bushes. And Zero'd thought this was a Victorian estate. It wasn't, far from it, more like a medieval castle. Luckily, it wasn't locked. Strange for a family so careful about security. Turned out it wasn't locked because it hadn't been used for ages and was almost impossible to get up. Zero laid more power into pulling, which irritatingly resulted in the door handle breaking off. Crap. _Crap, crap, crap…_ Then there was no way but to break the door in. Which would be very loud and probably attract attention. There was just nothing about this which could be easy.

After a few solid kicks, the door started cracking, but it needed at least seven before Zero was able to open it enough for him to enter. Apparently, as far as he could see from the plan, this was an old entrance used by the servants to get to their private champers quickly. Well, that had to do. It was dark here as the vampires needed very little light to see and most people probably weren't in this part of the building at this time.

In a house full of vampires, a half hunter, half vampire had a difficult time hiding his presence. They could probably all smell and feel him be there and Zero cursed himself for being stupid and crazy enough to do this every minute as he continued through the long halls and corridors, stopping once in a while to look at the plan and get a clearer picture at where he was now.

First, a hall which was about 50 meters long, then the second door at right hand, down an even longer corridor, up two levels in the building to the owners' bedrooms. Zero's eyes swam, the plan getting obscured for a second. He had to sit down and rest, breathing calmly and deeply, as the doctor had said he should, even though he didn't care to admit it at all.

After a few moments gasping for breath, Zero fought up and continued. He couldn't stop now, not here, in the middle of the house.

The corridors were long and the staircases seemed to go on forever. The Ichijo family lived like any successful family with a lot of money and of course their estate was enormous. There was a private museum, servants' quarters, dining rooms, bedrooms, bathrooms, a library and a thousand other rooms at least. How on earth was anyone supposed to be able to find their way through this labyrinth anyway?

Suddenly, there was movement by the door some fifteen meters to the hunter's left and Zero had to jump behind a column, which supported the loft. Luckily, the female servant entering the corridor didn't notice him, and continued down the corridor, in the same direction Zero went, which meant she didn't pass him.

Then, she stopped. Confused, the vampire turned around and breathed deeply a couple of times. She'd clearly picked up on the scent of the hunter and now she was tried to place where it came from. A cold shiver ran down Zero's spine. If he got discovered here, hidden behind a column with no business in the building whatsoever, it wouldn't be good.

Now, he just had to hope that the strange mix of blood in him would confuse her enough to let it be. The maid ran back towards the door from which she came, possibly to alarm someone else about the strange scent.

For a second, Zero's body tensed and adrenalin pumped into his body as he considering how far he would get if he began running, before anyone would get to him. Then, he shot off, not running back from where he came, but hoping he could slip by unnoticed. He couldn't turn back now. Luckily, vampires' extreme hearing coursed that the estate's walls were made especially to block out as much sound as possible.

Zero got around the next corner, and then slumped to the floor, gasping in a way that resembled hyperventilating. He pulled out the map quickly, fearing they would still be able to trace his scent if all of them concentrated. It wasn't too terribly far away now. Just two more corridors, a staircase and then he just had to find the right door.

Fighting up yet again, Zero continued down the first hallway and then down the next. After his explosion of energy a few minutes ago, he had to stop every two minutes to regain his breath, which meant that he was only moving forward slowly. He was feeling more and more sluggish and down with every minute that passed.

Finally, he reached the long corridor with multiple doors on both sides, leading to the exclusive bedrooms. One of them led to the pureblood, the others to people he didn't want to meet. He could feel there was a pureblood, but because of his illness, he was not clear enough in the head to place where the feeling came from. Not knowing what else he could do to figure out which door it was, Zero began calling the pureblood's name very silently, hoping nobody but Kaname could hear him.

Perhaps he was being too cautious because he received no response, probably because there was no way for the pureblood to hear him. Exhausted, Zero sank down against one of the doors, breathing deeply in and wondering what to do now. It couldn't be too long before anyone would come past here, so he didn't have much time.

Why was he doing this in the first place? It was stupid, childish, foolish. But… Kuran was… well, he was a close connection to Yuki, all he had left. With that thought in mind, Zero gave a small sigh of desperation and began looking around again. He tried to get up again, but the only thing he could hold onto, to try and help himself up, was the door handle. Too late he realized what he was laying all his weight on and the handle turned.

But… nothing happened. The door should open and expose him to the people inside. It didn't. It was locked. "T-Takuma?" a small voice asked from behind the door. Zero's body tensed as the question was repeated quietly once more. "Kuran?" Zero called out again, his hand reaching for the handle again, turning it multiple times to try and get it open.

"Yes? You… You're not Takuma. Who?" the voice continued, sounding almost more frightened than interested. There was a strange sound, as if Kuran was dragging himself to the other side of the door. "Kiryuu. I can't open the door," Zero continued, pulling in the handle a few times to demonstrate.

"Leave," a deathly hiss sounded from the other side. "I don't want you here. Go now. If he finds you here…" The voice died out and fell silent. Zero couldn't care less with Kuran's thoughts about this at the moment, or his feelings. He had not made it this far to give up now, so close to the goal. Besides, as he told himself, this never was about the pureblood, it was about satisfying his own need to safe at least a little piece of Yuki.

"I can't open the door," he continued, "please tell me what I can do. I'm coming in no matter if you like it or not, so please be cooperative before someone finds me here." That last threat seemed to hit a vulnerable spot because Kaname quickly explained that the key could be found in a big vase, standing on a small table to Zero's right.

Finally, Zero was able to open the door and without further delay, he open the door and found the pureblood in the middle of the room, wearing a pair of pants which seemed to be able to fall off at any time. He supported himself with the bedpost. The pureblood's eyes stared at him now that they met face to face.

Kaname had black circles under his eyes, standing horribly out because his face was so lean. He'd definitely lost a lot of weight, which wasn't healthy as he already had been very slender before. The skin in his face seemed thin, some sort of stretched, as if his cheeks could break through the skin anytime. His before so beautiful, long hair was now filled with filth and blood, it stuck to his forehead and neck, glistening with sweat. His hands and fingers looked weak and vulnerable. It was frightening.

"Ku…ran?" Zero's eyes stared at him. Big, almost frightened and completely uncomprehending. But that wasn't what caught Kaname's attention. It was how Zero's jugular pulsed rapidly with each beat of his heart, calling Kaname to the neck like a firehouse would call a ship to it's cove. His eyes shut tightly as the pureblood's thoughts turned into a maelstrom of need and want, hiding burning, blood-red eyes.

Kaname was used to feeling thirst. He knew the drill, used to the way a scent combined with blood thirst made him feel. The dry ache in his throat, the hollow yearn he felt in his stomach, the automatic tightening of every muscle in his body, the saliva beginning to form in his mouth. But this… this was different. Much different. Kaname was not just in need of a tablet or two, he was fatally drained, unable to control his own body's responses to the person in front of him. Too long had he held back out of fear. This time, he was not afraid and that made him uncontrollable, even to himself.

_Why is it so warm? I'm burning. It hurts. It hurts._ For a second, Kaname was sure that his last eight years were a make-believe, a hallucination formed by his twisted mind. He didn't understand that the pain in his veins now was coursed by seeing the pulsing veins and smelling the blood in his starved state. He thought… for a second he thought he was burning once again. On fire.

Kaname was letting his imagination get the better of him. He was picturing himself walking, running across the room in a blur of motion, too rapid for Zero to comprehend. Thinking of learning closer, his arms snaking around his prey's body to hold him still. Closer, until his lips touched the boy's neck, close enough to whisper a silent hiss in his ear. Letting his lips touch the arch of the hunter's throat. Imagining how the hot, welcoming flow of his blood and pulse beneath the fine, pale skin would feel pressed against his mouth and craving fangs.

Zero was still looking at Kaname in absolute horror. The tears had made white fudges in his face and his hair, which at some point in the past had been as fine and soft as silk, now caked to his body. Sweat, tears and much else was all over him. But his eyes burning in the sockets with a cruel flame for a second, before being replaced with a desperate pain, hurt and repulsion, an endless fight against the owner's own nature.

The pureblood's arms took a fast hold of himself, as if he was trying to gather up his own pieces. Trying to resist. Zero did not know that walking closer and placing a hand on Kaname's shoulder would have such immense consequences.


	12. A Game of Chess

**Tears of Blood by Rondomness**

_Chapter 12. I don't really know, I guess the name for this chapter was just a result of my strange brain._

_Warnings: Blood, angst, blood drinking, fight, death._

**Chapter 12: A Game of Chess**

Zero slid closer and placed his hand on Kaname's shoulder to give support and to comfort him. That was a fatal mistake.

The strong scent of blood intensified beyond compare and Zero's pulsing heart hit Kaname with the strength of a truck with each beat. There was no word or image violent and needy enough to capture the full content of the horrible wanting that hit the pureblood, the force driving him mad. In that second, he was as far away from humanity as he'd ever been before, no trace of shreds even.

Kaname was a predator. Zero was his prey. His unknowing, vulnerable prey. All else was gone, only that simple truth remained. There was no house full of witnesses who would smell the blood. Not even Ichiou existed in Kaname's mind, although the noble would be both infuriated, amused and gruesome if he knew. Infuriated because it was against his plan to allow Kaname any blood at all, amused because he would watch how low the pureblood had sunk and gruesome in the things he would do to Zero in front of Kaname to hurt him.

Kaname was a pureblood vampire, who had been starved terribly over weeks and now, he could no longer contain his need for blood. Besides, the boy smelled amazing and absolutely delicious. Kaname hadn't known such a feeling of need and pain in one big mix was possible.

Thirst burned through his throat like hellfire. The muscles in his jaws tightened to make ready for the bite, the other muscles following, making ready to move, jump on the hunter. Saliva rushed into his mouth. All this happened in less than one second, Zero's hand still hanging in the air over Kaname's shoulder, being another moment from landing. His silvery eyes slid up to Kaname's face and the pureblood saw himself reflected in them for a second. The shock of Kaname's bloody eyes saved Zero another second, his eyes stunned and uncomprehending. He didn't make the pain easier to control as he gulped visibly, coursing the veins to move even more than necessary. The scent was like a haze, a thick, impervious haze covering Kaname's entire mind, making him unable to think of anything else, his thoughts fighting, raging, resisting, controlling, needing…

Kaname's head flew up, a hand hitting Zero in the chest. He landed on his back on the bed and as he brought up his eyes, he was met with the heart stopping sight of Kaname's curious, animalistic and hungry red eyes. Zero had been caught completely off guard and he didn't resist until it was too late. Kaname's arm fell around his chest, locking the hunter's arms to his body, while a hand pulled his head backwards.

Zero's skin was pale, almost white and so soft… to Kaname it seemed as if it was transparent with the blue veins, moving to each beat of Zero's heart. Kaname's body was throbbing with thirst. Ichiou had drained him too much and given him almost no blood, the few pills not enough to satisfy his burning hunger in the slightest way. Zero was delicious, extremely delicious and placed right in front of him. He was so much better than pills and Kaname arched so much in his wild blood thirst.

Zero was too shocked at first to resist, even when he felt Kaname's lips touch his bite area sensually. Then, he was pulled back from his dream state by the sharp pain of fangs sliding into his neck. When Kaname tasted the blood, he lost even the kind of animalistic concentration he had and Zero's arm fell to the bed when Kaname loosed hold of it. For a second, Zero merely felt the rush of blood being drained from his veins far too quickly.

"Ku-Kuran…" he rasped and tried to use his free hand to yank Kaname's head away. The pureblood, completely lost in the most welcome and much needed sensation of blood on his tongue, just took a stronger hold on Zero, not letting him pull away, even when Zero's hand dug painfully into his forehead and pulled harshly in his hair.

"Stop, Ku…" A hand clamped over Zero's mouth, stifling his shocked and frightened yell. The bite was so cold, it froze him, and so hot, it burned him. His legs were twisting wildly on the sheets, but they were too slippery, he could hold onto nothing. _So painful. So intoxicatingly painful._

Kaname saw the blind terror that razed through Zero's veins. It was the feeling of helplessness. And then, memories of a similar pain, another time when the struggling boy under him had been bitten.

_A terrified, little boy, his small hand reaching out for his parents and his scared yell barely audible through the snow storm._ Panic was clear through the memory.

The vampire held it's struggling prey down. He wasn't satisfied yet, he wanted more, needed more. He had been starved off for far too long time and Kaname couldn't hold back, even as Zero bit him in the hand with all of his strength. Kaname barely noticed the pain, he was already too far gone.

Then, the terrifying sound of footsteps in the hall.

"Zero! Zero! Where did he go? And I that state…" Yagari exclaimed, furious but clearly also concerned. Cross wasn't in a much better state himself, both of them having looked through the dorm at least a dozen times already and getting more and more frustrated each time they met again with no result. Zero had, quite obviously by now, left the school grounds. That meant that he was out there alone with a heavy fever.

At last, the two returned to their private, apartment-like part of the building, determined on going to rest. After all, he couldn't go around out there all night long with a fever like that. He would come in by himself after a little while. No need to stress further over something that would solve itself.

Cross had just reached for the contact to put out the light in his bedroom when Yagari burst into his room, the elder giving a shocked little jump of surprise. "He's not outside! I know where he's gone!" Yagari shouted, much higher than needed in the little room. "My money from the jacket I left by the bedside are gone! And so is the plan over the Ichijo Estate on my drawer."

"Wait! You have house plans for vampires? Isn't that rather personally insulting?" Cross burst in, looking at the younger hunter with condensing eyes. Yagari gave him an irritated look. Stupid Cross who apparently cared more for the vampires' privacy than what had happened to Zero. "Now's not the time! The point is, Zero has taken the plan and is probably on his way there as we speak if he isn't there already!"

"Fine then. But what do we do about it?" Cross asked absent-mindedly, still prepared to sleep.

The pureblood stopped instantly, releasing Zero from his grasp. The hunter, having only just noticed the footsteps, instantly noticed Kaname's intense starring at the door, expecting it to open every second, revealing his worst enemy. The hand that a second earlier had been as a death weight on Zero's arm now began to shook violently, together with the rest of the pureblood's body.

Kaname's mind raced. He could only imagine what Ichiou would do to Zero all too vividly. He was barely conscious enough to know what to do, but managed to force a hectic whisper past his lips. "Inside the closet." Zero got up quickly, rushing towards said closet when he noticed how Kaname sat, frozen and in complete shock. As fast as possible, Zero was by his side, making him side with his body turned away from the door, lastly turning his head away to make him seem like he wasn't expecting a visit. Then, he rushed to the closet.

The second later, Ichijo Asato smacked the door open, looking around suspiciously. When noticing Kaname's form on the bed, he relaxed instantly. Zero could see only a small bit of what was going on, but he guessed the older noble had noticed that the door was unlocked.

Then, Ichiou went to the pureblood's side, Kaname turning his head to look at him in the same moment as a resounding slap cut through the air. Zero got a shock when he realized what had happened and he remembered, like every time he saw the powerful noble, be it from across halls in vampire gatherings, or hidden inside a closet on a private estate, how terrifying he seemed. Nothing else to do than sit still and hope for the best.

Meanwhile, Kaname thanked his minimal lucky star that his head turned away from Ichiou when a deep blush spread over his cheeks, realizing Zero was currently seeing the pureblood's degraded form. And he also knew what the hunter would see next.

"What's that smell, Kaname, what did you do?" Ichiou asked casually, Kaname not answering. The pureblood's body felt frozen. The noble walked into the center of the room, and the hunter suddenly got completely overtaken by the contrast between the kind of people he usually was together with, and the tall, majestic silhouette. He was very broad-shouldered with a dark, strongly marked face. His piercing eyes contained both a glimpse of wildness and harshness, every line in his face expressing control and dominance. His movements were powerful and balanced, just like a wild animal's would be, and when you saw him in a room like this, it seemed way too small for him. Compared to the frozen pureblood on the bed, which he now approached, he seemed even more outstanding.

Kaname was ashamed and hurt, thinking he would have to go through with this treatment with Zero watching the whole time. But that wasn't meant to be. When Ichiou bowed down behind the pureblood, pressing him down and spreading his legs, Zero couldn't be still anymore. "No!" The outburst came automatically. The deep silence that followed was only broken by Kaname's panicked intake of air. "Who?" Ichiou's voice cut through the silence like a deathly serpent's hiss. There was no way of avoiding it. Zero tumbled out of the closet, rushed forward, and pried the noble off Kaname's sunken form.

Ichiou stared at Zero, Zero stared back. Kaname too looked up at the hunter, afraid and then, justly terrified when Zero's body was sent back with grave force the same way it'd come. He slammed into the closet, breaking one of the doors in the process. Gaspingly, the hunter supported himself on the closet. Ichiou was half standing, half sitting over Kaname, making ready to strike again.

The next blow was as hard as the last one, and because of the difference between them, Zero didn't stand a chance unless he could have shot the noble. But of course, the hunter hadn't thought that he would walk face to face with this, and so, since Yagari had taken the gun away, he hadn't thought it was worth the trouble to get it again and possibly wake the elder hunter in the process.

Zero was little more than an ex-human without his gun and Ichiou was one of the highest nobles. It was an uneven fight. Kaname could see that too. And he _didn't_ want to let Zero take all these blows, but it didn't seem like he could do anything against it, Ichiou was too strong. Thanks in no small part to Kaname's blood.

Already after about half a minute, it was clear that Kaname had to mingle with the fight if Zero should stand a chance. The pureblood stepped in between the two right as the hunter backed out and curled up on the floor after a horrible blow to the head.

Ichiou's eye brightened visibly when Kaname stepped in, obviously just waiting to knock him out. He smacked Kaname so hard that he was almost smashed to the ground, but he straightened up even as his eyes swam. This, Ichiou hadn't expected. Normally, such a blow was more than enough to send the rebellious boy to the ground. Ichiou gave him another sharp blow, to the other chin this time, and Kaname tumbled backwards just like before, but he straightened up again. Zero's blood had given him a few powers back, but the two blows still made his world stand frighteningly unclear.

The two opponents looked deeply at each other for a second, their eyes bright with hatred. Kaname made up his mind the second he saw the hatred in Ichiou's. _I won't let you touch him._

Then, they mutually hissed and bowed down into an attack position. In the hunter's eyes, they resembled giant rocks tumbling down the mountain sides as they reached each other in a horrible collision, that would have destroyed a normal human's every bone. None of them were injured yet, but Kaname was the first to get going. He was ready in one, balanced movement and threw himself over Ichiou, who was still collecting himself after the first collision. Kaname's fingers extended into talons and he cut four, diagonal wounds into the elder noble's chest.

Ichiou let out a low growl and pulled backwards, while swinging his arm in a motion that hit the pureblood with devastating force. Kaname's body crashed into the closet a few centimeters from Zero. The next second, Ichiou was over him like an avalanche.

Zero could almost feel the air being beaten out of him at the sight of the enormous weight crashing down on Kaname and he was afraid that it might be too much for the already weakened pureblood. Kaname fought to get away from under the noble, but he was on his back, and Ichiou's teeth buried themselves in his neck.

Warm drops of pure blood reached Zero and the hunter felt just how alluring they were. His eyes sought the battle again, noticing how different the two fighters were. Ichiou was big, muscular, in absolutely perfect condition. Kaname, in comparison, was very thin, his ribs stood out and he looked smaller and less majestic. Zero had never thought that anyone not pureblood would be able to overshadow Kaname no matter what, and it was a horrible thing to see how little the pureblood had been reduced to. Also in personality and wishes, they were polar opposites. Ichiou wanted everything and everyone to be under a kind of hollow democracy, everything should stay as it was, while he also wanted more and more. As soon as the things he'd wanted before got everyday life, it stopped being interesting in his eyes and he wanted more. Kaname, on the other hand, had enough in himself. For him, what was important weren't size, but importance. Kaname was after quality, Ichiou after quantity. They were two opposite opinions, two different ways of living, two different futures. In a few minutes, it might be decided which of them had a future and which who hadn't. Although Zero naturally wanted Kaname to win, he couldn't say he was devoted like Aidou or Souen. Many of the choices and actions Kaname had made before, he couldn't and didn't want to understand or accept. It felt as if he was the third opposition. Perhaps that wasn't far from the truth. There had always been the Council, the Kurans and the Association. Those were the three main rulers of vampire society, although the Association probably worked more like police and judge, while the two others were politicians. Zero weren't really sure he wanted to leave someone like Kaname in charge of the vampires overall, which made him stay on the floor instead of helping the pureblood.

Kaname's hand managed to rip open the noble's chest, even lying down with Ichiou over himself. The elder yanked backwards to see the damage, which gave Kaname time to get up again. Their eyes met again for a second, both gasping to make ready for round two. Ichiou had a few bad cut across the chest, although Kaname fared worse. The blood streamed from cuts and bite marks on his neck and he was gasping heavily.

None the less, Kaname jumped his opponent again, before Ichiou had time to really get back in line. He was knocked backwards and had to take a horrible blow to the neck. Kaname threw himself on top of Ichiou but was thrown off immediately. Once again, they collided and it was almost impossible to see who was on top.

Zero stared at them breathlessly, still determined not to intervene, but now knotting his fists so tightly that he almost got a cramp. He thought he saw Ichiou ripping in a wound, but a moment later, they both stood up again, hitting after each other like boxers, just… with a lot more power in the blows. Boxers with sharp knives in their gloves. They were both wild and furious. Zero barely dared looking at it.

Kaname still had the odds stacked against him. Ichiou was definitely the biggest, physically strongest of them, and Kaname was thirsty, hungry and exhausted, even before the start of the fight. Now, he'd lost an even greater amount of blood from wounds in his stomach, chest, arms and neck, while Ichiou only bled from his mouth.

It was bad for Kaname. He started lagging and every time, he took another step, it was clear that he was supported satisfyingly. His blows were much more fragile, not the punishing slaps it had been before and Ichiou immediately noticed the other's growing weakness, while Zero once again considered interfering. He just didn't know how to, because at this point, he couldn't be sure that he would get out of it alive. There was no place for ex-humans in a fight between pureblood and noble. Ichiou began mocking him, while the blows continued to fall down over his shoulders. Slowly, Kaname backed out.

Zero didn't want to look at it anymore, it was painful to watch Kaname back away, sore, bruised and miserable. However, he didn't feel like he could look away when the pureblood fought for his sake. The least he could do was to look at it, just in case Kaname would look for him. He shouldn't think Zero had lost hope that he would win, he should see that Zero supported him. However, he couldn't see what Kaname was doing. Luckily, Ichiou couldn't either.

In truth, Kaname's leg was just fine, he was backing away to appear subdued so he could find the right moment to strike. He just needed one second where Ichiou weren't completely focused on him. He'd realized some time ago that he couldn't possibly win without deceiving the noble. His muscles contracted, made ready for the right moment.

The moment came a second later and Kaname stroke when Ichiou was in the middle of turning around towards the door. He was like a tsunami, huge, unstoppable and devastating. His talons cut through the air and hit the noble's chest with enormous power.

It was a terrible blow. Most of the chest was ripped completely open and the blood sprayed out over everything. However, the blood Ichiou had taken from Kaname granted him the ability to survive and Kaname was over him again like a thundercloud the second he hit the floor.

Kaname pressed his knee into Ichiou's gut, holding him pinned against the floor. There was sheer murder in his garnet gaze and Ichiou saw that. "If it wasn't because it is so damn disgusting with an old leech like you," Kaname started in an eerie, silent voice, "I'd raped you now just so you know how it is to be held still and forced to pleasure the person you hate most in the world." The pureblood's voice had turned into a shout and there was no mistaking that he meant what he was saying.

"I knew that you were a perverted, bloodthirsty vulture from the first time we met each other. But I didn't know just how goddamn sick you are. And sadistic. Did it please you to watch me struggle in your arms? That time in the bathroom when I was young, I thought you could do nothing as disgusting to me as that. But no, each and every time you did something like that, it was worse than before. Even the reason for your interest disgusts me. You find me attracting," Kaname hissed, letting his anger run freely. It wasn't a question, it was a conclusion.

"I don't know where you got that wrong, Ichiou, but just because you find someone attracting, be it man or woman, doesn't give you permission to bed them." Ichiou hissed at him but it turned into a scream when Kaname snapped his wrists. The pureblood's arm plummeted downwards, making a grave wound in the chest and pulling out the heart. Not once did Kaname's starved eyes glow red in bloodlust.

Zero's eyes were fixed at the pureblood's bloody hands, until Kaname, too, picked up on the sound of footsteps and stared at the door. The pureblood knew who it was and he was terrified. He couldn't handle more now. He couldn't handle having to explain what he did or why he did. He couldn't handle looking Takuma in the eyes and tell everything that had happened.

A few seconds later, the blond noble opened the door, looking around nervously, obviously having smelled the blood and recognized the different sources. When he saw the three figures on the floor, he froze. His mind razed. Kaname, half-naked and covered in blood from top to toe, some of it his own, some of it Ichiou's. Zero, sitting in the corner with a horribly frightened look on his face, still tending the injuries he'd gotten before. And then…

Kaname saw what happened to Takuma when the full impact of horrible reality hit him. He saw the green eyes go wide and how he looked around while the first tears began forming in his eyes and the pureblood couldn't stop himself from spilling. From telling Takuma everything in a futile attempt at making him understand why he'd done what he'd done.

"He raped me, Takuma! Many times he raped me on that bed," Kaname burst out, filling Takuma's eyes with even more tears. He had to know the truth about his grandfather. "No," Takuma whispered, the tears rolling down his cheeks now. His expression was both angry and hurt. "That time when he called me, I was raped too. When you sat down there, drinking tea and reading manga, I was raped upstairs. I was…"

"You're fucking mad! You're mad, pureblood," Takuma shout, learning forward in a threatening pose. That was the first he'd called Kaname pureblood, or even talked unfriendly to him. The pureblood pulled back. It hurt. It hurt knowing what he'd done. It hurt knowing that Takuma had such a horrible creature so close to heart. It hurt knowing there had been no other way. It hurt seeing the hatred in those green eyes. But most of all… it hurt when he came to the conclusion that Takuma loved his grandfather dearly enough to forgive him if he'd been the one killing Kaname instead.

The noble pulled back and stormed out the door. Kaname turned to Zero, a silent tear falling from the pureblood's soft lashes. He'd didn't want this. He'd never wanted this.

Only now, Kaname realized how completely and utterly weak he felt. Blood oozed out of scratches and wounds way too numerous to count. Kaname's world blurred up. He had close to no blood in his veins and both thirst and the sheer lightheadedness of bloodloss made him dizzy. Slowly, the pureblood turned around and looked at Zero. The hunter was taken aback by Kaname's obvious lack of energy.

"Pl-please help me," Kaname whispered miserably and took a step towards Zero. But the sheer outlet of energy it took to take that step made him black out and he fell to the ground. The pureblood had nothing left in himself to hold out.

Zero was by him in a second and lifted his head off the floor. "Kuran," he shout, but Kaname was far too gone to hear him. The pureblood's eyes fell backwards into his head and all Zero could see were white emptiness in Kaname's eyes. The hunter gathered Kaname in his arms and walked outside, knowing there were other hunters at the estate.


	13. Tumbling Down the Rabbit Hole

**Tears of Blood by Rondomness**

_Chapter 13. I'm sorry for the continued delay, but I've been very ill for almost two weeks and I have a lot of work and such things. Therefore, expect that there will be continued delay on the chapters. Instead of one per week or so, it's going to be around two per month. I'm sorry, but it can't be any other way. I love VK and wish I could spend all my time writing and reading others' amazing stories, but I'm super busy in real life so…_

_Also, as to the last sentence in this chapter, I'm pretty sure most of us aren't in doubt about who's talking here xD_

**Chapter 13: Tumbling Down the Rabbit Hole**

Walking through the enormous estate this second time somehow seemed to go both slower and faster. Slower because Zero had to carry Kaname all the way, the pureblood completely gone, and faster, because he could walk out the front door without worries. The servants were gone too, probably taken in for questioning by the hunters outside. Zero felt a little bad for carrying the pureblood outside like this. Although Kaname had killed the noble, thus making him guilty of the crime committed, it felt unfair that he should wake up into such a chaos. Zero was pretty sure that if the pureblood had been conscious, he wouldn't have done this.

All eyes were fixed on him as he slowly carried Kaname out, looking down in the ground at his feet or sometimes at the pureblood to avoid their condensing gazes. Nonetheless, he couldn't block Yagari's angry looks or Cross's worried murmurs from breaking through, but he just continued.

Zero was about to deliver the shaking, blood smeared pureblood in his arms to a tough looking guy that neither of them knew, when a small voice claimed all of his attention. "Uhm… I'd… I'd rather stay with Kiryuu." As embarrassing as it was to say, right now, Kaname didn't want to be with some stranger and… perhaps it was just best if Zero could understand. The pureblood knew he perhaps hadn't noticed the feeling yet, because he was an ex-human and because he had a lot of other, more pressing emotions at the minute, but it was there. And there it would stay.

Zero looked down at him in surprise, but understood he didn't want to be with someone he didn't know in this state and complied. "Here," one of the other hunters said, gesturing towards an open door which led to the inside of the typical hunter-truck, a type of big van with room for containing vampires on their way to the Association. Zero felt the pureblood turn in his arms, clearly displeased and uncomfortable.

The hunter placed Kaname on a table in the middle of the room in the back of the van, a table attached to the floor. Zero had to admire the pureblood's complete disdain. In many ways, they were "similar opposites". Kaname showed the hunters the exactly same form of cold disdain as Zero usually showed vampires. The pureblood's glare was interrupted by a shiver and the hunter realized that he still weren't wearing more than a pair of trousers. Another hunter had too and gave him a blanket. Zero still hadn't noticed that Kaname wasn't interested in blankets, hunters or anything else. He was just interested in one thing…

The pureblood tried to calm his mind. He should just relax and don't press anything any further. But… the other hunters were making ready to depart. Zero was the only one close by. "Uhm… I, uhm…" Kaname wanted to say that he was thankful and glad, to reassure and calm down. But he couldn't right now, there was only one thing on his mind. He'd been too down, too hurt and too enraged to notice that because they'd been interrupted, Kaname hadn't got enough and his newly awoken feelings stirred in him.

Kaname wasn't in the best state at the moment. He had various scratches and wounds all over his body, he was thirst like he'd never been before, but worst of all his wounds from between the legs had reopened because of his recent outburst of energy and the blood was following rapidly out of him. He hadn't said anything or showed anything to the hunters. They certainly shouldn't have that pleasure.

The pureblood shot an anxious look towards the other hunters, but their high talk and work kept them occupied and they were out of hearing range. Slowly, Kaname looked at Zero to gain his attention, then opened his mouth to reveal a pair of highly protruding fangs. Zero's eyes widened when he saw the problem and understood how the pureblood felt at the moment, how weak he was.

"It… It's okay, Kuran. It's okay. If you're hungry, then please. It's better than if you go mad," Zero soothed, revealing the pale skin of his neck invitingly. Kaname weakly turned his head to the small window of the door, his eyes glazed and uncomprehending to his surroundings, but his mind knowing how risky it would be to take advantage of the offer made.

Sure, he needed the blood with an intensity that was beyond compare, but should the other hunters find him like this, they would think he'd attacked the young hunter and treat him thereafter. Which meant that they probably would drug him and the pureblood wasn't sure his body could handle that in his current state. Besides, Zero himself might do this on purpose. He might voice this seemingly amazing offer now, only to claim Kaname attacked him in a minute and get the pureblood into hot water.

But… he was so inviting. It wasn't even sure the others would find out.

Slowly, Kaname's mouth neared the neck that was spread out in front of him in an obvious manner. Zero had even removed the hair already. "Come on. Yeah, that's it, that's it," Zero soothed as he nudged Kaname's mouth to find his main vein.

The pureblood's fangs sank in without any resistance, Kaname was very skilled and even in this state, he could drink Zero dry without wasting a single drop of the liquefied life flowing into him now. It was in the last moment, because with so little blood in his body, the pureblood's body couldn't take the enormous outflow of blood without getting some in return. Just a little more…

The door was smacked open and the stunned pureblood swept off the table and down on the cold, hard floor. Two men were over him in a second, gripping his arms and holding him completely still. A deathly hiss born of inhuman, animalistic hunger, need and fury escaped the pureblood's lips, as a half-frightened, half-frustrated voice out shadowed everything else. "_Don't hurt him_."

Zero was still bleeding sluggishly because Kaname's fangs had been yanked out of him so suddenly, but he wasn't the least dizzy at the moment. Yagari's hand on his shoulder held him back, away from the pureblood as if he was something dangerous. Zero noticed it at the same time as Kaname and quickly jerked his arm away with an irritated scowl. "He didn't attack me at all. I... I offered it to him because… he was thirsty…" Zero's voice grew weaker and weaker. He knew it was an absolute taboo to give a vampire your blood freely, no matter if the vampire was half-dead of bloodlust or not. It was a disgrace.

"Shut up," Yagari silenced him, pushing the younger hunter behind himself when he walked to Kaname, who was blushing hardly, partly due to the recent intake of blood, but mostly because he was ashamed. Last time he'd seen Zero's master, he'd been on the top. Surrounded by loyal nobles, in a class of his own making and in physical perfection as he was used to. Now, he was reduced to a rogue vampire, mad with thirst, weak, unable to pry the two men off his arms even. They just held him down and he didn't resist it.

As normal procedure, a blindfold was slipped over the pureblood's eyes instantly and a half articulated _hey_ escaped his lips in the first, confused second where he wasn't sure what had suddenly obscured his world. He was cut off by a short stab of pain in his arm when a small, sharp object was pushed into his arm, an object Kaname quickly recognized to be a small syringe filled with hunter poison. The liquid burned his veins until he was too dizzy to feel the hurt. The pureblood feel unconscious with a nice feeling. It wasn't unusual that the hunters would shoot vampires trying to attack for blood and although it was quite uncomfortable to sleep here blindfolded, partly naked and restrained, it was better than to lay crumbled up in pain.

Kaname was more than satisfied now. He didn't feel like there was anyone else who would come after him like last time. He would just solve this with the Association and then, he could go back and begin living again. Just… everything would have been perfect if not for three persons. Takuma, Yuki, Zero. In the middle of all his misery, Kaname hadn't really had time to realize how much he missed Yuki. And without Takuma… it seemed an impossible task to complete. And Zero. Why had the only way to get out of that nightmare been to step into something like that? Without the hunter's blood, he wouldn't have been able to raise a hand against Ichiou, but now… with… Zero…

Zero was silent on the rest of the trip. He knew the other hunters were sometimes casting disdainful glances at him and he understood. Now, afterwards, he couldn't understand what on earth had made him act like that. Offering a pureblood some of your blood. Having been bitten already made the consequences much lesser of course, but nonetheless, it was a serious taboo to break and he didn't even have the slightest idea why he'd done it. To make it even worse, he was beginning to feel a bit strange. Not downright ill, but… definitely not well either.

When the hunter shifted uncomfortably in his seat for the umpteenth time, Yagari shot a nervous glance down at him. He was still angry at how the boy had sneaked out, run away, and now with all this chaos suddenly going on… Both with the sudden murder of one of the highest businessmen in the vampire world and Zero offering blood to the suspect. It was so confused. He always worried about Zero when he did anything unexpected or unwanted seen with a hunter's eyes. The last four years, Yagari had been afraid that Zero was moving himself away from his position as a hunter a little inch at a time. Moving towards becoming more of a vampire and less of a hunter.

"Hey, what's going on? I'm surprised there is still fabric left on your seat with all your turning and squirming," Yagari noticed, looking skeptically at said seat. His student stilled, clearly thinking it embarrassing to be caught in the act like that. "N-nothing, I'm just… a bit uncomfortable. I don't really know why. It's nothing," Zero reassured him, with a faint hint of embarrassment and irritation.

When they reached the Head Quarters, it felt more like what it would feel like if he'd gotten lobotomized or something like that. He couldn't concentrate and he couldn't think. There was something different inside his head. It was as if his soul was exposed somehow.

However, it was just an annoyance to him, small and easily ignored, until he caught sight of Kaname, this time able to see, but still horribly confused and partly asleep from the hunter drug. He didn't look too healthy, extremely pale and very, very thin. But his glazed eyes were observing Zero sharply, clearly looking for something definite. The hunter quickly looked away, beginning to feel worse almost immediately.

It was as if his entire anatomy had moved a bit, offering new space to an alien object or feeling. Said feeling weaved itself into his nerves, through the veins it spread rapidly and uncomfortably to the rest of the body. And then, suddenly, after having felt this during the entire trip, it disappeared. As if it had never been there, it was suddenly gone without a trace. Although, intrigued by the sudden vanish of the feeling which had appeared just as unexplainably and suddenly before, Zero decided to drop it and just get inside, relaxing and perhaps even sleeping a little. Ignoring the other hunters' unpleasant stares.

Kaname was glad that he wasn't treated as badly as expected. After all, he was accused for having killed Ichiou, which was true enough, and of having attacked Zero, an accusation that wouldn't get raised just because he said he hadn't. Not even though Zero himself had said immediately that he had offered it. But of course. Who would believe that a hunter ever would offer blood to a pureblood freely, when said pureblood was starving and could easily have attacked? To top it all, Zero was also an ex-human, which meant that it was physically possible for Kaname to make him give blood without a fight even.

He hadn't though. He'd given a vague hint that he might needed to drink some more, but Zero could just have ignored it or gotten him a tablet. It was… _nice_ of him, a highly disturbing thought. _No, no, no. Just because of this change, don't go and get all sorts of strange thoughts about him. He's just an ex-human, nothing changed for him…_ Kaname's mind raced along with his heartbeat. He shouldn't go around and think that just because the two events of Kaname drinking the blood and Kiryuu's sudden act of kindness had anything to do with each other.

It was a much more stable idea that Kiryuu had seen how close he was to the breaking point and simply saw no other option. Because he didn't want Kaname to go into a mad blood rush inside the van. Yes, of course that was why. Kaname's hectically deducing brain made up a few other ideas to go with the main, just to see if it was unstable in any way. The result wasn't as expected. Or perhaps… it was exactly as expected, just something the pureblood didn't like to face.

How he despised the Association. Not much because it was full with hunters. He actually quite admired hunters. Any father loves his offspring. But that old lady, controlling everything from behind closed doors, how he despised her. Had it been old days, _better_ days, he would have killed her to create a better world for Yuki. She was the last, and weakest, link in the chain controlling vampire matters. There had been the Kurans, Rido, the Council and the Association. Although the Council wasn't gone altogether, after learning that Kaname could rise against them, they wouldn't be quite as smug. Hopefully.

But all that didn't really matter anymore. Rido and Ichiou had been a necessity to destroy as, to be honest, it had been a true bliss to remove those two from the face of the earth. And in both cases, it had been a clear case of _it's me or him_. Therefore, it was almost acceptable that he had to go through a trial now. I truth, he'd had the right to go to the authorities with his guardian's behavior since he was around nine. It had only grown worse since then.

Kaname raised his arms in front of him, keeping his eyes on the huge building that made up the core of the Hunters community. He only gave a shot intake of air as response when cold, indescribably uncomfortable metal touched the skin on his wrists. He went through with the shackles because he had no other option and because the faster he got in there and proved he hadn't _really_ done anything wrong, the faster he would get out.

When a clear click was heard, indicating that the shackles were now locked, Kaname was quickly lead on in the system. It was the usual type of hunter cuffs, big, uncomfortable and heavy. Made up of a metal board with space for the wrists and chains on each side of the board. The chains continued twice around the body to make sure the vampire couldn't raise the hands much either. To finish off, a big padlock on the right side to lock and unlock the cuffs.

And then, first step inside from the door used by hunters with prisoners, he was being stopped by the security man, with the usual stupid, completely meaningless remark. "This might sting a little bit." Kaname was more irritated over the way usual security at the Association hadn't moved one millimeter since he was here first time as a four year old, than over the sting, which by the way wasn't just a sting.

The idea was that the hunters weren't taking any risks with difficult or potentially dangerous vampires, and wouldn't allow a vampire accused or convicted of anything to set foot inside the Association's Head Quarters without being too drugged to be easily suppressed. Too drugged to put up a real fight no matter what. Therefore, as if it was an airport where the security checked for weapons and took luggage, here the vampires were stitched and injected with hunter drugs to keep them subdued while inside. For longer stays, a new dose once a day.

Apart from a violent contraption of the muscles in Kaname's right arm, where he was stitched, the pureblood didn't react, even though the pain definitely wasn't just stinging. The familiar cloud descended upon Kaname's eyes in a rush as soon as the poison reached his brain. He felt dizzy and uncomfortable, but refused to let it show and was simply guided on, finally inside.

He was set to wait in a small room, which had a striking similarity to a prison cell. The interiors made it look like an office, but Kaname couldn't be fooled. The doors were locked and there were hunters outside both of them, keeping a close eye on him through the glass. They hadn't needed though, his world was so obscured that he had difficulties recognizing who of the hunters outside was the guard who'd led him in here. Besides, he was still handcuffed and couldn't move his hands back, forth, left, right or apart. Irritatingly enough, because the chains fell loosely around him and had gotten down to level with his hands, which meant that he had to push the chains up if he weren't to sit on them. With his hands chained like this, he didn't stand a chance. Of course, he could have used another object such as a chair, but with hunters watching, he was more comfortable with sitting on them than trying to get them up and probably looking completely idiotic in the process.

After about half an hour, where the information about having him in the building had traveled to the leaders, then back again with new instructions, a hunter Kaname didn't know came and picked him up. He wasn't sure he didn't know him though, because at this point, it could have been Yagari-san without Kaname noticing.

"Follow," the hunter simply remarked when he practically shoved Kaname out the door, while pressing the muzzle against the pureblood's back in a warning gesture. Even drugged and restrained with cuffs, they took no chances with a pureblood. Kaname allowed himself a small, thankful smile when they passed the doors to the court because frankly, the pureblood didn't feel good enough to defend himself properly at the moment.

Instead, he was showed inside a little room nearby with a few tables with food. Apparently, they had had enough brain to figure out he was starved. "Eat," the hunter said, gesturing for Kaname to take place in a chair and unlocking his cuffs so he could eat properly. The pureblood felt a sudden anger towards the way he was commanded around. Who did that hunter think he was, Ichiou or what? Kaname was tired of being commanded around as if talking to a pet but he hadn't been able to say anything to Ichiou. This time, he allowed himself a glare towards the hunter to indicate that he didn't accept that way of speech.

He picked up knife and fork, cutting a piece of chicken to himself as slowly and politely as possible, considering he was starving horribly. Ichiou had allowed him a glass of artificial blood once per day. He got food when he attended the meals, but sometimes, Ichiou deliberately chose to use him before a mealtime to make sure he was too spend to be able to pull himself together and attend. And if he didn't show up on the right time, he didn't get any. Besides, half of what Kaname ate come up again shortly afterwards, because he was so disgusted each and every time the old noble touched him that he got nauseous.

This was his first big, unrestricted meal in two months and Kaname could barely contain himself. After a few minutes, three other hunters stepped in, apparently to make up for the lack of shackles. The pureblood didn't mind them. It was a wonderful sensation to finally feel the dull ache in his stomach begin to fade away, to feel fully satisfied once again. However, no matter how many glasses of water he consumed, the dull ache in his throat wouldn't go away.

"Don't hold back, vampire. You must be hungry," one of them said with a clear hint of mockery in his voice. Kaname only felt disgusted for how pathetic he was for a second, with bitter hatred wondering if they would laugh at him if he so shamelessly acted like a barbarian. Then, he dropped the knife and fork.

The pureblood's hands went straight to the plate with chicken and he buried his face in the meat, ripping it off the bones like a carnivore. While holding the chicken to his mouth with one hand, his other hand began searching the table for anything else and his mouth shortly left the meat while taking a huge bite out of a piece of bread before dipping back. The hunters watching him weren't expecting that he should react to their harassment and shared small, nervous laughs.

"Can I get a few tablets, please?" Kaname asked politely, his voice sounding like a murmur because his face still was buried in chicken. He felt dumb and uncivilized for doing this, but he couldn't help it. He was so very, very hungry and thirsty. After a few tablets he felt better, but not thoroughly sated.

A few hours later, Kaname was manhandled into the court room, something he thought rather unfair since he was still pumped full of hunter drugs and now, once again, handcuffed. He had been informed that this day, it would only consider Ichijo Asato and the case of Kuran Rido wouldn't be touched until a result had been reached with the former head of vampire society first. Kaname didn't like anything about the Head Quarters, but it particularly bothered him that it seemed like every single hunter not on the job at the moment wanted to be present. Well, not a big surprise since he was a pureblood combined with the fact that he was both accused of having killed Ichiou and Rido, since he hadn't been to a trial about Rido's death yet because Ichiou had refused to let him out of the estate.

The room got filled with a lot of low-key smalltalk the moment he stepped inside it, but the President succeeded in getting the hunters to calm down and not harass or bother Kaname too much. He got placed in a chair in the middle and his eyes darted around to see if he could recognize anyone. He located both Cross, Yagari-san and actually, much to his surprise, Kiryuu too, although he obviously had been forced to attend as his head turned away from the middle and his face clearly showed that he was very irritated.

They President looked like she was waiting for Kaname to open the conversation, so he gathered breath and looked around, clearly unimpressed. "I go against the stream in everything I do. If I didn't… I would stop being me. Ichiou was… a schemer. He had plans, which, to put it easily, wasn't in the interest of anyone but himself and the two other high council members, controlling the entire organization and getting all the profit to themselves." The pureblood knew he was playing with fire already from his first statement and saying things he probably shouldn't, but he couldn't care less.

A short silence followed, only broken by the present hunters' chatters. "So… you believe that being corrupt is a legitimate reason to murder said person and thereby unbalance the entire vampire community?" she asked slowly, not sounding moved at all. Just clear, professional calmness. "No, of course not. But he blackmailed me… into…" Kaname's voice died out, he wasn't sure he was going to let them get an insight in such a private part of his life.

"Blackmailed me into doing whatever he said," Kaname said in short, clipped tones. He cast a short glance at Zero who had seen what kind of things Ichiou had wanted him to do, but the younger hunter just looked at him with a slightly disgusted glance, clearly remembering but not mentioning.

"And… do you have any way of proving your accusations?" the President asked after a little thought-pause. Kaname decided to just voice what happened out loud, there was no avoiding it any way and it would probably help his case. "Well, apart from the fact that Ichiou kept a detailed record of their profit and gains in his own, private library, I'm sure that you would be able to find a horrible lot of his DNA scattered around my body still," Kaname said, irritated that they wouldn't just get to the conclusion that he deserved what he got.

The pureblood was rather satisfied with the many discreet and not-so-discreet gasps and the surprised look on the President's face was priceless. He learned back towards the chair, relaxing a bit more as he slowly found back into his natural habitat. Too long had he been denied to just manipulate things after his head, to be in his right element felt very good.

"But, technically, with your school, reforms and rules, aren't you a schemer too? If the definition of that word is someone lying plans to own benefit…" That vulture was definitely trying to maneuver Kaname into a trap. Kaname knew the reason though. Knew the President had business with the Council behind closed doors, but it would be a really bad idea to say that here.

Therefore, he just flashed an innocent smile before coming with a standard reply whenever the talk fell on Cross Academy. "I'm not doing it for own benefit, but to create a better future and to lay the foundation for co-existence."

"So, you're not gaining anything at all from this school?" was the next question. Kaname always received one question upon the other about what his intentions about Cross Academy were, why he'd opened the Night Class and so on. He was used to dealing with it. "I wouldn't downright say I don't get anything from it, but my primary target with it is to be a good example for the young nobles when it comes to co-existing with humans peacefully. But, yes, of course it also serves purposes like getting friends and… _protecting people I care about_."

"Protecting people you care about? Who would that be, for instance?" she asked, keeping the calm, professional attitude and voice, but not intention. Kaname knew she was a bit too curious. He considered his reply for a few seconds before deciding that he might as well use this opportunity to get a message out. "May I make an announcement, now that chance is here?" he asked politely, standing up when a nod gave him confirmation.

"It may seem like a strange thing to suddenly say, but I'm not taking any risks. I'm simply saying that I will take care of Kiryuu-kun from now on. That also means that if any of you should dare to lay a hand on him, just remember that I won't let it be settled easily," he stated calmly, letting his gaze wander over to Zero's face only to see a shocked and angry pair of silver eyes.

"What? How dare you?" he shout jumping up from his seat and dramatically storming away, both angered but also sporting a deep blush. Kaname allowed himself a small smile. The pureblood had hurt his dignity, but he hadn't been able to help it. Besides, it wasn't a lie. Protecting Zero would be as important as protecting himself. If Zero got hurt, he would feel it. If Zero died… Kaname didn't want to think of it.

"Well, it's very sweet, but he obviously doesn't want your care, Kuran-kun," she stated with a smug smile on her lips which irritated Kaname again. Actually, he got irritated just from being in her presence. But he suppressed it and with the same kind of smug smile, he turned to her. "I take care of Kiryuu-kun, no matter if he like it or not. It's not about his wishes."

When Kaname could finally walk out of the court room four hours later, they hadn't even reached a final decision yet. He was tired, a bit cranky and just needed some rest. However, Zero wasn't about to let him. He stood in front of him, to make the pureblood stop, but as soon as Kaname did so, the hunter gave him a resounding slap across the face, although not quite as hard as it sounded. "Why did you say that?" he demanded to know, still furious and uncomprehending.

"I did that because it's the truth and if you don't like it, I don't really care because for once, it's not about you," Kaname answered with well-placed bite in his words. He couldn't take any of Zero's attitude at the moment. " Look, I'm not trying to make it more difficult for you, but you just need to know that's I'll be watching you and that I will not tolerate any foolishness," Kaname half-apologized, at first sounding sorry but growing more and more irritated.

By foolishness, the pureblood meant things like trying to kill himself, not taking any blood or going on dangerous mission alone. "But… I'm sorry for embarrassing you. I'm not even sure you can feel why I'm like this to you." Zero slowly nodded, he felt it too and that soothed his anger. Kaname continued, but then turned around shortly. "By the way. What happened to Takuma? Did you hunters pick him?"

"Ah, no actually. I completely forgot about him, but he wasn't taken back here. I don't know where Ichijo-kun went," Zero excused himself shortly and left.

"Why did you come here?" she asked, her voice slow and sugar-sweet as she addressed the boy in front of her. She seemed relaxed and there was a certain happy expression on her small, doll-alike face. "We-well… uhm… I'm not really sure," he answered hesitantly. In fact, he'd only come to her, hoping to make her understand.

"Well, it doesn't really matter. Now that you're here, I'm just glad you came. I'm actually quite fond of you, you know? I was in fact considering asking your grandfather to give you to me."


	14. Poisonous Apple

**Tears of Blood by Rondomness**

_Chapter 14. I originally wanted the whole Association-Kaname thing to last longer, but it just seemed to end up a repeat of what happened in the last chapter. Besides, I had intended to work Blackened Wing's fanfiction bunny from VKO in, but with the different time settings, the whole not-Kaname's-choice part and so on, it didn't really seem like it fitted good enough with the bunny and besides, you can't really torture a convicted when he answer to everything he's asked. So, I'm still using that bunny, just now… It's going to be a separate story, some five-six chapters long. When it's posted? I have absolutely no idea._

_Another fanfiction I'm writing is a fic that should have come out in the midst of the rapes, but it never got quite finished so now, it's just getting posted when I finally pull myself together and get the last part written. It's a compliment to the rapes, so it's fairly dark._

**Chapter 14: Poisonous Apple**

It took another three days for Kaname to convince the hunters that he was not guilty of anything else than simple self-defense. He also gave them a half-explanation about what had happened in both cases, but of course, it wasn't the _entire_ truth. The pureblood didn't like the thought that the authorities should know everything about what happened in his life.

It irritated and frustrated him that Zero didn't soften up, even though he had confessed to noticing the feeling that neither of them really could describe. The hunter avoided Kaname as much as possible and when they met, he looked down to the ground and continued quickly. The pureblood had tried to make contact, but Zero just mumbled something about being in a hurry.

Not that Kaname really could blame him. This feeling was unfamiliar and strange to both of them, the pureblood just had known it would follow and had been as prepared as possible, while Zero had been taken on the bed and not known that something like that would ever happen. Now, he was naturally confused and wanted some time to think. Time, Kaname had a bit of a problem with giving him.

Kaname was not a person used to waiting for anything he really needed. The same habit that made it hard for him to tolerate Ichiou's eating or sleeping related harassments, also made it hard for him to handle Zero's shyness on that subject. However, he didn't want to press a response from Zero, since the latter clearly needed time to both think and later act. So, Kaname tried to stay out of the hunter's way as much as he was able to, considering they were both trapped inside the Head Quarters for questioning, although Zero's interrogations probably consisted of nothing but talking, while Kaname's were a bit rougher.

Kaito sighed, placing his hand on the younger hunter's shoulder as he tried to cheer him up a little. Zero sat, pale and dejected, on a couch, refusing to speak or eat. He was inconsolable and all of his close friends in the Association worried for him. Especially for the fact that because of his vampire blood, the pureblood could force him if he so desired. That was why he was not allowed to be alone.

"I've packed your bags. You sure you want to go?" Kaito asked for the umpteenth time, not disappointed with only getting a slow nod, as most responses the last few days had been that way. He didn't know much about why the younger one felt as he was currently, not more than Zero did, and that didn't help it one bit. Zero didn't understand what happened and Kaito was frustrated that he couldn't help and that the pureblood, the only person who could, refused to do so. "It's not getting better, is it?"

"… Worse… I have a horrible headache. And… It's as if he is inside my brain. All the time," Zero mumbled miserably, clearly not in the mood for talking. Slower, he slid off the couch and got his bag. "Maybe, it'll help getting back to school…" he said, even though he didn't really think so. In truth, he just couldn't stand to have nothing to do, nothing to think of, nothing to keep his mind occupied. That was why he wanted to go back to the academy as fast as possible.

"Zero… Before you go, the President wants you to attend the, possibly, last interrogation. She says your presence makes him more compliant," Kaito explained, making sure he didn't use any words such as _force_ or _have to,_ knowing the younger of them couldn't take it at the moment. He was still a bit ill, but now, he was also worn down from some strange vampire-mechanism that neither of them understood.

"Well… What is it about this time?" the younger hunter asked absentmindedly, checking the room to see if anything had missed Kaito' eye. He didn't want to see Kaname, but somehow, it seemed the pureblood was more talkative and honest when Zero was there, which meant that the President wanted him to attend every time. "The rapes," Kaito answered as if that was the most natural thing in the world.

Kaname cursed himself far away for having shown the hunters how he obviously acted differently when Zero was around. They clearly abused that fact and used it to their advantage. "So… How many times did Ichijo do it?" Things concerning this part of his life, Kaname found most private, something he didn't like talking with anyone about. He had first considered staying completely silent and refuse to answer their questions, but that would led them to think he was either shy about it or had something to hide. Either way, they were almost too pressing for Kaname to stay silent. They probed and probed and ripped open everything they could find. Therefore, Kaname's first strategy had been to lie or just give some short answers, he meant would fit with the overall picture of him.

But now, he couldn't lie. He could make short replies, but… the pureblood was afraid that the already tight relation between Zero and himself would get further complicated and frustrating if he lied. Because if the impossible should happen and the hunter at some point realized that his behavior made both of them sick, Kaname would like to speak openly with him. "… I don't know. Two to three times a day. Two weeks straight."

Zero turned his head away in disgust, clearly memorizing the things he'd seen from inside the closet. There was an uncomfortable silence, before the hunter leading the interrogation continued. "Have you been to bed with anyone before that?" Kaname gave him a hard glare. One thing was rapes, something else entirely was consensual intercourse. It didn't have anything to do with the case. The hunters were just enjoying making it uncomfortable for him. "I don't really see how that's going to help. My private life is none of yours concern."

"Kuran… I can choose to write in my rapport that you're compliant, docile and in every way helps us find out what happened. Or… I can write that you're insubordinate, recalcitrant and refusing to answer my questions. If I choose the last option, you're not coming out of here in the next few days either. Did I make myself clear?" the hunter asked almost mockingly, skimming the first pages in said rapport. He then turned and gave a small smile at the pureblood. "Yes," Kaname answered, his eyes darting towards Zero's face to see if the hunter was pleased with him. He didn't look anything but uncomfortable and perhaps a bit irritated. "So… Have you been to bed with anyone before that?"

"… Yes…" Kaname mumbled miserably, his hands clenching into tight fists. Zero looked like someone who'd been stabbed, and Kaname felt even guiltier. Hopefully, Zero would understand if the pureblood told him calmly somewhere quiet. "With whom?" Kaname looked dispassionately up at the hunter in front of him. It was already humiliating enough for him to have acknowledged that he actually had let a noble dominate him that way. "Isn't that a bit too personal? I don't think the person would like it if said person had a say in this."

"Oh, I don't need names. Just gender and level. Look, vampire, my task is to find out everything about your private life. So just spit out." Kaname eyed him slowly and challengingly. _Yes, my __**private**__ life._ Slowly, the pureblood slid back in the chair, relaxing. "Male. Pureblood."

"Well, that cuts the possibilities low. Not many are left. How old were you?" the hunter continued, not surprised that Kaname had been with another male. It was normal for vampires that love and lust was determined by level, not by gender. "Too young." When the hunter gave him a questioning glance, indicating that he was to give up an exact age, Kaname continued. "Ten."

Even for a pureblood, who reached sexual maturity early, this was a bit _too_ early. "… How many times have you done it with him?" There was a hesitating look in the hunter's eyes after the last question. He clearly hadn't expected Kaname to be someone easy to woo. Ironically, that wasn't far from the truth. "Once. Only once."

"Mm… Why did your… affair… end then?" Kaname gave him another dispassionate glare. He knew that damn President had demanded the hunter to find out about Kaname's personal life, but this was too personal. It was too intimate and besides… it brought unwanted memories to the surface. _My fault. She wouldn't have died if I hadn't failed._

"He was… absent… afterwards. Besides… Let's just say it was not a pleasant experience. I left the estate in all haste," Kaname answered hesitantly, hoping that by saying it wasn't something he enjoyed, Zero would understand without forcing the pureblood to downright explain. He would have liked to explain everything to the hunter, but the other hunters wouldn't allow them one second alone. And Zero wasn't downright determined on being alone with the pureblood either.

With a sigh, Zero placed his final piece of clothing back in his old drawer in his old room. That feeling of something alien inside of him wouldn't leave him alone one second. Right when he had arrived at the Association, the feeling had been so intense that he couldn't think of anything else. Then, he had thought it had suddenly disappeared, but he'd later come to realize that it had just fused with him. It had become a part of him.

This feeling, he couldn't describe. He couldn't put it into words, but he was highly aware of it's presence. He'd spend the last week wondering whether or not he should ask Kuran to explain. He was not sure it was such a good idea as he was rather scared of being with the pureblood. Just looking at him awoke strange feelings and urges. And the worst part was that he wasn't sure that the pureblood felt the same way.

Or perhaps, the worst part was that he was beginning to feel a little ill again. It could of course just be the last part of his illness, but he wasn't so sure. He had to talk with someone who knew a lot about vampires. At first, Zero had considered Yagari, but the boy's master would just be suspicious because he was too much of a hunter. The only thing that Zero couldn't discuss with his teacher was his own vampirism. He didn't like appearing as anything but a hunter in Yagari's surroundings.

No, Zero needed to talk with someone who wouldn't condemn him for being what he was. Cross.

Unfortunately, Kaito was still present and had waited for Zero's arrival in the Chairman's office. Zero didn't have time to wait. And with just Kaito there, it was almost considered okay, although the elder hunter also was quite the fanatic. Cross got him placed in a chair and Kaito also settled down.

"You're not well," Cross said quickly, having realized the obvious the second he saw Zero's face. "Tell us what's wrong," the elder hunter urged, giving him a mild smile. Zero looked hesitantly from Cross to Kaito and back again, before beginning. "It's just… I don't know what's going on but… ever since Kuran drank my blood, I keep having these strange feelings."

"Yes, Takamiya has mentioned that. Did you drink Kaname's blood at some point? You did, didn't you?" the elder hunter asked mildly, trying to make it a bit more comfortable. Zero gave a short nod before explaining. "I know… It's a bond, isn't it? I just don't understand… Master described it as something vampires liked to have with other vampires. As something pleasant. I don't understand… this feels horrible."

"Only if you fight it, Zero. If you give in to it, it can become just as Yagari described it," Cross explained calmly, trying to soothe the young boy. He knew it was hard to accept, but nevertheless, he would either suffer from it or accept it. "But… You _can_ fight it? You said "if"! Oh, please. I beg you! Tell me how you do it!" Zero begged, blinking rapidly when tears for a second dulled his vision. "I don't wish that! I want to be a hunter… always…"

"That horrid pureblood couldn't take you from us, even if you should have a bond," Kaito spit out disdainfully, clearly angry at the pureblood, even though it wasn't his fault either. Suddenly, Zero jumped up from his chair. "He's not horrid!" he shout at his fellow hunter, fury painting his eyes for a second.

Then, he realized what he'd just done and quickly, the fury got replaced with shock. "I… I mean… When I think of him, I don't see the fangs or feel the alluring aura. He doesn't look like a vampire," Zero tried to explain half-heartedly. Kaito still looked shocked down at him, but Cross nodded slowly. "You're repulsed by the part of him that is a vampire. That's why your mind tells you that you shouldn't look at him like a vampire, to make it easier on yourself. A bond can be both a blessing and a curse. You're the one choosing which. No matter what… he's a part of you now, whether you like it or not."

"No! Help me! No, I won't give in to this. I don't even know what it is! I want to be a hunter… _or die_!" Zero was absolutely inconsolable. But Cross understood how he felt and it was hard for him to see his almost-son being put through yet another major upheaval.

"I'll try to help you understand what it is, even though it's hard to describe. A bond is created when two vampires share their blood. But it doesn't need to have anything to do with love, although it is often the case. It's more like a mechanism to ensure that the two vampires stay together. I don't know much about why it is there, but maybe it's been made to ensure that vampires, in their long lifespan, doesn't reproduce with many different vampires, thus limiting the family connections between the next generation and thereby limit inbreeding. I'm not sure."

"But I know that nowadays, the vampires create them mostly because it creates a sort of… magnetic effect, binding the parts to each other. It ensures that they _want_ to be with each other. However, some vampires create them to bind other vampires to them, making sure they can't leave their side. It's the perfect way of control over another, because, in theory, it's possible to fight it, even though it's very hard. The problem is… the vampire won't wish to fight it. You don't want to either, I can see that well enough, even though you try to hide it. You want to be with him, and you're repulsed by that feeling," Cross explained, not sure if he made it better or worse for Zero. Kaito learned back in his chair with a short snort of irritation and repulsion. "It's sick. Vampires are sick," he remarked, obviously hinting that he thought that Zero's wish was sick as well.

"No, it's lovely," Cross explained, trying to get Kaito to understand that there wasn't anything wrong with how Zero acted or felt. He didn't want Kaito to be angry with Zero for being what he was and feel how he felt. "But… I don't want to be Kuran's little pet! I want to be free! Are you saying I have no choice but let him have his way?"

"No, I've never said that. But either way, it's very hard resisting it. I'm sorry, but that's how it is. You can do it, but I'm not sure for how long it will hold and it certainly won't be healthy for either of you. I'm not saying you have to love him. I'm not saying you even have to like him. I'm just saying that you shouldn't try to keep away from him as much as possible. It just makes it worse. The longer time it takes for you to realize that, the harder you're making your own life. And his."

"I don't wish to be around him! I mean… I probably could as long as it's not too close. I don't want to live in the Moon Dorm or anything!" Zero's outburst faded out when he realized how unsure he sounded. He didn't want to be together with the pureblood in any way, but he was willing to do much if it would make this feeling go away.

"I know what you're thinking. You're horribly unsure of yourself because you know what you want, what you need, but you also know that you don't want it. Look… you don't have to live with him, love him, like him or anything. You want that feeling to go away, yes? You just have to accept it. As soon as you accept it, it will become a part of you. It will fuse and create a stronger connection. Then it'll stop. It'll stop feeling uncomfortable, but I can't guarantee for anything else." Cross's voice was calm and steady, but he knew how difficult it would be for Zero to cope with his feelings.

Zero returned to his room, not much relieved or lighter than before, but with a lot to think about. He knew it was pure self-torture to continue beating around the bushes like this, but he couldn't help it. He wanted to confront the pureblood about it, but… the hunter was afraid what he would say to that. He was afraid of what Kuran had been thinking. He knew the pureblood had some sort of severe brain damage that made him believe that just because he had the blood he had, he had the right to do everything he pleased.

Anyway, he decided that it was probably best if he confronted Kaname. Clearly better than skipping his prefect duties to avoid colliding with the pureblood as he had originally planned.

So when it was time for the Night Class to leave their dorm for the first time in almost three months, Zero waited, resting against one of the many trees. He didn't have to look after the Day Class girls because apparently, they hadn't been informed that the Night Class would leave their dorm tonight yet.

However, there was an ominous feeling building itself inside Zero's stomach. He was sure that it wasn't more than three months ago that the Night Class had crossed that gate last time, but now… it was so different. Something had been destroyed that couldn't be fixed. Something had vanished, never to return. It almost made him nauseous to think about it.

It almost seemed _wrong_ that this was happening now. In Zero's opinion, it was stupid for Kuran to continue attending. He was old enough for living alone, he had the money, he had the rights and the skills, he had everything it took and he'd stayed for her. Now, she wasn't here anymore. What the hell held him back now?

Silently, Zero watched the students pass by, one at a time. With no Day Class students, they didn't have to stay in a group and they were a bit more relaxed. They paid him no mind and barely glanced at him as they walked by. Most of them despised him because of his status as both and ex-human and a hunter, but also because he had been rude to Kuran.

Kaname was the last in the row and stopped when he was just in front of the hunter. Then, he gave a short nod to his fellow students, telling them to keep going and just begin class without him, before turning away from the road. He learned himself against another tree and waited for Zero to make the first move.

"… Tell me what's happening. What is a bond? I… need to know what it means," Zero demanded, shortly and certainly. Shocked and confused over Zero's need to ask such a question, Kaname took a few seconds to think about how he best could explain the unexplainable. "A bond is… well… Look, I understand it frightens you. I get that. For someone who's not grown up in a world of vampires, it's must be confusing and overwhelming."

"How to explain it… Let me use this metaphor… A bond is a word. The thing that matters is the connection between the two parts that the word implies. What happened in there is most unhandy and frustrating, but cannot be undone. And I'm thankful for what you did, even though I know you hadn't expected the consequences to come," Kaname tried, not knowing how to put his words. He was used to maneuvering his words with ease, but right now, he felt like there wasn't the right words to express this. Gratitude, frustration, inevitability.

"I'm not interested in doing whatever you feel like will relieve your own stress, Kuran. I'm not interested in doing something freaky just because you think you have the right." Kaname nodded. He knew Zero's will was strong like iron. He would perhaps be able to bend the hunter under his will if he really concentrated, but he didn't want to either way. He didn't want to go out into extremes either.

"I'm not interested in any of that either. But stop running away from your problems like a child. I know you've done your best to avoid me for the last couple of days, but it's only making things worse," the pureblood said, a clear hint of irritation in his voice now. "Either way, it's not something that's out of control yet and it doesn't have to evolve into that. You just stay put here and I will too and we'll continue just like before. You understand?"

Zero glared at him. A moment ago, Kuran had sounded like someone who actually cared, but now that he were to lay a plan, he fell back in his role as a pureblood far too quickly. He was used to command people around, to being surrounded by nobles who was more than ready to jump and dance after his head. Zero was no such being. "If you're going to be like that just because you think you have the authority, I'm so out of here."

"Ah, sorry," Kaname quickly apologized, much to Zero's surprise. He had expected that the pureblood would stick up his nose, shoot him a disdainful glance and go back to his class. "I guess I'm too used to be in quite the stereotypical 'pureblood-role'. I… understand your feelings. I'm sorry for deciding things all by myself without asking you how you feel about it. But… if… if you want to, we could continue almost as before… I mean… As long as it's only like this, it won't make that much of a difference, right?" The smile Kaname awkwardly put on just intensified how uncomfortable he felt, but it was very… relaxing to see the pureblood being not-so-pureblood-alike for once. "And of course, I'm not forcing you to anything you don't want to."

Something changed inside Zero's head. Something in the way Kuran'd said that last sentence changed everything. He'd said it in a genuine way. Zero could trust him. It changed something. Something important. Kaname felt it too.

Zero wasn't sure what happened the moment he accepted it. The huge inflow of feelings in that moment overwhelmed and frightened him, but it was also fascinating. Kaname's eyes looked with his, the pureblood's eyes being captured by silver bells.

The hunter stood there, rigid. Fear, fascination and wonder playing across his features. And Kaname suddenly knew a different kind of thirst as he drank in the sight of Zero.


	15. Black Hole

**Tears of Blood by Rondomness**

_I've posted a hard-core yaoi non-con oneshot with Ichiou x Kaname. I know all of you are deadly tired of it, and that's completely okay. If you should want to read it anyway (which I hope you will) it's called All The Scars You Give Me. Please heed the warnings on that one!_

_Text, comments, nothingness…_

**Chapter 15: Black Hole**

Kaname was paralyzed a few more seconds. Silently staring into Zero's confused and uncertain eyes. It was clear that the hunter didn't like the gaze Kaname was giving him, it made him feel strange and nervous. Kaname's eyes were trapped by the beauty hidden in those silver tinted deeps. It was an alien beauty and yet… in some ways recognizable. Somewhat well-known, even as this was the first time that the pureblood really had paid attention to Zero's looks.

Then, Kaname reached out for the hunter, gripped his arm and pulled him in the same direction that the pureblood had come from a while ago. "W-wait! Stop! What are you doing? Where are we going?" Zero protested, struggling and resisting. He was suddenly frightened that due to some, for him, unknown vampire kink or side effect of the bond, Kaname had all of a sudden gotten horribly in the mood and was now dragging him back to the moon dorm. He didn't want that! God, how he didn't want that! To accept the bond was one thing. It didn't mean that he wanted to have _any_ romantic interactions with Kaname _at all_.

"Oh, please. Relax. You really think I have _that_ little control over my body's responses?" the pureblood asked, still having his back to Zero, which made it difficult to tell whether he was aroused, annoyed or amused, especially when his tone was so bland. The hunter felt the urge to say yes, but kept his tongue behind his teeth. "Didn't you just say you would be unforceful?" Zero instead muttered, obviously pouting over the way he was being dragged along.

"Okay, fine," Kaname said, releasing his arm and turning around. "How come you're unable to act at least a little like an adult? How come you're too stubborn to go along with me to my dorm room to speak about things and clear them out?" Kaname snapped, a mix of frustration and anger in his voice now. He thought it unfair that he couldn't even offer hospitality without appearing like a villain. Zero gave him no chance to appear nice.

Zero continued to glare defiantly. He was so used to be mocked by higher classes that it rolled off his back. It somehow irritated Kaname even more. How horribly annoying that Zero was a million years about realizing obvious things. Unlike what the hunter had taken it as, the pureblood didn't mean to say that he was immature and acted like a child. It was his way of saying that he was frustrated about Zero not picking up on how big a difference, what had just happened, meant. It wasn't the hunter's fault, but it irritated and frustrated Kaname nonetheless and he felt like he was completely justified in saying what he did.

When no apparent response came, Kaname gave a short snort of indifference and continued past the hunter to the school building. Thinking that he'd had enough of Zero's childishness and foolishness. It was his own fault for being such a stupid little ex-human who thought the world revolved around his wishes and desires. However, no matter how hard Kaname tried, he couldn't help but feel disappointed when he turned around half a minute later and Zero had left.

It made him both angry and ashamed that that low-life hunter handled this better than him. It was disgraceful. Deep down, Kaname knew that it was because that Zero really couldn't feel it as strongly as Kaname could. He knew that he shouldn't blame himself like this and especially not Zero. The only one to fault in reality was his own blood, but it was a sour excuse in his own ears.

He fought to tell himself he was just overtired from everything that had happened during the entire school night, but when it was time to go to bed, he had given up.

Zero, on the other hand, didn't have such things to deal with. Sure, he could feel it, but it was easy to look away from it. In many ways, Kaname was better off with his purified blood, but there also existed backsides to that.

When that was said, Zero was frustrated too, but that wasn't because he couldn't really focus on anything else. Mostly, he was frustrated that it now had shifted from uncomfortable to absolutely comfortable, just like Cross had said. Now, when it actually had stopped being uncomfortable, Zero just wanted that feeling back.

Kaname couldn't sleep. It was close to six now, but he still couldn't let himself drift away. He'd already been trying the last two hours and now, he finally gave in and stood up. As he hadn't even taken off his trousers, he just slipped into a clean shirt and made his way to the dorm library.

As soon as he opened the book, he knew it wouldn't help. He couldn't focus in the first place, now he was exhausted too. Reading wouldn't help on the empty feeling in his stomach. The letters turned into long flows of incomprehensive nothingness.

He sat back in his chair, relaxing and desperately trying to gather his thoughts. So… First, Zero hadn't accepted it and it'd been annoying. The solution for that was for Zero to accept it. He'd done that and now, it was downright unbearable. The solution for that was… Kaname stopped himself. He'd already been disgusted by himself when he'd caught himself in the middle of strange dreams during the night and now was not the time to begin to provoke them to come.

_Kuran Kaname, what the hell is wrong with you? _he demanded to know of himself. _You knew that this would happen the moment you so shamelessly got overwhelmed by your instincts, and then you even allow yourself to be both surprised and overwhelmed when it does come. But you're not going to keep thinking about his body… his strong, muscular… Stop! _

So now, he couldn't even tell himself to think of something else without just intensifying the feeling? But no matter what, Kaname had too much pride to ever allow himself to fall so lowly. Never, _never_ would he ever want to really be with a boy, who was both an ex-human _and_ a hunter on the same time. Somehow, his rational mind would slowly but surely outwit his sudden rush of instincts and hormones, he just had to wait for that to happen. Bide his time and ignore his feelings.

But… to be able to relax, Kaname had to focus on what could be done to ease the problem for now, no matter which thoughts he then would awake. He had to swallow his pride a little to be able to keep as much as possible. He knew that the next step for a bond made between lovers usually was that they started being together on a regular basis, but him and Kiryuu were no such thing. If he now assumed that Kiryuu didn't want to either, then maybe it could be avoided, because it was very unusual for vampires who didn't like each other first thing to ever involve feelings for each other because of how incredibly slow, higher classes changed both physically and emotionally. So maybe there was a chance that they could somehow avoid it… It was no good, even Kaname's sharp brain couldn't build on quicksand.

The pureblood crumbled together on the chair. His chest heaved painfully. This was pure torture. Whenever he thought of something just mildly related to the hunter, he got those horrible images. When he didn't think of anything, there was just a big, gaping wound. Black, endless emptiness consumed him instantly the moment his brain wasn't in the process of thinking. The only way to avoid either feeling empty or feeling needy was to keep his mind working constantly, an impossible task.

If only he could get Kiryuu to realize that. To understand him just a little. But how should he do that? When Kaname had immediately tried to get him into a proper conversation about what they were going to do, Zero had misunderstood his signals and had thought that Kaname so quickly had lost his self-control. How could the pureblood allow himself to trust someone like that, someone who clearly didn't give him a single chance of proving that there was more to him than just the cool, considered outside?

Perhaps… if now Kaname tried to catch him today, he would have had a chance of mind since he'd had a day to think everything through. Then, he might be more compliant. Kaname then returned to his room, satisfied that he at least had something he could try to do instead of just awaiting the events.

While fighting to fall asleep, the pureblood tried to keep his thoughts busy with figuring out how he should approach the surroundings, if he should manage to somehow reach an agreement with the hunter. This didn't have to be revealed to anyone, it would be best if this fail, this weakness of the pureblood never got detected by the rest of the world, but stayed behind closed doors. Or it might place the hunter in a vulnerable position.

Kaname needed to be with Kiryuu. Just shortly, he told himself. Just to see him until the feeling of need faded away.

When it was time for class changeovers in the evening, Kaname hurried out as the first, then walked slow all the way to end up being the last to enter the school building. It gave him more time in blessed relieve without coursing any attention or suspicion. Zero was at his post as usual, this time, together with Yagari, Kaname noticed.

Every time he in some way got reminded of Yuki's absence, guilt and sorrow overflowed him in a horrible wave of immense hurt. He might be in the middle of figuring out how to handle this new part of his life concerning Zero, but it didn't mean that he'd in any way forgotten Yuki. He wasn't sure he ever would be able to. In the years she'd been a part of his life, she'd rooted herself way too deep to ever erase the hole. At least that was the case in the years of her life where he hadn't despised her.

Before disappearing into the school building completely, he waved the younger hunter closer. He came willingly, but didn't look pleased at all. The boy's master also sent the pureblood a mystified glance. He obviously didn't know yet.

Kaname gave Zero a small smile when he was close enough for it to be private. It was a glorious feeling after having been awake almost all day due to feeling empty. Despite the idiocy of it all, Kaname could feel how he suddenly felt _good_ again. He felt whole, his heart hammered in his chest. His blood pulsed warm and quick in his veins and his lungs got filled with the sweet scent that came from the hunter. The hole he'd felt a moment ago was healed up, as if it had never been there. The only bittersweet part of it was that the pureblood knew full well that the moment he knew he had to fight to be with Zero again, the horrible feelings would come back again.

He… he couldn't stand that thought. Actually, he would have suggested for Zero and him to go somewhere in private and talk things through, but he couldn't stand the thought of yet another day spent breaking his brain to try and find an excuse for seeing the hunter. Excuse for Zero, for the surrounding and also for himself.

"Come to this address tomorrow," the pureblood said, quickly writing an address down on a small piece of paper and putting it into Zero's hand. The hunter looked critically at the small paper and then challengingly back to Kaname. He clearly didn't want to make such dealings with the pureblood. "And if I refuse?"

Kaname smiled cruelly at the hunter for a second before grapping his arm and throwing him into an embrace, making the pureblood's mouth close to his ear. "Remember, Zero… I have the number on your dorm room," he threatened, pulling away and giving the hunter a last, mocking smile before joining the rest of the vampires again.

Zero crushed the small paper. Great. So if he did not show up tomorrow night, the pureblood would come for him instead. Damn him and his arrogant attitude far away. However, Zero was not lost about the feeling in his chest when he'd been summoned by the pureblood.

Neither was he lost on the way Kaname quite obviously had slowed down to get more time outside. So, although irritated over the way Kaname called him to the pureblood's side like a dog, he couldn't help but volunteer. And even now, tired and irritated, he found himself wondering how he could get to the address that Kaname'd given him. It was a stupid, irrelevant wish.

He wondered what lay on this address. It was not in the industry part of town, more like the expensive areas. Not a hotel area either, but definitely expensive and luxurious.

Puzzled, Zero decided to talk with Cross about it again. He, for once, felt that Cross was better company than any of the other hunters. They would either laugh or feel disgusted by it. They would never understand. Anger flamed up again at Kaito's words from the day before, even though he hadn't realized that Zero disagreed about Kaname being horrid.

Cross was, as usual procedure, to find in the headmaster's office, busy sorting papers in rows. The stupid thing was that it was only Yagari who managed to keep an overall look of the rows, Cross just did as he was asked. Zero didn't bother knocking, the headmaster's office wasn't any different to him than any room in a normal house. He silently slipped inside and seated himself in one of the chairs.

Cross placed the last piece of paper in his hand in row number two before looking up and giving the hunter a small smile. "I'm glad you're beginning to visit me again. What is it?" he asked lightly, clearly not knowing about the new turn in the case from yesterday.

"Cross… About that bond… Won't you explain what happens once both sides accept it?" Zero asked, deliberately leaving out that it had already happened. Cross learned against the back of his chair, clearly arguing with himself about the right way to put it.

"When that happens… And there is no telling when that might be, but then suddenly… _bang_ and then it's happened. None of the parts can do anything to avoid the feelings that ensue, but don't worry. It won't be downright unbearable, at least not for you," Cross explained when he saw Zero's troubled expression. The hunter wasn't afraid of the feelings that ensue for him though, he'd already discovered that it got better when he was around the pureblood and that it was bearable without him. "Not for me at least? What do you mean? Is it different for Kuran?"

Cross sighed regrettably. "I'm afraid it is. Kaname-kun is a pureblood and his really purified blood makes him more vulnerable to specific vampire mechanisms. The way you would feel afterwards, Kaname would find it at least three times as strongly. It's very intense at that point. For purebloods, it awakes a constant desire to be together with their bondmate. It's a very normal reaction, but it's possible to make it less bad without the two vampires having to be in a relationship," Cross explained, pity for Kaname clear in his tone. He really also saw Kaname as a very close family member. Not as close as Zero or Yuki, but he was Juri's son. That made a big feeling of fatherhood-feelings ensue for Cross. "How," Zero asked. He wasn't cruel or selfish enough to not try and make it more bearable for Kaname. Besides, if the pressure lifted, perhaps they could just forget about it all. That would be a huge relief.

At the moment, Zero knew he was being a coward, avoiding Kuran all the time, although the pureblood obviously tried to get in contact with him. He should definitely go to that address tomorrow and see if they couldn't reach an agreement in some way. But… he was afraid that Kaname wanted to do _other things_ than just talking and Zero was not going to just tag along with being Kuran's little pet. Never! Rather die!

Yuki was also to be taken into consideration. Although he would never see her beautiful eyes again, she still held the number one position in his heart. Her place in his universe was deeply rooted into place. As stupid as it seemed, he didn't want to have anything to do with Kaname because he felt like he would be cheating on Yuki.

Zero sighed tiredly inwardly. It was not easy for him to figure out where he should plant his legs in the garden without crushing a flower.

Kaname stirred restlessly in his chair in the Night Class's classroom. As he was a pureblood and his fellow students weren't, it was inevitable that he sometimes got bored during class because he understood things faster than the others. Nobles were very quick minded and smart, but few could keep up with a pureblood.

His boredom bothered him greatly because he couldn't keep concentrated on class, which meant that his mind went empty, starting another emptiness inside of him. Kaname ended up unable to think of anything that would keep the ache away, so he ended up trying to pain himself physically to get his own attention.

Slowly, he let his nails scratch against the soft skin on his underarm, then faster and faster, again and again, until the area got reddened enough for the small difference to show. Then, Kaname's gaze focused on that, although it wasn't pleasant thoughts either.

At last, Kaname succumbed and let his gaze wander aimlessly amongst his fellow students. Even then, his thoughts got captured by the only one who wasn't there. The pureblood missed him dearly. Horribly.

And that had always been a bad thing in the vampires' world. A pureblood should depend on no one but himself. No one, because what if it turned out that the person they were so dependent on, just wanted blood? That would destroy said pureblood and no pureblood could afford to be weak. It would just cause even more enemies.

But there was no way around it. Takuma had been there for Kaname when no one else was there. Besides, it hadn't been a completely exposed position for the noble. Due to his level, his family and his influence, it hadn't been dangerous for him to be close to Kaname like it had been for Yuki and… Once again, Kaname's thoughts unintentionally focused on the hunter.

Yet another reason for not binding himself too strongly to the boy. Another reason not to grow addicted to the hunter being close. If they got much closer than this, Zero would get into an exposed situation. Being an ex-human hunter made him vulnerable enough, without Kaname adding extra enemies to his list. The pureblood was well aware that already now, Zero wasn't fully accepted by the hunters anymore and with his status as an unfinished ex-human and a hunter, vampires weren't much friendlier in their views of him.

With the added enemies that Kaname had, he would have to guard Zero day and night. Of course, after that thought crossing his mind, he couldn't free himself from the want to do exactly that. It would without a doubt relieve him of much stress and emptiness, but it would be _wrong_. It was wrong, he knew that. How come he wanted to, so badly? He felt like a beast for feeling like that. Zero didn't feel like him anyway, and made sure to point that out at every occasion he got.

But… would he really come tomorrow? And if he did… was he then only doing it because he feared that Kaname might visit him otherwise? Suddenly, the pureblood wished he hadn't threatened Zero. In that way, it would be easier to see whether or not Zero was completely rejecting him. But perhaps it wouldn't be that big of a problem anyway. If Kaname could talk things through with Zero tomorrow, maybe the hunter would explain how he felt…

Kaname could only hope so. He recognized a lot of himself in Zero and one of them was that both of them liked to keep the cards close. They didn't willingly display how they really felt deep inside to someone they didn't fully trust. And Zero didn't trust Kaname. That much was obvious.

Somehow it hurt to think that. And it was a stupid, Kaname knew and had known all along that that was the way Zero felt, but when he thought the thought and acknowledged it, it hurt him to realize it. He didn't even understand why it hurt him. He knew it at least partly was because that he needed Zero to leave him a clear message. Whether he was ready to find a reasonable solution, whether he wanted to just avoid the pureblood and see if the feelings would go away or… He stopped himself in the middle of his thoughts. He had to stop now. _Don't you dare hope,_ he told himself repeatedly. He shouldn't hope, because why should he hope for something he didn't want himself? It was ridiculous.

It was absolutely unneeded for him to feel like this at the moment. Although, no apparent threat was at his doorstep, Kaname had been raised like any other pureblood. Having someone close was having a weakness. And Zero would be an easy weakness to deal with. As a matter of fact, just being bonded to the hunter meant that Kaname would suffer a great pain for a long time if anyone killed Zero. That damage had already been done. All to do now, was to try and avoid feeling close on an emotional aspect too. And, most importantly, keep everyone else out of it. No one could know about this.

Shizuka was a great example of what could all too easily happen if people found out. An enemy wanted to hurt her, accused her ex-human lover of having fallen to level E, and the hunters shot him without even finding out that he hadn't. A cold shiver ran down Kaname's spine at the thought of some hunters coming for Zero, just because some stupid paper said that they should.

And he couldn't even say that he would act more rational than Shizuka had. If anyone _dared_ hurt Zero… Kaname stopped himself for the umpteenth time this night. What was that about drawing parallels to Shizuka anyway? She hadn't only suffered from a severed bond, but also suffered due to losing someone who meant so much for her. Someone she really loved. Kaname's case was very different.

But…

Without further driving himself mad with his speculations that didn't get him anywhere anyway, Kaname gave up. He was not going to keep thinking about this. He would meet with Zero tomorrow one way or another, talk things through with him and then hopefully reach an agreement with the hunter. It would do him no good to think of the problems now anyway. He would end up with a huge headache, as he always did when he thought concentrated about something for a long time without reaching a satisfying result.

Better to await Zero approach of things and let whatever followed follow. No reason to think himself to pieces. Although… he couldn't help looking very much forward to tomorrow.


	16. Magnet

**Tears of Blood by Rondomness**

_The title is loosely from the song Magnet by Vocaloid. The lyrics seems rather fitting._

**Chapter 16: Magnet**

Kaname looked at his clock for the umpteenth time, impatient. Zero should be here soon. Although no exact time had been planned, Kaname had planned it such that he knew when there would be a bus that Zero could take. That gave him a schedule. He would have hated to just sit here and wait with no way to tell if he had planned to come and was just delayed, or that he'd decided to drop it and wasn't going to come at all.

But… he couldn't really avoid having to face the consequences _someday_, right? He couldn't avoid it forever, right? Just thinking about that was painful. If it continued feeling like it did now, and Zero continued to refuse to have anything to do with it, Kaname was going to go insane in a matter of weeks.

Zero demanded the right to choose… but there was no choice. A bond was a bond, no matter how unwilling it was. It did no good denying it. It would be much better if Zero would just realize that and then they could figure something out. Trying to spend time with him without Zero realizing was too stupid and humiliating.

Every time, the pureblood got close enough to the hunter, he felt… He _needed_ Zero, like a plant needs rain. The hunter was Kaname's, and he was Zero's. It went beyond the pureblood's way of thinking to see why he refused to understand that.

A good guess would be the way Zero was brought up. Hunters hunted vampires not only because it was their job, responsibility and pride, but also because they _had_ to. It was a rush for them. The adrenaline, hatred and pure innate instincts made it exiting every time. Due to the adrenaline, their caution quickly vanished. And once the part of saving victims was over and the hunt began, even the softest hunters reacted to their instincts. They hunted because they had to. The rush that came from it bound them to their profession almost as much as their hatred for vampires did.

Zero was brought up that way, had lived with that for many years and that left marks on his personality at many points, even after being turned into a vampire. He liked having control over his own life. A bond frightened him.

Perhaps, Kaname shouldn't worry that much. He could feel Zero approaching. Perhaps his worries weren't as big as he made it look like. Hurrying out to open the front door, he decided to wait for the hunter to knock so he wouldn't be too overwhelming. That was important if the pureblood was right about Zero being a bit frightened.

Zero didn't like it. He seemed horribly out of place here, in front of such a massive, luxurious house. He was used to smaller, more ordinary houses in cheaper districts. Being in one of the top hunter families didn't mean that you had a lot of money. The hunter profession was not a well-paying job. You earned enough for living, but not in the lab of luxury. Zero had never been inside such a great house before, with the exception of the Ichijo Estate and there, he hadn't really paid attention to the luxurious inferior.

Slowly, he raised his hand and knocked hesitantly three times. After a few seconds, Kaname opened the door and gave him a friendly smile.

"I'm glad you came. You know, I was beginning to worry that you would leave again after all the time you'd stood outside without ringing the door bell," Kaname teased, having witnessed the hunter's uncertainty from a window.

"So… Who owns this house anyway?" the hunter asked, trying to turn the conversation away from his uncertainty. The house was even more impressive inside. Kaname gave him a small smile and opened the doors into something looking like an oversize living room. "I do."

"What? Yeah, right," Zero said, clearly not buying it. No way was it possible that an adolescent high school student owned a house like this. It was too big, expensive and amazing. In that space, there was room for at least ten people living better than Zero had when he was a child.

The house was decorated in a luxurious style clearly inspired by Victorian style with a mix of rococo. Another clear mark was that the colors were darker than usual rococo and with very little pastels. Zero wondered if it might be to please the vampires' overly sensitive eyes. It was not only sharp light that could be hurtful, very bright or light colors usually had that effect as well.

"I do," Kaname repeated, clearly amused at Zero's denial. Many vampire families of the higher classes had a lot of money, and although Kaname only very recently had gotten full ownership over his own money, Ichiou hadn't been able to take his residences from him. He owned quite a few, although they were scarcely spread.

Kaname placed himself in one of the big armchairs and gestured for Zero to take one for himself. The hunter hesitantly sat down, as if unsure that something was going to attack him. "Is there anything you would like?" Kaname asked, fighting to fall into his usual composed pureblood-role. Zero felt compelled to say that he wanted to leave right away, but when the pureblood tried to offer hospitality, the hunter felt that he should at least try to be nice. The problem was that this was just extremely awkward.

Kaname stood up, picked up two crystal glass from a small table and disappeared out of a side door, telling Zero to just make himself comfortable. He returned a few moments later with the glasses full of wine. Zero pondered over the possibility that the pureblood wanted to make him drunk, but it never really touched his mind. Why should he want that anyway? Technically, Kaname didn't have to ask Zero permission to go to bed with him if that was what the pureblood really wanted.

Zero took the glass being offered to him and looked at it for a second, breathing deeply to get as much as the drink's amazing scent inside. It smelled so compelling and completely differently than normal wine, making him think twice before downing the entire drink in one go. The liquid was thick and lukewarm, not cold as if it had been in the fridge. Kaname gave him a quick smile and took a mouthful himself to show that the drink was absolutely perfect. Hesitantly, Zero returned it, keeping his concentration on the glass. The scent was so compelling. Zero barely knew why he was even considering this, why he didn't just drink it. Instinct perhaps?

By closer look, that drink had another color than normal wine and it definitely had another scent… It was much more crimson, such a horribly dark red color. It almost looked like…

Zero felt his stomach twist, looking up at Kaname in disgust and dramatically standing up before smashing the glass down into the ground. It splintered into a thousand pieces or more and the red liquid slowly flooded the wooden floor. "Melodramatic as always," Kaname mused from his chair, his dark eyes following the blood on it's journey over the floor.

"You should just pretend it's wine," Kaname continued, downing the rest of his own in a long go. The hunter looked at him with barely concealed disgust.

Zero noticed how small the pureblood looked in the armchair he was sitting in. Not that he wasn't filling up a lot of space, but it was not on a physical plan. Kaname was _tiny. _Not just slender as he'd been as far back as Zero remembered. He was underweight now, due to that old noble having starved him off. The hunter clearly recalled how he had noticed that Kaname's hands almost looked like a little child's hands in the cuffs at the Hunter Association. The big iron shackles had seemed out of place around the pureblood's slender, starved wrists. But the thing that made the hunter worried that even now, with every opportunity, the pureblood ate close to nothing.

After having gestured for Zero to sit down again, Kaname attempted to start their conversation over again. "Zero… Would you feel very… disgusted… if I told you that you're driving me to you like a magnet?" Kaname asked sincerely, determined not to hide his true feelings any longer. Now, he finally got the chance to speak what was on his mind with Zero, so it would be foolish to not just let the cat out of the back and tell him the truth. The hunter needed to know.

"… Not really… But I'm not interested in getting any closer… Actually quite the opposite," Zero said, just speaking what was on his mind. Just thinking of what Kaito would do to him… It was bad enough that he had actually agreed on this and even went here, but to be discussing this with a pureblood… Zero knew that in Kaito's opinion, he couldn't fall any lower.

Zero hadn't really considered how his words might sound and had perhaps just been taking it for granted that Kaname thought of it like he did. He wasn't completely prepared for the suddenly hurt look in the pureblood's eyes. It was obvious that Zero had hurt him, even though he did his best to hide it behind his usual façade.

"Uhm… I.. uhm, I understand. Of course. Sure. I mean, it's also completely absurd to even be thinking about you and me, right?" Kaname answered, stumbling through the words at first, but then falling back into his old routine and just maneuvering his words out with ease, not letting any feelings escape. It was clear that he was used to talk about unpleasant or hurting things and perhaps even lie right in the face of someone else without even blinking.

Zero had never really talked with the pureblood this much in private before, and only now got a feeling not only of Kaname's status, but of his personality as well. And he constantly got reminded of the deep cleft between them. It seemed that the better they got to know each other, the more differences did they discover. The more incompatibilities.

Kaname had obviously grown up having to learn to defend his privacy and his feelings on a level way too high for a child. Way too high and way too deep. It had rooted in his personality, making him the secretive and untrusting person that he was. Kaname refused to let anyone inside of the walls he'd build around his feelings.

Zero, on the other hand, had secrets, hurtful things too, but they had been buried even deeper down in his personality. So deep, that they were hard to see. None of his classmates would have believed him to be sorrowful or hurt behind his façade. They didn't see the façade. They thought they saw how he really was.

But then again… Most people didn't see Kaname's façade either. They just thought of him as being very reserved. Perhaps… When it all came down to it… They were either the same or opposites.

"And don't worry about the stain," Kaname reassured him, glancing critically down to the floor where the red liquid had spread. "I've got maids to clean every other day when I'm in a particular residence." Zero still had a hard time accepting that someone who'd been an adolescent for years and who was enrolled in one of the most prestigious boarding schools available on a high plan, had enough money to even own these residences. Having a maid working was way out of the picture.

The hunter was used to never having any money. It was not a well-paying job to be a vampire hunter and, when he was a child, almost all of his parents' hard-earned money ended up being used on moving. They moved a lot. To avoid any vampires finding out where they lived. That was especially important since Zero and Ichiru often were home alone due to their parents being off hunting together. And Zero, despite being the healthier part of the twins, wasn't ready to protect either him or Ichiru from a full-grown vampire, when he barely had had the strength to pull the trigger on the bigger weapons.

A cold shiver went down Zero's back, as it always did when he thought of _before_, and usually, he tried to avoid having to think of it. It hurt him even now and he was sure it always would. That that night would be carved into the backside of his eyes for the rest of his life. And if the emotional trauma of it should fail to remember him of it, he just had to look himself in a mirror to see the huge tattoo and the fangs.

He was still disgusted by it. It hurt to think that to his former friends, he was just another vampire now. As long as the tattoo was there, that would be all they could ever see in him. A monster. A vampire. A freak.

"Are you okay?" Kaname asked concerned, his garnet eyes looking worriedly at the hunter. Zero had, unconsciously, sought out the tattooed side of his neck. A slow nod, before Zero returned completely to reality. "I'm fine. You won't understand the feeling either way," the hunter mused, gesturing to his tattoo. He was implicating that Kaname didn't know how it felt like to be a bound vampire. Tamed. "It's not really that bad to be a tamed vampire. It helps, at least a little. And I know I could easily be stopped before I kill a lot of people. It's the bite wound that itches. _Her_ bite." Zero noticed the faint movement of Kaname's right arm when he placed it over a small spot on his left forearm and pressed the area. Hard.

Kaname didn't say anything. He looked lost in thought, as if he was thinking of something that happened a long time ago. Recalling an unpleasant memory. Then, he regained his balance and gave the hunter a small smile. "I'm sorry. We weren't really going to talk of this, were we?" he asked innocently, removing his hand from that area again and randomly letting it fall down beside him.

"I believe you came here so we can clear things up, am I right? You didn't come here just to ruin my floor, did you?" Kaname asked half-jokingly and half-seriously. The hunter shook his head but didn't say anything. He was waiting for the pureblood to say what he had to say and then, Zero could comment on that. He was not very enthusiastic about this, he just wanted to get it over with.

In contrast to Kaname, Zero refused to open up as much as a millimeter. The pureblood solved his part of the problem by being friendly and somewhat relaxed. The hunter solved it by closing his feelings off and then tried to pretend they weren't there. It was a frustrating situation for both of them, but Kaname was harder hit than Zero was, and when the hunter denied everything and refused to cooperate, it was to kick the pureblood while he lay down.

The problem was that Zero couldn't understand how the bond physically hurt Kaname, since he had a very low level and much less purified blood than Kaname. Besides, he hadn't been raised to know anything about a bond. Hunters knew that they existed and what they were, but Zero had been way too young when his training suddenly ended. And even if he had finished his studies, it would not be surprising to Kaname if he still hadn't known about it. Hunters usually didn't put much care in the things that was described as _vampire flaws_, although a bond could be a good thing too.

"It's true that I came to clear things up, but I'm actually not interested in having anything to do with you. I know this vampire thing we are experiencing is… harder for you, but I'm not going to be letting myself into anything weird." To try and cooperate with Zero was like trying to cooperate with a stone. Impossible to change or even get a proper response out of.

Kaname was frustrated with Zero's attitude and opinions, especially because it seemed like it didn't matter what he said. It wouldn't change Zero's perspective of him as being arrogant, selfish and dominating. He had always wanted to make people see him that way. He had always wished people didn't like him. Because he didn't deserve that. Not at all. And he didn't want to get attached to anyone as it could be dangerous. Both for Kaname and for the other part involved.

The pureblood had tried blocking all emotions, hiding them and he'd trained himself to be able to keep a clean façade no matter what. Perhaps he'd been too successful. He had a harder time finding his feelings than covering them up. It was a good thing in political life and it was how purebloods were supposed to behave. But right at the minute, it was a difficult situation to be in, because he didn't know what to say to make Zero listen to him.

"Zero…" Just being around the hunter like this was pure torture. If they had been talking friendly, if there had been a friendly atmosphere around them, it would have been so different. Kaname arched to make it different. It was horrible to even imagine that things should continue like this. The pureblood wanted to make it very different. At first, he had just wanted to be friendly and make Zero feel comfortable with them being together some more. Like friends. But inviting Zero to come and be alone with the pureblood in this huge, empty house, hadn't been Kaname's greatest plan to date. He could feel how desire burned in him.

Just keeping his composure was hard enough, having to hear how Zero completely rejected him while still keeping a friendly appearance was horrible torture. He didn't know what to say or do to make Zero just consider his offer. When he came to think of it, he hadn't really made an offer yet, but it didn't seem like Zero would even think of it. And yet, the pureblood had the feeling that he would shatter into a thousand pieces if he didn't at least try to cooperate with the hunter.

"Zero… I just don't want to lose contact to you. Understand me right, I'm not interested in anything weird either, but I have been vampire long enough to know that the way we're handling it at the moment makes me ill and probably you too," Kaname explained half-heartedly, being sure about the out-come of this, even before he opened his mouth. The look in Zero's eyes at the moment didn't downright encourage the pureblood either.

"You can just see me in school. I'm still a prefect, you'll most likely see me every day either way," Zero dismissed, much to Kaname's regret. But of course. It was not something the pureblood should blame on Zero in any way. For someone who hated all vampires, even including himself, it would be a horrible fate to be forced into the arms of a pureblood.

Perhaps, just perhaps of course, Kaname saw it as justice that he, another pureblood, now had to take the punishment for Shizuka's act of taking Zero's humanity. It was not right, the way society worked. It was not right that Shizuka could wipe out an entire family, killing the parents, taking one of the sons and turning the other and only get blamed by hunters. In vampire society, she was recognized as mentally ill, but she wouldn't receive added punishment from the vampires' side, no matter how cruel she'd acted. And why? Just because she had been a pureblood.

Kaname felt that it was only fair that another pureblood should take the suffering she deserved for turning Zero and destroying his family. And it certainly was torture if Kaname would be denied Zero's presence on a daily basis forever.

"I have considered ceasing living in the Moon Dorm. I'm afraid my recent… activities have made me a bad influence on the school. I think I'll serve better use living somewhere else and making paperwork for the school. You know I work for co-existence. Therefore, from a purely political light, it is better if I withdraw, at least until the storm settles," Kaname explained, voicing his idea for the first time. He would of course still be relatively nearby, to keep a close eye on all of them, and he would still be helping the school in every way, making paperwork just being one of the things he could do. But it meant that he would be far away from Zero.

The hunter didn't seem as troubled by that part of it as Kaname had wished he would be. But the pureblood couldn't afford to show Zero that. As close as Kaname might want to be, he could never afford to forget that Zero was a hunter. And a vampire. An enemy. No pureblood could ever afford letting anyone whom they didn't trust completely close. No matter how badly they wanted to be able to trust that person.

"Where are you going to live then?" the hunter asked, apparently quite untroubled. It actually hurt the pureblood more than he cared to admit. Zero's voice sounded so cold and untouched and after that thought, Kaname's wild desire burned ever hotter. He wanted to hear Zero's voice be less in control. He wanted to hear the hunter say his name.

"I think here or in one of my other houses. But the point was that I was hoping that you might consider… visiting me… just from time to time of course." Zero looked, kindly said, disgusted, and that hurt too. It made him desperately want to see a faint glimpse of positive emotions in the hunter's eyes when thinking about being together with him.

This was exactly what Zero had feared would happen. He had feared that at one point or another, Kuran would innocently invite him to come often and be awkwardly alone with the pureblood just like now. But… the thing he really feared was not that the pureblood would be asking this of him… the frightening part was that Zero found himself unwilling to say no. Unwilling to refuse Kaname's offer.

"I… shall think about it. And I'll inform Cross of your choice. But you'll stay here, won't you?" Zero asked, finally submitting. In reality, he'd had a hard time masking his strong emotions while speaking to the pureblood. He was just afraid that if he let his mind drift, just a little bit, he would submit way too easily to the pureblood's demands. He wouldn't let himself do that a second time in his life.

"Eh? Y-yes, of course," Kaname said, obviously stunned and Zero couldn't help but smile inwardly over the suddenly over-exited tone in the pureblood's voice. It made Zero feel good to know that he had made Kaname happy. He wanted to make him happy, as often as possible. He wanted…

He wanted to stop himself before it was too late. Lately, Zero had caught himself more and more often thinking about the pureblood and that had to be controlled. He _wanted_ Kaname, but he didn't want to want him.

"Okay then. Uhm, I guess we'll just see each other suddenly then. I'll be on my way, since I have to be back for prefect duties," Zero excused himself, already halfway out the door before Kaname even had time to open his mouth. The pureblood gave a small smile, he could clearly feel how uncomfortable the hunter seemed to be feeling at the moment. And yes, to be honest their conversation had been short and awkward. But Kaname was happy either way. He was glad that he'd gotten this opportunity to talk with Zero and he was exceedingly happy that the hunter wanted to see him again.

It was so much better than what he could have hoped for, really, and he felt the urge to say something that would express his gratitude. "Zero… I'm… Thank you for coming today. I hope to see you soon," he said, not ready to take the step that he hadn't really been capable of taking with anyone before, not even Takuma or Yuki.

He never really had been talking about his personal feelings with anyone. It was not socially accepted that he did that with anyone but someone whom he considered spending the rest of his life with. And since he'd grown up surrounded by people who all told him that he should keep his feelings to himself, and that cruel vampires might take advantage of him if they saw him weak, he had come to believe that talking about his own feelings was a bad thing. He never did it. Instead, he thought about them all the time, perhaps to compensate a little. And since Zero and he still weren't very close, he thought it best to keep his thoughts to himself.

Zero turned around shortly. A strange look took over his face for a second, then his lips curled a little up into a warm smile that, despite it's warmth, froze Kaname to the spot. The hunter disappeared and left Kaname with a warm feeling in the heart.


	17. Last Chance to Lose Control

**Tears of Blood by Rondomness**

_I'll be trying to post these chapters every week again, but I won't promise too much. Things have settled some again, but not enough for me to make it 100% sure that I can keep my promise if I make it. I hope to post a new chapter every Sunday. The reason that I'm posting this on a Friday this week is that I'm attending a party all of next weekend, so for me to be able to post it on date, I have to start early. And of course also to finally reward my wonderful readers and reviewers. Especially my reviewers are greatly appreciated, I love getting some feedback :D_

_And I know it seems a bit interrogation-alike with Yagari, but actually, as we have seen very clearly in recent chapters, Yagari has a very manipulative part, also when it comes to Zero's feelings._

_Also, I would just like to say that yes, my chapters are very short, but I make them short on purpose. I try to make them on around four thousand words or until I feel there's enough, but I don't make them very long because then I wouldn't be able to update so often._

_Title from the song Hysteria. There's an amazing video over on VKO (Vampire Knight Online) made by lanaturmal with this song in it that I will clearly suggest watching :D_

**Chapter 17: Last Chance to Lose Control**

"Are you out of your mind? That bite destroyed more than your humanity, right? It took your sanity with it as well!" Kaito was up in the skies and not about to calm down, despite Yagari's attempts at making him fall down. And although it was just an explosion of surprise and disbelief, Zero felt that he was right. How could he have been foolish enough to sink that deep into his own feelings?

"How could you even consider visiting a pureblood? Are you completely insane?" Kaito's words kept hitting a vulnerable place inside the younger hunter repeatedly, sending jolts of regret and guilt through him. Zero felt that Kaito was right. Kaito was always right.

That fact was rooted so deeply inside the hunter that he didn't even question himself about why he felt so. Zero's and Kaito's relationship wasn't easy to describe. The younger's feelings had changed all the time in the beginning, from pity to irritation, over anger to fright. Pity over Kaito's master being hospitalized, irritation over his personality and over how he mocked Zero. The irritation crossed to anger when insulting Ichiru for his frail health. Zero drew the line there.

For some time, it had stayed there, but not anymore. Even though it was foolish and childish to be scared of him, Zero couldn't help but feel very uncomfortable around Kaito, especially when he was shouting like he currently was. It was stupid of course, it wasn't like Kaito would do something worse than any other hunter. But there was something about Kaito, something in the way the 22 year old hunter would look at him that unsettled Zero greatly. Although he couldn't really pinpoint what it was exactly he saw in those brown eyes that made a cold shiver run down his back.

"Kaito, leave Zero alone. He hasn't done anything wrong. Give him a moment," Yagari admonished, pulling Kaito away from the younger hunter. He sat down gently by Zero's side, waiting for Kaito to have cooled down a bit before asking any questions. "Zero, won't you please tell us what the two of you were doing?" he asked kindly, trying his best to sound interested instead of disgusted.

"Well…" Zero began awkwardly, not really in the mood for talking about it, but doing it either way. He trusted his master to be the parent he had missed for so long already. "It wasn't anything really," he tried to dismiss it, knowing it wouldn't be enough from the beginning but hoping it might give him a few extra seconds to come up with a believable lie.

"He just invited me over to tell me that he would be moving out of the dorm. He thought he would have a bad influence on the school if he stayed, so he would be living elsewhere, doing paperwork and such," Zero said, not lying but definitely not telling the entire truth either. He was afraid they would judge him, afraid they would think he was being manipulated to spy on them or something. When it came to higher ranks of vampires, hunters tended to get a bit paranoid.

"Well, he got that right. Just having that pureblooded brat in my surroundings makes me nauseous. How come Cross ever could stand being around him long enough for him to be able to create an entire class of them?" Kaito mused in a disgusted tone. It was clear what he thought of the Night Class, although he technically could be called to be a teacher for them, even if he probably would refuse.

Zero didn't even have the stamina at the moment to get really mad at him and just shot him a quick, irritated glance. Yagari looked suspiciously at him. "Is that all?" he asked cautiously. Zero would have sighed if he hadn't been too tense at the moment. Yagari always did it like this, pretending to be gentle and caring, but just wanting the information. He hated how his master apparently intended for him to become a little spy. "Yes," Zero snapped irritated, not in the mood for an interrogation like this.

"Good. You can leave," Yagari dismissed, Zero just walking past him with a bare glance. He was tired of the way they ordered him around, tired of the way they thought they could treat him like a dog because he'd turned into a vampire, tired of them. But also incredibly guilty about what he'd done.

Kaito slipped out of the room seconds after Zero had left and caught his arm out in the corridor. He pulled the younger hunter up against the wall, out of close hearing reach. "I don't know why Yagari hasn't noticed your bond yet, but I'm not as blind as he is. I don't know what you did what that freaky pureblood today, but I swear, Zero… if you don't figure out where you belong soon, I'll show you what we do to traitors," he hissed darkly into Zero's ear, released his grip on the ex-human's arm and disappeared.

Kaname was happy and satisfied with how their conversation had turned out, but now, he was just uncomfortable. Zero was gone and that was bad enough. But after the positive outcome of their conversation, it wasn't just that Zero was gone that made the pureblood feel uncomfortable. He'd read a lot about bonds in the last days and if the relationship was good between the two parts involved, it wouldn't be overwhelmingly sad or uncomfortable when they weren't together.

The bond would just make them want to be together when they were apart as long as they had a good relation to each other. It should have lessened after their conversation then and for some time, Kaname felt unsure of why his feelings acted this way. Surely, he couldn't be that much of a beast that he wanted Zero for any other reason than the bond.

But after having looked in a few books and concentrated on his feelings, it turned out to not be abnormal in any way. It was because he knew that Zero had went straight back to his master and Takamiya. It bothered Kaname greatly. Of two reasons. First, because that meant that Zero would tell them where he'd been if they didn't know already, and that could possibly place the hunter in dire trouble. Second, although Kaname was trying to convince himself it was just the bond causing it and he wasn't really feeling this way, he felt jealous over the way Zero obviously preferred his hunter friends. No doubt that Zero liked the side of him that was a hunter more than the other side, and it was quite possible that he wanted to be with people who felt the same way and whom he could share his disgust of vampires with, but Kaname was somewhat offended either way.

Kaname didn't understand why Zero was clinging so desperately to his so called friends from the Association. They treated him like a servant. What could possibly make him hesitate about choosing Kaname's company over theirs? At least the pureblood wasn't disgusted of either of the different sides of him.

The pureblood had seen the way they ordered him around when he'd been at the Association. At their eyes, he was little better than a vampire although they didn't say that openly. Kaname saw it in their eyes though, and in the way they acted and he hated them violently for that. Them and their racist ideas. As if Zero couldn't be a good hunter and a friend because he'd been bitten.

Zero sunk down on his bed. It was in the middle of the day, classes were going on for the Day Class, but Zero wasn't very motivated to go to them. He was hurt, both by Yagari's interrogation and Kaito's distrust. And they always were like that. He usually fought to look at himself like a hunter, but whenever he had business at the Association and they were all over him with their insults, he felt horribly like a vampire and made no effort to hide the way he felt.

But of course. Hunters were always like this towards vampires and in many cases, the vampires responded in the same way. An ex-human hunter was something almost unheard of, especially when they survived. It was, unfortunately, often used by purebloods to commit suicide by turning a hunter, draining him or her harshly to the brink of death, then using them to get shot. The ex-human would die shortly afterwards anyway. It was a cold and heartless thing to do, to be so absorbed in your own will to end the life that you barely noticed that you dragged another down with you.

But this, this was almost worse. To be forced to live on being both and fitting in nowhere. Zero was not a vampire, not a hunter and not a human. He was something strange and different. Vampires looked down on him due to his low status and his hunter blood, and the hunters looked down on him due to his vampire blood. He fitted in nowhere. There was no one who would hold him tightly and say it was alright and that it wasn't his fault. No one but Yuki, and she couldn't do it any longer.

Zero didn't understand his own feelings any longer and it worried him greatly. He wanted nothing but to be fully accepted by the other hunters, to be one of them again. And yet… He couldn't justify his feelings at the moment. He yearned for that damn pureblood. And Zero couldn't even blame him. It was the side of the hunter himself that yearned for blood, unable to get satisfied or filled, that had coursed this. He could blame it on no one but himself.

Kaname had been on the brink of dying from bloodloss when Zero had tempted him, unintended perhaps, but that didn't make a huge difference. And be sides, why argue about how it happened? It had been done now and there was no way to undo it. He would just have to endure it. And that was hard. Unspeakably hard.

It would be torture to be forced through something like this a second time in life. Perhaps it was just not meant to be any different. What had he done to deserve to belong to both and no one? No one liked him, no one cared for him. What did he have left when it all came down to it? Nothing. Without Yuki, what was the purpose? When no one apparently wanted him around, he might as well join Yuki than stick around to everybody's annoyance.

The only person who acted friendly and kind towards him was that bloodsucking pureblood, who only did it because he wanted to make Zero a pet of his that would do as commanded. No one wanted or needed him for who he was. Zero's thoughts swam around in his head, like drops of oxygen seeking the surface.

Zero couldn't understand it. He had been ashamed of what he was in the beginning but hoped that the other hunters would understand and reaccept him. They hadn't though. And what reason should they ever have had to not cast him out? No sane man would ever trust a vampire, especially not a hunter. Zero knew that saying well. He'd known it well even before it was used against him. And he knew that the vampires didn't put much trust in him either. So… if everybody saw him like this, what was the meaning of going on then?

But if Yuki had been here, she would have been sad. She would have shouted at him, told him to have more faith in himself and not just give up. So… he couldn't really do it.

Kaname wasn't sure if Zero had reported his decision to the chairman yet and he decided to pay a small visit to get everything in place. In truth, he would have made the decision to go out of the Night Class and work towards coexistence from one of his houses, comfortably at home, ever since he had made it clear in mind that he would be a bad influence if he stayed. The only thing holding him back had been Zero, and now with that obstacle out of the way, Kaname wanted to get his decision through as soon as possible.

He couldn't really blame the hunters for having to do this. It was his own fault, just like it had been his own fault that coursed him and Zero to bond. What a monster he'd been reduced to at that point. A mere beast, mad with blood thirst, even as he wasn't mad like any other level would have been in his state. Purebloods couldn't go mad no matter how starved they were. They just slowly suffered on in silence, until they finally cracked and went for the closest possible victim, although even that was done with a clear mind.

Besides, perhaps it would be a pleasant break from all the press of appearing perfect. Purebloods were admired as Gods, worshipped and idolized, but they were also expected to be strong, powerful and controlled at all times. It could easily get too much sometimes. Kaname hated attending soirées for that reason. Because at the academy, he could relax a little, content in knowing that he was with friends that easily would accept and ignore a small slip in his façade. But at the soirées, people looked at him all the time. And half of the ones attending were vultures from the Council that looked at his smallest mistake with curiosity. They wanted him to make a fail.

Kaname sighed, getting up from his armchair and making his way towards his car. At some points, being a pureblood was a horrible punishment. They had an amazing scent that drew other vampires to them, to show who ruled the vampire race. But it also made them desirable beyond compare and gave them many enemies between their own kind. They were worshipped like gods, but for that reason, no faults made by them would be tolerated and they had to remain like this… Unmoving, perfect, marble statues.

Zero's luck suddenly seemed to turn when he inspected the document on the headmaster's desk on closer hold. Cross wasn't here to stop him, wasn't here to witness his decision. Wasn't here to try to make him change his mind. The headmaster's job was to inform Zero about this and he had done it. He had properly just thought that Zero would wait for Yagari or Kaito to arrive so they could go on the mission together. Ten mad ex-humans weren't a job for a single hunter.

He might succeed and then, he would have done his duty. But it was a common statement that taking on more than three E's alone and at once was pure suicide. And this paper stated that there should be ten of them. It would be so easy. He didn't have to commit suicide, it would just be a horribly stupid move to make. So he wasn't downright doing anything that would have hurt Yuki, he was just subjugating himself to extreme danger. It was too tempting to withstand.

Kaname felt uncomfortable to say the least. He was afraid that Zero hadn't told the headmaster about it yet, and to admit that he was a bad influence in front of Cross Kaien would be most uncomfortable for the pureblood. It bothered him that he had been searching for Zero through their bond since the minute he came, but still, he hadn't been able to pinpoint where on campus that the hunter had went to. He was going to have to ask Cross about it, since he didn't have to be afraid it would raise suspicion from Cross's side and he really needed to know. The headmaster of Cross Academy knew well about the bond that had formed between his almost step-son and his almost adoptive-son.

Slowly, he knocked and when no response came, opened the door. Although he was expected to apply to general rules, he had known the headmaster all of his life and didn't mind acting a little inappropriate around him. But there wasn't anyone inside, so Kaname decided on waiting for him in one of the armchairs. While he waited, he concentrated on his instincts to try and pinpoint Zero's location.

But no, the hunter really weren't in the building or in the Sun Dorm. He wasn't on campus at all. Very strange, but not more than that he easily could be on a mission at the moment. A white envelope on the headmaster's office table caught Kaname's attention. It looked like the ones hunters received for missions.

In fact, it wasn't anything a vampire ever should get involved in, but Kaname got overpowered by his curiosity, wanting to find out if it might be where Zero had went. He opened the white envelope and began reading the letter.

At the minute he finished, he was out the door, easily pinpointing Cross's location and going there as fast as possible. As soon as he saw the retired hunter's figure, he slowed down to a more appropriate pace, catching up with Cross easily any way. "Cross, that hunting request on your desk… Did you send Zero out on that?" Kaname asked, perhaps a bit quicker than he'd meant to because he was so tense.

Cross looked puzzled at him. "What? The request? No, of course I never would. It will take at least five hunters for that job. Anything else would be suicide. That's why I haven't told Kiryuu-kun about it yet." He hadn't time to say another word before Kaname was off, this time not even thinking of masking his unusual speed in any way.

The room was silent, as if the darkness consumed all sounds. But okay, what he expected anyway? The deserted building lay in one of the least illustrious areas of town. It was an old music store, which had needed to close down long ago, the windows were all destroyed and the wind rushed through the lower floor, chilling Zero to the bone. On the side of the street, an apartment lay, deserted as well he assumed. It seemed like the next blow of the wind would make the building collapse.

The hunter shivered softly, then continued up the stair, reaching the first floor. And unknowingly right into the middle of the E's. They looked dangerous to say the least. Some of them sat in the empty windows, allowing an even smaller amount of light to enter the room. Others were crumbled together on the floor in attack positions. They immediately encircled their next victim.

"That's pretty brave, hunter," one of them hissed, his fangs shining dully in the faint light. The vampires' eyes glowed in the darkness. "Coming here alone, to take down all of us. But you do smell pretty good. How about you give us a taste?" Zero glared at him and leveled the Bloody Rose in his direction. When he fired, the E jumped away and the circle got closer around him. It was a real pain he'd positioned himself in.

"Come on, don't be like that. Just let us taste a few drops each." It was like a slow song, a dance, in which all of them were closing in around him. They were at least ten and at this point, they would attack if he shot. However, Zero refused to be afraid and simply shot again, hitting one of the closest. He turned to dust but that had clearly infuriated the others.

They screamed, high enough that Zero had to hold his hands in front of his ears to block out the worst and then they jumped at him. He shot but there were still eight of them and one of their claws grazed his chin, the blood making them all go into frenzy. They jumped Zero again, this time aiming straight for his neck and he couldn't hold them back anymore. At some point, he lost grip of his gun and they threw him to the ground and laid over him, pinning his body to the dirty floor of the old building.

Their fangs were like knives as they dug repeatedly into the hunter's skin and the blood starting flowing freely. Zero could feel his consciousness slip at the moment a lethally infuriated voice sounded from the door. "Don't you dare."

Kaname's eyes looked like fires in the darkened room.

At the moment the level E's realized just how angry the pureblood in front of them was, it was too late. Kaname released his full powers over them and half of the group turned to dust. The last four of them let go of Zero and tried to flee out of the window with a couple of frightened shrieks. "How dare you drink from him?" Kaname destroyed the last four without even blinking. Right now, he was way too angry to feel any form of pity for them.

As soon as the last of them was dead, Kaname turned to Zero, who in the meantime had got up in a sitting position. His hand was clutching his abused neck to try and stop the bleeding. "Zero, are you okay?" Kaname asked in concern, walking to his side to check on him. Zero nodded slowly. He didn't need Kuran's help. Although the pureblood'd some sort of saved him, that didn't mean that he needed his help. Especially not when the pureblood subconsciously gave him that look.

"Why do you insist on doing those kinds of inane things? Are you trying to kill yourself?" Kaname asked as he sat down by Zero's side and took in the deep scratches on his face, arms and neck. When Zero refused to answer him, Kaname sighed in annoyance. "Try to avoid life-threatening situations, okay? I don't have time to safe you every day… Fine, you refuse to answer, I see. I'll get you home, okay?" This time, Zero nodded, mostly because he realized that he was acting like a little child and he didn't want to look childish in front of the pureblood.

Zero couldn't detach his mind from the look in Kaname's eyes. It seemed to burn right through him, although the pureblood didn't seem to notice at all. Zero was beginning to think that it perhaps was something he imagined. But no, it wasn't, simply couldn't be. It wasn't anything really, just a glimpse of something lurking behind the pureblood's emotionless eyes. It bothered the hunter greatly.


	18. The Forbidden Act

**Tears of Blood by Rondomness**

_You are cordially invited to the chapter that will change everything xD *Breaking Dawn parody*_

_And the chapter that all of you have been waiting for, apparently xD Uhm… hehe… I'm very anxious to how people will react to this chapter… I mean non-con scenes are something COMPLETELY different. Also, there was that short scene in chapter 18 of Crimson Depts, but this is… Uhh, hope you enjoy… *grins shyly and hides behind a bush until readers done with the chapter*_

_Also, please pay attention to the difference between going to bed with someone and do other loving things, such as kissing. In this chapter, it's not meant to be like… Suddenly they're totally in love and just want to do it. It's not a "they're in love", it's a "they have to". Because that's what their bodies tell them they want. It's not love. I just say this because I'm afraid people will read the chapter and get it wrong and then become annoyed when they find out it's not so._

_I was first considering naming this chapter Lolita after the book Lolita by Vladimir Nabokov. It suits the situation here fairly well as it is something they know is wrong, but that they do either way because they can't stop themselves._

_Also, the chapter is posted super early because I've got this party to attend in the weekend. So, next chapter will be posted not this Sunday, but the next I'm afraid. That's almost two weeks, but I'll see if I can get it out before, okay? :D_

_Warnings: Lemon, nudity, sexual behavior_

**Chapter 18: The Forbidden Act**

Zero couldn't understand or dismiss the glimpse always lurking in the depths of the pureblood's eyes, the things waiting to be spoken or the thoughts working in the back of his head. The silence between Zero and Kaname was tangible, both of them waiting for the other to make a move. The pureblood didn't want to appear pressing or needy in any way as that would be a weakness he wasn't ready to show yet. And the hunter was still busy convincing himself he didn't care.

Kaname was silent during their short trip home, but whether it was because he didn't know what to say or because he was angry, Zero couldn't determine. When the awkwardness got too much to tolerate, the hunter readily broke the dead silence between them. "How did you find out what I planned to do?"

Kaname's garnet eyes turned to him slowly. "You're presence wasn't in the Academy and you'd left the letter from the Association behind. Cross hadn't sent you on the mission," he answered flatly, not opening up for a real conversation between them. Zero looked irritated at him, trying to get a proper response out of him.

"You sure are a stupid one," Kaname remarked without even looking at the hunter. "Wish to die that badly?" A sad look lurked behind the garnet gaze for a second. Although it was completely idiotic, the pureblood felt hurt that he meant so little for the hunter. That Zero without a second thought would commit something close to suicide because he'd lost Yuki. Was Kaname not important at all to him?

The answer was even more obvious. No, of course not. What did he expect? He was being a fool. A… stupid idiot, too engaged in his own feelings to notice the world around him.

Zero looked away too, but was unable to stop himself from casting a quiet glance on the pureblood's form. So quiet. So fair. Zero could see what Ichiru had meant… _The pureblood vampires, with all the power they have… They're almost like gods…_ Zero didn't think purebloods were like gods in the least. But perhaps, there was something about the beauty. The gracefulness, the composed façade… But not gods. Kaname was not a god and _that woman_ definitely wasn't a god either.

Kaname noticed his quick glance and turned his eyes further away, but not before Zero caught a glimpse of that look in his eyes again. It unnerved the hunter greatly.

Kaname sank together on a chair in his office room the second he stepped inside after having brought Zero back to the academy and having talked with the chairman. Cross understood his decision, as expected. But… even now… after Zero had promised he would return… After the headmaster had promised to look after him… Even after everything… The longing in the pureblood's chest was unbelievably hard to bear.

He felt like his head would explode at every second that passed. Every move on the clock was torture. He needed Zero with an intensity even he could never have foreseen. He felt like he would kill himself if he kept it locked inside any longer. Back in the car… So close with the hunter… He'd been thirsty. So thirsty. Thirsty for the blood of your loved one, of your bond-mate.

And he'd been unable to quench that thirst. Just thinking it made it even harder to control. The waves rushed over him and pulled the pureblood down under the surface. It was the same feeling he had experienced on the night of that soirée, when he'd rested his head on top of Yuki's chest, looked into her beautifully gentle eyes. Just a million times intensified. He wanted Zero. In every way possible.

Zero crumbled together over his toilet, throwing up harshly. Those tablets forced it's way out of him and left him still thirsty for more. So thirsty. He washed his mouth gently with cold water and looked at his image in the mirror. He looked pale and tired. Just like he'd looked that night… When he'd drunk Yuki's blood for the very first time. He looked like a thirsty vampire. A monster.

The ex-human crumbled together on the floor half-way between the toilet and the bed. His eyes glowed red in the darkness. It would soon be three months since he'd last had the chance to drink blood that actually stayed inside of him, and his ex-human body was giving out, subjugating himself to go mad in search of blood.

It was only because the last person he had taken any blood from was a pureblood that he had been able to last this long. But it was no longer enough, as he'd been drained, raped, cut and in almost every other way imaginable lost the blood he'd drunk from Kuran.

With his hard force of will, he pulled the thirst out of mind, told himself to stop being like a monster. But the emptiness it left in his mind just made him think of the pureblood's look. That look in his eyes, never breaking through the surface completely but always being there… The hunter was unable to tell what it really was, but he assumed that since Kaname was covering it up, it probably wasn't something Zero would be interested in seeing.

But… Should he just confront Kaname about it either way? That look was unnerving him because it resembled a vampire's lust, both when it came to blood and… the other kind. And if that really were the case, wasn't it better to just confront him and tell him he wasn't interested?

Kaname got a smaller shock when his instincts told him that Zero was outside the house, a second before he heard a soft knocking. He hadn't expected the hunter to visit. He hadn't called or contacted Kaname beforehand in any way, but just that he apparently was interested in seeing the pureblood made Kaname very happy.

Kaname hurried out, opened the door and gave him a small smile." I didn't know you were planning on visiting me tonight," he said lightly, inviting the hunter inside and showing him into his office. There was something wrong with Zero, Kaname noticed that immediately. The way he walked, how pale he was and how he breathed. "What did you come here for?" the pureblood asked, trying to make Zero explain why he'd come and why he was looking like he currently was.

Zero stood, still and silent for a moment where Kaname merely sat in his chair, looking quite untouched but being precisely the opposite. The pureblood's feelings were one big mess. Then, Zero apparently decided to just get to the point and he asked the forbidden question without hesitation. "Kaname, are you trying to get in my pants?"

Kaname jerked back and then sat as paralyzed, desperately struggling to find anything to say. His first reflex was to deny everything with an aggrieved look. But this wasn't a subject to be joked with and Zero would be infuriated if the pureblood tried to. The hunter wanted to talk, needed to know and Kaname was the only one who could tell him. Slowly, he slid backwards in the chair to finally relax. "What makes you believe that?"

Zero did not hesitate with his answer. "The way you're looking at me, with such lust and possession. The way you're the not looking at me, the way you should be looking at me. And all the countless times you've reached out your hand to touch me and then restrained yourself. Don't think I didn't notice."

Kaname once again thought over the right thing to say for a few moments. Finally, he spoke. "Between you and me… well, yeah, there have been situations where I've felt drawn towards you. I can't explain it, that's just how things are. The bond makes me feel this way, I can't even understand it, but for some strange reason, I like you. But, Zero… I don't… want… to get in your… to force you to anything."

Kaname let a hand slide through his brown locks. This was difficult to get out with, the pressure of the bond pulling him in a different direction than his mind. "Zero, I…" Kaname stood up from the chair and walked around his desk to stand face to face with the boy.

"Wait…" Zero begged halfheartedly, pushing Kaname a little away. "Look, Kuran, sometimes you can be stupid or irritatingly bureaucratic, but actually, honestly you're an attractive man and… I, too, can feel a little…" Zero's voice died out, before regaining strength. "But, even as I can feel… this, I would never want to go to bed with you." His voice sounded honest enough, but Kaname could see the denial of his own words that burned his heart, could even feel it, as the pureblood felt the exact same thing right now.

"Zero, we don't have to always fight like this," Kaname said, not wanting to sound suggestive, but failing miserably. It was clear that Zero heard it too, judging the look he got. "Maybe, we do," the hunter said, backing a little away and giving the pureblood a faint smile.

"Why?" Kaname demanded to know. Taking a deep breath, Zero tried to explain his feelings on this subject. "You're a pureblood. And what am I?" he asked, searching for understanding in Kaname's eyes.

"A hunter?" Kaname said, making it sound like a question. He knew what Zero meant though. "We couldn't be longer apart from each other," Zero whispered, concealing his idiotic heartbreak. It was so wrong for them to even be considering. "We're both men," Kaname said, explaining something they had in common to try and make Zero understand that there really was no avoiding this.

"Another point on my list," Zero said with a sarcastic smile. "Look, Kuran, I know you're not good at getting points so let me make this clear for you. I'm not going to…" Then, Zero's protests were wildly interrupted, when understanding dawned on Kaname's face and he pulled the boy up next to his inviting neck. He murmured a quick apology. "You're hungry, aren't you? Please sate yourself. I'm horribly sorry I didn't notice before."

Zero was too hungry to stand up that offer and immediately buried his fangs in Kaname's neck, not even having time to protest about it. The pureblood growled softly from deep down in his throat, laying his arms around Zero's body to hold him closer. It was very pleasant to feel how Zero sucked on his neck, but he was still thirsty himself. So thirsty.

The lust got too big to handle and Kaname bowed down and bit the boy harshly, loving the sensation of exchanging blood like this. It only lasted for a second though, then Zero jerked away.

"Kuran!" he shout in anger, backing off and fighting to pry the pureblood off of his neck. Kaname caught one of his hands and held a tight grip around the hunter's body with his other hand. "Kaname, what the hell are you doing?" Zero asked, the panic sneaking into his voice when the pureblood's fangs were withdrawn and his mouth trailed lower to lick up the drops of blood that had escaped him.

"Zero… you've condemned me to hell," Kaname whispered before pushing Zero against the wall and his hand ripped open the upper part of the hunter's shirt. Zero jerked back at this new sensation and desperately fought to remove Kaname's hands and, even more importantly, his mouth which instantly dipped to the side of the hunter's neck once more. Zero gripped Kaname's hair harshly and used the grip to throw his head backwards, cutting off the connection between his suddenly incredibly sensitive skin and Kaname's horribly soft mouth. The pureblood growled at him, a deep, dark, animalistic sound from the depths of his throat.

Kaname's mind was reeling badly, begging him to stop this madness but Zero's blood had awoken a beast in him that caged his rational sense and it was too late for him to avoid giving himself entirely to his own instincts. He could feel Zero's unwanted arousal just as much as his desperate squirming. It was just… too easy to give in.

Kaname twisted free of Zero's grip on the pureblood's hair and his head once again mercilessly started ravaging the hunter's neck. Zero's hand automatically slid up to hold Kaname's hair again, this time not pushing him away but simply holding onto the pureblood.

The bite wound was still oozing a bit blood and Kaname's mouth licked the last droplets of crimson up, closing the wound at the same time and receiving a gasp from Zero when his tongue touched the hunter's neck. The pureblood lifted Zero off of the floor, supporting him against the wall by pressing his thighs in between the hunter's legs.

"K-Kuran, this is going too far," Zero stuttered weakly, finding himself to be unwilling to let go of Kaname's hair. He could feel the pureblood's panting breath against his shoulder and neck, sending some spikes of tremors through his entire body. There wasn't enough oxygen in the world to still Zero's hurried breathing now.

Kaname pressed Zero against himself, nearly forcing his head downwards, forcing their lips together. Zero's arms fell around Kaname's head as he pushed them even closer together. Suddenly, Zero seemed to come back to himself a bit, pulling away and blushing horribly. Kaname looked up at him with glazed, aroused eyes, a firm hand in place behind the hunter's neck, pulling his head down again.

"Have you lost your mind?" Zero asked in an all but friendly tone, a bit husky from arousal. Kaname didn't answer him, a hand instead sliding up and opening the first bottoms in his own shirt invitingly. With one arm, the pureblood supported him while slowly undressing the hunter with the other. At first, Zero tried to weakly resist, but it was a losing fight and in a matter of seconds, the hunter gave up and succumbed to Kaname's intense begging of permission. Not that it would have changed anything anyway, if Kaname hadn't thought that Zero wanted it too, he was probably so far gone right now that he would have taken it either way.

The black school jacket fell to the ground, quickly followed by the remains of a white shirt. Kaname's mouth dipped instantly to Zero's neck again, first only licking and kissing but then rougher, rougher, until he bit through the skin and the blood started flowing. The pureblood wasn't thirsty and simply let it run down the hunter's shoulder, mesmerized by the small, crimson drops.

Kaname licked a stray drop all the way down to a nipple, Zero letting out a small gasp when the pureblood touched such a sensitive spot. The hunter sported a deep red color on his cheeks when he realized he'd just gasped out loud, Kaname's head lifting to give him a faint, cruel grin before continuing his ministrations, causing Zero to grasp the pureblood's hair roughly.

"K-Kaname," Zero stuttered helplessly, unable to keep the tremors out of his voice. This felt so good, but it was so wrong. The hunter let out a short, almost silent cry of delight as Kaname's mouth worked his nipple and the pureblood's hands began sliding up and down Zero's body. It was an unbelievable sensation.

Heat was quickly building up inside Zero's body, the hunter fighting to control his own body's responses. Kaname's mouth slowly returned to Zero's neck, sending all kinds of heat into the hunter as his lips lightly grazed the pale skin. Kaname drank a little blood before licking the spot clean, healing the small bite wound in the progress, Zero letting out a low moan despite himself.

The pureblood's instincts got aroused from giving pleasure to a bondmate and he quickly pulled Zero away from the wall, wanting to be closer and touch his body. The hunter let out a sharp gasp from the difference between the very kind, gentle, teasing touches before and the short moment of pain when Kaname slammed him into the floor and laid over him. The pureblood's shirt was disposed of just as quickly as Zero's resistance.

The hunter would have liked to ask the pureblood to immediately stop this nonsense and cut it out, but all that was escaping his lips at the moment was a whole load of incoherent words and much too aroused moans for Zero's own liking. Unfortunately, his body was currently too responsive, it sang with delight every time the pureblood touched it.

Kaname's body fared little better, especially when the hunter grasped his hair like that. Zero pulled himself upright from his half lying, half sitting position on the floor and laid his arms around Kaname's neck, bringing their faces dangerously close to each other's, a fact Kaname immediately took advantage of, locking their lips together, his tongue begging for entrance.

It wasn't as if Kaname was happier about this than Zero in the slightest way, but his pure blood made him more responsive to their bond, making him the one who was the first to lose it to instinct. The pureblood's hands ended up behind Zero's head, pushing him forward and making it impossible to break contact, although he probably hadn't needed that added luxury as Zero was currently well on his way to lose it just as much as Kaname.

The hunter willingly granted Kaname entrance, moaning in complete ecstasy until he realized what he'd done and the moan was replaced by a cute blush. Awkwardly, he tried to tumble backwards but the firm grip Kaname had on his neck made it difficult to say the least. The pureblood's other hand went to his cheek, holding onto it to make sure he didn't turn his head either. That unfortunately meant that Kaname had to find another place to balance himself on and that was Zero.

The hunter granted Kaname permission to support himself in Zero's lap all too willingly. Kaname broke off the kiss himself and held Zero against the floor as he laid over him. The pureblood lifted the hunter's legs off of the floor and spread them in midair while unzipping Zero's pants. They were quickly becoming too restricting anyway.

"N-no, stop Kaname," the hunter murmured half-coherently, gone from these incredible sensations. The pureblood completely ignored his murmurs, taking it for granted that he was just muttering something. He lifted Zero, now only wearing his boxers, off the floor, holding him with one hand and reaching into said boxers with the other. Effectively stopping the hunter from any future attempts at murmuring rejections.

His fingers explored deeper, darker, driving the hunter out of his mind. He half-hissed, half-moaned into Zero's ear as he stroked the hunter slowly. Intentionally doing it pleasurable enough that Zero couldn't stop needing more, but not enough to make him come just from that.

Zero was lying on the floor, hyperventilating from pleasure, his thoughts whirling around in his head. He vaguely wondered what it would mean in Kaname had any servants working right now. What if they heard them? What if hunters heard them? Kaito? What hair color was it that Kaito had? His thoughts didn't even make sense to himself.

Then, he was violently pulled out of his dreamy state of mind by the intense feeling of hard flesh brushing against his inner thigh. For a second, clear panic stroke his mind. Up until now, his only sexual experience had been something that hurt so excruciatingly that he'd thought he died.

Kaname was about to burst from being so horribly aroused without finding release and because he was pretty content that Zero wanted it too, he didn't see why he should wait any longer. He'd already gotten rid of his pants and underwear and had quickly dealt with Zero's boxers as well. Now, he quickly hooked up the hunter's legs and thrust forward, making sure he did it slowly enough for it to be pleasurable instead of painful.

But Kaname's wasn't used to anything but pureblood standards when it came to how much the body could take before it would start telling the brain it hurt instead of pleasured. Zero trying struggled to pull backwards, still very pleasured, but now also almost a bit scared of how much it actually hurt. The pureblood wasn't considering that it hurt and he was quickly intensifying his speed, thrusting in and out almost too roughly for Zero to hold back a scream.

His hips buckled against the pureblood's arousal, seeking to push himself away from the pain. When Kaname realized, he almost immediately understood the issue and slowed down completely, although his body told him he wanted to ride the hunter much rougher than this.

Purebloods' bodies were accustomed to like it rough and fast, but Kaname kept himself on a tight leash, convincing his body that it could be pleasurable enough when it was slow and sensual instead of fast and rough. He had to, for Zero's sake. His ex-human body couldn't take the pressure of Kaname's lusts and pleasures.

As soon as Kaname eased up, slowed down and made it more bearable, Zero started feeling the pleasurable aspect of their intercourse as well. The hunter pulled himself up on his elbows, his arms snaking around Kaname's chest, making sure they stayed close. His hot breath tickled against Kaname's nipple, sending the pureblood ever closer to ecstasy.

Kaname bowed down and locked their lips together again, ruthlessly this time because he was so absorbed in his most primal instincts, almost as consumed by urges and lusts as when he drank blood. Zero responded violently to the kiss though, and now, when the short moment of pain had vanished, he was bucking his hips against Kaname in step with the pureblood's thrusts.

When Kaname found a new angle, that touched something good inside of the hunter, he winced slightly, his claws extending automatically and scratching the pureblood's back slightly. Even that, Kaname found arousing. His body arched from not being able to be as ruthless as he would have preferred and he had to hold himself back with all of his mind to not accidently hurting Zero.

An ex-human's body wasn't much different from a real human's, but a pureblooded body would form itself after no human standards whatsoever. Kaname had the deepest, darkest wish to just ignore Zero's wishes and do what he knew would sent him to heaven. But he had to hold back. If Zero didn't think it pleasurable, if he experienced Kaname hurting him, he would never want to be near the pureblood again. Just thinking of what torture that would be held him back.

Suddenly, all the feelings toppled together inside of Zero's body. Kaname's panting breath, his embraces, their intercourse, the soft kisses the pureblood placed on the top of his head from time to time. He came violently, moaning in a sinfully erotic way that immediately sent the pureblood over the edge too.

Kaname fell down beside the boy after his release, panting and gasping as he enjoyed the lingering sensations. Zero was hyperventilating slightly, a strange look on his face as the truth of what he'd just done began settling in his mind. He'd climaxed from having a go with that arrogant, despicable pureblood. He'd enjoyed being screwed by Kuran.

Nausea began gnawing at his intestines and he felt the urge to gag slightly. But then, he looked into the pureblood's face, his slightly closed eyes and the small smile on his lips. It made him feel better. For two reasons. First, because it just _did_ make him feel better to see that the pureblood was happy, damn him. And second, because the fact that he was happy because of Kaname's happiness was caused by the bond, meaning that his lusts and passions towards this man probably also was regulated by the bond. Meaning he hadn't had a real choice.

Either way, a cute, pinkish blush spread across the hunter's face, both from the aftermath of his pleasure and from knowing what he'd done. Kaname was fascinated by it and bowed over, placing a soft kiss on each side of Zero's face. His pureblooded possessiveness, the desire to own the object of his passion, flared up in his mind.

_I don't want to let you go… I want to lock you up somewhere, don't let anyone else touch you… and make you belong to me only…_


	19. Sins and Lusts

**Tears of Blood by Rondomness**

_This chapter picks up right after the events in chapter 18 and follows it up. No more than two seconds have past._

_For those people who requested me to do a picture to demonstrate my poor drawing abilities (and everyone else who's interested) I did a hand-made pencil drawing which can be found on my deviantart page – zandk . deviantart . com / gallery – just remove spaces :D_

_All the names will be explained later on :D_

_Warnings: Lemon, nudity, sexual themes, angst, hurt._

**Chapter 19: Sins and Lusts**

The hunter was intoxicatingly close, his sweet scent filling Kaname's nose and, much more disturbingly, his mind with delight. The pureblood lost himself in the depths of Zero's drawing eyes, even though he knew it was a forbidden poison. Perhaps he'd lulled the hunter into doing what both of them had been dying to do these last few days, but that didn't mean that the ice surrounding them had broken… Perhaps quite the opposite as Zero now obviously felt very guilty about what he'd done.

Kaname pulled himself up from the floor, disappearing for a second to go look for some clothes that weren't half-destroyed with missing buttons. The pureblood hadn't been as rough on Zero's clothing as the hunter had been on Kaname's, so he wouldn't have to lend Zero any new clothes. In some way, it made the pureblood disappointed. He would have loved to mix his own scent with Zero's. He would have loved to… Stop his line of thoughts before it took him somewhere that he would be unable to return from.

It was better for him to see this afternoon as a tiny bubble of oxygen to a drowning man, a minimal and temporary salvation. He shouldn't allow his mind to get all kinds of fancy ideas about where to explore new aspects of the bond now. He should tell himself that this was it, accept it and not press any further, just like a gentleman would do. But it was hard. Very hard.

When the pureblood returned a few minutes later with fresh clothes on, the hunter had fallen asleep on the floor in the aftermath, his cheeks still partly colored. He was beautiful like this. Kaname, being unable to wake him up and destroy the innocent look on his face, instead picked him up gently, making sure Zero wouldn't wake up from it. He carried him out of the still partly open door and through the house, until he reached a small guestroom.

The pureblood gently and quietly placed Zero on the small bed and pulled the sheet over him. He wouldn't disturb Zero, the hunter obviously was exhausted over all limits. Kaname could guess that Zero probably had little to no sleep, either caused by his vampire nature clashing with his school schedule or his nightmares, which Cross had told him about. The pureblood's normally so composed face melted at the sight of Zero's peacefully sleeping face, Kaname wishing that he could continue looking at that face forever.

However, he didn't want to come off as a stalker completely addicted to his instincts, and he might scare the hunter if he was right in his face when Zero awoke. So he fought himself and left the room, just relaxing in an armchair with a book.

But it proved to be too much a challenge for a pureblood with his instincts and lusts on full alert. Just thinking that the hunter was in the building with him, asleep and his for the taking, made him suddenly very much in need of an icy cold bath. No more than an hour passed before Kaname stood by Zero's side again, undressing the hunter with his hungry, lust filled eyes and wanting to do him all over again right here, right now.

Instead, he sat down by the bedside and lightly touched the hunter's hair. The bond didn't just give him lustful feelings, it also ending up making him protective and possessive. He wanted to own the object of his attachment, to never have to let him go again. To have the hunter in this house, to make sure he never got out, never got the chance to leave him.

The pureblood wanted to see Zero happy and safe, but preferably right beside him, preferably always in his sight. He wanted to make sure that Zero would be happy, but always connected to the pureblood by a thick, unbreakable chain, one the hunter wouldn't notice.

Kaname knew that it was only the bond that made him feel this way though, that in reality, he didn't have any wants when it came to Zero. He decided he was being too creepy and would just place a light kiss on Zero's slightly parted lips before leaving him for good.

The hunter's lips were incredibly soft, giving way for Kaname's craving ones. He lingered there long enough to feel his air being sucked into the hunter's mouth. Then, he separated their lips, but not before placing a second, quicker kiss on them. That apparently got registered on some level of the hunter's consciousness and he turned around with an irritated look on his face. "Yuki, I'm sleepy… Go back to your own room," he murmured half coherently, clearly annoyed although he had not woken completely up by the kiss.

Kaname sent him a long, saddened gaze. He felt stupid for being hurt by it, since Zero obviously held no further feelings for the pureblood, where he had been quite fond of Kaname's cousin. The pureblood had been himself. Hadn't he loved her, desired her and wanted her beyond all limits? Hadn't he been sure it was Yuki whom he wanted to spend eternity with? Yes, he'd wanted that. He'd thought that as long as he could be with her, it didn't matter where he was, what he was doing or what people thought of him. He'd just known that the two of them were made for each other.

And… In some way he still wanted that. Even now, he had the nerve to dare wish that. He had the nerve to keep his foolish thoughts alive, keep ripping up his own wounds and keep hoping although he wasn't sure what he hoped for. Or at least, he knew that what he hoped for was absolutely impossible. He was sure that if Yuki'd been here, he would have been able to cope with being far away from Zero. He would have been able to do that because then he could have Yuki all to himself and that was worth a little discomfort.

Kaname's garnet eyes sought the ex-human's face once again. _A little discomfort._ Would he be able to leave Zero with just a little discomfort? It hurt to think of leaving him, of never seeing his face again, but that might only be the bond. Slowly, a gentle hand stroked the silver hair until it reached it's usual place.

Kaname had heard that third time was the time of luck, but apparently, that didn't hold true for him. He'd lost all three of them, Yuki being the last. He didn't know if he dared ever love someone ever again, afraid that his feelings alone would cause doom and destruction to the other part involved. But when it came to it, the first time he'd loved someone, their relationship was already doomed practically before it began although they did share thirty years or so together.

Another reason why he was never allowed to grow close to Zero, why he was too filthy and too ruined. Kaname could never feel worthy of having anyone's attention because he was a sinful one. He'd had three loves before, all of them crumbling to glass, or in one case dust, because of his selfish wishes and wants. He was what Zero abhorred most, and he hadn't even told him.

Kaname knew that Zero could handle purebloods to a certain extent. What he really despised and hated was purebloods that turned humans into vampires. And even more so if it was not the human's wish to become a monster. Kaname had done so. Although it was many years ago now, he'd changed two humans, one against her tender wish.

She'd always said that she'd forgiven him immediately, that if she had been given the choice, she would have wanted to be with him. But how could Kaname ever trust that? He'd turned her and perhaps he'd made her say it sub-consciously.

He… didn't want it to be that way with Zero. He didn't want to force the hunter into anything just because he could. It would have been horrible if he ever did so. He despised purebloods who had it all because they'd forced others to give it to them. Some of them even forced the lower classes to think they liked it.

Kaname would never do such a thing to Zero. Or to anyone else when it came to it, but right now and here, mostly never to the ex-human in front of him, still cutely asleep and unaware of the eyes watching over him. He may be possessive to an extent that frightened him, but although caging him and chaining him, Kaname would never give him a collar on.

And everything that Kaname would ever do to make Zero stay in his surroundings, would never reach the ears of the hunter himself. Kaname had ways of masking his real intention and that came in handy at this point. Zero wouldn't even realize he was been kept close to the pureblood. He would think he was at a reasonable distance to Kaname and that he had a choice.

Kaname realized with a small start that what he was saying to himself as he looked at Zero's sleeping face was, that he needed the hunter's company. It didn't have to have anything to do with feelings or anything, he just wanted Zero near. Not enough to expose him to Kaname's surroundings and in that way put him in the danger zone, but close enough for the pureblood to see him very often. Close enough for Kaname to be in some way able to influence his life.

Zero suddenly started tossed around on the bed, still asleep but now obviously caught in a bad dream. He began sweating a little and hyperventilate, although not as badly as he had right before. Kaname decided to wake him up lightly, intending to chase away all of his bad dreams. He wanted Zero to be happy and smile. Although he hadn't seen that smile often, he'd caught a glimpse of it the other day after their conversation and that was enough. Kaname needed to see that smile again, a real smile that symbolized that Zero was in a good mood and that he was happy.

Slowly, the pureblood's hand went to caress the silver hair slightly, waking him up very gently without giving him a shock. Kaname took off his shoes and lay down on the duvet next to Zero, although, to his great distress, there was still a duvet separating their bodies. The hunter's eyes slowly opened, he was obviously very sleepy still, even as he got a small shock from seeing Kaname so close to him. "Good morning, sleepyhead," Kaname whispered, a hand pulling the duvet closer around the hunter. Zero gave him a short glare, oblivious to the fact that he'd been squirming in his sleep. "Kaname, why don't you just let me sleep?" Zero mumbled, already beginning to drift off into unconsciousness.

"Such a cold tone. Aren't you happy that I awoke you at all?" Kaname asked playfully, intending to be friendly and perhaps a bit seductive as he hadn't completely given up on the idea that he might be able to do it with Zero a second time tonight. "I had to, Zero. You were caught in a bad dream, so I thought I'd rescue you." Kaname's tone was sugar sweet, but it just annoyed the hunter. He got up from the bed and pushed the pureblood's hand from his cheek.

"Stop calling me Zero, it's way too intimate," the hunter complained. Kaname laid a hand on the side of his face, turning his head to look at the boy. "You held no complains when I called you Zero back at the time I saved you, you called me Kaname too. I long for that time," he whispered, laying an arm around the hunter's shoulders.

Zero jerked away, looking at Kaname with a mix of lust and disgust in his eyes. Kaname was hypnotized by Zero's eyes. To Kaname, they were the most unique and compelling part of him. There was something deep and dangerous about those shiny, silver tinted eyes. They were like dark hooks for the soul.

Although the disgusted look in both of their eyes shone through, implying that none of them still had forgiven the other completely, there was also lust. Both of them wanted the purely physical aspect of a joining, but both the pureblood and the hunter had a hard time accepting their opposites. They were opposites in species, opinions, personality and the way they were brought up. That put them at odds against each other, creating a wall between them that seemed impossible to break. And yet…

The two of them, opposites as they were, either way combined in a heated kiss, as Kaname pulled the duvet over their bodies. This time, Zero had seen it come and their lips locked onto each other's in a much more satisfying way than before, earning the hunter a lusty growl from Kaname.

It was without a doubt a better location this time as the floor had been kind of rough and hard the first time, while this, although only a guestroom, had a softer bed than the one Zero used to sleep in. That made them able to move a little better than first time, making them capable of tumbling a little around on the bed.

Kaname shifted Zero around to try new spots and see where he got the most positive reaction from the hunter. The pureblood was focused on the task of getting to know Zero's body, although he held no further hope of ever getting to touch it again afterwards. It was better to never raise the hope than to do it and later get disappointed.

The hunter squirmed involuntarily in Kaname's arms, his hips bucking under the pressing weight. He tried his very best to hold in his moans and gasps, but when the pureblood shifted to a new, good angle, a gasp escaped him from time to time.

Zero's gasps stirred up Kaname's curiosity and arousal. He wanted to see how far he could go with Zero before it would be too much. Wanted to drive him crazy with desire, give him release and then see that cute blush on his face afterwards.

Kaname was being increasingly rough as he gradually lost his self-control, but Zero didn't mind as much this time. The first time, half of it had been his own fright, his own fear and memories of the last time. Now, when having experienced how gentle a pureblood also could be, he could relax more into it. Although he did still have to beg Kaname to slow down once in a while when his body began arching more than feeling good.

Perspiration soaked both of their bodies at this point, the pureblood continuously changing between almost hurtfully rough and tender gentleness, holding Zero on edge. He knew it made it hard for the hunter to relax, but it also tore half-articulated gasps and moans from his lips that aroused Kaname.

Then, suddenly, the pureblood realized that Zero was so much on the edge of a climax that he literally trembled, his body begging for his much needed release. Kaname was on his way forward again, a split second from touching one of the hunter's good spots, a split second from giving him release and he knew that as soon as he saw ecstasy on the face in front of him, he would soon follow. But…

Kaname stopped abruptly in the middle of his movement, the hunter looked up at him with a questioning and angered gaze. He gave an apologizing but lusty glare back, pulling out of Zero and moving a little forward. He wanted to give Zero release, he didn't do it out of cruelty or because he wanted the hunter to beg him or something like that. He just… wanted it to last a little while longer. When they only had this one time, Kaname couldn't bare that he didn't use it to the max. If one of them or both had come already, he knew the game would be over.

He couldn't bare that. Instead, he gave an apologizing look, softly running his hands up and down that perfect stomach. Zero still hadn't understood what the pureblood used as a motive for swiftly and cruelly cutting him off from his release. But when it came to it, Kaname's soft, teasing touches felt pretty good too. He desired to drown in them.

Shifting uncomfortably, Zero got impatient, reached up and moved the pureblood's hands to his nibbles, wanting them to touch something else, but being cut off from that possibility effectively by Kaname's new position. Of course, he'd made sure to sit over Zero's abdomen in a way that made it hard for him to do it the other way around as well.

Kaname's eagerly squeezed the hunter's pink nibbles roughly, learning down and licking a line over the hot skin all the way from Zero's neck to his nibble. A breathy moan escaped the hunter's lips, exiting Kaname but also reminding him that he had to be careful to not let Zero come. The pureblood could feel that the hunter's nibbles got hard under his ministrations, together with another part of his anatomy.

"Uhn… W-why?" Zero asked pained when Kaname's hands began travelling restlessly over his stomach again, clearly avoiding all of the spots that would send shivers down the hunter's back. It was as if Kaname was determined to drive him all up, then desert him at that point, torturing him with his own need and arousal.

Kaname's voice was merciless. "Because I say so." The words were said with a clearly dominating tone to it that both aroused and annoyed the hunter. A pureblood's aura made every vampire in his or hers surroundings tune in to their obedient sides, but Zero's hunter genes and his personality didn't like being commanded around by a pureblood. He pulled himself up to his elbows, his face now inches from the pureblood's, who at the moment wasn't sure what was going on.

In a sudden blur of motion, Zero tipped the pureblood over, slamming him into the bed and changing the roles of who were on top. Kaname looked up in shock and confusion. "I want my release and if you for some reason refuse to give it to me, I'll have to do you in order to get it," Zero whispered darkly, commanding but still a bit husky from arousal.

The tone of the hunter's voice combined with their current position, sent a shiver of delight through the pureblood's body, but he controlled himself. It would do no good at the moment to show his masochistic side to Zero. He didn't fully trust the hunter and he certainly didn't trust the ex-human. Vampires, especially lower classes had so keen senses and so little self-control that they were practically ruled by their desires. Kaname couldn't allow himself to give such an invitation to the vampire in front of him.

But… the vampire in front of him… above him… wasn't like anyone else… The vampire above him was no vampire. Not a hunter either. Nor a human. The person in front of him was Zero and no one else. Zero, who despised all vampires, probably including Kaname, but what did that matter?

Gently, Kaname reached up and pulled Zero into a tight embrace, rocking slowly back and forth. "I… won't ever force you to anything. But please… I can't bear… to know that when you're leaving, I'll barely ever see you again and almost never talk with you again." Kaname's voice was saddened, horribly so, more miserable than Zero could have foreseen.

Zero didn't understand what the pureblood's misery was caused by. He wasn't sure if it was the bond or if it actually could be that it was something else. He just patted one of the hands that were embracing his waist gently, granting mental support. It startled him when he felt something wet in his hair.

It startled the pureblood too. The second he realized, he swiftly pulled away and looked against the wall, murmuring a quick apology while wiping his tears away. What was he doing, suddenly crying like that in front of a hunter and a lower class vampire?

Zero looked fixed upon his face, waiting for the pureblood's murmured lines to end before slowly wrapping an arm around his upper body, pulling him into a tight embrace. "I… know it might offend you that I do this. And that you might be scared, I'll use your tears against you, but please… You really don't have to be afraid of that. I.. would rather want that you for once just showed me something from the other side of the wall."

"T-the wall?" Kaname's voice was shaking with sobs that he fought to control. Even with Zero's soothing words, which he really did appreciate, he was brought up with having to hold his emotions back and it was a hard habit to break. Zero looked kindly down at him. "The wall you've build around your mind. Keeping everyone out, how do you expect me to be able to open up myself? When you refuse to show me what you really desire and wish for, how can I be able to grant it?"

The pureblood looked up at him in complete shock for a moment, then crumbled together in his lab, unable to hold his heavy tears at bay, unable to control himself. "O-oh, Zero… It's s-so hard… Everything… I've… no one left… No one who cares for me… They're all dead… Akemi, Saika, my parents, Yumi, Juri, Haruka, Yuki… Everyone… And you… You're leaving me before I've even had the chance to get to be with you…" The pureblood's voice had turned into a broken, hopeless whimper. Half of the names he spit up, Zero had no idea who were and the other half was too unarticulated to make sense of. But he did understand how broken the pureblood really were.

Behind the calm, collected façade, Kaname was a broken man. For lower classes, the immortality of the purebloods was seen as a blessing… but for the purebloods themselves, it was a curse. A prison for their bodies. And as their minds got older, it just… step by step… got uninteresting to remain in a body forever the same. It didn't matter anymore. What was the good thing about living forever… if you were the only one? If everyone that you cared about ended up like dust on the ground, there was no point in loving someone. Because for every century spend loving a person, a millennia would be spend mourning their passing. And that was not worth the pain.

"… Tell me… about those people that you've lost…" Zero encouraged, afraid to just sadden him further. "Tell me about them." Kaname looked up at him, catching his idea swiftly. But he didn't want to tell it. He understood why Zero had asked, but he wouldn't bother the hunter's mind with all that sadness. Rather focus on the two of them right now.

"I won't… Maybe someday, but right now… Right now, the only thing I really want is just to lay here with you… Zero, I… Even if it sounds wrong and disturbing, I don't want to lose contact with you. I want to get to know you better, Zero," Kaname mumbled the last part out, the hunter already shifting position so that they could lay on the bed together, their arms encircling each other's bodies.

After a few minutes of just enjoying each other, not speaking a word to the other and not moving at all, both of them ended up falling asleep in each other's arms.


	20. The One that I Desire

**Tears of Blood by Rondomness**

_Chapter 20. As I said, it's probably going to be a longer story than Crimson Depts, at least 25 chapters so there's still some way to go. Some time has passed since last chapter, about a week._

_Chapter title taken from Vampire by People in Planes._

**Chapter 20: The One that I Desire**

Kaname tapped on his oak desk impatiently, clearly annoyed. Why did it seem like every noble in the world had an irresistible urge to drive him insane from soiree-invitations? He could drown in them. However, it would be best to attend this one. It was held by one of the highest of the nobles, unfortunately one from the Council, but it didn't change his position. It would be good for his reputation to show the vampire world that he hadn't turned completely away from them. And it would grant him an opportunity to explain his actions.

The pureblood decided to pay a short visit to the Academy beforehand, to deliver a few ideas to improvements and just to say hello. Although he officially lived in his own house now, he spend a quarter of his time at the Academy anyway. He had friends there and he was willing to use every excuse to get a short glimpse of Zero.

Zero cursed slightly under his breath, going through the order a couple of times with his eyes. He appreciated how the Association still sent him orders. At least, they hadn't deserted him as a hunter completely. They hadn't given up on him. But he would rather have gotten an order on a hunt instead of having to be the vampires' little babysitter because they had to have a group party in kindergarten. It was damn annoying to watch over vampire soirées and a total waste of time in his opinion.

Higher classes rarely coursed a fuss and never when there was a hunter observing them. Three hunters was a total waste of labor. The only event Zero had ever been ordered to attend that had actually needed two hunters to keep the vampires at bay, was a bachelor party for a noble. The guests had all been young, rebellious and stupid nobles, all of them ending up horribly drunk. But a few threats was enough and three hunters to a soiree attended by adult vampires was just waste.

Sighing, Zero placed the letter in his pocket and went to go and have classes.

"Oh, Kaname-kun. I didn't think you'd pay a visit today," the chairman inquired, gesturing for the pureblood to take a seat. As usual, there was a horrible mess in every corner of the office, since cross wouldn't be judged to be downright neat and Yagari had to do hunter duties alongside. "Me neither. I'm leaving soon anyway. I have to attend that soiree in the evening…" Kaname's voice betrayed how much he detested such things.

"Oh, and you've come to pick Zero up?" the chairman asked, busily putting papers in order. Kaname stared at him, surprised and confused. Was Zero going there? Surely, he hadn't been invited? "Is Zero going to be security?" the pureblood asked, too much excitement hearable in his voice now.

"I thought you knew? Yes, together with Takamiya and Yagari. Since most of the students of the Night Class have been invited, the President saw it fitting to have the security be hunters also connected to the school," Cross explained. Then, his eyes got a darker, more serious glow and he learned forward, supporting his head on his hands.

"Understand, Kaname-kun, that your bond has placed Zero in a horribly vulnerable position, facing danger on both sides. The vampires will not accept that a pureblood like you should have a bond with an ex-human hunter, and the hunters won't accept that another hunter should ever be with a vampire, much less a pureblood," Cross explained, trying to put it in a way that wouldn't insult his companion.

"We're not… with each other. We have a bond and therefore a desire to see each other from time to time. It's nothing but that and I seriously doubt it'll ever evolve into something more." Kaname shrugged the warning off, but in his mind, he knew the retired hunter was right. He'd wondered over it himself. If he kept meeting with Zero, at some point somebody would notice and react. That could be disastrous.

Kaname had his position and reputation. Zero had his life and perhaps also status. If words got out about Kaname treating Zero as an equal, he could get into even hotter water. From the vampires' side, it was a truism that a pureblood had at least one lower class lover. If that lover was a noble, as it was in most cases, the noble and pureblood could be equals, although it was understood that the pureblood always had to be on top and in control of the situation. With lower classes, especially when it had fallen into ex-human levels, the other part was seen as a servant or perhaps even pet or toy of the pureblood and treated like an object.

But there weren't many such relationships as purebloods usually weren't much fond of lower classes when it became intimate. Ex-humans and the lowest C's were very fragile compared to a pureblood and if the game got too hot, it might end up too rough for the weaker part.

"Well, I'll go and pick him up for the soiree then. It would be nice to go together and we could…" Kaname's voice died out when he saw the look in the chairman's eyes. He was not downright condensing, but rather than that had a worrying gaze. "Kaname-kun, I don't blame you for casting your hungry pureblooded eyes on my son," Cross started with the hint of a smile in his tone. Then, he turned serious, showing the side of him that were created by both his paternal and his hunter genes.

"It's not your fault, but it might be dangerous. For both of you, but especially for Zero. You are protected by law, they will have to declare you mad and imprison you if they want you down for this. And that won't kill you. Besides, I'm not sure having an ex-human lover would be quite enough to convict you, although it would obviously cause a fuss if word got out. Well, if word about your blood bond came out, that is…" Cross looked thoughtful and appeared to be accepting their bond easily. The truth was that he was scared. He was scared on the ways of his almost son.

"But Zero is recognized as an ex-human all over the vampire world. Surely, hunters will be disturbed too, but they know their limits. They are professionals. Many vampires will not hesitate, he will be slaughtered, if word gets out. So please… At least be a little discrete about it when in public," Cross finished his sinister speech, cracking one of his usual stupid smiles to lighten the atmosphere. "Besides, I'm sure the Night Class is dying to see you. You could pay them a short visit."

Cross looked after the pureblood he cared much for with worried eyes when he left.

Zero gathered his books and stood up, two seconds before the bell rang. His classmates never really understood how he managed to know when to gather his books so precisely, but that just added up with the rest of the mystery he represented. It was actually quite fitting. The only thing the others could be perfectly sure off was that they could never be sure about him. The only thing that was to be expected from him was the unexpected.

Wakaba Sayori sent long, worried eyes after him. She was deeply worried for his well-being. It seemed like ever since Yuki had started attending that boarding school some hundred kilometers away, Zero had grown even more distant from everybody around him. He only showed up to classes occasionally, sometimes only his favorite ones. He could arrive two hours late for an English lesson, be there for forty-five minutes, then leave again.

He rarely talked with her, and never with anyone else. He barely answered when teachers asked him out about something. It didn't seem like he listened when he for once attended. His grades decreased because of that, naturally, although it seemed like he still delivered great projects and assignments.

The only time you could be sure to see him was during his prefect duties. Sometimes he was gone for a single day, but you could always be sure that he would be back the next day, as usual. Now, he attended the duties with either Cross or one of the two new teachers. Yagari, adult and collected, from time to time patting Zero's head much to the boy's obvious distaste. Or Takamiya, still childish and irritating, constantly trying to get on either Zero's or the Night Class's nerves. Preferably both.

The pureblood felt relieved when he left the Moon Dorm. It appeared like none of his friends had suspected that anything strange might be happening. Of course, they would never downright question his words, but he could tell by looking in their eyes that they blindly trusted him. It was best that way, although Kaname did feel a little guilty. Having some real friends who really trusted him and then not trusting them enough to tell them the truth, rather lying to their faces and make them believe it. He was detestable, but it was best if no one knew.

It could easily stir some problems, both personally and politically. Kaname knew that not all of his friends from the Night Class wanted him as a friend. Ruka, Aidou… Both of them wanted Kaname in a different way than purely friendly. And it would infuriate them if they learned the truth. They would feel unwanted and trashy if they found out that Kaname had chosen an ex-human over any of the nobles literally waiting in lines.

Seen from a purely political light, it would be very bad for the co-existence movement. Currently, Kaname had placed himself in a bad position with the Council and the Association, worsening it would not be good. Zero and he were balancing on a knife's edge. They were playing a dangerous game but Kaname felt that it was a fair price to pay.

Well out of sight from the Moon Dorm, Kaname slowed down, eventually stopping by a tree. He closed his eyes on focused on Zero's blood in his veins, locating the other's presence through their bond. Once the direction was determined, Kaname set off, hurrying a bit more than he had to.

On closer hold, it was obvious that Zero was somewhat busy right now. He was together with three other hunters, Takamiya, Yagari and Cross. Probably discussing the positions during the soiree tonight. The pureblood stopped outside the door, long enough from the others that they would have a hard time picking up his pureblooded presence.

He didn't want to interrupt. Zero would be displeased and it would seem strange that he came to pick a hunter up. Cross was right. Discretion would be the best tactic at the moment. And besides, when had Zero said he wanted to be picked up? The young hunter wasn't exactly fond of the pureblood's attention and would probably be embarrassed and irritated over it.

Kaname was about to turn around and leave, waiting for Zero at the soiree when he came to an abrupt stop. How ashamed wouldn't his parents be of him if they saw him like this? A pureblooded Kuran, beating around the bushes and not even daring to pick his bond mate up, because he was afraid of the hunters' reactions.

Zero was an ex-human, a lower being who should be honored that Kaname even bothered looking in his direction. What right did that boy have to not be grateful that a pureblood bothered picking him up for soirees? If Kaname wanted, he could make him crawl, but he was too kind for such things. He treated Zero like an equal. But if the ex-human refused to obey, refused to reason, then Kaname was also done being kind and understanding.

Kaname stormed back down the corridor and almost ripped the door open, startling the hunters inside. He'd rushed through the door too quickly for them to pick up on his approach. The pureblood quickly scanned their faces. Yagari, disbelief and anger, Cross, shocked and with a strange startled look over his eyes, Takamiya, irritated and hating as always… Zero's eyes expressed innocent surprise, but also something that the pureblood could only describe as happiness.

Kaname's figure was tall and demanding, his eyes piercing through the hunters until he found who he wanted. Zero met his gaze and saw how the closed, powerful look momentarily got replaced with lust. He understood, complied, then slowly stepped closer and Kaname laid his arm around the hunter's shoulders as they left the room in silence.

The other hunters looked after them as they turned the corner and got out of sight. "Is it… a bond?" Yagari asked, having only now seen the connection which blossomed unwillingly between the young hunter and the pureblood. "Cross! Is it really possible that Zero and that… that freak have a…?" He saw the answer in Cross's closed eyes, when the elder hunter looked away.

"I'm afraid so. An uneven pair. But what's to do? I've tried talking with him, he just says that there's no way around it. Don't blame Kaname-kun either, he can't change it." For Kaito, Yagari and the others, the problem was that Kaname was a pureblood. Cross was well aware of that, but the elder hunter himself put more thought in how both of them would have a hard time being accepted by both sides. Zero was, to begin with, belonging to both sides and no one, but this would only push him further towards the middle. The hunters wouldn't accept that he was with a vampire. The vampires wouldn't accept that an ex-human was with a pureblood. Kaname, too, was in a dangerous position. He was made vulnerable through the bond. Cross, who never could forget that he was Zero's father, was just begging that Kaname could take proper care of him. If he didn't, Zero could well be in grave trouble. Being a pureblood's only weakness was a dangerous position to be in.

"This is wrong!" Kaito shout when he was completely sure that Zero was too long away to hear him. "That pureblood is treating him like trash, as if Zero was his damn pet! And he's… ashamed. As if he isn't one of us any longer."

"Kaname! What the hell do you think you're doing? What will the next thing be? A great neon sign?" Zero was infuriated and not about to calm down. He'd accepted that Kaname came to pick him up only because he didn't feel like he had a real choice. He twisted away and with an irritated scowl quickened the pace so he was two steps ahead of the pureblood.

"Zero, I didn't mean to offend you. It's just that we're going to the same soiree, so I'd just like to escort you," Kaname tried, his temper having decreased. He felt it so unfair that Zero could always just turn on his irritated tone and then Kaname would melt completely away and feel horribly guilty. "I'm not going to go to any soiree in your company. Leave me alone," Zero growled lowly, Kaname releasing him immediately.

Zero shouldn't have control over him like this, it was downright embarrassing to admit how much he respected the hunter. Kaname was a pureblood, he was born to be a ruler, not to be ruled. And he was definitely not suited to be ruled to a hunter, much less an ex-human.

"Don't talk to me like that. I will be the judge of that. You should be honored that I even bothered," Kaname said, this time in an icy tone that chilled Zero to the bone. The pureblood's voice vibrated in the air in all it's full authority and glory. The voice of a pureblood when used in the way Kaname used it now had the power to control other vampires. And although Zero's master's voice would have worked better, the tone the pureblood used now was frightening still.

Zero looked hurt, looked as if that tone had separated them even further, which probably also was the case. No matter how close they could become, there was no way around the fact that Kaname was born as a pureblood and Zero was born as a hunter, turned ex-human by a pureblood.

"As if you can just decide such things! As if you're better than me!" Zero's voice sounded just as hurt as his eyes suggested he was, but still had a clearly infuriated tone to it. "You think that just because you have such a _great_ lineage of bloodsucking monsters, you've got the right to force me?" Zero shouted.

He instantly turned around and hurried off. It was clear that he was not coming back any time soon and Kaname sighed in frustration. He felt both stupid, insulted and most of all depressed and powerless.

He was in a bad mood all the way to the hall where the soiree was held. Kaname felt like he should apologize. He really had been blind and stupid. Forcing Zero? He'd never meant to make it appear that way. He didn't want Zero to be with him because he had to, he wanted Zero to be with him because he wanted to. But the hunter's way of thinking made his thoughts impossible to guess. Kaname couldn't figure out what the hunter was thinking, why he sometimes was burning hot and sometimes icy cold. It drove the pureblood mad slowly.

Kaname politely greeted everyone coming to greet him and complimented the party, but his thoughts were somewhere else. His eyes kept scanning the room restlessly. He didn't have to be much present though, he could almost run on auto-pilot. All the things purebloods were expected to be and say and do in such a huge gathering of vampires was so deeply engraved into Kaname's very being that he didn't have to think over what he was doing.

He tried to catch sight of the security, as he was pretty content that Zero couldn't refuse to come, not even if it was to avoid having to be around the pureblood. When thinking more about what he'd done, he came to realize that he'd done just what Cross had warned him against. He had showed that him and Zero had a connection on some level and he'd exposed that secret right in front of hunters. How could he have been this stupid?

His eyes got more and more urging in their search as the desire to see that Zero was okay grew. It was a silent biting in his chest that grew, grew and…

Kaname let out a silent breath of relief when he spotted a touch of silver hair over the heads of the guests. Of course, how stupid he'd been. Lost in thoughts, Kaname had just looked between the guests. Zero was not a guest. He was a guard, meant to look scary and in any way possible avoid that any trouble should rise. Of course he had chosen to reside in the corner of the room.

Kaname neared him quickly, hoping that the hunter had softened a little, not being as angry at him as he was a few hours ago. It didn't appear that way though. When he noticed Kaname, he glared at him and turned to leave again. The pureblood almost had to run up to catch him.

Kaname pulled Zero a little away from the rest of the party, into a small corridor where he cornered him up against the wall, tilting his head backwards and touching his neck on the biting point. "I don't think you understand," Kaname breathed against the crook of Zero's neck. "I can't sleep, I can hardly breathe for the enormous pressure of this bond. You are all I can think of, it's torture. I think I would rather die, than feel this way, but there is no avoiding it."

The pureblood kissed Zero hungrily down the entire neck, his hands sliding up to open the first buttons in the hunter's shirt. He'd originally meant just to make the hunter see that he wasn't interested in fighting, but now, the lust got the best of him. Zero saw where this was going and he quickly pulled away. "Somebody awaits me," he mumbled before pulling backwards until he was out of sight. Kaname sighed heavily, his concealed emotions hard to take.

Kaname didn't get a chance to talk to the hunter again for the rest of the night and he actually found it painful. The coldness between them froze his heart slightly and the silence just made it worse. He needed to be close to the hunter, if not emotionally then at least physically. But the entire soiree passed without the pureblood saw his chance and he had to leave again.

Overcome with lust and need, he ordered the driver to drive him to the Academy instead of all the way home. If he could not speak with Zero, at least he wanted to have another small glance at him. He was tired because the sun was rising in the horizon and he was cold, but it would grant him much relieve if he could just see Zero. He knew that.

Zero was rather tired after a long night and just the thought of how he had to attend classes later made him downright exhausted. He tumbled into bed, falling asleep instantly, yet making sure he would be awoken by his clock before it was time for class. Meaning he only got around two hours of sleep.

Zero's eyelids trembled before opening, revealing sleepy, silvery eyes. "What now, Kuran?" he asked, sounding more pissed than he meant to because he'd been interrupted in his sleep. The pureblood blushed, sporting a deep red color over his cheeks and he stepped a little back, unsure about what he should do. Then, he decided and neared the bed again.

"I can't sleep," he whispered slowly, looking down at Zero with an apologizing smile. Just having watched the hunter from afar had awoken a deep need in the pureblood to be closer. The hunter quickly gathered the duvet around himself and sat bold upright in a second. "I have just fallen asleep and I have classes to attend to in a couple of hours. Leave," he said, with such a high voice in the closed, silent room that both of them jerked back with a small shock. Kaname looked like that was what he wanted to do more than anything else, but he was unable to move.

"No, you don't understand. My body won't find rest until it is allowed to touch yours," Kaname explained, the redness spreading and growing even brighter. Zero glared at him with a challenging gaze. No way was he going to let the pureblood have his way with this just because he gave Zero the puppy eyes.

"Look, I get you're seriously uhm… needy… right now, but I want to sleep. So get out of my room now, or I'll kick you out myself," Zero half-threatening. His voice was too tired to put depth into his voice at this point. Kaname nodded slowly, then turned around to return to his own room. That would be another sleepless day then. But okay, what had he been counting on?

Kaname stopped in the doorway. Turning around, Zero was already laying down, partly covered by the sheet. He looked exhausted. No wonder, he was up all of the day and most of the night, he didn't get that much sleep. Kaname felt guilty for waking him in the rest he obviously needed badly.

Silently, Kaname slid closer, then pulled the sheet a little up and crawled inside the warmth. It was a bit uncomfortable as Zero's bed definitely was for one person only and the hunter refused to give him any more space than highly necessary. Kaname was lying on the brink of the bed, only partly covered by the sheet and facing nothing but Zero's back, a back constantly pushing him longer out, but it was okay. Much better than his own bed, even as it was much softer, bigger and warmer.

Zero fought to fall asleep. He knew he had to sleep at least an hour before attending class, which meant that he should sleep now or he wouldn't make it. But it was difficult when Kaname pressed against him from behind. The hunter could feel the pureblood's hands on his back. So cold. He's freezing. Yet he refuses to leave.

After a few moments on considering whether or not this was a good idea, Zero decided that he couldn't let Kaname lie there and freeze, even though he'd sort of forced himself on Zero and his bed. The hunter turned around and pulled Kaname into his arms. The pureblood was already half asleep and looked up tiredly, but thankfully at Zero, before adjusting to this new, warm feeling.

Zero looked down at Kaname's hair and the small, sleeping face underneath until he couldn't keep his eyes open anymore.

_I was hoping that I could keep some distance between us… That you would fail at noticing my emotions… Because it seems like the object of a pureblood's attention and attachment… always end up being ruined…_


	21. Shattered Pleasures

**Tears of Blood by Rondomness**

_I will just ask out of interest, anyone who's figured out what Zero's nightmares mean? It will be revealed I promise, but just to see if anyone out there has seen through it._

**Chapter 21: Shattered Pleasures**

Kaname awoke because he froze. He'd slept for a few hours with warm arms around him and now, Zero had left. While getting up, the hunter had accidentally pushed the sheet away, exposing the pureblood's chest to the coldness in the room.

He looked absentmindedly at the small clock in Zero's room, before getting up and putting on his jacket, the only thing he'd managed to slip out of before laying down some hours before. He'd even slept with his shoes on. Kaname felt bad for having awoken the hunter when he obviously needed to sleep, but observing him from a tree like some kind of creepy stalker hadn't been one of the pureblood's brightest ideas to date.

He'd hoped it would be enough and then he could just return to his house when it became uninteresting, but seeing the hunter undressing and laying down, just seeing him all in all awoke desires in the pureblood that hardly could be ignored. He hadn't really stood a chance once he'd registered these desires.

Because it was still in the middle of the day, Kaname was deadly tired and yawned half-controlled while scanning to see if he'd forgotten something. The way he yawned made him look like a cat. Vampires had some ways of doing things and some habits that made them more animalistic than their in many ways less developed evolutionary cousins. When yawning, Kaname's upper lip automatically pulled back, exposing his fangs.

Many of the things vampires did, especially when it came to purebloods, was developed to help one of two goals. Appearing more powerful, dominant and in control, or, appearing less fragile, weak and vulnerable. Both goals helped reach a status of power. Helped making others, humans and vampires alike, realize that this pureblood weren't to be crossed. This pureblood was in control. It would be foolish to prey on this pureblood.

All of it, in the last end, was about survival. Kaname was designed that way, both in body and mind. His mind had been further designed by being raised in a world where his only chance of survival had been to always be on high alert. He'd grown up feeling the dangers of being a pureblood at close hand. That was why he couldn't just let Zero inside of his mind. He'd learned the hard way that trusting someone would only lead to vulnerability and misery.

Slowly, he gathered himself enough to exit the male Sun Dormitory, which took it's time since he was out of schedule with his sleeping habits. Just thinking about how much he had to the next night made it even harder for him. It tired him. If he hadn't been in a position where it would be viewed as direct rude to step back and let others to do the work, he would have done it.

Kaname had to take next round of interrogations later. He'd already answered all of the Association's questions, now come the Council. Although he despised them, he felt like he owed them an explanation more than the Association. The hunters would only write it down and judge if he was dangerous or not, but in reality, they actually weren't interested. They didn't care about how many nobles were killed ruthlessly and the only reason why they bothered being interested in a pureblood murder was because it gave them the full right to kill a vampire in a way that would be as horrific as possible.

Zero hated these moments. These moments that seemed to last a thousand years with each ticking of the clock. And not just because it was uncomfortable with the silence hanging in the air between Yagari's shouts. What the younger hunter really despised was that he, very much against his wishes, feared his master a little in those moments.

Yagari only hit when he was infuriated beyond all limits. He wasn't a violent person by nature. He respected his job and despised vampires, but beside that, he was very calm, collected and actually quite kind. But not right now. It was rare that he was this angry and Zero had never seen it directed at him before.

He'd never gotten a scolding in these measures of Yagari before. Sure, his master could be rough-spoken when he'd done something wrong, and yes, he had received a few backhands from time to time, but not like this. Never like this.

"What do you think you're doing? What are you thinking? Do you want to end up like that pureblood's pet or are you just out of your mind already?" The voice those words were spoken in made them seem even worse. Zero wasn't sure what he was expected to reply or if he was expected to reply at all.

He truly hadn't really been thinking the first time and everything else had went by in a strange dream state where Zero had just accepted it because he couldn't see what would be wrong about it. Besides, with the way Kaname had gotten a habit of completely rushing by like a tsunami without wasting a single second, Zero had been taken by surprise many times already.

And he hated when Yagari, or any of the other hunters for that sake, used his vampiric nature to bring him down. Saying things like _have you lost it already? _or _if I keep angering you like this, will you show me your fangs? _"I can't see what wrong I've done. What's your problem? Are you going to decide whop I want to spend my time with?" Zero asked, half-angered and half-cautious. He never really shouted at his master, but sometimes, he was just too unfair.

"Running after that pureblooded brat. I thought you're unhappy about your vampiric side. Or did I save you for nuts? Did I sacrifice my eye for a vampire loving idiot?" Yagari had a very deep and angry voice when he was shouting and Zero didn't fear him without reason. He'd seen his master kill many times before and the look he had in the eyes now closely resembled the look he would give his victims.

The mentioning of the eye put a sudden stop to the anger stirring in Zero. No matter how long time that had went since that dreadful night, Zero would never let go of the guilt he felt. The hatred towards the person he thought he could trust, towards the purebloods for doing things like that and most of all, towards himself for not being able to protect the people who should be protected instead of her, for not being strong enough to do the only thing that should be done.

Zero might have the same view of vampires that all the other hunters had at this point, but it had only developed into such hatred after the destruction of his family. When he'd been younger, he had been quite hostile towards the vampires of course, but not worse than that he could easily tolerate being in the same room as them.

After his family was destroyed, he had gone through a period, lasting for around two years, where it made him physically ill to be around them. He hated them. And although he still despised them, now it had lessened, with Yuki's ever helping smiles and attitude. Under her soft caresses, he'd slowly grown accustomed to his new body, although he never quite had accepted it.

"… No… I'm not…" Zero would never admit it, but he always felt like a little boy when he was scolded like this, especially if he knew he'd done something wrong.

He felt he'd really betrayed his friends at the Association. Being filthy and so vampire-alike. His master was right. He was whoring himself for Ka… Kuran and he had to stop. He really had to say no and to step away from this horrible path that he was currently walking down.

"Would you please explain to us what your recent actions meant, Kaname-sama? We would very much like to avoid a feud with the Kuran family again, if possible." Kaname watched as the tablets he'd just dropped down into his glass of water slowly dissolved. Even the Hunter Association was better company than these nobles. They were greedy, controlled by their lust for blood and power and unfortunately also dangerous.

"I do not believe a conflict is in either of our interests. What I did has nothing to do with my view of the Council, it was a purely personal matter between my late guardian and myself. We… have never really matched, as many of you might already know," Kaname explained diplomatically, being sure to show an emotionless, still face.

The only good thing that came out of this was watching the looks on the faces of the council members who'd known all along what had been going on. They were naturally afraid that Kaname would either expose them or perhaps even take his revenge out on them as well. And that was a hilarious sight to behold.

But much as the thought of him being in charge of this conversation appealed to him, he'd explained his reasons so many times already that he couldn't keep concentrated. His thoughts kept distracting him and lastly, he gave in and let them fly to the person he wanted to be thinking of.

Zero stirred restlessly in his sleep. Small drops of sweat pearled on the surface of his alabaster skin. His breath escaped him as tense, little gasps. He had a nightmare – again. He had these horrible dreams almost every night after what happened with Yuki. He simply couldn't sleep calmly.

The most strange of it all was that shortly after Yuki's death, he'd always dreamt that he was searching for her… never to find her and never to realize what he was searching for in the first place. But now… he never dreamt such things anymore. For the past two weeks he'd dreamt one of two scenarios only. It was the same tonight, but even if he knew he'd dreamt it before, it never disappointed in making him horribly sad and guilty. Making him feel like a monster. Frightening him.

Although he'd visited this small house in the endless fields of nothingness many times now, he was still not sure what made him go in there. Just the feeling that he had to know what was inside, even if a part of him already knew.

Zero quickly realized though that this was not the most dreaded variant of his nightmare. It was better to be a vampire hunter slaughtering vampires he knew than be a vampire slaughtering family and friends in bloodlust. But still… it was not a nice feeling to see the dead and still faces of the Night Class students. And then came the horrible moment that inevitably would make him a cold-hearted demon in his own eyes. The moment when he realized that he was the one creating this massacre.

Zero's eyes shot open in fright. As usual. He always woke up at this point while the flames consumed everything. As if to wipe out the evidence of his crimes. The killer part was that he didn't know why he kept having these dreams or why they were always showing the same scenarios. Why didn't it show him killing Yuki or something like that? When thinking of the nightmares he'd had in grave number before, it was strange that they suddenly had disappeared without a trace.

Especially when these even stranger dreams had taken over. Why did he see himself as two kinds of cold-blooded murderer? Why always these people? Why only hunters or vampires? And why showing someone who were already dead? His mother, Ichiru as a younger boy, Shizuka? He didn't understand what such things could mean.

But then again, Zero was not very good at such things. He preferred a calm approach to things and hated to overdramatize. If there weren't a simple answer to his nightmares, he'd rather ignore it, pretend it was nothing.

But really, he'd always acted this way. If something hurt or troubled him, he would hide it away from everyone, sometimes even himself. Pretending he wasn't troubled by his nightmares. Pretending it didn't hurt just thinking about Yuki. Pretending he didn't, at least somewhere inside of him, yearned for the pureblood.

Or was it just a pretend? Zero wasn't sure about his own feelings. Vampires' freaky ways when it came to bonds meant that the hunter had no way to tell if it was merely his brain that told him he yearned for the pureblood or if it also had something to do with his feelings. He couldn't tolerate the thought of him and Kuran in a relationship, but Zero was not an idiot and he could see where all of this was leading to.

It made him truly nauseous to be thinking such thoughts. Especially right after that reminder he'd just gotten from his teacher. But… in some ways, he wasn't fond of the other hunters either. Ever since he'd become a vampire, they hadn't treated him very nicely. A vivid memory popped into his mind at these thoughts. A memory almost as horrible as the time he's family had been attacked.

A few months after his transition to a vampire, he'd been called to the Head Quarters to get a tattoo that would help cage in his vampiric side. He hadn't seen any hunter but Cross since he'd turned. That made him nervous. Besides, getting a taming tattoo was known to hurt the vampires.

And the fact that the other hunters treated him like a vampire throughout didn't make it any easier. They'd pulled him in as if he'd been a danger. A terribly frightened thirteen year old boy. Zero couldn't see how they could have viewed him as a threat.

But all that had been done to avoid any harm in any way. After all, Zero couldn't blame them. And even though it had hurt incredibly much to get a branding, he knew that they had just tried to protect him. At last stand, the Association was his family. All of them were his family, no matter how long out in the family tree they were. Since the first hunters had only been a group of about twenty, it would be unthinkable that in the ten thousand years since then, there would be some hunters not related in any way. No matter how long time had passed since their families separated.

And that was why… even now, even here… he had to finish it. No matter if it had been something from the beginning, Zero couldn't let it continue. He understood… that some borders were there for a reason. That some borders were not to be overstepped ever. And he was close to the edge.

He couldn't disappoint like this. All of the hunters in close "family" with him had offered something because they knew they had to do it. Then… how could he dare even thinking of failing like this and do something else than what he should? Kaname was just not… someone whom he could be around in any way.

Zero had made up his mind. There was never a real choice, was there? This was just something he had to do, no matter what. He would go and tell Kaname right now that it would never work. Simply because such a thing couldn't be.

Kaname's face lightened up considerably when he opened his front door, seeing a person he wanted to see, but hadn't ever expected to show up. "Zero, what are you doing here?" Kaname's eyes shined, but not only with happiness. It was almost too cruel to be able to spend time with Zero and that the hunter showed up on his doorstep and then having to send him away. "I'm sorry, but I have visitors. I can't speak with you now. Why don't you come back tomorrow?"

Zero's face was strangely still and pale, Kaname wondering if something was the matter. "What visitors?" the hunter asked coldly, not even attempting to see behind the pureblood. There wasn't much need really, because the noble presence in the house told Zero much already. "… They're from the Council. They're here to have a meeting with me," Kaname answered flatly. He'd rather have called their "meeting" something else entirely but kept his tongue.

"It's fine, I'm not staying for long. Give me two minutes," Zero craved, nodding his head towards the garden. Kaname just shook his head. "It won't do. I'm sorry, but I can't leave them unattended any longer," Kaname said, sounding sad, but resolved. He started to turn around, closing the door after him. Or would have closed if Zero hadn't stuck out his foot to block. "At least let me wait inside while you finish."

Although happy that Zero apparently was steeled about being with him, Kaname didn't like that the Council would know anything of Zero. After a few uncomfortable seconds, the pureblood ended up letting him in. "Stay in the living room to your right. And if anyone asks, tell them that I'm considering hiring you as a bodyguard. They'll probably stay the day so don't expect me to have time until the morning." Kaname left Zero alone.

The hunter didn't catch as much as a glimpse of him for the duration of the night. At about seven in the morning, he slid into the room, closely resembling a deer in highlights. "Kaname, I… There's something I want to say to you. I don't…"

"Zero? You cannot leave my house or even me tonight. The others, they do not understand or want to understand why I brought you here. Stay with me and don't tell them anything if they ask," Kaname instructed, before making his way to the door to open. Zero looked absentmindedly after him as he disappeared around the corner. _Kaname. What you tell me is truly weird. It almost seems as if you're trying to explain that you do not want me to leave, or to get hurt. I feel… the same. I do not want to leave, even if I want to want to leave._

"Kaname, wait! There's something… I'd like… to… s-say…" Zero stopped and smiled lightly of himself. He couldn't just say it like this, in such a rushed manner. With guests in the house and all. Although Zero didn't possess anything but hating feelings towards the Council, he was not as scared by them as Kaname apparently was. The pureblood was obviously frightened and thought it best to keep Zero's presence as much of a secret as possible. The hunter did know that the Council was not to be taken lightly, but there was no need to take such precautions.

Kaname came back the second after. "I've got time now. But only ten minutes." The pureblood placed himself in a chair, gesturing for Zero to continue what he'd been trying to say all night. Zero gathered his breath. There was no need to carry through with something so wrong. In every way. But if it really was so wrong, then why…?

_Why does my chest hurt like this?_

"A-ah… N-nothing… I just wanted to drop by." Zero hoped his silvery eyes wouldn't betray him when Kaname looked into his eyes with a questioning glance. Hoped it wouldn't betray his guilt, hurt and misery coming from all directions at once. Kaname looked mystified. "But wasn't there something you'd like to speak with me about? You can tell me."

"N-no, it really was… nothing…" Zero answered hesitantly, his voice sounding very hollow, also in his own ears. Kaname looked intensely at him for a second, then sighed and learned backwards. "Well… would you like to sleep over? It's early and you've got a long way home."

Zero looked at him in a way that made Kaname realize what that had sounded like. "Oh, no, sorry. I wasn't trying to lay up to anything. Really. I can't either. Some of the people from the Council sleep here too," he explained to try and ease the way the hunter looked at him. He hadn't thought anything inappropriate. He was just being polite and it frustrated him that Zero thought so little of his pride and moral.

"… Fine…" Zero accepted the offer hesitantly, clearly not being comfortable around it. Kaname gave him a small smile, pulling him out of the room and down a corridor. He opened the door to yet another luxuriously decorated room and nodded for Zero to step in. "You can sleep here. But stay in here. I don't want you to get in touch with those… freaks…" Kaname's voice was icy cold and it almost frightened Zero. "My room is at the end of the corridor. You can go there if you need anything, okay?" Kaname left quickly, clearly not wanting to draw attention.

Zero looked after him. He was mystified by Kaname's relation to the Council. The pureblood obviously despised them, but he also feared them on some level. Kaname had nothing to fear. They could do nothing to him, the Council wouldn't… allow that…

But what if? Since the Council _made_ the rules, would it be impossible for them to defy the rules in secret? Probably not. But still… it seemed impossible. Nothing on Kaname. No motive. How and where should they even do something if that was the case? Kaname rarely saw them, as far as Zero was concerned. But… perhaps not now, but Kaname had been Ichiou's ward for many years. And the hunter had seen how Ichiou had treated Kaname.

He had to ask Kaname out about this at once. If the pureblood held all of that inside of himself, Zero had to know. Perhaps he could then figure out a way to make it stop. If it was even something in the first place.

Determined, Zero got out of his guest room and made his way towards the end. He opened the door in a rush, being in such a hurry that he didn't realize until too late. Kaname's room first appeared completely dark to him, but he soon understood that that was caused by a curtain that separated the door from the rest of the room. No one had apparently heard his arrival, but Zero could hear the voice of a noble talking.

As soon as Zero lightly moved the curtain out of the way, Kaname noticed the hunter and completely lost focus. For a few moments, the member went on, but then noticed and turned around with a smug smile, watching the two stare into each other's eyes. "Hmm… The Kiryuu boy? Has he started running around your rooms, Kaname-sama? You're a tolerant master."

Kaname, still in shock over the hunter's sudden arrival, quickly stepped in between before Zero could respond and land himself in a world of trouble. "I don't own him. I don't want to, he's not an object." Kaname's eyes were strong as iron. He was not afraid of the Council, not directly. What he was afraid of was what they could and would do to harm him. They couldn't do it physically, not much at least. But they could take it out over Kaname's loved ones. He feared that very much.

The Councilor hesitated for a few seconds. He hadn't expected Kaname to react that way. For hi, it was only natural that Kiryuu, a filthy little ex-human, could only live in a pureblood's house as his servant. But Kaname obviously didn't think of him like that. "Kaname-sama… He's both a hunter and an ex-human… If he is no servant… Then do as you want with him, but get rid of him. The Council will not allow a hunter to be near a pureblood if the pureblood is not in complete control of the hunter. Dispose of him."

The cod, uncaring tone the member used was too much for Kaname. _No one_ should ever _dispose _of Zero as if he was a piece of trash. Kaname would not tolerate it. He was infuriated. No one, especially not the Council, should stick their nose into what people _he _was around. "Are you telling me what to do with my things?"

Zero stared at him, frozen to the spot. _His… things?_

Kaname realized a second too late what it had come out sounding as. In front of Zero himself. And even worse, Kaname couldn't even apologize. Right now, he had to keep his calm façade in place. Even as it pained his heart to hear Zero's fast footsteps and the sound of the door as it smacked.

_Is it… very disgusting… if I… want you to be with me because I can't stand to be alone? Is it wrong if I yearn for you because I need someone to yearn for me?_


	22. Memories in Pieces

**Tears of Blood by Rondomness**

_I can understand there was some confusion as to why Kaname __totally fail__ says something not quite smart in Zero's presence, but I hope it will be a great enough explanation in this chapter. Besides, I'd like to apologize t fans for the long wait and for the, uhm… almost, but not quite – thing… xD_

_And about the decision at the end, I won't try to excuse Kaname, he seriously messes up._

**Chapter 22: Memories in Pieces**

Kaname didn't try to get in contact with Zero again for a few days. He wanted to apologize, buthe couldn't make himself do it. He didn't know how to start or what to say. Not when he knew it would inevitably happen again. At one point or another, Kaname would once again by forced out in a situation where he had to lie. Where he had to call Zero a pet, slave or servant to be allowed to be with him.

Being a pureblood meant that he was sacred. It was not only a positive thing. He was adored, protected and pleased in every way possible by the vampire society, he could do just as he lusted and no one would question it. He had extreme power, both on a physically but also on a political plan. But he also had rules to follow. The most important of these rules was to keep the illusion of being a god. Kaname could never show weakness to society. Although technically free in actions, he couldn't allow anyone to doubt his decision or authority. He had to be perfect, at least on the outside. And having a half hunter, half ex-human lover was not considered appropriate in any way.

Maria shook slightly in the cold twilight. It was not something unknown to her. Her body had, up until recently, been very fragile. Right now though, it was not weakness but fright that shook her tiny hand. She was still not sure if she really dared do this.

Although her parents had insisted that she stayed home, at least for some months to recover, she still had been able to get in contact with Ichiru. The two of them had met shortly before Maria was not herself anymore and she'd liked him very much.

When purebloods possessed someone, that person could still see and hear everything that went on and Maria knew how close she'd been with Ichiru. During the time Shizuka controlled her body, Maria had developed fiery feelings for Ichiru. She had contacted him not so long ago. And although they were only friends, she still wanted to make him happy. Although she had feelings for Ichiru, it didn't stand in the way of her adoring Zero very much too. In her eyes, both of them were unique and beautiful.

Ichiru, as one of the few persons who knew about the real nature of Kaname's and Zero's relationship, had given that knowledge on to Maria. Not that Zero himself put enough trust in his brother to confide in him, Ichiru knew all of it from Cross, who still hoped that the two brothers one day could be reunited, although neither of them thought so themselves.

And when Ichiru earlier that day came storming into her room very early, infuriated telling her that Kuran Kaname dared look at his flesh and blood like a thing, Maria had been instantly infuriated as well. She didn't care much of Kaname, but she cared very much for Zero. And she had promised herself she would talk with Kaname about it.

But now, with her hand halfway on the doorknocker, she hesitated. What if Kaname was in a bad mood? What if he got offended? What if he became violent?

But… Zero… Maria knocked slightly. Seiren, Kaname's personal bodyguard, opened the door in a matter of seconds, as if she'd been waiting on the other side of the door. She could have been. Without a word, she scanned Maria's body, then showed her on into Kaname's office. Kaname was seated behind a big oak desk.

Maria looked down in the ground. She'd been so confident but there was something about the pureblood's naked glare that made her hesitate. "Uhm… Ku-Kuran-sama?" Kaname looked up at her, as if he'd just noticed her presence. His eyes were glazed and uninterested, they looked almost dead. "Was there anything?" he asked in an annoyed tone, clearly not in a good mood.

Maria was beginning to lose her confidence. The glare she received from him was taking all the air out of her balloon. She didn't know what to say, she didn't know if she dared say anything at all. That look… "N-nothing," she stuttered nervously, turning around and heading for the door. Kaname was too terrifying. But those eyes had looked into Zero's…

"I'm here on behalf of my beloved's dear one, a person whom I love, too." Her voice was calm now, clear and absolutely devoted to her goal. Maria met Kaname's eyes without hesitation. "I won't put up with you treating Zero like that. Even if you're a pureblood."

"And who are you to tell me? You're weak, frail. You've been since birth. You were used by Shizuka and now that she is no more, you're useless." Kaname's voice was unmerciful. He ripped wounds open where it would hurt the most. Maria jerked backwards, fighting to regain her composure and close the wounds in her heart. Finally, she regained her voice and continued. "That might be true. I am weak, especially compared to you. But how dare you talk about being used? You! Rido used you all the way," she said in a calm voice. "You told him where Yuki-sama was."

Maria clearly saw the effects of her words. Kaname stood up and went around the table in a threatening way, but she saw how desperately he placed his hand over a place on his forearm. Tears were visible behind his eyes for a second before he closed off. "Don't talk to me like that. Don't you know what I can do? Don't you know I've even killed purebloods before? And one in particular, a familiar female to you, I think."

Maria backed off. She only stopped when there were a few centimeters between her and the door, as if she was considering running away. Shizuka… Kaname'd killed her. Tears started escaping down her cheeks. She sobbed miserably, a burning hatred in her eyes. It wasn't Zero after all. But Kaname. Zero was innocent, but Kaname'd said nothing and almost got him killed. Kaname had almost wiped out all of the important people in her life.

"You have many advantages against me. But I don't envy you. Because I have something that you definitely don't have. I have a heart. I'm capable of… loving. I love Zero, I wish what is best for him and that is not you. Up until now, Zero has experienced nothing but sorrow and hatred. And you think you have the right to do what you want to him," it burst out of her. She knew she was poking a sleeping bear with a sharp stick but she didn't care. Slowly, she was regaining composure.

"I, too have a heart. I, too, have people whom I care about and want to keep safe," Kaname shout, fighting with the tears that were overwhelming him at the moment.

"Are you going to kill me? Then, you can repeat that endless circle of yours. You can kill me like you killed Shizuka. To get Yuki, or in this case Zero, all for yourself, then let them die afterwards because you are busy with finding your next love interest. They are like moths drawn to the flame and burned. You use Zero as you see fit, and then you're going to kill him off and find another one?" Maria's voice was full of concealed emotions. "That is not fair."

The floor splintered, pieces flying towards Maria and knocking her off her feet. She fell to the ground with a short yelp of surprise. And pain when the splinters of tree hit her and got buried in her soft flesh. Blood slowly flowed out of various scratches and a few serious injuries. "You overstepped the line," Kaname growled, an infuriated look in his eyes when he looked down on her in disgust. Those burgundy eyes pierced her soul and her self-control was destroyed.

Maria's pale hand went to her throat as Kaname took control over her body and forced her to strangle herself. "Ku…ran… s-sama…" she gasped, her hand squeezing her throat so tightly that she almost couldn't breathe. However, it was not so tightly that it would go fast. Left like this, she would die horribly slowly and painfully.

Kaname did this because he was hurt. He was hurt by her words and her tone. And he was hurt because he felt horrible after the encounter with Zero earlier. Who said he didn't care about Zero, didn't want to keep him safe forever? He had not chosen to be in this with Zero.

"Y-you can't kill me," Maria gasped, smiling even as it pained her. Kaname looked down on her. He was frustrated as hell and it was just too easy to let that frustration pass onto her. "Why not?" he asked, sounding calmer but still completely overtaken with anger and hurt. Once again, this calm but pained smile.

"You told me you had a h-heart. If that is true, then how will you ever be able to face Zero again if you kill me?" she asked in that tiny voice, sounding like a little girl. Kaname's eyes closed in pain. He couldn't do this to Zero. Maria was right. Not because it seemed like Zero cared for Maria in any way, but because she had put her life in danger to beg for him. Beg for him… As if Kaname'd done anything wrong.

"Go away." Kaname's voice was still hard, cold and unforgiving, but he'd let go of the control over her body and Maria exhaustedly sank together on the floor. Kaname's eyes pierced through her. "Get out. Or I change my mind."

Seiren was by her side in a second, slowly sending Kaname a small reproachful look. She said nothing though. She knew not to question the pureblood when he was in a bad mood, especially not right after how much Maria, unknowingly or not, had hurt him. Seiren just silently helped Maria leave and called for a taxi.

Kaname sank together in his chair, now feeling even worse than before. So guilty. For saying such things to Zero, for hurting Kurenai like that, both physically and emotionally, for telling Rido where Yuki was. Everything.

He'd never meant to reveal anything to Rido, but… Kaname's hand fell over his forearm again. He shivered weakly. Why couldn't he be stronger? Why couldn't he develop into someone capable of protecting his loved ones?

He should be. He was a pureblood. He was meant to have power and advantages, living in a great house, looking after his loved ones. But he just couldn't. He hated the feeling of how his dear ones needed protection, hated the knowledge that his arms were too weak to grant them protection.

He couldn't even gather courage enough to probably apologize to Zero. He should apologize. Although he'd been pressed into saying what he did, although he hadn't stood a choice in any way, it was still not okay to say such a thing. Truth to be told, Kaname wanted to say millions of things to Zero, but was held back because he lacked the strength to trust the hunter.

Kaname needed to have someone who knew all of him, and not just what he pretended to be like. He needed someone he could talk with about everything. He wanted to make Zero that person, but it was… difficult. Kaname had never done anything else but closing his heart away, making sure to wear a façade and not let anyone in. It was practical in a dangerous, political and blood-thirsty world, but it had also turned him cold to touch. Kaname couldn't trust anyone. It was a tough burden to bear.

But still… he wanted to apologize, at least.

Zero sped up, trying to ignore the voice calling out of him without looking like he was downright avoiding Kaito. The hunter was probably the last person Zero wanted to talk to at the moment. He knew it was Kaito who had turned Yagari against him. And it had worked well. Yagari ignored him and refused to answer when Zero tried to initiate a conversation. It really was too childish.

"Where are you going, Zero?" Kaito asked, catching up to the other hunter easily. The most disturbing was not that Kaito had turned Yagari against Zero though. It was how Kaito threatened him all the time, pretending it was just friendly chatter, but having a dark tone in his voice that told Zero he was deadly serious. "Nowhere," Zero replied honestly, just being out to stretch his legs in between class and prefect duties.

"So… Have you seen that pureblood of yours lately?" Kaito asked in a non-caring tone, but giving Zero a look that said he had stepped on that landmine on purpose. Zero glared furiously at him, anger painted in his slightly reddened irises. "I'm not interested in seeing him, so no, I haven't! Besides, he's not my pureblood."

"No? Then why is he running in your heels like a little puppy lately?" Kaito's voice was unforgiving. In his world, what Zero was doing was something just as worse as drowning a baby. "He isn't. Kaito, can't you find someone else to irritate?" Zero was obviously in a bad mood today, not only over Kaito's purposeful irritation.

"Zero," the elder hunter addressed, this time with a voice stripped from cheerfulness and joking. It was serious and darkly demanding. Even commanding. "I think it would be wise of you not to try and make an enemy out of me. Don't want me to leak your little secret, do you? Can you imagine what would happen then, Zero? Look at me when I speak to you." A strong hand reached for Zero's wrist, but was then jerked back by an equally strong hand.

"I think you should leave this hunter be now." Kaname's voice was quiet and lethal as he stepped in between Zero and Kaito, effectively protecting the younger hunter behind his back without downright threatening the other. Kaito's eyes were like fires, showing pure, untamed hatred towards the pureblood when their eyes met.

"You should know better than to mess with the hunters, vampire," Kaito half-hissed, clearly making a threat. It didn't touch Kaname though. He was angered over the way Takamiya ordered Zero around. If it hadn't been very unwise and dangerous of him to hurt a well-standing hunter, he'd have done it. Instead, he breathed deeply a few times, calming down and then turning around with Zero. "Good day, Takamiya," he murmured half-sarcastically as the hunter quickly disappeared behind them.

For a few moments longer, Zero allowed Kaname to pull him along, then he withdrew his arm. "Why are you here? I didn't ask you to come." Zero's voice was merciless. He'd obviously been hurt gravely by Kaname's words a few days before and was not forgiving. "I'm just here to apologize," Kaname tried, not sure if perhaps it was a better idea to leave Zero alone to think things through and let time show if he could be okay with it.

"I don't want your apology," Zero's murmured, this time sounding strangely unsure, but still not forgiving. Kaname hesitated for a few seconds, unsure of his next move. He wanted to prove that that was not the way Kaname thought of him, wanted to prove that they were equals in every way. But… how?

Zero shouldn't think that Kaname saw him as just any normal ex-human or, worse, as a pleasure toy. Although under effect of the bond, the pureblood still cared for Zero in a way very different from the bond between master and servant. Kaname was merely on top because… well, that was just how it was. Kaname was a pureblood and Zero was just an…

"Come here, Zero. I'm sorry I hurt you, I didn't mean to. Will you allow me to try and make it good again?" Kaname asked in a whisper, looking sincerely sorry. So sorry, that Zero couldn't help but grant his wish. He shrugged and then followed the pureblood back to the Moon Dorm.

Kaname stopped when he'd showed Zero into his old room, which the maid still cleaned for when he decided to come on a visit unannounced. "Will you join me?" Kaname asked as he sat down on the bedside, gesturing for Zero to sit next to him. The hunter hesitantly sat down.

"I'm sorry I said such a stupid thing. I didn't mean to hurt your feelings and if I'd had a choice, I wouldn't have told the Council member such a horrible thing. I only said it to be able to see you. Understand, Zero… What we have is something completely taboo for both my kind and yours. The Council would never allow it if it was not a relationship based upon my pureblood status," Kaname explained. "I'm sorry I made it seem like I owned you. I don't. I just want to spend time with you."

Zero hadn't said a word and his face was still sad, but it was clear that he was judging if this apology was good enough. Kaname decided to reveal his plan. "I'm sorry that I'm this way. I'm sorry I can't be more open towards you. I… I've always had to conceal my emotions and over time, it was developed to be a part of me. It's a hard habit for me to break."

Zero looked up at him. "Why? Why are you like this? You never do anything but making mistakes and apologizing for them. What caused you to be like this?" His silver eyes were sincere and concerned. It surprised Kaname that Zero was actually worrying about him. That was something new to him. After a small pause, Kaname answered softly.

"I… After my parents passed away, it was a necessity to never show emotion. No weakness, it would make the Council look at me as prey or as vulnerable. No anger, Ichiou would punish me. And when all other feelings are locked away, the joy dies as well…" Kaname's voice was saddened, but either way determined to carry through. He wanted to tell Zero about himself, wanted to get to know the hunter better.

"When the entire Council met me from time to time, all together, Ichiou enjoyed showing the control he had over me. He would say something like _get me some tablets, boy_. He used a mocking, but joking voice. And yet I knew I had to obey him or he would punish me for not being able to take a joke. I should smile and pretend I thought it was very funny. And he encouraged the other members to order me around as well."

Zero's eyes were full of understanding and anger. How he hated that old noble. And the entire Council. He despised them. "How… did you come to lose your family?" In Zero's opinion, that was probably the worst thing that had ever happened to him. It might be Kaname's as well and he was determined to get to know the pureblood better.

"Well… I-it's a long story… Zero… Can you forgive me, if I give you… s-something?" Kaname asked, suddenly sporting a deep, embarrassed blush. Zero looked unknowingly and confused at him, not understanding what the other had in mind, until Kaname began tugging slightly on the hunter's school tie. "I.. want to prove to you that we're… e-equals… and to do so…" the pureblood's voice trailed off.

Kaname untied his own tie and let it slide to the ground. Slowly, he undid his shirt and unzipped his trousers before repeating the actions on Zero who just sat there, staring at Kaname with an unreadable expression. "Zero…" Kaname murmured, already pulling the hunter down onto the mattress with him. "Sleep with me… Then I will give you… m-me… the same way I'm having you. Let me have you and then we'll switch. Then we'll… be equals."

Zero's eyes shone with surprise and embarrassment for a moment, before he felt the pureblood's lips on his biting area. Then, he succumbed and let that wild sensuality take over him. His mind fogged with lust.

But once again, Zero's body could not stand up to the task of having more than one go in a row with Kaname's craving pureblooded being. While the feelings swept over Zero, carefully savoring his climax with a pillow covering his head to hide his blushing, his sore body made him tired. Very tired. Deadly tired. "Kuran…," he murmured tiredly. "Would you… get very insulted… if I slept in your old bed?" the hunter asked in between yawns. Kaname just gave him a smile, shaking his head. He couldn't sleep now, but he understood that he, again, had worn Zero's body out.

"Would you like me to hold you in your sleep? We can just continue tomorrow," Kaname said, half-teasingly, but still with a look in his eyes that told the hunter he wanted to. Zero turned around, pulling the sheet with him. "Not necessary. I just want to sleep." Kaname got the hint and decided to do some paperwork, while waiting for Zero to wake up. Apparently, he was exhausted.

Zero's eyes slowly opened, the hunter looking around, completely disorientated for a second. Why… was it so warm? Then he felt something around his body and his eyes shot open, taking in the person by his side. Kaname was lying, asleep, with his arm wrapped around Zero. He was so close that the hunter could feel his warm breath. "K-Kuran!" he shout in shock just as much as anger.

That awoke the pureblood and his eyes opened, looking at Zero in his usually gentle, but closed manner. "Oh, good morning, Kiryuu. Did you sleep well?" he asked and simply laid there for a couple of seconds, Zero staring at him the entire time. Then, he combined the fact that they lay in the same bed, almost naked, with the glare Zero gave him. He tumbled out of bed with an apologetic look.

"Wh-what am I… What did I?" A blush quickly spread on his face. "I… I'm so sorry. I stayed up late to do some work, so I must have been so tired that I failed to remember that you were already in my bed." Zero still looked down at him in disgust and Kaname got reminded of what Zero might think he had been doing. "That's honestly the truth! I would never lie to you! I'm sorry," it burst out of him. For a second, Zero was almost close to laughing at the sight of Kaname, utterly blushed and still in his night clothes, on the floor.

Slowly, he decided that Kaname was actually telling the truth. And as long as the pureblood hadn't thought anything… perverted… then it was okay. "It's no big deal. C'mon, nothing happened," he reasoned, Kaname relaxing a bit on the floor. He looked up at Zero again, the blush disappearing just as quickly as it came. "Really?"

"Yeah. It's just… I didn't know you had a side like this. I mean… you're always so in control. I feel like I know you better. You know, you don't have to act so formal with me. Actually, I prefer you acting natural since all that pureblood-crap don't concern me," Zero explained. Kaname used a second to think in.

Zero might not know himself, but it was words Kaname had longed to hear from just somebody for years. Being a pureblood meant a lot of powers, but also a lot of responsibilities and limits. He always had to be both in control but also ahead of the curve. It was a huge relief that Zero wanted him to be himself and that it was okay to sometimes just relax and ignore society and it's stupid rules.

Kaname climbed back up in bed and let his arm snake around Zero's bare chest. "So… you… wanted to try being… equals?" Kaname asked hesitantly, not intending to withdraw his offer from yesterday although it did frighten him to some extent. His only experiences in this kind of contact had been brutal, rough and it had hurt as hell. But Zero was no Ichiou and not like Rido either.

Zero shifted uncomfortably, but then decided and turned towards the pureblood. "You know, it really was time that we should do this either way. Although it would be a great scandal. An ex-human topping a pureblood," Kaname said, more confident now as he lost himself in his sensual sides. "You don't know how many would die to be in your place. I'm doing you a great honor."

Zero's eyebrows knotted together and he straightened up from where he was licking the pureblood's throat. His angered eyes caught Kaname by surprise. "Do you have to insult me all the time, Kuran? Or is it just something you do by reflex because I'm _a lower being_?"

Kaname grimaced slightly when he realized what it might have sounded like. He truly hadn't meant to insult Zero in any way, he was just trying to be conversational. It hadn't stroke him that the hunter might get insulted by what he said. Zero rolled off him, throwing on his clothes in a random way. "Alright, I'm sorry. You don't have to get so mad," Kaname scowled over from the bed, looking at him in renewed anger when Zero walked out the door without as much as responding.

Kaname looked critically at the door as it smacked. This was really bad timing. He wanted, needed Zero horribly right now and it was hard to deal with his burning desire. He was already partly stimulated from the hunter licking his neck in such a sensual way and he needed release, but Zero was not likely to come back. Why? Why couldn't he just go along with it? He was such a spoiled, melodramatic idiot.

Everybody else would feel honored if Kaname ever chose to bed them. Everybody… Everybody…

Kaname gathered the scattered clothes on the floor in a rush and threw them on as he stormed out of the door. He continued down the hallway until he reached a special room. Then he stopped, feeling if there was anyone else inside than the person he had in mind.

As there wasn't, he knocked at the door, perhaps a bit harder than needed since he had difficulties waiting. The door opened and the blond noble stood in the doorway, looking up at Kaname in shock. The pureblood was probably one of the last persons he'd expected it to be.

"Aidou, will you meet me in my room?"


	23. Fangs of Betrayal

**Tears of Blood by Rondomness**

_The updates will take a little longer time from now on as I'm having a slight pain in my arm at the moment. _

_I'm not completely sure that I will post any more stories on here, at least I'll take a long hiatus once this story is done. These fanfictions started out as a hobby and as practice for my career on a hobby level, but I'm not very happy about many different aspects of my fics and perhaps I just want to start afresh. It's mostly because I feel like I'm just writing, not putting much depth or feeling into my stuff and it saddens me greatly. I'd rather wanted to take more time writing my things and then come out with something better than this. I'm very happy for my followers , especially those who review, but I'd rather want to write something I can be satisfied with rather than something I'm unsatisfied with but ends up posting either way because I'm under time press. It's purely my own fault, but I feel like I'm losing readers when I take more time finishing my fics. Therefore, I will start afresh, writing in a different way. Being more professional, if I may say so. Taking time carefully writing and editing my chapters before posted, then counting on getting out with something better. I won't reveal who I'm going to be writing as, what penname I have or so, unless anyone (my closest friends, who supports me and wants to read more of my stuff) sends me a quick message to say that they want to find out where to read more. *hearts to all*_

_Don't worry about ToB, I fully intend to finish this story – 25 chapters – before starting on posting anything else. I had started on writing a sequel – or many more – to ToB, but I was like "I don't want to throw this stuff into anyone's face, I'd rather start afresh and throw better stuff into everyone's faces" xD_

_If enough people are interested, I might write more of this story before starting in other places. But that's purely up to the reader, since I'd love to share it with you, but not sure that you want to hear it xD_

_**Warnings**__ on this chapter: Yaoi, lemon, nudity._

**Chapter 23: Fangs of Betrayal**

_Why?_ Because he could. Because he shouldn't. Because Aidou was a willing victim. Because he was so frustrated and hurt by Zero's sudden eruptions that he felt it fair to do something hurting in return. Because he was so turned on now, that he couldn't possibly not do anything.

"Give yourself to me," the pureblood said, Aidou taking a step back at the sudden question. He had been mystified by this sudden call, but he'd never expected it to be something like this. He waited for a second, thinking through his options, but then neared Kaname again and gave him a small smile. "Gladly."

Having a pureblood take from you, be it blood or pleasure, was considered a great honor in vampire society. But it was not the only reason Aidou accepted this. It was because he wanted to, because he desired this pureblood in particular. Kaname was powerful, strong and cold, but also beautiful, clever and kind.

The blond noble walked over to the spot where Kaname had dropped down on a satin armchair. "M-may I...?" Aidou's eyes showed how much he wanted to, but even though he took lots of freedoms with Kaname, there still were some borders not to be crossed. There was a sharp social line drawn between nobles and purebloods.

For some reason, the way Aidou addressed him, bothered Kaname greatly. In rough cut, the noble was Zero's replacement, but his obedience spoiled the illusion. Still, on a purely physical level, this was just what Kaname's body told him it needed.

Stretching out his hand towards Aidou, Kaname granted permission through touch. In shy embarrassment, Aidou locked his lips to the luscious lips he'd dreamed he would kiss many times, only this time it was no mirror, no mop, no imagination. His lips brushed against Kaname's in an almost-kiss only, light as a feather, afraid that if he got too close, his imagination might vanish.

Kaname, his arching body having no time for such games, let a hand slide behind Aidou's head, forcing it forward. Still, the noble tried to be gentle, but when he felt the pureblood's rough, craving lips, he decided to give Kaname what he was begging to be given.

It was actually freeing to be doing it with Aidou. Freeing to be able to do as he pleased without having to worry about breaking anything on Zero's petite, vulnerable body. While still captured in their mutual kiss, Kaname pushed up from his seat and walked to the bed, carrying Aidou with him.

Now that Aidou had discovered how Kaname wanted him to be hotter and rougher, he didn't mind being slammed into the bed, didn't mind that Kaname unbuttoned his shirt and pulled it away from him. Kaname minded though. He'd set his body up for something different than this. Right now, he didn't ache to be dominating, he ached to be dominated. He ached to get what Zero had been unwilling to give to him.

With the speed of a cheetah, Kaname took a fast hold of Aidou and turned around, settling with the noble suddenly on top of him. That brought a puzzled expression to his face. "W-what…?" The question filled his face. The road Kaname was currently leading him on was too wild to guess. Aidou had no idea that Kaname was treating Zero as an equal. He had no idea Kaname was even with Kiryuu.

"Take me," Kaname purred sensually, no longer embarrassed about it in any way as he was too far gone. Right at this moment, he couldn't really focus on anything than feeling the noble's body _now_. Aidou blushed, but else didn't show any signs of being repulsed by the idea. His hands sought the upper buttons in Kaname's jacket, begging for permission with his eyes before opening it.

He pulled the sheet over their bodies as they quickly stripped themselves of their clothing. Hesitantly, Aidou started running teasing touches down over the pureblood's abdomen, checking if Kaname felt comfortable with it. When receiving no demand, Aidou intensified his touches, beginning to stop regularly around the pureblood's nibbles. When that didn't pull anything from Kaname but a breathy gasp, the noble very lightly squeezed one of the pureblood's pink nibbles between his fingers.

Kaname's eyes shot open from their closed state and for a second, Aidou prepared himself for the slap to follow. But instead, the pureblood simply looked up at him with pleading eyes, guiding the noble's other hand to the nibble lacking attention. Understanding the hint, Aidou gave both of them the same gentle squeeze as before, resulting in a voiceless gasp. Kaname's mouth simply let out air without a sound, although judging from the look on his face, he was very turned on by it.

The problem with this "replacement" was that despite both being lower levels of vampires, Zero and Aidou were on totally different wave lengths. Aidou was a noble raised to serve purebloods, but also trained from nature's side to easily spot weakness in purebloods. Zero, despite also having vampire genes and yearnings for Kaname's blood, had no such instincts. He had been raised and born a hunter. Vampires turned by purebloods never received as sharp senses as natural born vampires, and that was not only because of their unpurified blood. Real vampires had never known anything else and thus, received senses naturally on a much higher level than everyone else. But turned vampires weren't accustomed or made for such things and most never fully grasped how to use their instincts to their advantages.

Kaname had to be careful about letting gasps and moans escape him together with Aidou. He didn't have to with Zero, because Zero's mind just didn't work that way. With Aidou however, Kaname could allow himself to be as rough and craving as he wanted, there was no danger of breaking Aidou's bones unless he seriously lost it.

When judging that his rough fingers was too uncaring on Kaname's now flushed skin, Aidou withdrew his hands, learned down and lightly let his tongue follow the outline. The pureblood succeed in suffocating a full-blown moan down to a strangled whisper between his teeth.

"This is a sensitive spot, isn't it, Kaname-sama?" Aidou asked lightly as he teased the place until Kaname felt like he could explode. The pureblood learned against the noble's body, a gasp escaping his lips while his hips rocked against Aidou's.

The noble captured the movement, slowly making both of them ready. Kaname was so aroused that he barely felt the pain he'd expected to be combined with intercourse on the receiving end. His first experiences had hurt horribly, and he had somehow assumed it would also hurt considerably although this was perfectly consensual.

But the pureblood barely felt any pain at all, too absorbed in the feeling of the noble's body slamming into his own with maddening precession. The feelings radiated from his lower part all the way out in his fingertips. Aidou's face was right above his own, red with excitement and pleasure, with his eyes respectfully turned towards the pillow by the pureblood's side to avoid crossing his personal border.

It was a taboo to see purebloods weak. When they cried or when they were pleasured. It was forbidden for a vampire to look the pureblood in the eyes while pleasuring them as it made them look weak and lusty. When purebloods were ill, no matter how unusual that was, it was also only doctors on the highest levels of self-control and trust that could be considered to look after them. Weaker members, be it nobles or lower levels, could not be trusted while in the presence of an obviously weak pureblood.

When the levels of pleasure rose to unreasonable heights, Kaname couldn't hold back, letting a slight moan escape his lips. Aidou paid it no mind though, only delighted in knowing he was satisfying Kaname's lusts. The noble was a good "friend"; he would never take advantage of the weakness that Kaname showed to him in these intense moments. Aidou wasn't sure he could, even if he'd wanted to. He was pleasured weak himself and even in this state, Kaname could still rip off his head faster than the noble could reach for his neck. Aidou was perfectly aware of that.

It brought joy to his heart to think of what he was actually doing. So much better than even his wildest imaginations. Kaname had come into his room and then, they made passionate love, as it always had been meant to be like. Aidou had known from the second time he saw Kaname, that there was no one he'd ever desire as much as he desired this gentle, powerful pureblood. And now, it seemed like Kaname was actually starting to return his feelings, even without any effort from Aidou's side.

He hesitantly locked their lips together again, afraid that Kaname would suddenly reject him, but when he felt the warm lips push up, eager to taste him further, his heart smiled easily. The lips pressing against his now tasted better than he'd imagined, watching the pureblood, while hiding his face behind a school book. Kaname's lips were pressing, but soft, wild, but gentle, ferocious, yet under control. Perfect mix of a powerful, controlled pureblood and a discovering, innocent boy.

Both Aidou and Kaname neared their finish together, the pureblood now riding the noble with so much force than a less strong body's bones would have broken long ago, but it just added extra flair into their ecstasy. Aidou was hissing softly in pleasure, his face half-buried in long, brown locks. Kaname's face was flushed, but still pale and alluring. From time to time, Aidou forced a response from his lips, hitting a particularly good place. And they fell over the edge together.

The pureblood's release was bittersweet to say the least. It was pleasurable, of course, but… he was left with a sour taste in the mouth. Before, he'd been so angry and so aroused that he hadn't thought of anything but showing Zero that his stupid, childish behavior didn't get him anywhere, but now, when he'd settled… Kaname realized he'd seriously overstepped the border. He was a monster. And this stupid, rushed, overreaction-caused event would end up hurting both Zero and Kaname, but certainly also Aidou, when he realized how the pureblood had treated him.

Kaname stumbled out of bed, deeply ashamed of himself, leaving Aidou with a happy expression on his face.

Feeling horrible, the pureblood returned to his old study, collapsing on his old sofa, reaching for a glass of water and some pills, comfortably placed on a low table beside it. He needed to think things through. Although he'd rather forget he'd ever done such a horribly stupid and terrifying act of cruelty, Kaname had long ago learned the hard way that that was never an option.

He could keep it hidden from Zero, just like he'd done considering Yuki's true nature, but it wouldn't be easy. _Yuki._ How ashamed she'd be of him in she saw how much he'd messed up now. Betraying her, betraying everyone else. Getting her killed, getting Zero hospitalized, getting raped. Getting arrested for murder, getting into a bond with Zero, then seducing him and bedding him. Then getting upset at him and deciding to fuck Aidou as revenge. What had he done?

And what about Aidou? He'd seen the look in his eyes, the affection, lust and love in them. What a soulless fiend he was, treating his precious friends as prostitutes because he could. Even making them think he held feelings for them. He didn't hold feelings for anyone but Yuki. When she was still alive, he was sure that if she no longer existed, he would take his own life. What was there to live for without her anyway?

But somehow, he still lived now. Almost without remorse. He still missed and loved her beyond all limits, but still, he didn't go around with suicidal thoughts twenty-four seven as he'd thought he would. Because he had something else to live for as well, he suddenly realized. Looking after and watching out for Zero was something to live for. Helping in developing peaceful co-existence was something to live for. He wanted to finish the project him, his parents and Yuki had started. And he wanted to create a better place to be, a place where Zero didn't have to worry about being used by the higher classes.

Although the goal about setting ex-humans free was still very, very far out in the future. Too many vampires had the mindset of ex-humans being slaves too deeply rooted in their very cores that it was impossible to erase it completely. But until that happened, Kaname would make sure that no one ever dared looking at Zero as a slave. That no one ever dared touching who Kaname had claimed as his bondmate.

But really, how could Kaname ever expect Zero to even start considering forgiving him? He'd done something unforgivable, to both Zero and Aidou. He was a vile being, driven by the pleasures of the flesh and out of control. A vampire. A pureblood. A being who could take whatever he wanted from whoever he wanted, without even being blamed for anything. As if anyone could ever have the right to treat the people around them as… prostitutes. It was hard thinking it, but it was not far from how Kaname had treated Aidou and Zero. Like bed toys.

And he'd thought he had the _right_ to revenge himself on Zero. The _right_ to make Aidou bed him. What right had he ever thought he had? He hated when his pureblooded nature inevitably showed up. It happened from time to time, but never as badly as this. Never as horribly wrong and frightening.

Mortified, he splashed his forehead with cold water from the sink, trying to wash away all memories of the past hour in hopes of forgetting what a monster he'd been. He wished so badly that he could pull his actions back, or at least, that he somehow could make it up to them. To _him._

Although he felt horrible over having treated Aidou this way, what really terrified him was somehow the thought of how he'd betrayed Zero. Somehow that was even worse. But, how could it be? It mystified Kaname to discover these emotions. Zero and him weren't even really together, they were just bond mates meeting for the sake of release.

And yet, still… It hurt Kaname to think that Zero was just with him for his blood and his pleasure. He wanted… He wanted, desired something else than just pure pleasure. His heart burned for it. Devouring, desiring. Wanting, needing.

He needed something he felt like he'd never really had felt before. He needed to love someone and not just one-sided. He needed someone who could love him in return. Someone who wouldn't leave him like Yuki had. Someone who wanted to be near him. And not just because he was a pureblood, not just for purely political reasons, but because Kaname was Kaname. Someone who wanted _Kaname_, not _Kuran._

And Zero… was perhaps the person Kaname was capable of loving. The person whom Kaname desired and not only in a sexual way. He wanted… Zero's love, if he could ever have a chance of obtaining such a thing. If Zero could ever love someone who'd hurt him so much, who was what he hated the most. How improbable that was, no matter Kaname wanted it to happen.

His sudden understanding of his own feelings had been roaming under the surface for some days now, but only now, after having done the most unforgivable act of all, could he open up and realize that he was in love. That didn't help relieve his deep, dark feeling of guilt, quite the opposite. He'd not only betrayed his bondmate, he'd cheated on his love. Although it made the usual stoic and expressionless Kaname blush up over both ears to put it that way to himself, he felt he owed Zero that at least.

But if he really some sort of… _loved_ the little ex-human, he'd better keep his desistance and not let anything show. If Zero ever found out, he would no doubt reject Kaname on the spot and the pureblood hardly could take more people crushing his heart.

Besides, if word ever got out, Zero would be in grave trouble, even though he didn't return Kaname's feelings. Ex-humans usually didn't attract the attention of the highest classes of vampires, but once such things happened, it was a horribly exposed position. They were, at least against higher classes, incapable of protecting themselves, both physically but also because ex-humans had little say in any decisions.

That easily made them obvious targets for people wishing to hurt purebloods. Both hunters and nobles saw it this way. Even worse perhaps, was that other of higher classes got their eyes fixed on the ex-human. Since one pureblood was interested, it must be a very special person and since purebloods easily could force their will on lower classes, such affairs usually ended badly.

On the pureblood's side, such relationships was one of the greatest taboos. If word got out, Kaname would lose much power. It was one of the gravest humiliations he could possibly call down upon himself.

Vampires' view of sexual affairs and relationships were much different from humans'. For vampires, with their longer lifespan, children weren't important. Not that Kaname hadn't received several calls from the Council about marriage and children already, but it was because he had not yet even laid his eyes fall on anyone. He could freely wait hundreds of years before having a child.

In the social life of vampires, what really mattered was not spawning the next generation. It was finding that special someone to do it with. A good sexual life was considered a temptation too great to pass up, but once a vampire, high or low in level, found someone they could share both a good relationship and good sexual life with, cheating was very unacceptable. Having both, why seek someone else?

Vampires considered intercourse a very natural thing, just as natural as drinking blood, since both things clearly were affected by their more animalistic sides. There was nothing shameful in enjoying such pleasures, as long as there was some sense of modesty. Vampire society had some rules about sexual life, although even these were very different from humans' rules.

Many things that would be looked down upon in human society were allowed. It was not completely unacceptable to have a relationship for three. What mattered to vampires was not the participants' gender or age, but status. A man of the higher classes could choose anyone he liked, male or female, girl or boy, as long as it was not from their same level.

A pureblood could choose anyone to have an affair with, except another pureblood. The only way for them to be together was to become mates. As with nobles and normal vampires. The only ones outside these rules were ex-humans, who were considered too savage and out of control to determine such things. In reality, many higher classes treated them like objects when it came to sexual life.

Their look on intercourse between vampires of the same gender was also much different. The higher classes looked at it as a natural thing that purebloods could choose whoever they wanted from below them, no matter gender. But it was simply unthinkable that the one of the highest class in such a relationship ever acted bottom. Even if the one with the highest class was a female with a male lover, it was understood that she of course never got penetrated and that they kept her in control at all times. The only exception for this rule, was allowed with marriages.

These rules both had something to do with social status, but also certainly with blood drinking. The rules about sexual life and the rules about blood drinking were very much the same, since it in both cases led to vulnerability if overstepped. Blood drinking certainly had a distinguished sensual touch to it, and thus both led to and was a part of romantic and sexual relationships.

It was deeply understood that Kaname could only let people he trusted gravely or someone he considered spending his life with, some of his blood. In that way, he had already clearly overstepped the border. It would be much easier doing it again.

Kaname calmed his mind, willing himself to get out of the Academy grounds and back home before the sun got too sharp. How he wished that he'd pulled himself together before. That way, he wouldn't have to walk right past Zero.

Zero had calmed down as well, only giving him a slightly reproachful look, when the gate opened in the evening, sending the Night Class to lessons and the pureblood home. However, Kaname's expression wasn't the usual, half-concealed smile, which wasn't more than a small movement of the mouth. His gaze was hard, cold and sorrowful. Yes, he almost looked… ashamed. Zero wondered if he'd somehow overstepped some personal border of the pureblood, and tried to give him a small smile to show that he was not angry anymore.

However, the reaction was much different from what he'd expected. Kaname's mouth curled slightly up and he quickly looked away. Zero looked mystified after him as he disappeared around the corner of the building. He didn't understand the pureblood. He simply couldn't find an explanation for his sudden mood swings. Every time he thought he'd caught up, the pureblood had moved again. He didn't understand anything anymore.

He would have liked to talk with Kaname about this though. Slowly, Zero stuck his hand inside his pocket, looking through the letter in his hand again. It was an order from the Hunter Association, telling him to take care of some rogue vampires far away. He was pretty sure it was too far away to be a coincidence. Zero was having a nagging suspicion that Yagari had talked with the President, making her send the request to him to keep him away from the pureblood.

But such thoughts didn't change the fact that he was going far away soon, at least temporarily. _Why… does it hurt me?_


	24. Gunshot of Desire

**Tears of Blood by Rondomness**

_So, first super sorry. I've been a long time about updating and have lost much interest in this fic, not because of all you wonderful reviewers, but because I'm currently focused on writing something else which I will be posting under a different penname starting from the midst of July, if all goes well._

_So, I sincerely apologize to everyone. I didn't think I should just leave this story, so I'll finish it properly. But this will probably also be the last I'll post here. For anyone curious, you guys are free to PM me about my new penname, but apart from that, I'll refer from making it public, because I'd like to start afresh._

_This is actually also the date that I finished Crimson Depts on, one year ago. Ahh, the nostalgia…_

_This story should have had one more chapter, but I was able to fit it into one and then there was no reason for two xD_

**Chapter 24: Gunshot of Desire**

Kaname stared into the ceilings, counting the swirls of gold in the ornaments. He was tired. So tired. But his mind refused to let his body find any rest whatsoever. It had been two days and still, he was feeling exhausted, completely lost in the turmoil of his own feelings. So guilty. So lusty. So in love. _A beast madly in love._

He wanted to tell Zero what he'd done, what a monster he'd been, but he could never do that, could he? What if Zero said he never wanted to see Kaname again if he revealed it? Kaname couldn't stand that thought. It was too horrifying. He had lost Yuki and replaced her with Zero. Should he also lose Zero now?

Truthfully, he never had replaced Yuki with Zero and that wasn't really what he felt. It just felt as if his heart had grown somehow, to be able to house both of them equally. But it was only one of them he could even start to hope to have a future with. And he might have ruined that chance for good now. What a horrible creature he was.

What right did he have to approach Zero, perhaps even going as far as admitting something to him after what it had taken to realize these feelings? Doing that would be… madness. _A beast madly in love._

And yet, everything about these feelings was wrong. Purebloods weren't supposed to have real feelings towards anyone else than another pureblood and especially not towards either hunters or ex-humans. For hunters, it wasn't possible to disgrace yourself further than to love a vampire, especially not a pureblood.

He had to tell Zero. Firstly what he'd done. And if Zero rejected him then, there was no need to trouble the hunter's mind further. No need to tell him all of the truth. Kaname stood up, walking just outside of his room. He inquired a short greeting to Seiren, who was by his side a second later. "You called."

"I want to talk with Kiryuu-kun. In my room."

Zero splashed his head with cold water, wishing his nauseous feelings would fade away soon. He knew he wouldn't have luck though. His body needed to rid itself of the tablets he'd ingested half an hour ago before the feeling would go away. He knew it had been a bad idea, knew that this would inevitably happen, but still… He hadn't been able to stop himself. He was so thirsty. And Kaname had not uttered a single word or spared him a single glance for days, which surprisingly had upset him. He wouldn't press with his incontrollable bloodlust then, if Kaname was somehow angry at him.

His senses reached him and he turned around in a heartbeat. Seiren, Kaname's freakishly silent servant who never did anything but walk behind the pureblood as a shadow, waited patiently for him to realize her presence. Zero instantly relaxed. He was not too secure around many members of the Night Class, but at least he knew that Seiren never would attack on her own account. And unless he'd seriously underestimated Kaname's ignorance of him these past days, the pureblood wouldn't order Seiren to hurt him.

Not looking for trouble with vampires for once, Zero just gave her a questioning glance. Her emotionless eyes stilled on his face at the same time as her hand gestured towards the door. "Kaname-sama wishes to see you now." Her tone was calm and collected, her eyes professional, unlike most of the other Night Class students'. It had not passed by their sharp glances that Kaname in the last weeks had started treating Zero specially and thus, the hunter kept receiving hateful glares whenever the pureblood weren't looking. He would never tell Kaname that though. He would hate to be such a weakling.

Although not looking for trouble, Zero didn't take much to being kind to vampires either. He just went right past the figure by his door, barely sparing her a glance. She followed him in silence all the way back to the Moon Dorm, through the great corridor and towards the rooms of the Dorm President.

A soundless knock on the door informed Kaname of Zero's presence, and a silent _come in_ from the pureblood informed the hunter of his permission to enter. He cautiously opened the door, a bit nervous. What if he had accidentally overstepped some immense, invisible border by leaving Kaname the other day? What if the pureblood was really angry at him?

But when their line of sight met, Kaname gaze was far from angry. He looked… guilty and troubled. Zero sat down beside the pureblood on the couch, unsure of what to do or say now. It was quite abnormal and awkward.

"Zero," Kaname started out cautiously, nervous and unsure. It was quite unknown to him to have to be placed in such a pressed situation and unfamiliar that he didn't know what to say. When it appeared that the hunter waited for him to continue, he sighed softly.

"Shizuka was never, ever mad, not in the way the Council pictured her. She was unrightfully declared mad so they would have an excuse of locking her away, of closing the mouth on the only witness to the Council's participation in killing off the Kurans. Of killing my family, using them to gain power for themselves. They were going to do it to a five year old. If anyone from our family should be declared mad, that would most certainly be Rido. But of course, the Council didn't want that to happen as he gave them purebloods to use. Shizuka wasn't mad until Rido killed her lover. Then, she was mad with grief as any person would be by having their lover murdered."

His eyes darted away. Zero looked him over the shoulder to see how many papers he had left to look at. "You know, you should really take a break," he remarked. Zero knew that Kaname had to take care of certain things, especially after Ichiou's death, but this was perhaps to overdo it a little. His entire table was cluttered with paperwork. "Yeah, I know. I will, I promise," Kaname said, looking absentmindedly at the next paper.

Zero took the paper out of his hand and urged him to stand up. "You have been working yourself too hard. At least, take a small walk around the dorm." Kaname stretched, something that made him look like a cat in Zero's eyes. The hunter walked closer to get a closer look of Kaname's face. He looked pale and exhausted. Closer, closer…

"Zero, there's something I have to tell you. Last time, when you left me… I was… I… I was needy and I wasn't thinking clearly… I… did something very stupid…" Kaname's voice was wavering and unfocused, especially because it didn't seem like Zero understood what he was pointing at, just staring at him with those silvery eyes in confusion. Damn, why did his heart have to misbehave right now?

"I… I've been to bed with Aidou…" Kaname said, looking miserably down to the ground, guilt sitting in his stomach in the shape of a huge knot. The silvery eyes widened in shock and disbelief. "I… I was aroused! I wasn't thinking clearly! Please forgive me!"

After the initial shock had settled, Zero's eyes turned dull, glazed, unfocused. The look he gave the pureblood with his dead eyes told Kaname exactly what Zero thought of him. _A despicable pureblood who toys with others' feelings._

"Zero, I… There's something else I have to tell you… Before you reject me completely, you have to know… I… I think I might love you…" Kaname blurted out, blushing, but still determined to speak his mind. Of course it hadn't been the plan to reveal this to Zero, especially not if he was reacting like this, but Kaname wanted the hunter to know all of his possibilities. All the cards in his hand.

"I hate you! Why do you keep pressing and pressing? Don't you get enough? It's not like we're in love or anything," Zero burst out, turning around and storming off. Kaname stood back, frozen to the spot by Zero's words.

So… he was wrong about it then. Just like with Yuki. He shouldn't have bound himself to Zero, he'd told himself that countless times but he had any way and now, it was time for him to pay for that mistake. All along, Zero had just been toying with the pureblood's emotions for the sake of his own amusement. Kaname brought a shaking hand to wipe away the water that escaped his eyes.

The pain cut right through him like a knife. He stumbled and fell down on his knees, down on the grass. It hurt in his eyes, but Zero denied the tears access down his face. He fought back up, blinking to get rid of the tears. _Why?_

_Kaname… how could you do this to me? I thought… How can I trust your words? When I know you've betrayed me like that, how can I possibly trust you when you say you love me? And yet… I _want_ to believe that, so badly… Why?_

… _Because I love you. But I hate you now._

Zero collapsed under a tree, unable to hold his tears at bay any longer. The most hurting part of it was… He knew he loved that damned, arrogant, selfish, wonderful pureblood. And… what if Kaname really did return his feelings? Zero knew that the best way to avoid hurt was to avoid exposing himself but… it was just almost too tempting to bare his chest to this man, to expose his feelings and desires.

_I'll come back to you… Kaname…_

Kaname had locked the door long ago, had stopped crying long ago, but the redness in his eyes and the well-worn paths down his cheeks of water wouldn't cease to be there. The horrible truth was that no matter what… Zero would not come back.

He'd once again managed to destroy himself completely. His instincts had gotten the better of him and had destroyed what little love he still held in his heart. He just wanted to have someone to love. And to be loved by. But he had just destroyed every chance he had of ever making that happen. He couldn't blame Zero though, it was Kaname who had treated him like trash, like some kind of… concubine.

Still, he could feel that he had to pretend. Pretend to have the hope that Zero could somehow forgive him at some point and return to his side. If Kaname didn't at least have that slight lie of a hope left, he would shatter to pieces. Should Zero ever be able to forgive Kaname for being such a horrible, freakish vampire, then…

_I'll be waiting… Zero…_

THE END


End file.
